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Just what did humanity do Said a man who's not dressed all that neat, Our spending is down, that is why Buy a blivet you don't really need; The money, economists say, And then, (the great gurus explain), But think, at the same blivet store, There's the cops who must check out the crime; I will do my part with great pride! Price increase with no growth: STAGFLATION, With no-growth economy rife, Said one gene to another, "Oh Hell! His friend said, "I know what to do. The geneticist breakthrough is on Anthropologist Wellington Jones I went to the animal fair, Yasir Arafat said with a scowl, There was a young lady named Annie So here it is - one, nine, eight, four; There just isn't anything new: In one area I'd hoped for a change. Just look at our human design! Here's another anatomical innovation. Next, I think I would like to dispose I'd move the nose down to the chest; Now think of the tailor's delight. I guess these improvements must wait. It happens, it seems, in mitosis. A sense of futility looms A scientist who was named Dodds At a lab a technician named Sloan Celibacy's not in the genes; The whole scientific world's buzzin'; Two bright boffins named Watson and Crick Molecular mysteries pose Short gives us words to the wise Disappointed Naive Attache's, "Diarrhea," explained Dr. Keens, The Jefferson-Hemming affair DNA makes you you and me me, The mind of my child is profounder I am thankful and now I know why. Predilections are easy to see; Deoxyribonucleic These nucleotidic routines A biology prof named Caster On researching my family tree, ...For my grand daddy swears that this daughter Now grand daddy's mistress's sister Then grand daddy's mistress's daughter ...The very same tricks that her mother When your Sumo frame lands on the mat, Jews and Arabs, genetic lore, If a man tracing lineage believes Of the garden decor which I own, The biologist, Hermann Van Katsch, A geneticist working in Queens A nine-thousand-year-old homesteader The genetic scientists now say My blood simply isn't transfusible, A dusky young maiden named June By Cetacean sperm donation, At livescience.com I have sighted The Geneticist Algernon Hall, (Daleks - arch baddies from sci-fi, Dr Who)
The offspring amazingly scotches All this uproar about cloning's perceived Her mom was an Alberta Cree.
To deserve an Economist or two?
We'd be better sans any;
Instead we got many.
No wonder the economy's askew.
--- Robley E George
With shoes covering part of his feet:
"The Safety Net's a joke,
For all who are broke.
Now me, I just sleep in the street."
--- Robley E George
They'll ufge us to go out and buy;
Consumption is IN!
Not buying's a sin!
We can turn things around if we try!
--- John Miller
That money will serve as the seed
For the rest of this session
Of evil recession.
(Exhortaions you surely must heed!"
--- John Miller
Will replay and replay and replay;
Let the shopkeeper earn,
Then he will, in turn,
Spend that money the very next day.
--- John Miller
The money will move throught the chain,
Getting lazy young slobs
All working at jobs,
Who in turn will spend money again.
--- John Miller
If you smash in the window or door,
The same flow of cash
Will result from the bash
As the sale, and an awful lot more!
--- John Miller
No doubt they'll be paid overtime!
And the hungry street sweepers,
Adjusters with beepers,
And lawyers and other such slime.
--- John Miller
In a moment I'm going outside
With a brick in my hand,
To (You understand)
Fight back a stock market slide.
--- John Miller
Leads to national indignation.
If leaders so choose,
Economic blues
Result in indigo-nation.
--- Daniel Ford
But bills going up, says the wife,
"I know that our nation
Is into STAGFLATION,
And sure to bring worry and strife."
--- Chris Papa
My life isn't doing so well.
My doctor says travel
Would help me unravel,
But I'm sentenced to life in this cell.
--- Steve Hardison
Tell me if this sounds good to you.
What I propose is
We start a mitosis,
And split this damn cell right in two!
--- Steve Hardison
With unlimited wonders to spawn.
For the millions who die
May yet still testify
In the courtroom long after they've gone.
--- J Maynard Kaplan
Fell in love with some fossilized bones.
He believes in free love
And my heavens above,
You should see the collection he owns!
--- Neal Wilgus P8304
My race's ancestors were there.
An ape scratched his chin
With an air of chagrin,
After grinning a while at his heir.
--- Laurence Perrine P8408
"Something's wrong, I'm calling a foul.
I'm telling you,
It can't be true,
If it is, I'll throw in my towel.
--- Anon
Who had polkadots on her fanny.
If you got in her genes,
You'd find what it means --
She inherited spots from her Granny.
--- Neal Wilgus P8208A
The biggie in Orwellian folklore.
We worried and fussed,
But so far it's a bust;
'Bout the same as all years heretofore.
--- June Sullivan P8411
In April our taxes came due,
The hopeful politicians
Still vie for positions,
And the swallows arrived right on cue.
--- June Sullivan P8411
It's human anatomy that I'd rearrange.
By snipping DNA
The geneticists may
Make us more utile, but I hope not too strange.
--- June Sullivan P8411
Is our architecture really so fine?
I think a third arm
Wouldn't do any harm,
And I'd get good use out of mine.
--- June Sullivan P8411
Let's give sex a more central location.
A strong tail would be neat
To form a three-cornered seat
With the legs. At S.R.O, a sensation.
--- June Sullivan P8411
Of all hair and the nails on the toes.
And I'd build a pocket
Below each arm socket,
And put a hook where we now have a nose.
--- June Sullivan P8411
Near the pocket with Kleenex is best.
A Swiss army knife would become
An improved left thumb,
And a built-in strobe light -- center breast.
--- June Sullivan P8411
He'd be sewing all day and all night
To create a nose slit,
Make a third sleeve to fit,
A tail hole and a flap over the light.
--- June Sullivan P8411
We may have them by two two ought eight.
But alas, this poor bod
Will be under the sod.
