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When Catherine the Great told her finder The boudoir of Catherine the Great: By banks that grew steadily steeper, The Czarina could castrate most men. Great Catherine, scholars relate, A builder was Catherine the Great. Since it's sexual bait that's the "baitest," The morals of Catherine--X rate. Catherine, her passion so stirable, There once was a Catherine the Great; Said Potemkin to Yekaterina, It is true Kate the Great, Russian imp, That film about Catherine the Great-- Male chauvinists, feminists tell us, In days of yore how did they rate? Said Catherine the Great, "My intent Her majesty could not abide him. A young serf, the one man who could thrive In the stable one evening they found Historians give us the facts: The potential studs might be dismayed, Correcttion! It's Catherine, The Gate. The Czarina said, "It's my fate That era's Inquirer, Celibrateski, You spell Catherine with a C. "As the schedule of any crowned head," In Catherine the Great's huge demesne, In St. Petersburg, Catherine's demesne, Catherine the Great, the Czarina, Kate the Great, much irate, said, "It's clear, The young men didn't think it was heaven, Catherine's tombstone, frigid as ice, "The Great" Empress, Catherine II Although Catherine the Great, said the muse, When Catherine rang for her "mount" Great Catherine learned from Voltaire Said the gay Czar as he brushed a curl away, So many tall tales have been spawned A Russian Doc said "It's the pits! A beautiful Russian Princess, In Ireland at some ancient date, This month we are bashing Catherine When Catherine the Great was in need, There once was a harlot named Dar There once was a Russian, a tar. Said Alfred the Great: "All it takes, His Majesty, King Frederique, The beautiful Madame Lupescu, Said a gluttonous king, as round as a tub, There are now fewer kings, they say, "Now hand me that SPAM," said the King. "The other can, please," said the prince. There once was a King in his castle, Said Chan, Chinese heir to the Mings, First spoke the King of Siam: The queen had a cute chambermaid When addressing the Monarch polite, The Queen got in bed with the King, When His Majesty visited Crete, Since their lust didn't have to be mastered, Though craven men fought for old Warwick, (this one is sneaky - McW)
So the king is finally dead, Young Frederick the Great was a beaut. The powerful King of Hibernia, There once was a Queen, who with malice, When the Marquise de Maintenon rose, (quelque - something, anything : kickshaw)
To find a stud horse, he'd remind her,
The horse might not make it
If he saw Catherine naked;
So make sure that she put on his blinder.
--- Theo M Heller P9206
So many hussars she'd inflate.
If laid end to end,
To Minsk they'd extend,
If measured before they'd deflate.
--- Irving Superior P9204
With Potemkin, Kate sailed down the Dneiper,
To make love in the presence
Of numerous peasants,
Who cheered as the rascal went deeper.
--- Norm Storer P9204
It made simply no difference when
Nor even how long
He'd been plying his dong,
She always said, "Do it again."
--- A N Wilkins P9204
Was a ruler who measured her fate.
Their research discovers
She'd dozens of lovers,
But dozen't that make her times great?
--- Laurence Perrine P9205
A palace, her St. Pete estate.
Cathedral in Minsk;
Schools/churches Smolensk;
Erections all over the State.
--- Irving Superior P9204
Here's historical research's latest:
Rating royal Russian lays,
The extravagant praise
Was for Catherine the Great as "The Greatest!"
--- Jim O'Conner P9205
Her sex drive was insatiate.
Both Kinsey and Freud
On why she enjoyed...
Each lover, a peter, the great.
--- Irving Superior P9204
Sought Ivan to make it transferable.
After, in a pleased state,
He said, "Catherine, you're great."
She sneered and said, "Ivan, you're terrible."
--- Bob Giandomenico P9206A
With a horse she did copulate.
The steed's legs did give,
And she ceased to live,
Though her stud did not seem too irate...
--- Anon
"Leave your projects and peasants unseen. A
Platoon of young studs
Awaits with stiff puds
And will fuck their old lusty Czarina!"
--- Jim Vandermeer P9204
On her sex life was not known to skimp.
