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There once was a King named Shamus, "Off with his head!" Shamus screeched. One morning the Monarch said "When A trio of mobsters was known They say that the good King Canute There was an old King called Canute, In the land of the Easily Amused King Fart (I think) said long ago, A tidbit on Egypt's King Tut. There once was a king known as Tut, A generous ruler, King Wenceslas, (Good King Sauerkraut looked out, on his feets uneven - McW)
There once was a monarch named Darius, Czarinas, dictators, and kings On decadent Las Vegas flings.
The king on a stamp was portrayed -- King Cole was a merry soul since (better than etchings - McW)
There once was a King in a palace, Who wants me for a protegee? Nary a Monarchy was a grand thing, Sneered the mistress of Peter the King, They have such a number of things Then said the King of the Czechs: A devious young lady named Alice, "The best part is right in the middle," Though the butler proceeded to lick, There once was a nice little kingdom, A royal handmaiden named Bess If you travel the world on a spree, A passionate courtier of yore A horny young king from Krung Thep The King was an uncommon lout A tourist of note is O'Neill; This tale of the late king of Spain K was a kind-hearted King Now words are a relative thing -- The last time I dined with the King, There's a monarch who knows no repose (Joyce comments on the Austro-Hungarian Empire)
I don't know who told good King Hal The king pinched the ass of Miss Depter The King tossed and turned in his bed. King Wenceslas heard someone shout, There was an old king in his castle, Our Queen, so surprisingly fair She tracked down the source to its lair; The air did turn bright green A limerick, terribly crass, We quite liked the castle at Skipton, The queen heard the butler's large phallus When the Queen viewed the prick of the King, "The Queen", so an editor said, The Queen a new law once did make: The ambassador Hermann von Bliss A lord, who was known for his spryness, The queen had no sex for a year, Said the Queen of Rumania while shitting: Last night as I slept with the Queen, A king sadly said to his queen, There was a young lady of Spain When the queen dined with John Jacob Astor, The queen from attackers once flew There was a young man from Madrid This knight who had wantonly mated Vance failed with his lance to entrance; The jail doubled up as a manse, It is verily true, sure enough, With gonads now left in yon shackle, The unfortunate knight, dear old Vance, Sir Leroy George Washington Kappel,
Who grew exceedingly famous.
A drunkard screamed out,
Without thinking no doubt,
"I've seen his Highness. He's heinous!"
--- Gearhart
The drunk was dragged through the streets.
And what is more,
When his kilt hit the floor,
His "head" soon lay at his feet.
--- Gearhart
May I hope for a Queen of the Glen?
I look noble, I'm sure,
But my thoughts are not pure.
I'm no better than most other men."
--- D W Barker
To have kidnapped the King when alone.
When his servants had found him,
They save him and crowned him,
Then threw the three thugs through the throne.
--- Anon
Was wont to get pissed as a newt,
And wander about
With his prick sticking out,
Whilst playing lewd songs on his lute.
--- Michael Horgan
And the tide he did try to re-route.
But he soon had to flee
From the incoming sea,
So he cannot have been very astute.
--- Richard Long
The King was completely enthused --
Adhesive tape on his finger,
Whoopee! What a zinger!
But the peasants were completely confused.
--- Dick Ford
(My brains are mush so I don't know)
"If only we ever
Just limmed we would never
Need zippers, we'd just use velcro!"
--- Anon
The peasants must never "tut tut."
One Tut-the law read
"Tut Tut" and you're dead.
Unless you can prove that you stut-.
--- Irving Superior
Who said when he went off his nut,
"If there is a queer amid
The walls of this pyramid,
I'll find him and then fuck his butt!"
--- David Miller
Was arrested because of his pence-lessness.
They put him away
For a year and a day,
In an orgy of cold-hearted senselessness.
--- Richard Gaskell
Whose habits were rather nefarious.
He'd lie in the grass
With his crown on his ass,
Saying, "Alas, how my kingdom's precarious!"
