A year and a month has gone past, What else did they find? Tools of stone, Just where, again, was this huge dig? I guess they will name him "Woodburnus," And now they have just found a third. They might have resembled big crows, Woodburnus Man hunted big chickens; The world population's a fright; There's a fish known as the Eurasian ruffe; Who'd think that a zooplankton creature Seems the fishhook flea's causing some trouble. So how can we stop this invader The invader came over by boat; There once was a purple loosetrife; Through the Erie Canal they did come, Free of predators, hardly a worry; Sea lampreys attach to their host; The vampires of the Great Lakes, Once mom and pop zebra mussel Even though they all clustered low, Alas, the growing family struggled A chemist exceedingly mean, Absorptiometry measures the rate A bungling Argentine fellow, There once was a man name Arrhenius. (Nobel Prize winner 1903)
Arrhenius, whose first name was Svendt, Ray Ackshun was starting to cry; I sat in Chem lecture in pain, The Clausis-Clapeyron pair In '53, Watson and Crick Bond formation can be unwell, Can there be any levity There was a young chemist named Keith,
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There was a young chemist neamed Neal There once was a man in the night A first order sheriff from Rangoon A newlywed chemist named Bowman I think that most students agree, Le Chatelier was pitching the date Madame Curie once had a pet duck A chemist whom some of you know. A Mad Scientist who lived in Cologne If chemistry is your attraction, A sixth grader came into my view In my youth, I was always dead keen For isomers, Van't Hoff and LeBel There once was an Al named de Hyde, There once was a Chemist named Pauling, A chemist had mind to resolve "It's here, right under your nose! Of love, there is little to speak, In pollution the world seems to wallow. (For Richard Wilson's Forum award 1990)
For plastics, Staudinger rewrote the rules; The cool braggart, Paul Ymer, blubbers There was a young turk named Stan (Stanley Prusiner arguing over discovery of 'Prions')
"Eureka!" Cried Stan, "I have found it. I'll rephrase an old slogan I hate; You said it, so I've got to mention Radium, lacking a brain, There once was a man named Rauolt Said the Minister, "Prices are high, (I'll see ICI {International Chem Index?} to see why."
A chemistry student named Boma A metallurgist who taaught from a podium Regal Charles had ideas elite, As a baby, our teacher named Fred, A SCUBA diver whose name was McGraw, A physicist, Percival Pry,
Since sampling the rock was done last,
And judging by time
And layers of lime,
The airlessness kept things quite fast.
--- Matthew Montchalin
And stuff that was made out of bone,
And various critters,
The bones cooked as fritters,
And other things useful at home.
--- Matthew Montchalin
They set up in Woodburn their rig,
At a small urban park,
With a bullseye to mark;
Who'd ever guess they'd strike it big!
--- Matthew Montchalin
A lost race that serves just to learn us:
The first to arrive
Don't always survive;
They often go right up the furnace.
--- Matthew Montchalin
And if that's not the strangest thing heard,
They say they've got bones
Amongst all those stones,
Of a huge prehistoric Big Bird.
--- Matthew Montchalin
But men were the size of its nose!
When it flexed its wings,
It flew as if springs
Were mounted just under its toes.
--- Matthew Montchalin
He chased them all over the dickens.
He caught them with spears
And ate them for years.
And all we got left is the pickin's.
--- Matthew Montchalin
Its numbers soar right out of sight.
Who's to blame? -- bear the brunt?
It's the prick and the cunt,
And expense of electric light.
--- G1661
In Lake Superior, it's got the right stuff.
Perch anglers say, "Why Me?"
This fish is so slimy,
In Lake Huron now, enough is enough.
--- Anon
With a hook as its dominant feature
And its tiny small size
With some dark black large eyes,
Could make trouble for fish trying to eat her.
--- Anon
Fish wish it would leave on the double,
'Cause the barbs on its tail
Make yellow perch wail.
Stop eating our food; it's a struggle.