Through Winter and Summers
She took on all comers
And this without aid of a pimp.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P9204
A great pre-seduction type date.
You start holding hands
While moistening glans,
Till hands inter-glans gravitate.
--- Irving Superior P9204
Who find Catherine the Great overzealous
In pursuit of the spasm
Of joy the orgasm,
Are dirty old men who are jealous.
--- A N Wilkins P9204
Like man, what made Catherine great?
This may be absurd,
But one thing I heard...
She'd special tricks with one's prostrate!
--- Jane D Hughes P9204
Is to show my penchant and my bent
To develop a plan
And to prove that I can,
With aplomb, fuck a whole regiment."
--- Loren Fitzhugh P9204
She'd tease him and always deride him.
But her lust made her waive
And she said of her slave,
"The serf's up and I plan to ride him."
--- Al Willis P9511
With Catherine's relentless sex drive,
Never had to beg pardon
For not having a hard on,
But his heart was too weak to survive.
--- A N Wilkins P9204
Great Catherine, her corsets unbound,
Involved in a dalliance
With one of her stallions.
But she said, "I'm just horsing around."
--- Bob Giandomenico P9205
"Kate's morals were terribly lax;
Why even a pinto
Was asked to get into
Her nymphomaniacal slacks!"
--- Norm Storer P9204
But before the Czarina was laid,
Princess Dashkov instead,
Took the testee to bed
To see whether they'd make the grade.
--- A N Wilkins P9204
Her lovers take numbers and wait.
However the word
Each next number heard
Explains why the incorrect "GREAT."
--- Irving Superior P9204
To have lovers both kinky and straight.
And I am not annoyed,
Au contraire, overjoyed
When my Cossacks say, 'Catherine, you're great!'"
--- Loren Fitzhugh P9203
Told tales of Peter and his mateski;
In back seat of sled
"Da," she always said,
Thereby proving what made Catherine Greatski!
--- Jane D Hughes P9204
If K, incorrect it will be.
That is to say
If you see K,
The editor screwed up, not me.
--- Irving Superior P9204
The great Empress Catherine said,
"Is filled early and late
With functions of state;
I do my best thinking in bed."
--- A N Wilkins P9204
The largest the Russians had seen,
Every inch was her turf.
She ruled noble and serf,
And her pubes, in turn, ruled the Queen.
--- A N Wilkins P8601
A nobleman handsome and lean,
Or a serf who was young
And properly hung,
Could make fortunes by making the Queen.
--- A N Wilkins P9204
Called for her stallion, Schlangina.
Some think it weird
But it's not to be feared,
Like sex with her laughing hyena.
--- Harry Rubin P9204
Court procurer, you've got a bum ear.
I said, 'Bring me a NORSE,'
You dumb twit, not a horse!
Oh, what the hell, long as it's here...."
--- Michael Weinstein P9408a
But the riches they earned were a leaven.
This made the studs glad
To give all that they had
To a toothless crone aged 67.
--- A N Wilkins P9204
Reveals the Czarina from vice
And carnality freed.
One stone serves her need
For whom two would never suffice.
--- A N Wilkins P8702
Was considered the ultimate screw.
Alas, the discourse
That she died 'neath a horse,
Is amusing, but wholly untrue.
--- Actaeon
This is file zel
Was not anyone to make news
Bu dying in bed,
The problem, she said,
Was that nobody seemed to know whose.
--- A N Wilkins P8308
It said, "Neigh, not by any account.
You're being quite silly,
I'd rather a filly.
Go roll in the hay with some Count!"
--- Theo Heller P9202
Of things that are wonderous and rare:
Of crystalline palaces,
Seven foot phalluses,
And pussies worn bare of all hair.
--- Norm Storer P9204
"I like boys, so I run every girl away.
Yet my children are strange,
They're at home on the range,
Out of Catherine, sired by Whirlaway."
--- Theo M Heller P9206 A
About Catherine the Great's passing-on.
If it's true, it's a shame;
She's as good as they came;
But oh, what a way to have gone!
--- Anon
I can't figure out how they fits.
I've made up mama,
Three kids and one Czar,
But I've still got four leftover bits."
