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Lady Tanya Tweedumdale Toplady A romantic young maid from The Heights A maiden named Gwendolyn Tiffy Lady Carolyn Chatterton Cobb Lady Sybilla Stansbury-Short A tart little virgin, Miss Nance, It was there that she spotted his stance, She seducingly made her advance, He stole her away from the dance, Sir Osbert and Dame Edith Sitwell A knight who took part in a joust, Sir Percival Pennypinch Pugh A knight of King Arthur's Round Table An ambitious young fellow named Grady A knight, Sir Percival Beaulieu There once was a Cockney named Mickelwhite Sir Dustin, a brave knight known as Dusty, A old knight whose last name was Wade, Sir Archie the Bald is quite miffed; Sir Archie is not of sound mind, What gift does thou mean to bestow, The knighing of billionaire Bill (Gates of Microsoft) I went to a similar conference, I was thoughtless and badly mistaken, One dark night, Sir Joli d'Esprit, The Queen got a look at my groin Her beauty awakened my riser, The Queen dresses frilly and slinky, The Queen said, "Your sordid sex style, In the earlier, chivalrous ages, You want me to kneel 'fore the queen, (proposal by McWilliam for Tiddy Ogg knighthood)
And Peter, who's more than my peer, And not only that, this guy Steve, "A knighthood?" said Brenda, "Forsooth! I ain't gonna rise to this bait A knight has a seat, just to show Now Carol, I've told you before, A pair of effeminate knights, Sir Reginald Boothby of Blore A young knight met a maid. He did charm her. In old England there once was a knight, Her Ladyship Deborah Keith The Lady Belinda Macbeth The Lady Virginia Slagg Lady Jane's got the hots for my Willie, Her Ladyship Barbara Blott Lady Margaret had never been keen The Lady Matilda at Beaver, Lady Gertrudia Godbury Greene Milady Penelope Dobbs Lady Millicent Maude Montague Lady Harriet Hathaway-Hall, A titled lady turned up at the ball; M'Lady Amelia Morse Lady Pamela Pilkington-Price M'Lady Petunia Snoot Lady Diana Devonshire Dee My Lady, Angelica Scrote Lady Harriet Hathaway Hill Miss Wanda-Elizabeth Ash Now Lady Armach is from Bemster, Lady Pomercy Puddlestone Pugh Lord Timothy Todhunter Timms Reports of the great Lord of Buckingham Yes Arch, that what I'm thinking, too; 'Twas Lord Fymble-Thumberly's fear
Had a past that was rather too shady.
But an upper-class dame
Can do things without shame,
Once can't if the name is O'Grady.
--- Warrick Elrod
Was dreaming of chargers and knights;
And the knights on their steeds,
While doing good deeds,
Were dreaming of damsels in tights.
--- Lims Unlimited
Thought the knight in his armor looked spiffy,
From his helmet, so grand,
To the gloves on each hand,
To the codpiece protecting his stiffy.
--- Cap'n Bean P0304
Was truly a consummate snob.
With superior pose,
She'd not lower her nose,
Even when with a duke she'd hob-nob.
--- Warrick Elrod
Engaged in wild upper-class sport.
She was proper by day,
But at night she would play
Wicked games of a quite debauched sort.
--- Warrick Elrod
Who lived in the mountains of France,
She ventured to go
To the valley, below,
To a town that was holding a dance.
--- Cap'n Bean P0211
As he gave her a ravenous glance;
'Twas the Sir Henri, the knight,
Who was dressed all in white,
And she lusted to get in his pants.
--- Cap'n Bean P0211
As the knight was aroused, in a trance;
He drew to her, near,
Then she dropped her brassiere,
And he gazed at her lovely expanse.
--- Cap'n Bean P0211
To a night of impassioned romance;
And they'll never repeat
An affair quite as sweet
As that lovely encounter in France.
--- Cap'n Bean P0211
Had a brother they called Sachervell.
They could be loony geese,
But their talents apiece
Excused being antic as Hell.
--- Warrick Elrod
His chances of winning were doused
When he stopped at a bar,
On his trip from afar,
And both he and his stallion got soused.