--- Anon
From feeding in the lake's trophic layers?
By inspecting your vessel,
Taking off things that're sessile
And rinsing boats with a high pressure sprayer.
--- Anon
They thought it was a bit remote.
But they had their way
And decided to stay.
And now they all can really gloat.
--- Anon
Into wetlands it gave a new life.
Its seeds were dropped;
It couldn't be stopped.
Now would someone please hand me a knife.
--- Anon
Due to settlers who seemed kind of dumb,
Changing things over time,
Clearcutting the shoreline,
Making water too warm for salmon.
--- Anon
Lots of good fish to eat in a hurry;
Eel-like creatures imvade,
Eating natives they craved.
Populations explode in a flurry.
--- Anon
Making sick, killing thousands, they boast.
So many fish creatures
That just want to reach near
The rivers and lakes they like most.
--- Anon
They suck blood from the species they face.
Native fish never like 'em,
They yell "Lampreys, take and hike" 'n'
Get caught in a barrier, leave this place.
--- Anon
Had started a really big tussle,
Then they moved their family
Of one hundred and three
Into a pipe with no fussle.
--- Anon
They impaired the intake water flow.
In came the authority,
Who tried to scrape free,
The two hundreds they had now to grow!
--- Anon
To keep all the three hundred huddled.
Some mussels were scraped away
To a new place to stay,
Where other mussel families cuddled.
--- Anon
In a tar pot has dunked his colleen.
But then he relented,
And even repented,
And painted her body with chlorine.
--- Al Willis
That a substance, in gaseous state,
Is absorbed into some
Sort of liquid, by gum!
The excitement was lost on my date.
--- Jesse Frankovich
Who went by the name of Marcelo,
Embarked on a quest
To turn albiceleste
(By alchemical genius) to yellow.
--- Anon
His actions were always spontaneous.
He plotted ln(k)
Against 1/T,
And now he's considered a genius.
--- Anon
Studied how fast reactions went.
The rate constant would be
k = Ae
With -Ea/RT as exponent
--- Fred Williams
Mount Ea was simply too high!
As he sat on the grass,
He saw catalyst pass,
And then crossed to the opposite side.
--- Fred Williams
Trying hard to hold back my methane.
But the products of beans
Came right through my jeans,
And put the whole building in flames.
--- Fred Williams
Were two men with a p-chem flair.
Who said natural log of p
Changes with T
As delta H over RT square.
--- Todd Wilkinson
Were thinking, when suddenly -- Click!
They'd figured the way
That stuff, DNA
Twin spiralled, to make us all tick.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Electrons join up in a shell,
For it doesn't seem fine
To say they combine,
When we know very well they repel!
--- Anon
In electronegativity?
Fluorine is high,
As are others nearby.
How is that for brevity.
--- Devlin Gualtieri
Who escaped by the skin of his teeth
From H2SO4
While the family bore
The explosions going on underneath.
--- Keith MacMillan 12a
Who loved circus life a great deal.
So he coupled his trade
With his love and he made
A large stainless steel ferrous wheel.
--- Al Willis P9806
Who saw the fireflies' light.
As the temperature rose,
There came out more glows,
And he determined the Ea with delight.
--- Fred Williams
Knew the outlaws would kill and full moon.
His helpers he doubled,
So he wouldn't be troubled,
But his half-life still passed at high noon.
--- Fred Williams
Said, "I must keep my pecker from roamin'.
If I charmed a cute fox,
And got into her box,
That might be what I get shipped home in."
--- Alex Heydon P0511Q
We really don't like chemistry.
Homework...There's tons.
And these seats hurt my buns,
And we'd rather be watching TV.
--- Fred Williams
That mighty Kc stepped up to the plate.
Though forced left and forced right,
His concentration held tight,
Because he would equilibrate.
--- Fred Williams
But if failed to bring medical luck.
To minimize mass
From her waist and her ass,
She went in for a nip and a tuck.
--- Mark
Just loved to see ice and deep snow.
