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The queen in the closet sits moping In bed the new queen spread her feet Sighed the Queen to a sheep-tending vassal, The Empress cried out, "Name of Venus! Said the Queen to the King, "I don't frown on They hailed her as Vivat Regina! The King saw a girl from his tower, On good old Malaya's shore To the eunuch, the Queen of Siam The King plugged the Queen's ass with mustard, You're attracted to these things obscene; The life of a queen must be sordid; A horny young fool from Chichester A queen who's not known to be bright, Of that bulge in her waist line, I daren't (Royal Physician commenting on the Virgin Queen's malaise)
Said Queen Isabella of Spain, The court hadn't seen in an age Said the King to his brewer McHenry, The last time I slept with the Queen, King Frederick exclaimed, "Oh, by Jupiter! The Queen had a problem with King; Said the Jester, "This is no joke. She said, "I enjoy meat, of course, "If you really want to get me in bed, Theodora, the Queen of Byzance, When Victoria's consort got boozed, With acid, it's neato and keeno, Till "De Motu" publication, A hopeless illiterate was Tex; A biologist of world renown
Each morning, but she is still hoping
That she'll have more chances
To hold the stiff lances
Of young palace guards whom she's groping.
--- Travis Brasell
And awaited the king's royal treat.
When the king had undressed,
Said the queen, much impressed,
"It is mete that we meet to meet meat."
--- Albin Chaplin
Ere she sneaked her way back to the castle:
"Both my mouth and my quim
Will perform at your whim;
And besides, handsome vassal, my ass'll."
--- Playboy Mag J F O'Conner
You kill a poor seal for its penis!"
The Emperor shot back,
"Sans aphrodisiac,
There'd be no hard feelings between us!"
--- Anon V
The fact that you choose to go down on
My page on the stairs
But you'll give the boy airs
If you will do the job with your crown on."
--- W H Auden
One night on an old ocean liner,
A jolly jack tar
He went one step too far,
And it's a hell of a long way to China.
--- Kevin Hale Q
As pretty and sweet as a flower.
So the first day in May
She was Queen for a day,
But she barely was good for an hour.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024 P8305
Lived a queen with the tastes of a whore.
When asked to cohabit,
She would fuck like a rabbit
'Gainst the sidewalls, the ceiling, or floor.
--- G0758
Cried, "Fuck me, O nutless Big Sam!
Behind or in front,
Either arsehole or cunt,
One or both,--I don't give a goddam!"
--- G0759
To make her fuck hot, but got flustered.
He cried, "Oh my dear!
I am coming, I fear!
But the mustard will make you come plus turd!"
--- L0071
I always pretend I've not seen
The real gory things
That my newsboy brings --
I read cartoons and 'bout the Queen.
--- Anon
It's news every time that she's boarded.
Every groan, every grunt,
Every twitch of her cunt,
Every fart that she lets is recorded.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2312
Got a job as a Royal Court Jester.
He had lust for the queen,
But she started to scream
As soon as he tried to molest her.
--- Captain Infinity
Had given the king quite a fright,
When she said, "I am proud,"
And announced it out loud,
"I would sure love to screw every night!"
--- Bob Birch P0304
Proclaim with assurance inerrant,
That she's growing too fat,
For it's possible that
What she will be will soon be apparent.
--- Laurence Perrine
"I like it just now and again.
But I wish to explain
That by now and again,
I mean NOW and AGAIN and AGAIN."
--- Anon G0768
The King is so vicious a rage.
For the queen, so she said,
Went to read in her bed,
Where the King found her stuck to a page.
--- Playboy Mag J F O'Conner
"The skill of your brewing I envy,
But the fact that your son
Has been tapping the bung
Of the queen, not the kegs, that offends me.
--- Steve Wickersham
She said, as I came on the scene,
"It's royalty's night out,
But please put the light out,
The Queen may be had, but not seen."
--- Dylan Thomas L0167
The Queen is becoming much stupiter;
That is three times already
She's called me 'Dear Freddie'--
Then he threw a large bowlful of supiter!
--- Norm Storer
He was old and could not do the thing.
She told her Jester,
To get the King's scepter
And use it to make her bell ring.
--- Puff Adder
Lengths not as important as stroke.
Let me give you a treat.
I'll take out my meat
And Queeny, I'll give you a poke."
--- Puff Adder
But for that I have another resource.
He has four legs,
And an enormous peg.
Yes, I talking about my horse."
--- Puff Adder
There's something you can do instead.
You can clean out my bung
With your slithery tongue.
I order you to give me some head."
--- Puff Adder
Is remembered for having hot pants.
At one soiree de luxe,
She took on three dukes,
Two eunuchs, one ape, and four aunts.
--- G0542
He proposed that their privates be fused;
But the story is told
That the Queen had a cold;
"We are not," she retorted, "abused."
--- Thomas A Quinine P8308
This organic compound amino.
Abundant and rife
And essential for life;
Kind of like what we call cappuccino.
--- David Morin
Blood moved at a tidal station.
What through-channels mean is
Arteriovenous
Connects lead to circulation.
--- Daniel Ford
He was not too sure of his sex.
His check for relief
Brought him nothing but grief.
He could not even sign a full X.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2812
Says a chromosome's gender is