--- Cap'n Bean P0304
Was a rich man with not much to do.
He'd invite all his chums
And then twiddle his thumbs
To show he was quite busy too.
--- Warrick Elrod
Was given the worst kind of label,
By all maids in distress
Who couldn't care less,
Because he was Kane but not able.
--- Tom Patton P0304
Wed a lovely young woman named Sadie.
They were both delighted
When he was beknighted,
And Sadie became Lady Grady.
--- Richard Stilgoe
Said, that when he was wed, newly:
"My wife is fair,
With long golden hair,
And I love her with all my heart, truly."
--- William K Alsop Jr
An actor with nary a nickel, maite.
He earned fortune and fame
Using Caine as his name,
And today the Queen dubbed him Sir Michael, Knight.
--- Dr Limerick 11-16-00
Was fond of the wenches, if busty.
His eyes lit up with glee;
Bring that blonde wench to me;
Also oil as my armour is rusty.
--- Arthur Pattaffy
Rode East just to join the Crusade.
His raiment got dusty,
His armor all rusty,
And his morale was dull as his blade.
--- Thomas A Ratliff Jr P0401
Your actions have given short shrift.
Although he's a toff,
He's offered to boff
And thinking of leaving a gift!
--- Anon
And old too and very near blind.
This virginal Maid,
Has never been laid,
One as pure as me, you'll not find.
--- Anon
On this Maiden, pure as driven snow?
I'm now overwrought,
With an impure thought,
That I might give your ego a blow.
--- Anon
Makes many folks feel very ill.
To crush competition's
Sir Bill's only mission,
And stealing ideas his sole skill.
--- Jarmo
I unveiled my dick, the sad queen for once
Was covered in mirth
At my weapon's girth,
And promptly she dubbed me Sir Cumference.
--- Tiddy Ogg
And my pet pig felt gravely forsaken.
I had not used my head,
When I casually said,
"I'm naming you Sir Francis Bacon."
--- Bob Birch P0012
In full armour went out to pee.
He couldn't release
His riveted cuisse,
And his suit filled up to his knee.
--- Annie Jay
And straight away asked me to join
Her round-tabled knights.
So, there in my tights,
The Queen knighted me as "Sir Loin!"
--- Anon
But it gushed like the Yellowstone geyser,
When it sprang from my pants
At the thought of romance,
So she christened me Little Sir Prizer.
--- Hugh Clary
And's into a game that's quite kinky.
She serves men bean soup,
Goes down while they toot,
Then says, "Dear, I crown you Sir Stinky!"
--- Anon
While disgusting, sure brings out my smile;
You're loathsome and crass
When you probe my ass,
So, therefore, I deem you 'Sir Vile!'"
--- Travis Brasell
When knights and crusades were the rages,
The ladies, forsook,
Curled up with a book,
But more often with one of the pages.
--- Lims Unlimited
A-wielding a sword, with blade keen?
I'd rather not, please;
With my luck she'll sneeze,
And my head will leave whence it has been.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Alas Jim, is no longer here.
There's rumour, believe
It or not, he met Steve
And is now into frolics most queer.
--- Tiddy Ogg
A beautiful boy, so naive,
Is still unaware,
That our own Pierre,
Once was a man...we believe.
--- Carol
This is file zgl
Gor blimey, gadzooks and oh 'strewth!"
And added while choking,
"You've got to be joking,
That Tiddy is far too uncouth."
--- Peter Wilkins
Until I am done rogering Kate.
I'm taking it slow
But she's all systems go.
And -- dammit to hell, it's too late!
--- Peter Wilkins
His roots and allegiances, so
My title would be,
Should Liz offer it me:
Sir Tiddy of Ramsbottom.... no!
--- Tiddy Ogg
This dress ain't a dream to be sure;
Why no, it's a kilt
And observe how well built
I am, dragging my dick on the floor.
--- Peter Wilkins
In seeking some carnal delights,
Abandoned their armor,
Got down with a farmer,
And pranced all around in their tights.
--- Cap'n Bean P0304
At his club had become quite a bore.
