MORE
That's right. They all went the wrong place! I can see how you could confuse us; While thinking one day on the crapper, Her plan was decidedly simple, On her first night out, Gertrude met Fred. Gertrude's failure at first had her grievin', Gertrude said, "I want more than just kissing; Oh Archie, my sweet little 'possum, My heart is beginning to thunder; Now that our passion is mounting, The girl that I've always dreamed of She knelt over me and some strands That beautiful girl next door, Nance, When I said I'd not joust, with one voice I wilI put off the load from your back, The fare for the ride, it's no jest, On the beach shore somewhere off in Spa-in, I advanced and I give her a glance. She rode hard my broad throbbing beast, My legs, with his glance, he took in We ride like a pair near possessed; Now please do not think I am forward, I think that you're quite a sharp fellow; As critic I think I'm a stain, From blue words you know I would shrink, Don't flash that fine pink to these fellas! When randy or naughty I feel, While lurking can be a fun sport, So you'll care about my reply? Some deeds, under covers, are fun. A farm girl from Clanfield named Joyce; But raking and hoing's no thriller; She said, when he called on the phone, As hard as he buried his bone, Since Emma has been going steady, Whipped cream is a favorite of mine; I once had a friend called Ayr There was a young lecher named Sean As they kissed and caressed in a hollow, I once met a beautiful Persian, Said Big Randy Dan of Pinole, There was a young lady named Brigid, There was a young lady named Astor "Yes, of course," said a girl from Latrop, I would say she had beautiful eyes The Director said, eyeing her rear, Chief censor Adolphus MacHugh In spring a man's fancies turn naughty. Girls polish the membrum virile I'm not interested now in your coffee, There was an old sheik of Algiers, "Dinner? Your place? How romantic! No fool is a friend of mine, Herman; There was an old maid name of Hoyt, My pickup lines are about etchings, There was a young lady named Hatch, A randy young girl called Miranda, Here's the sad tale of Matilda, A very wise lady called Anne, There was an old fellow named Coombs A Montreal woman named Alec, His romance is beyond comprehension, Of his face, she thought not too much, Be discreet and modest and wise, An observant young man of the West A frigid old lady named Bogg There was an old maid of Peru,
I never even got to first base.
Since I am so short,
I just got ignored;
She was posed in pearls and lace!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
I sound taller when I write; thus
Your report was sincere,
Even though I fear,
You assigned the wrong name to the fuss.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Of gentlemen handsome and dapper,
At forty unbrided,
Aunt Gertrude decided
To go find a man to unwrap her.
--- Younger Brother
She changed mini-skirt for her wimple.
By showing some leg,
There'd be no need to beg;
She'd just smile, so to show off her dimple.
--- Younger Brother
He was older, but better than dead.
But he wasn't too rich,
And his eye had a twitch,
So he never got into her bed.
--- Younger Brother
But she persevered 'til she met Steven.
His hand stroked her breast,
Her crotch he carressed,
And she said, "Now you've got me believin"!
--- Younger Brother
I want to know what I've been missing!
I like to get stroked,
But I'd love to get poked!
Don't limit its talents to pissing!"
--- Younger Brother
My lust is beginning to blossom.
Your place or mine?
We'll shag all the time...
And your teeth, don't forget to floss 'em.
--- Jayne
All that passion you exude from down under.
The words that you said
Make my cheeks go all red,
And blood rushes to places of wonder.
--- Jayne
My juices are flowing like a fountain.
I might let you lick it,
(Even though you like cricket)
Till next time we meet, I am counting.
--- Jayne
Has stolen my heart, I'm in love.
Her thighs I caressed;
She quickly undressed,
And whispered, "Oh, heaven's above!"
--- Anon
Of her hair had a brush with my glands;
With a flick of her wrist
I knew I had kissed
It. My heart was held tight in her hands!
--- Anon
Caused the front of my pants to advance
'Till the zipper gave way,
Which caused her to say,
"Do you think I could joust with that lance?"
--- Anon
All the knights could be heard to rejoice.
They hadn't a chance
With sword, mace or lance,
When I used my weapon of choice.
--- Anon
When at my place you go hit the sack.
Be a sonofagun;
Tonight we'll have fun;
Relight your fire in Gwennie's crack!
--- Anon
Is modest compared to the rest.
And I don't have to skimp
'Cause this chick has no pimp.
In this business, Gwen's simply the best!
--- Anon
A beautiful girly was layin',
Sprawled out on the beach
And just outta reach,
Her bodacious bootie displayin'.
--- Anon
She told me to discard my pants.
I did as she said
And she gave me some head,
And then she sat down on my lance.
--- Anon
An hour or two at the least.
And when she'd decided
She'd long enough rided,
She left me right there for deceased...
--- Anon
The sweetness of glistening skin.
By the time that he said
He desired them outspread,
His joy stick I'd pulled deep within.
--- Emma Mara
To his stamina I will attest.
I'm filled with this fire
And scream to go higher.
A replay, my instant request.
--- Emma Mara
If I start by promoting my sword.
Though I'm only a bard,
If I come on real hard,
Do you think I deserve a reward?
--- Archie
Your sword makes my knees turn to Jello
But all knaves here, they say
Are proportioned that way,
So who really is my Longfellow.
--- Emma Mara
An amateur I must remain.
But as for your style,
It brought me a smile,
So do it again and again.
--- Cyber Wizard
Like fucking and boffing and kink?
But I turned a page.
No fear to engage
When often my mind's on the pink.
--- Emma Mara
You want to be naughty? Just tell us!
There's plenty to scratch
And grab at your snatch,
As long as your hubby's not jealous.
--- Cyber Wizard
I'll show up, and then clothes I will peel.
Please give me the chance
And unleash your lance.
