A girl who would back into him?
Who'd, during an Arabic hymn?
An athlete with sweat from the gym.
Who'd yield an orgas...m...m...m.
A girl who'd read Omar Khayyam.
While his 'moving finger"s her rim?
It seems that the Earl of Longstanding Two dons fought a duel and one don, Juan, I'm sitting here, dining on pheasant, The cause of this last insurrection: They'll soon find they've tried me too much in There once was a proud English earl, I've not shagged a young English girl The title's the thing. For a tanner, An impious Marquis of Ham The virtues of genes, I insist Horsewoman Penelope Post Said the wench to the new maharajah, By the sea she was taking her ease, When he swore at the garlicky stench Lord Bangham-Together de Vere Said a certain old Earl, whom I knew: There was a young fellow of Magdalen, Lord Sylvester Santsbury Sill An aristocrat's one of the posh, Lord Fitzpatrick Featherstone Funt Said a miserly peer at the Abbey, The amorous Viscount of Buckingham The eccentric old Viscount of V. Lord Horatio Hepplewhite Hall Now that, sir's, a scurrilous lie; For I am the Baron of Buckin'em, Now spring's here; again I feel hearty; I'm here in Madeira, m'dear, We'll laugh about love 'n' romance, Oh good, I'll be right there to board, Ahh, I have my own Genie on tap, Bikinis are mandatory, dear;
This is file zhl
There was an old Baron of Basle The dignified Baron of Barden There was an old duchess who knew The Duchess of Nordrhine-Westphalia, The Duchess of Nordrhine-Westphalia, The Duchess of Nordrhine-Westphalia, Said the Duke to the Duchess of Avery: A reliable butler was Runshawn; The Duchess and Duke of McPhail Said the Duchess of Brey, "I'll admit Though he's eager the old Duke of Fuck- The delay to the duke was distressing, His smart duchess, adored CAP-A-PIE, Such delights as enjoyed by the two, The Great Duke of Fuckinem's roused In her haste and the dark old duchess My lady the Duchess, quite haughty, The wily old Duchess of Wings The horny old duchess of Gloucester Once a knight, Sir Justin Tremayne, When told by an agent, a Yid, (Queen Elizabeth's coronation)
The doughty old Duchess of Depter, A courtly old man from Dubuque, The Duchess of Nordrhine-Westphalia The Duchess of Nordrhine-Westphalia The Duchess of Nordrhine-Westphalia The Duchess of Nordrhine-Westphalia The Duchess of Nordrhine-Westphalia The Duchess of Nordrhine-Westphalia I've heard that, near Nordrhine-Westphalia The Duchess of Nordrhine-Westphalia A bevy of knights all called Sirs, Sir Henry of Hathaway Hall Lady Pamela Pym Pettigrew
--- Irving Superior P0800
Tried to lay the new maid on the landing.
Cried she, "Oh your highness,
Please pardon my shyness,
You're the first Earl I've had so demanding."
--- Grand Prix Lim 833
The randy one, lucked out, so Don Juan won,
That duel so cruel,
Making him drool,
'Cause never before had Juan the Don won one.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Considering life's far from pleasant.
My gamekeeper, Frewin,
Says trouble is brewin',
"A trifle unrestful, the peasants."
--- Tiddy Ogg
My "droit de seigneur" girl inspection.
Here, on my estate,
Each girl I must rate,
And give each a semen injection.
--- Tiddy Ogg
This matter, as shotgun a-clutchin',
I let fly a blast,
At each insolent ass,
To bring again meek folelock touchin'.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Who gave the countess a beryl.
As a gift it was fine,
But if the choice were mine,
I'd much rather have a large pearl.
--- William K Alsop Jr
But I'd sure like to give her a whirl.
They say for six bob
They stand up to the job,
Though they'll lay for a knight or an earl.
--- Tiddy Ogg
They'll do it in most any manner,
With no disappointment,
If "By Royal Appointment's"
Indelibly marked on your banner.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Quite frankly, did not give a damn.
He thought each king a bum,
Any duke merely scum,
And a Scot just an ass in a tam.