Of the stories he told,
At least half were too old.
And the others heard three times before.
--- Warrick Elrod
And he ne'er had intention to harm her.
But she fled black and blue
From the tryst, boo-hoo-hoo.
He had fucked her while still wearing armor.
--- Don Moore P0304
Who would much rather screw than to fight.
But King George said, "No, no,
Off to war you must go,
For the rich and the religious right."
--- Bob Birch P0304
Is frequently seen underneath
Her favourite horse;
She denies it, of course,
Amid spitting and sucking her teeth.
--- Peter Wilkins
Is often heard gasping for breath;
She can't get enough
Of the ready and rough
And the sweat of her gardener, Seth.
--- Peter Wilkins
Is really a geezer in drag;
His Lordship, though conned
Into wedlock, is fond
Of the hairy effeminate fag.
--- Peter Wilkins
While John Thomas, in line's looking silly;
But poor Susan and Percy!
Do drip, get no mercy!
They'd only be gilding the lily!
--- Anon
Goes hiking in summer with Spot,
Her golden retriever
Who laps at her beaver,
And screws her insatiable twat.
--- Peter Wilkins
On a hostess who served margarine.
She would not eat her bread
With a synthetic spread,
And thought people who did, quite obscene.
--- Scandalous Limerix
Was such a persistant deceiver,
That the Abbot of Leicester,
Although he confessed her,
Would seldom, if ever, believe her.
--- Peter Wilkins
Was know to be quite awfully keen
On the sexual joys
That she found with young boys,
And old men, and all those in between.
--- Warrick Elrod a
Gives all of the dirtiest jobs
To lads under twenty
With muscles a-plenty
And over-excitable knobs.
--- Peter Wilkins
Would make sex for low classes taboo.
But she woke up to see
If prohibited, she
Must brew her own tea, and serve too.
--- Warrick Elrod
Whose twelve marriages all seemed to pall,
Was still eager and keen,
But she feared that thirteen
Would bring her the worst luck of all.
--- Warrick Elrod
She was as thin as a rake, and too tall.
There were scenes of depravity,
When the forces of gravity
Gave way as she entered the hall!
--- Arthur Pattaffy
Is quite unbelievably coarse;
With airs and with graces,
She'll go to the races,
But only to nobble a horse.
--- Peter Wilkins
Would cut people dead in a trice.
She was snooty as Hell,
And mean tempered as well;
Moreover, she wasn't so nice.
--- Warrick Elrod
Is so indescribably cute,
That merely a glance
Causes angst in one's pants,
With a 21-gun type salute.
--- Peter Wilkins
In bed was as sly as can be.
When a man would entreat,
She'd wrap up in a sheet,
And teasing say, "What was your plea?"
--- Warrick Elrod
Communicates only by note;
She hasn't a choice
For she can't use her voice
After servicing Billy the goat.
--- Peter Wilkins
Would risk anything for a thrill.
She made parachute jumps,
Scaled Mount Everest's humps,
And had sex without using the pill.
--- Warrick Elrod
Connected her names with a dash;
A snotty old bitch,
She was sinfully rich,
And she never was lacking in cash.
--- Cap'n Bean P0207
And married, alas, to Lord Dempster,
Whose dick is so small,
She would much rather ball
'Neath the sheets with her fluffy pet hemster.
--- Peter Wilkins
Liked watching the apes in the zoo.
She would go every day,
And so long would she stay,
The apes thought she was one of them, too.
--- Warrick Elrod
Was known for peculiar whims.
In Hyde park he would pose
With a ring through his nose,
And swing like an ape from tree limbs.
--- Warrick Elrod
Are large, so it's best to be ducking 'em.
And all of the girls
Doing innocent twirls,
Don't realize that he'll soon be fucking 'em.
--- Archie
It's why he hangs out 'round the loo.
Though he's Lord God Almighty,
He still will decide he
Wants nothing more than a screw.
--- Cyber Wizard
Of chewing his mistress's ear,
That finally led
Her to leap into bed
With his dentures and do something queer.
--- Beelzebub
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