--- Mike Forth
whom a poet was keen to impress,
Said, "Don't waste my time
With ridiculous rhymes,
And please keep your hands off my dress."
--- Anon
They found fire, so comfy and great.
Each cold night it was fine,
At a quarter past nine,
That's the time they would peater the grate.
--- Tom Patton P0203
With limericks disgusting, obscene.
This month--word pollution!
Next month--absolution--
Elizabeth One, Virgin Queen.
--- Irving Superior P9204
She was told by her trusty old steed,
"If you somehow expect
To get oral sex,
Forget it. I'm off of my feed."
--- Theo M Heller P9206
Who screwed a most affluent Czar;
He paid for her loins
With a mountain of coins,
An apartment, a watch and a car.
--- Cap'n bean P0204
Very posh. Had a beard. Owned a car.
Would spurt as I piddled
And claimed, taradiddled,
I'm not just a tar, I'm the Tsar!
--- Aunt Mable
Is one or two minor mistakes,
To eclipse all your fame,
So forever your name,
Is remembered for burning the cakes."
--- Richard Long
Appointed, as jester, a freak
Whose pranks so beguiled,
That the king went half wild,
And was at his wit's end in a week.
--- Bob Giandomenico P9111a
Once came to Romania's rescue.
It's a very fine thing,
To be under a king.
Is democracy better, I esk you?
--- Anon, 1940's L1471
While addressing the Royal Dieting Club:
I'd sail to the ends of the earth,
To diminish my girth,
If I had a ship big enough to carry the grub.
--- Anon
Than there were back in their hey-day.
Chessboard kings and in decks,
But no kings of the female sex.
Except for Billie-Jean -- Okay?
--- William K Alsop Jr
"I think that I'll just have a fling."
With an accurate eye,
He squashed a gadfly
Which happened to be cleaning its wing.
--- Mike O'Conner
"The King's antics sure do make me wince."
And he hit the fat King
On his wing-a-ding-ding,
So the King had to give it a rinse.
--- Mike O'Conner
Who caught his fair Queen with a vassal.
"I'll soon have your head,"
The King to him said.
Answered, "Nope, but I'll bugger your asshole!"
--- Gearhart
"We rulers indulge in such things
As horse racing, stamps,
Sleek yachts, hunting camps,
And fucking, the real sport of kings."
--- Armand E Singer 781
"For women I don't give a damn.
I get all my joys
From a fat juicy boys,
I'm a cocksucking monarch, I am!"
--- G1045
Whom most of the butlers had laid.
The king, liking head,
Told her, "Come to my bed."
So what could she do? She obeyed.
--- Al Willis P9802
To be 'proper', and perfectly 'right',
Though both are correct,
To show my respect;
Is it 'Dipshit', or simply 'Gobshite'?
--- Anon
Prepared for a fine royal fling.
But the King, so sedate,
First her pussy he ate,
Then proceeded to do his own thing.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1874
His deportment was most indiscreet.
He disported for days
In the Minoan Maze
With a native both nude and in heat.
--- Thomas A Quinine P8308
Kings "did it" whenever their ass stirred,
And that explains why,
Though a prince may rate high,
A duke is so often a bastard!
--- Lance Payne P8308A
His defeat by the king was historic.
He kept them from running
By using his cunning,
For he fed all his troops paragoric.
--- A N Wilkins P8308
Many a tear is sure to be shed.
A wonderful man,
And peace was his plan,
And he wore a hanky on his head.
--- Anon
To a guard, he cried, "Hey man, your cute.
If you'll come to my palace,
I'll finger your phallus,
And then I shall blow on your flute."
--- G0827
Returning from India: Purnea,
"I could build a sphinx,
Though everyone thinks
Raising rocks would be hard on my hernia.
--- VOL 7
Took a leak in the King's favorite chalice.
That woman he'd bedded
Has since been beheaded,
And now he's alone in the palace.
--- Mike Wheeler
The King espied laces and bows.
The Grand Monarch, endowed
With courtesy, bowed
And whispered, "Madame's quelque shows."
--- A N Wilkins P8306
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