By then I'll be known as "the late....
--- June Sullivan P8411
The lions become less ferocious.
Chromosomes go berserk
And through a strange quirk,
The lions are merely precocious.
--- Al Willis TP9804
In this GRC run by Steve Coombs.
What else could I think
When the bloody wine's pink,
And the ladies all have separate rooms.
--- Gordon Confeerence
Tore "The Racing Form" into small wads
As a feed for his rooster,
A genetic sperm booster,
And now all his chickens lay odds.
--- Don Moore P9403a
Pricked his finger while dialing the phone,
A mistake he'd regret,
When years later he met
His own illegitimate clone.
--- Cyber Geezer
If it were, 'twould be totally keen.
Conception by proxy;
It sounds kind of foxy;
Could be the start of a "new scene".
--- Cheryl
There are articles writ by the dozen.
The geneticists say
It's really O.K.
If a guy wants to marry his cousin.
--- Anon
This is file zzl
Puzzled out what makes DNA tick;
It's just like spiral stairs
With the bases in pairs.
How on Earth did God think of that trick.
--- P Chernoff
A wonderful challenge to those
Who would like to grow beans,
Producing proteins
That can cure anyone's runny nose.
--- Norm Storer P9912
For beasts of each shape and each size.
It now seems so clear:
The Mitochondria
Are why humans dangle their Y's.
--- Stuart Barrow
Deposition: Negation Astray,
Didn't Neck Anywhere?,
Dress Narrating Affair!
Four new ways to decode DNA.
--- Anon
"Is inherited sometimes -- which means
That researchers now know
And they have proof to show
That it frequently runs in your genes."
--- A N Wilkins P8403
Is a warning to all those who err.
Your kids' DNA
Will forever betray
Their ancestry. Sinners beware!
--- Mervyn Cripps a
Nearly twins with the fine chimpanzee --
A terrible blow
To the chimps that I know;
From this stigma, they'll never be free.
--- John Miller
Than mine, but I still could have crowned her;
She sent away
Some fresh DNA,
And found out our chimp family founder.
--- John Miller
I am me and not some other guy.
I reflect now and then
On just what might have been;
But for the DNA, there go I.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0410
Junior was a clone of "Dad" Murphy.
Both moved with a sidle
And were shiftless, bone idle.
DNA falls not far from the tree.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0508
Acid is quite algebraic;
Thymine, adenine,
Guanine, cytosine;
Bond together in one big mosaic.
--- Stephanie Martin
Are life's reproduction machines,
And are programmed, like guys,
When their helices rise,
To find ways to get into girls' genes.
--- Hugh Clary
Whose project she wanted to last her,
Took an idea complex,
Aimed at changing the sex
Of Drosophila Melanogaster.
--- Don Homuth
I think Petal's related to me.
She's my grand daddy's mis-
Tress's daughter's son's sis-
Ter, Oh how can this possibly be...
--- Peter Wilkins
Ain't his. (Though I don't know a quarter
Of what he did when
Or with whom in his den;
But with what, I can guess; he'd not oughta.)
--- Peter Wilkins
Loved grand daddy's cousin who kissed her.
This cousin's young brother's
Aunt's grand daughters's mother's
Young sister had offspring, a mister.
--- Peter Wilkins
Was led like a lamb to the slaughter,
By grand daddy's mother's
Young sister's son's brothers's
Son down to the den where he taught her...
--- Peter Wilkins
Got up to with great uncle's brother.
Their son had a sister;
It looks like I've kisssed her
And more! Yes, she's Petal, none other.
--- Peter Wilkins
And your cartilage goes with a splat,
I'll fix your bum knee
With the cause of its plea:
I'll use stem cells derived from your fat.
--- Arthur Deex P0408
DNA tests matching some more;
Brother to brother,
Same as each other,
Now they can fight a civil war.
--- Anon
That no royal blood flows, then he grieves.
But I do not despair
For I'm fully aware
That my forebearers were untitled thieves.
--- Albin Chaplin
My choice pieces I do sometimes loan.
And then most recently
I showed for all to see,
The quite newly discovered G. Gnome.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0800
A novel idea did hatch.
He would transplant the gene
Which cause scratching obscene,
To a place much more decent to scratch.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2142
With impressive statistical means,
Has established quite madly
That most fellows, sadly,
Are shaped by wee things in their genes.
--- David A Brooks Q
Was so dead, he couldn't be deader.
Yet they're able to say
From his bones' DNA
That his genes are still rampant in Cheddar.
--- Mesterton-Gibbons MG9703
Jews and Arabs match DNA.
Both are burning the wire
To see if thy can hire
The lawyers who defended O.J.
--- Anon
You may not believe it's excusable,
But because of a gene
It is yellowish green,
And green is not healthy or useable.
--- Limber Limericks
Lived deep in the South, in Calhoun;
When asked, "Are you white,
Or the color of night?"
She said, "I am half macaroon."
--- Limber Limericks
A human hybridization
Will soon be for sale;
Half person, half whale!
At every SeaWorld location.
--- David Miller
A news item that got me frighted.
They've turned sperm into eggs,
Thus reversing the sex;
Can men so be hermaphrodited?
--- Dirruk
Takes eggs from Davina McCall,
And then the smart alec
Adds sperm from a Dalek,
And waits to see what will befall.
--- Tiddy Ogg
The rumor that these things are botches;
The thing that's unfurled
Will take over the world,
And do so while nobody watches.
--- Tiddy Ogg
As reaction to tenets believed.
Only nature should do
Procreation by two.
Variation is just ill-conceived.
--- Limerick Man T9801a
Her dad was a heathen Chinee.
For her genes she got
The worst of the lot.
That's why they call her Ugh Lee.
--- Larry Davis P9212
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