--- G2307
Go in for the goddamnedest things,
Like unnatural sex
With this queen or that rex --
It sends them on gossamer wings
--- Armand E Singer 932
Not his face, but his ass was displayed.
So the subjects en masse
Could all lick his ass,
And thus homage by all would be paid.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2236
His Queen choked to death on a quince.
He'd a baby son, Sly.
When a dame took his eye,
He'd invite her to look at his Prince.
--- Laurence Perrine P8308
Who drank wine from a gem-studded chalice.
While his kingdom decayed,
And his subjects, dismayed,
Grew embittered with anger and malice
--- John Eggerton P0106
Patron, oh what could be scarier?
Now "Rock and Roll" gets
All the rich space cadets
Like Ludwig, Mad King of Bavaria.
--- Robin K Willoughby P8602
Especially if you were the King.
To get money, you'd tax,
Your opponents you'd axe,
And of concubines have quite a string.
--- Warrick Elrod
"I'm returning the jewels and your ring.
The view from your castle
Ain't worth all the hassle,
And your throne, like your prick, s'no big thing."
--- Armand E Singer 163
That kings should be happy as kings!
But to live every day
On such public display,
Must it not give their happiness strings?
--- Laurence Perrine P8308
"I, too, have a problem in sex.
The men of my nation
Prefer masturbation,
My women are physical wrecks."
--- G1046
Sought to live out her life in a palace.
So with mouth and by hand,
And a pussy most grand,
She pleasures the king's royal phallus.
--- Lims For Year - 01
King Alfred said, dousing the griddle,
"Though the bottoms and tops
Of my cakes are burnt flops,
Between you can eat, just a tiddle!"
--- Prof M-G TP9806
He failed to erect the King's prick.
Said the butler, "Your Majesty --
Indeed, what a travesty!
How come that my ass does the trick?"
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0849
That the rich folks considered their flingdom.
In the peasant revolt
When the King tried to bolt,
The rebels squared off and soon winged 'em.
--- Neal Wilgus P8308
Caught the King is a state of undress.
Said she, wet with pleasure,
As her quim took his measure:
"My ruler's twelve inches, no less!"
--- Ronald R Jay P8308 A
Go visit the kings if they're free.
(If you're in Iraq
While it's under attack,
It's the safest place there, you could be!)
--- Anon
Made love to the king's favorite whore;
In the course of a diddle,
Found the king in the middle,
And didn't know which he liked more.
--- William K Alsop Jr
Took one truly costly misstep.
Espied not with some elf
But abusing himself.
It really did ruin his rep.
--- Armand Singer
Whose reign caused the peasants to shout,
"We will wreck everything
And throw over the King!"
The King cried, "Serf's up! Let's get out!"
--- John Dohner P8803
His case is now up for appeal;
As a matter of fact
He was caught in the act:
Cheap sex with the King of Castille.
--- Armand Singer
Implies that he was insane.
He leapt from a plane,
Met the ground with great pain,
And that was the end of his reign.
--- Rory Ewins
Who once taught a bird how to sing,
By knocking a pan
With the knob of a fan,
And a kettle tied on to a string.
--- Edmund Dulac 1908 (Bibby)
This is file zdl
They make many an argument ring.
What passes for gasses
From the asses of masses
Is called flatulence in a king.
--- Rambling Rose A
He did a remarkable thing:
As he sat on the stool,
And foldled his tool,
He remarked, "If I play, will you sing?"
--- L1457
For he's dressed in a dual trunk hose
And ever there itches
Some part of his breeches
How he stands it the Lord only knows.
--- James Joyce P9007
That Kathryn was my sleeping pal,
But he blew his top
And gave her the chop;
That's the unkindest cut et al.
--- Anon
And said that in bed he'd accept her.
She was slow to respond
To the king's royal wand,
So he first pepped her up with his scepter.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0680
"I cannot get comfy," he said.
Then the queen told the king,
"You're a silly old thing!
You've still got your crown on your head!"
--- Funfax Limericks
"There's a boy with a snowball about!"