He mixed Tungsten and Tin
And some Oxygen,
And he finally fashioned some SnOW.
--- Al Willis
Found most vitamins easy to clone.
But the art he espoused
Was to be so aroused,
That with ease he could make his hormone!
--- Liam na Beag
Try this "Make a charcoal compaction
With sulphur and niter,
Then touch with a lighter,
And notice the speed of reaction."
--- Alex Heydon
And his "gangsta" clothes offered a clue.
In the folds and the sags
Of his drooping crotch bags,
Lurked a mortar and a pistol too.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0204
On the lab and the practical scene.
The electrics, the glassware,
The wax, string and brassware;
But now there is only a screen.
--- Joan M Freeman
Created a theory that works well.
To understand variation
In optical rotation,
Carbon must be tetrahedral.
--- Anon
Who lived, then suddenly died.
Then through oxidation
And acid formation,
His corpse had an O by it's side.
--- Fred Williams
Whose predictions were downright enthralling.
"I'm really quite fond
Of the chemical bond
That I get with this sticking and balling."
--- Devlin Gualtieri a
The reason our incomes dissolve.
She mixed some suspensions
Of bureaucrats' pensions,
The answer was quick to evolve.
--- Nick D Kim
Just arrange the whole thing in rows.
Put hydrogen here,"
Dimitri would cheer,
"And tungsten down there by your toes."
--- Devlin Gualtieri
That some hormone's not able to tweak;
To cast a chemical spell
With some scent you can't smell,
So you'll find those you don't really seek.
--- Madcat A
Dick gives us a guide we can follow.
What risk, do you think,
In water we drink?
For some, it is too much to swallow.
--- Barbara Levi
For nylon, Dupont used his tools.
Some brittle, some elastic,
Some turn into plastic;
Better living through macromolecules.
--- George Bennett
As a glass he is such a good lover.
But when he gets hot,
What he could do, he cannot,
'Cause his modulus shows he's a rubber.
--- Fred Williams
Who embarked on a devious plan.
"If I simply rename it,
I'm sure I can claim it,"
Said Stan as he pondered his scam.
--- Discover Mag 12/86 P8612
Well...maybe not actually found it.
But I talked to the press
Of the slow virus mess,
And invented a name to confound it!"
--- Discover Mag 12/86 P8612
What the hell, it don't carry no weight.
They say, with resolution,
You're part of the solution
Or part of the precipitate.
--- Allen Wolverton
That which makes even more tension.
When out on a date,
The ones that I hate
Keep the answer in perfect suspension.
--- Dennis Hammes
And Iodine, in the "slow" lane,
Met Nitrogen, who
Had sense enough to
Come INdoors from out of the RaIN.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Whose depression no doctor could fault.
No lithium ion
Could Rauolt rely on
'Cause his law worked regardless of salt.
--- Anon
And to bring them down, I'll have to try.
Mmmmm, chemicals first --
My God, they're the worst --
ILLCICI2CY."
--- Bob Turvey
Produced such a potent aroma
That half of the class
Dropped dead, but alas,
The culprit received a diploma.
--- Out On A Limerick P8907
Expounded the virtues of Rhodium.
Come day of the test,
Those who did best
Were those whose answers were quoting him.
--- Kim Goldworthy P8311
Yet he'd say to each lady he'd meet,
"My volume gets higher
When you warm my desire.
Let's join our gasses in heat."
--- Fred Williams
Learned to teethe on a rubber duck's head.
The cause of his pain
Was the crosslinked chain,.
And his gums got all bloody and red.
--- Fred Williams
Disobeyed a basic gas law.
While deep under his hull,
Bubbles formed in his skull,
And he now regards lawyers with awe.
--- Fred Williams
Had hopes that a medal was nigh,
But a "No" from Nobel
Made him mutter, "Oh well,"
And issue a faint Sigma Sigh. (Xi - chem fraternity)
--- Norm Storer P9912