--- Warrick Elrod
Should not be too lightly dismissed;
If a poll's in the cards
For hereditary Bards --
My name will be found on the list.
--- Earl of Limerick
Of affairs had engaged in a host.
She like grooms, stable boys,
But the height of her joys
Came with jockeys, who rode her the most.
--- Warrick Elrod
"You're really well hung, you old codger!
I'm delighted to lay
And be queen for a day,
But the last maharajah was larger!"
--- Larry Wilde
While showing much more than her knees.
Just what was her game?
Well, she soon became
The wife of a landed Marquis.
--- Archie
On the breath of a pretty young wench,
Lord Viceroy Mountbatten
Said, "Pardon my Latin,"
When he should have said, "Pardon my French."
--- Cyber Geezer
Drinks altogether far too much beer.
He produces his shard
But cannot get hard;
It just droops, so she thinks he's queer.
--- Anon
"I've been struck from the rolls of Who's Who,
Just because I was found
Lying prone on the ground
With the housemaid; and very nice too!"
--- Explosion Of Lims P0808
Whose tutor accused him of dagdalen
And pledging his credit;
He wouldn't have said it
Had the youth been a peer or a lagdalen.
--- Anon (Bibby)
Was a very low run-of-the-mill.
On a hunt, he would fall;
Step on toes at a ball;
Asked to dine, he'd get stuck with the bill.
--- Warrick Elrod
With a title, a mansion, and dosh;
And a daddy and mummy
Whose accents are plummy,
Who always say spiffing and gosh!
--- David Morin
Would invite only dukes to his hunt.
When they came they'd just ride
To commit vulpicide,
And like mortals, when riding, they'd grunt.
--- Warrick Elrod
"I fear I shall look rather shabby,
For I've replaced my ermine.
Infested with vermin,
With the fur of my dear defunct tabby."
--- Langford Reed
Loved chicks to the point of enfuffing `em,
But quid demands quo
And so you may know,
He gave them not much before fucking `em.
--- Armand Singer
In his manner is pleasing but free.
Though his lance is now drooping,
He gets young girls a-whooping,
'Cause he chews them while nibbling their pee.
--- Anon
Had a long list of ladies he'd call.
His conduct was quite
Absolutely all right;
He just wanted to talk, that was all.
--- Warrick Elrod
I should string up your bollocks on high,
Give m'gundogs a whistle,
To go fetch your gristle
And chew it to shreds by and by.
--- Anon
The Lord of the Manor of Fuckin'em.
I do not employs
Prepubescent young boys
For m'joys are sweet pussies 'n' suckin' 'em.
--- Anon
I'm thinkin' of throwin' a party
Right here on m'yacht,
With such succulent twat,
As sweet Jeanie, young Carol 'n' Marty.
--- Anon
With unlimited champers 'n' beer.
These are warm moonlit nights
For romantic delights,
So just come in your skimpiest gear.
--- Anon
As we drink up the champers 'n' dance;
But I promise, m'dear,
I won't pounce on your rear,
'Til I've ripped off your scanties 'n' pants.
--- Anon
This trip just sounds splendid, my Lord.
Once we're under way,
We'll start our soiree,
And your kindness I will reward.
--- Anon
One with whom I occasionally rap.
She comes out at night
(As is) Her perchance-able right
And we rap on her twat when I tap!
--- Anon
Go bottomless, show us your rear.
Go topless as well,
When we're out on the swell
'N' I'll show you m'sea-going gear.
--- Anon
Who buggered the Queen in her castle.
He said to her, "Queen,
It remains to be seen,
If your cunt is as good as your asshole."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0900
Observed the young maid in the garden.
As she wiggled ass
While trimming the grass,
He fucked her and said, "Beg your pardon."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0033
That her duke was too good to be true;
She said, "I'm not touchy,
But the tots in this duchy
All bear a resemblance to you."
--- Lims Unlimited
Searched the pockets in her regalia;
But'd left her purse behind;
No ticket could she find!
And almost had complete heart-failure.
--- Q
Revived after having heart-failure;
Said "The crew made it known
They all wished to be blown,
All the way back home to Australia!"