I think you'll enjoy the raw deal.
--- Emma Mara
One needs to break free and consort,
So I'll spill my soul
If I'm on a roll;
As always I'll read your retort.
--- Emma Mara
Read obscenity with your head high?
Do deeds under covers;
Take many new lovers?
We all here are your kind of guy!
--- Emma Mara
And a roll, out of doors, in the sun?
In moonlight, 'tis nice;
In the rain? That adds spice.
There's no place we won't come undone.
--- Emma Mara
She wooed with her come-to-bed voice.
She'd coo, "Plant your seed...
But first you must weed.
The rake or the hoe, that's your choice."
--- Tiddy Ogg
They both are a back-breaking killer.
To tend Joyce's furrow
Before one can burrow,
Requires a good gas-powered tiller!
--- Travis Brasell
"I'm patient, but want you alone.
Not later, but sooner;
Let's go for a nooner.
I'll wrap myself 'round your wishbone."
--- Emma Mara
This is file zrl
She just didn't whimper and moan.
Though hard as a rock,
She felt that his cock
Was really no more than a stone.
--- SFA
She knows how to get her boy ready;
Just blow in his ear,
And tickle his rear,
Wearing naught but a whipped cream teddy.
--- David Miller
Delicious to spread, it's divine.
So tasty and thick
But gone in a lick.
I've a can, always chilled, by design.
--- Emma Mara
Who thought blokes at Madras did dismay her.
She examined their thought
And became quite distraught,
On finding their aim was to lay her.
--- J Davie and C Hilditch
Who'd fuck all his girlfriends `til dawn.
But when they would wake up
To put on their makeup,
They'd find he was dressed and long gone.
--- Armand Singer
He said, as they noticed a swallow,
"You have got me, I find,
By the heart and the mind,
And where they lead, my balls want to follow!"
--- Jim Weaver Collection
A shy one who needed coercion.
So I gave her a smile
And she thought for a while,
Then allowed me to make an insertion.
--- CM
"The new schoolmarm is my sexy goal!
I've a wide choice of frails,
Each with more willing tails,
But she'd be the best on the whole."
--- Grand Prix Lim 243
Who everyone thought was quite frigid.
But a passionate Celt
Made her reticence melt,
And with passion our Brigid grew rigid!
--- G0023
Who claimed that no man was her master.
She had a long drink
With a fellow named Brink,
And by Brink she was led to disaster.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1307
"But it's hard to know quite where to stop.
A boy lifts your slip.
Then you hear him unzip.
Then what do you do?, Call a cop?"
--- John Ciardi
And I'd laugh at her witty replies.
(But if I confessed
To my fetish for breast,
I'd be clutching my balls, I surmise!)
--- Peter Wilkins
"Let's examine your profile, my dear."
(And being no slouch
On his casting couch,
Will further project her career...)
--- Val Burns P0512Q
Gasped, "Darling what I wouldn't do
To turn down the lamp
And then (CENSORED STAMP)
You suggestive, unprintable you!"
--- Forbidden Limericks P8802
Even ladies prim, proper and haughty
Are the aim of his lust.
So if he gains their trust,
He shouldn't refuse them, now ought he?
--- John Miller 0276
Of that lustful old satyr, O'Reilly.
He lures them indoors
And slips down their drawers,
Gets their little cracks quivering highly!
--- G0216
But looking this time for a boffie.
I am combing the beach
And inspecting now each
Chick for a fuckable moffie!
--- Anon
Whose conquests outnumbered his years.
When asked for his style,
He said he just smiled
Sympathetically under the ears.
--- Glimmerick Book P9006
Why Peter, you've got me just frantic!
What on earth shall I wear?
I suppose you don't care
Since I've got these bazooms so gigantic."
--- Anon
He's studied for years to determine
How to win a slick chick,
Who's both sexy and chic:
Rob banks and then dress her in ermine.
--- Armand E Singer 533
Seduced by a man from Detroit.
Her feeble resistance
Was more like assistance;
It was best to relax and enjoy it.
--- Albin Chaplin
And disclose much about all my letching.
A cask of Madiera
Lets me come neara,
To her whose downfall I am fetching.
--- Archie
Who would always come through in a scratch.
If a guy wouldn't neck her,
She'd grab hold his pecker
And shove the thing right up her snatch.
--- L0307
Wanted laying by someone much grander,
Than an ill-favored chump
Who was nearly all hump,
And so Ferdinand easily manned her.
--- Peter Alexander
Seduced as she was by a builder.
No-one else ever did,
'Cause she couldn't get rid
Of the concrete with which that bloke filled her.
--- Anon
Would have nothing to do with a man,
Until a pools winner
Took her out to dinner,
And flew her off to Japan.
--- Anon
Who rented apartments and rooms.
His rents were reduced
For the girls he seduced,
And were free to the ones with tight wombs.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024 G1762
Would swoon for a smooth talking Gallic.
An accented imploring
Of tender "amour"-ing,
Would prime her for overtures phallic.
--- Alex Heydon P0402
Perhaps because of his dimension.
The women succumb --
Indeed they all come --
And they always give him special mention.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
But then, at the very first touch,
Her attitude shifted.
He was terribly gifted
At frigging and fucking and such.
--- L0070
Fuckabilitys no function of size.
Be subtle, don't boast;
Be nice to your host;
Then give her an enormous surprise.
--- Anon
Said, "I've found out by personal test
That men who make passes
At girls who wear glasses,
Get just as good ass as the rest.
--- G0222A
Had a pussy as cold as a frog.
A man with dispatch
Lit a flame in her snatch
When he slipped her a heat-warming log.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Who swore that she never would screw,
Except under stress,
Or forceful duress,
Like, "I'm ready, dear, how about you?"
--- Isaac Asimov P
MORE