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In making advances in science, Science was a breath of fresh air Said the chemist with cheerfulness waning, Said Lavoissier, face all aglow, Our teacher last lecture did tell (a lake of liquid sulfur establishes the max temp)
The results were rather surprising An alchemist, filled with dismay, A rogue phosphofructokinase There once were five guys named Al: A feminist chemist named Liz The flammable gas called acetylene Alkalis, also called bases, Amino acids in chains, There once was a girl named Irene, A chemist from southern Estonia, Boron, with some added bluster, Follows boron in electronic sequence; Saving iron from corrosion's a must. A stud who lived in the dorm, Answer this question if you will, DNA builds a case, brick by brick, Applying new DNA tests There once was a kid from Lake Placid, A careless young man named Al Kyne A foolish young chemist named Kroll Indium is quite a seductor, A chemistry student, named Chester, When mercury fulminate dries, There once was a compound, methane, These limericks are peculiar things; I once had an ox for a friend. A mosquito was heard to complain, He hated her hue, that is true. Phenolphthalein is useful, I think;, A chemist kept in a big can There was a young chemist in Ealing, When entropy I tried to measure, For metals jailed in galvanic cells, A thrifty young Scot from Dundee There was a young girl from Madras Gibb's Phase Rule is so useful and Gibbs Sum gives the Gibbs-Duhem Equation, While walking at Harvard University There once was a penguin named Twee, There once was a fellow named Jeff (Hugh Heffner founder of Playboy mag)
Gibbs was born in an ancient time; Learning Gibb's Rules can be slow; What can I say about Gibb's Phase Rule? London hated this force called dispersion; A salt at the dawn of creation Chemical Physics, it's said, There once was a man named Raoult Two Economists can't think quite the same; Folks came many miles just to see There is really no big paradox, Adam Smith's invisible illusion In the interest of advancement of science There once was an old beggar man, Economists in a strange wonderland,. To facts economists seem heedless. Just think of the millions unemployed, There once was an Economist who thought, Economists on the Left and the Right; Though ONEROUS as shopping may be, The Economist with head up his ass, The problem is shaping societies
We stand on the shoulders of giants.
Which might explain why
Some say Sigma XI
Is largely a midgets' alliance!
--- Norm Storer P0012
Within my whole High School career.
The only school class
Where you could smell gas,
That wasn't from your classmate's rear.
--- Anon
"Our ethanol bottles are draining!
But, whoever is tippling
Will soon be unzippling.
I've spiked them with Phenolphthalein!"
--- Alex Heydon P0406
"We now know what makes a fire go;
Phlogiston is dead,
And so in its stead,
We must write the true 'Story of O'."
--- Norman Storer P0211
The maximum temperature of Hell.
But add sinners to sulfur,
The boiling point alters.
Hell would be hotter to dwell.
--- Anon A
From the students recrystallizing.
Their test tubes were sealed
At ten percent yield,
That's the last time we'll try synthesizing.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Took off for an evening of play;
He had gotten too old
To turn lead into gold,
But still could turn night into day.
--- Lims Unlimited
Was arrested for mimicking phosphorylase.
"Your job is hydrolysis --
And regulating glycolysis!"
Screamed an irate lactate dehydrogenase.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Kane, Kene, Kyne, de Hyde, and Cohol.
Kane, Kene, Kyne were confused;
Al Cohol was abused
And de Hyde was hung on de wall.
--- Fred Williams
In the lab was considered a whiz;
She rejected the claim
That a man, not a dame,
Could understand just why things fizz.
--- Norm Storer P0012
Has hydro- and carbon, not metal, in.
The flame's a delight.
As it burns very bright,
But the odor is rather unsettlin'.
--- Anon
Are best kept from eyes and from faces.
If not, don't think twice:
Seek your doctor's advice,
After rinsing appropriate places.
--- Rory Ewins Q
Are the cause, so the X-ray explains,
Of the strengthening of wool,
And its strength when you pull
And show why it shrinks when it rains.
--- Linda Patterson
Who lived on distilled kerosene,
But she started absorbin'
A new hydrocarbon,
And since then has never benzine.
--- Ken Kiger
Due to flatulence, couldn't be lonelier.
The odourous stanks
Also biased his blanks,
With methane, sulphide and ammonia.
--- Alex Heydon P0406
Can combine to make quite a cluster.
It's acidic, not caustic,
With hydrogen agnostic;
Reducing organics it can muster.
--- Anon
Without it, we would have no existence.
It's not at all brassy
And nowhere near gassy,
Carbon is what makes a difference.
--- Anon
Iron oxide's all over like dust.
But when to iron, zinc's connected,
It's cathodically protected,
Because zinc keeps away all the rust.
--- Anon
Tried in lab to prepare chloroform.
But the sample he'd keep
Put that creep in deep sleep
And he couldn't wake up to perform.
--- Anon
What colors the green of dill?
In a plant cell,
Is a chemical,
That goes by the name chlorophyll!
--- Chris Matthews
But lawyers cannot learn it quick.
They study a lot
And become quite adroit.
If they don't, they consult Watson-Crick.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Calls to question some famous arrests;
Forensic revision
Of jury decisions
Means defendants cannot ever rest.
--- Dr Limerick 12-06-01
Who didn't have brains as an asset.
He was carried away
From Chem lab one day,
After drinking large volumes of acid.
--- Fred Williams
Worked at home most of the time.
Welding steel was his game
'Til his house turned to flame
Because of a gas named Ethyne.
--- Fred Williams
Heated fulminate up in a bowl.
Without distillation
He got separation,
I.e. of his body and soul.