It went staight in his ear,
And since then, every year
The Good King has always looked out.
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada
Who said to a pretty young vassal,
"Some day when the Queen
Is bowling this green,
Let's go in the parlour and wrassle."
--- Limber Limericks
In complexion and beauty (both rare),
Was irked by report
Which implied that in court
Her judgments were only "just fair."
--- Laurence Perrine P8308
And summoned her chief axe-man there.
But the source kept his head,
Said, "My liege, you're misled.
I called all your judgments 'Just! Fair!'"
--- Laurence Perrine P8308
When a fart came out of the Queen.
The court sat aghast
At that royal blast,
But stood and sang 'God Save The Queen!"
--- Duncan Cline
Was stamped on the Queen Mother's ass,
Which she put on display
About noon every day,
In a large, oval frame made of brass.
--- Cap'n Bean
Though the place was so wet, we got dripped on.
There's a quaint old latrine
That was used by the queen,
But they don't have the bed that she kipped on.
--- Tom Baker P8806
Was enhanced by an intriguing callus.
She said, "That guy's prick'll
Provide me with tickle."
So she stripped and caroused in the palace.
--- Al Willis P9802
No joy to her face did it bring.
She said in despair,
"Try fucking my mare,
Or perhaps you can do your own thing."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0232
"Was pleased when a page gave her head.
But was more pleased when two
Did a synchronized do,
While the Queen did a double-page spread."
--- Playboy Mag J F O'Conner
Of pussy no man could partake.
So the poor did entreat,
"Tell us, what can we eat?"
Said the Queen, "You can always eat steak."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0854
Said, "Something, I fear, is amiss.
The terms I projected,
By the Queen were rejected,
For she farted and said, "Here's a kiss."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1191
Would finger most anyone's thigh-nest.
The lord lost his ring,
Offending the King;
He found it up Her Royal Highness.
--- H Welchel
For the knights in her kingdom were queer.
Then, away in a glen,
She found hetero men,
And she fucked herself silly, the dear!
--- Cap'n Bean P9811
"This nauseous act I'm committing
Suits only the common herd.
That we Royals must turd,
I consider both gross and unfitting."
--- G1452
She begged as she fingered my spleen,
"Honey, please douse the light,
Make our pad black as night,
For the Queen may be had but not seen!"
--- Sex to Sexty P8808
"In parts you have grown far from lean."
"I don't give a damn,
You've always liked ham",
She replied, and he gasped, "How obscene!"
--- L1586
Who couldn't go out in the rain.
For she'd lent her umbrella,
To Queen Isabella,
Who never returned it again.
--- Archie
She claimed he could never outlast her.
But she failed to account
For his intricate mount,
And resources superior and vaster.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0031
And cried when her horse dropped a shoe.
"Oh, my kingdom will fail
For the want of a nail!"
But the kingdom was saved by a screw.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2046
Who yelled at the queen, "Oh you kid!"
The scandalized queen
Said, "What do you mean?
You just kiss my ass?" So he did.
--- G0125
The Queen and her lady who'd waited,
Was hung by the balls
From yon dungeon walls,
But made his escape when castrated.
--- SFA
The Queen gave him nary a glance.
But the law came that day
And put him away
In a cell where he raves and he rants.
--- John Miller
Where the bishop would oft take his chance;
Where doubling our hero,
Inserting his spear-o
Which stance made our Vance prance and dance.
--- Tiddy Ogg
That escape can be terribly tough.
And we must conclude
That the nurse misconstrued;
It is truly exceedingly rough.
--- Donald McGill
He jousted with half of his tackle.
Fair maidens had moaned
As they were being boned,
But Vance is now making them cackle.
--- SFA
At last changed his name into Lance.
Now he thinks he's on Venus
And hunts for his penis,
While he wanders around in a trance.
--- Nawahl
Purveyor of corn-cakes and scrapple,
Was just seventeen
When endorsed by the Queen,
Who appointed his meat to her chapel.
--- Anon
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