--- Q
Said "Captain, your crew's genitalia,
As well as your own
For fare, will be blown
Until home in Dave's cave in Australia."
--- Q
"I trust I'm not disturbing your reverie?
You've been sitting on 'Punch'
Since long before lunch--
May I have it? I find cunt unsavory."
--- G2674
Mid servants, they say that this one shone.
For he started one day
To make old Duchess May
And was still making May while the sun shone.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0317
Went doon the Clyde for a sail;
After high teas and dinner,
With purses much thinner,
A wing of their castle's for sale.
--- J Faulds
That my husband the Duke, wouldn't spit
On the great common herd.
As he says, in a word,
'Ain't got class? Well then you ain't got SHIT!'"
--- Theo M Heller P9406
Ingham noticed a detail that struck
Him as unduly odd:
That young girls tell him: "Sod
Off!" Of late he has run out of luck.
--- Anon
For his buttons came off during dressing.
So he asked tailor Sutton
To sew on a button --
Said the tailor, his work was more pressing.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2549
He oft loved in assumed privacy.
Over fence there arose
While he swigged her toes,
An huge camera of PNBC.
--- Elois
Were presented for whole world to view,
Which proceded to drool
And inflict ridicule
On a couple, for pitching some woo.
--- Elois
And many the furrows he's plowsed.
For great is his staff
(The Ladies don't laugh)
Even does it when he is soused.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
On her date with young Col. McHutches
(The equerry) finds that
He's hung like a horse but
She's got no idea what she clutches.
--- Anon
Never occurred to Her Grace to be naughty.
But she took some tuition
Before having coition,
With the Duke, on the pianoforte.
--- Anon
Knew all about birds, bees and things.
She ignored all the flukes,
Like the barons and dukes,
And she fucked the Plantagenet Kings.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0781
Would welcome all men to accost her.
She would take with no qualm
Every hairy Dick, Tom,
But only the king could exhaust her.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0170
Boffed the Duchess outside in the rain.
His armour did rust
And chafed with each thrust.
Vowed the duchess, "Not EVER again!"
--- Annie Jay
A seat in the stands cost twelve quid,
An elegant Duchess
Remarked, "I shan't puchess,
I'll bloody well stand!" And she did.
--- Langford Reed P8809
Deserted the duke who had kept her
To fuck with the King.
But so tight was her thing,
That he diddled the bitch with his scepter.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0679
With manners befitting a Duke,
Met a Lady one day
And he bowed low to say,
"Good Morning," and doffed his peruke.
--- J Maynard Kaplan
Walks out in her royal regalia.
But wearing her skirts
So short that it hurts
Eyes as you spy genitalia.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Should visit my cave in Australia;
I not only love flirts
With very short skirts,
But road-kill, cows, sheep, and Mammalia.
--- David Miller
Doesn't care about male genitalia.
At age ninety-nine,
She's doing just fine
With her confidante Miss Amalia.
--- Dirruk
Loves lesbian bacchanalia;
At age ninety-nine,
She does just fine
On virgins with glossolalia.
--- David Miller
Was found on her back 'neath a dahlia;
With a very sore ass
And skid-marks on the grass,
'Cause her vibrator had brake-failure.
--- David Miller
Had an ass nearly big as Australia.
Avoid, please, that crack
About her "outback",
Or certainly she will regale ya.
--- Cyberwizard
They practice a mean Saturnalia.
If you're a mean satyr
And pleasantly bait her,
The Duchess will probably nail ya.
--- Cyberwizard
Collects sexual paraphernalia;
Old hand-cuffs and chains,
Large dildoes and canes,
And little boy's dicks, inter alia.
--- David Miller
Who were mailed from their heads to their spurs,
Rode forth on their steeds,
To do some good deeds,
In spite of the hoots and the slurs.
--- William K Alsop Jr
Dressed splendidly for the Queen's ball.
But when dancing he tore
The fine trousers he wore;
His bare ass caused his social downfall.
--- Warrick Elrod
Told men what in bed they must do.
"I am to be pleased,
While you're to be teased,
Until I let you have fun, too."
--- Warrick Elrod