--- Poul Anderson P8211
Wooing many a chemistry instructor.
A lewis acid in brine,
Making reactions benign;
It turns ceramic to super-conductor.
--- Anon
Spent hours in lab each semester.
He discovered one week
A synthesis unique,
Which he named for his wife, Polly Ester.
--- Reminisce P9310
You have to avoid where it lies.
A step on that stuff
Will detonate -- PUFF!
And render a beating your prize.
--- Nick
Who looked on the rest with disdain.
"In the list I am first."
He said with a burst,
As his friend held a match to his brain.
--- Anon
Their lines have particular rings.
You fit them together
Like methane and ether,
And then you just stand up and sing!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
The name that I called him was Gen.
Now this ain't absurd,
You've certainly heard
Of a chemical called Oxy-Gen
--- Al Willis
That a chemist had poisoned his brain.
The cause of his sorrow
Was para-dichloro-
diphenyl-trichloroethane.
--- D K Bradley
She seemed much too dark, in his view.
He once badly dyed her
And could not abide her,
So he slapped on some H2O2.
--- Al Willis
This is file zal
For endpoints it serves as a link
At the point in titration
When we need visualization,
It suddenly turns a hot pink.
--- Anon
The slipperiest stuff known to man.
Coating pots was his dream
With polytetrafloroethylene
But Teflon wouldn't stick to the pan.
--- Fred Williams
Who with trinitrolphenol was dealing,
But he added red lead,
And the truth must be said,
They found him a splash on the ceiling.
--- Anon
I said, "Oh! What a sweet pleasure.
This disorder is great.
It's neatness I hate.
With this concept, I've found me a treasure."
--- Fred Williams
Life's an electro-chemical hell.
Half were reduced
For a chemical boost,
And all died when the emf fell.
--- Fred Williams
Studied spontaneity.
Gibb's energy, he'd heard
From his brother, the nerd,
Was something he could get for free.
--- Fred Williams
Who had a magnificent gas.
When hot, it would stink,
When cold, it would shrink,
And PV was related to mass.
--- Fred Williams
I wish Denbigh didn't make it so bland.
If I could sing it, I would,
And "Degrees of Freedom" could
Make an excellent name for a band.
--- Anon
Which leads to a groovy relation.
D + F = C + 2,
(Gibbs Phase Rule will have to do)
Now you might just pass the examination.
--- Nicole Hau
I had somehow managed to see
Professor Carter
With a Magic Marker
Writing C + 2 = F + D
--- Anon
Who thought, "Thermo is too hard for me."
All he wanted was ice
And he thought it was nice
He could find it with D + F = 2 + C
--- Whitney Gaynor
Who certainly was not a Hugh Heff.
The ladies could not
Be got as he thought,
Saying C plus 2 equals D plus F
--- Chris Kinney
All he had was a freaking dime.
He found something cool;
'Twas the Gibbs Phase Rule,
So he celebrated with Tequila and lime.
--- Tim Hong
Students find it a great woe.
But some struggle through
D + F = C + 2,
And say look at all the things I know.
--- Mariana Shnayderman
It can be a useful Thermo tool.
For, if you use it right
Even when high as a kite,
Your professor will still think you're cool.
--- Lesley Frame
"The weakest!" he thought with aversion.
But the bond called ionic
Made him histrionic
And dipoles he thought a perversion.
--- Fred Williams
Prayed to Aquarius for its solvation.
And that solvation force
Caused an ionic divorce
In a sacrament known as hydration.
--- Fred Williams
To good mathematics has led.
But thoughts of entropy
Can make you feel dopey,
And lead to a pain in the head.
--- Literary Group
Who combined some water and salt.
Mole fraction and pressure
He decided to measure,
And depression was his sad result.
--- Fred Williams
To uniqueness they each stake a claim.
Different Theories abound,
Each proposed as profound.
Too bad that they're all a bit lame.
--- Robley E George
Two Economists agree to agree.
When the event did take place,
It proved a disgrace.
They agreed one plus one adds to three.
--- Robley E George
Said the man who was buying some locks.
I'll secure all the doors
On both of my floors,
Since my home's split level cardboard box.
--- Robley E George
Has grown to the present delusion.
Cooperation is attained
When Competition's sustained.
Hence, the planet's great confusion.
--- Robley E George
They give quite willing compliance.
And right in the offin'
Each other they're boffin';
Foreign thinkers may use an appliance.
--- Donald McGill
Who dined from a ripe garbage can.
But they chased him away
From his regal cafe;
He embarrassed the Economist's plan.
--- Robley E George
Talking of an Invisible Hand.
While no one can see it,
They seem to agree it
Somehow makes just Everything grand.
--- Robley E George
The tragedy is it's so needless.
The technology's there,
With ample to spare,
Yet millions of people go feedless.
--- Robley E George
Whose lives are so seldom enjoyed.
Economists say: "So what?
They deserve what they got.
And besides, inflation is destroyed."
--- Robley E George
Which outraged his peers, so they sought
To label him extreme,
(Which to them it did seem.)
And have all this thought go for nought.
--- Robley E George
Either way it's a terrible sight.
Using arguments old,
And confused when retold,
They're as much cause as cure, in the fight.
--- Robley E George
The season for you and for me,
From wrath we'll abstain,
Through snow, sleet, and rain.
It's good for the year's GNP. (gross national product)
--- Elois
As he lectured in front of the class:
My theories are great;
They seal Mankind's fate.
Others said that he simply passed gas.
--- Robley E George
In ways with proper propieties.
Should it be Capitalism
Or another Barbarism,
Like Socialism's 57 varieties.
--- Robley E George
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