The air-headed lady named Rose
Forgot to remove panty hose,
So when she made love,
Fabric pulled from above,
And caused her to wiggle her toes.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0608

"If it weren't against morals and creed,"
Said Lord Peter, "my darling, indeed
I would sure tie you down.
All this moving around
Feels like fucking a squirrel on speed."
--- Ulla

Said a cheerful young woman of Gratz,
Who made love on the flimsiest cots,
"With the final hup-hup,
The whole thing folds up,
And it's fun to end tied up in knots."
--- Isaac Asimov

A young engineer at York,
Said, "When you arrive at the fork,
Don't veer right or left,
Go straight up the cleft,
With a touch of rotational torque."
--- Harold C Bibby

Said a verbal young man from New York,
To his girl while inserting his dork:
"I prefer you askew
As we chat while we screw,
So I'd welcome some feminine torque."
--- Playboy Mag J F O'Conner

Said John, "In my recent attacking,
Variety seems to be lacking.
Let's drop on the bed,
From the lamps overhead,
And however we land, let's get cracking."
--- Isaac Asimov

The debutante sought to get rid
Of the love-sick emotional kid.
In a tantrum one day,
To drive him away
She said, "Kiss my ass and he did!"
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0510Q

At that junction the tables were turned;
His attention was no longer spurned.
He heard what she said;
Turned her over instead,
And made sure that the favor's returned
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0510Q

So wild was the lady of Bruce,
They tied her ass down with a noose.
Then a cowboy named Scott
Shoved his cock in her twat,
And proceeded to cut the bonds loose.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0658

There's a dandy named David in Divot
Supernaturally built with a pivot...
In the midst of a lay,
He can twist every way...
It's so crazy few babes will forgive it.
--- Grand Prix Lim 251

There once was a fellow named Mitch
Who learned how to make his dick twitch.
Because the right twitching
Could stop his wife's bitching,
Having scratched her particular itch.
--- MrMalo a

Venus Butterfly, learn the technique;
With your fingers, you'll make her freak.
Watch her buck, moan and grind,
While you're blowing her mind;
Make her pass out from getting so weak.
--- Anon

A baldheaded man who's named Hammer,
Had a t-t-t-terrible stammer.
But his girl didn't care,
'Cause he'd go like a hare,
When he'd wh-wh-wh-wham, thank you ma'am her.
--- Pierce Evans

Doctor Kupid, home-based in Vancouver,
A technician of sex, an improver,
Has corrected the ride,
Hip to hip, side by side,
So you can't tell who's moved, who's the mover.
--- Armand Singer

Air bed for my wife I have bought;
A verse needed to share it in thought.
So please lend a hand;
Any verse would be grand.
Alas, your pay will be naught.
--- Jeanie

Well, the man and his wife are a pair;
He treats her with the utmost care.
He does not want a rift,
So he gave her a gift.
Tonight, they'll be fucking on air.
--- Jeanie

There's a pretty young lady named Sark,
Afraid to get laid in the dark.
But she's often manhandled
But the light of a candle,
In the bushes of Gramercy Park.
--- L1345

The backhoe's a versatile tool
For trenching or digging a pool.
But for screwing some gal,
Even horny old Sal,
A slip could be overly cruel.
--- Anon P0112

I'm bathing in oil -- care to join me?
While I'm slippery, greasy, and oily.
I could slide 'cross the floor,
Maybe right out the door,
But for God's sake, dont' try to foil me.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

Said the Victrola salesman going pink,
This product's a wind-up, I think.
Until they invent electricity,
It's our only facility;
This big horn will make the girls wink.
--- Anon

I hear Peter's losing his grip
(If he's floss-sized, that is no hardship)
But with lace or black leather,
We could work together,
And into some shape, we'd him whip...
--- Ericka

But corporal punishment ain't
Quite as good as old-fashioned restraint.
I prefer to be thrust
Into harness of lust;
Just the very idea makes me faint.
--- Peter Wilkins

Black leather and lace are OK
But the whips? You can put them away.
And I wouldn't resist
If you handcuffed my wrist
To the bedpost and left me all day
--- Peter Wilkins

If you really believe that my cock
Is for flossing, you're in for a shock.
The harder you cuff
Me, you'll find soon enough
That I've eight or nine inches of rock.
--- Peter Wilkins

So how's about getting together;
You, dressed in black nylon and leather.
Me, tied to the bed
With you giving me head,
Till I'm nearing the end of my tether.
--- Peter Wilkins

Said the careful Viscountess of Raleigh,
"In this weather it's simply a folly
For a young English lass
To get laid in the grass,
Without good rubber boots and a brolly." (umbrella)
--- Armand E Singer 142

"Hey Beth, that's quite funny! You wag!
Our bodies in bubble wrap we'll lag.
There will be lots of popping
When I shove my whopping
Prick in your twat, while we shag!"
--- Rick O'Shay

No accounting for taste, but to shag
That Beth, who's an ugly old hag,
Forget 'bout the bubbles
And lose all your troubles,
But first put her head in a bag.
--- Tiddy Ogg

There's a frigid young lady of Smyrna
Who will not be turned on, so to turn her,
An importunate squire
Almost set her on fire
By inserting a large bunsen burner.
--- Hugh Oliver A038B

You've been bad, old grouch Ebenezer!
You'll never be able to squeeze her.
Every penny you pinch,
Buys some sex toys, you Grinch!
So that now you'll be able to please her.
--- Annie Mae Hentai T9712

A full-armored knight screwed Miss Keyser;
She said that this did not surprise her,
For his act was well-meant,
But he was not a gent,
For he failed to uncover his visor.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0716

In cold truth, I just can't escape;
My finances are in bad shape.
Viagra's run short
And I've had to resort
To popsicle sticks and duct tape.
--- Observer

But so far I've had no complaint,
Nor suffered from undue constraint,
Although truth be known,
At time I am prone
To feel just a little to faint!
--- Observer

This is file ylm

I can see no ingernal obstruction
To near-future noctural seduction.
Let your lover apply
A good "hot lips" supply,
A sweet vacuum, of genital suction.
--- Ward Hardman

Find a maiden fair, bright, and still young,
On your mate-questing journey far-flung.
Tell her you're a Druid
Who'll squirt sacred fluid
In white arabesques on her tongue.
--- Ward Hardman

The hot slippery seed you disgorge,
She can thirstily right then engorge,
Then she'll hand you her teat
Saying "Bon appetit!"
And quite soon a fine love you will forge.
--- Ward Hardman

While curled up under the duvet,
Olga murmured, "Hmm, this is groovy.
A limerick with a blanket
Meant that I could just wank it,
But no restrictions on duvet this new way.
--- FCA

There was a young lady named Hall
Who dated a shoemaker Paul.
His last she got first,
With his tongue interspersed,
And the heel finished off with his awl.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0706

The coveted Duchess Award
Was won by a man who was bored,
And he sharpened his teeth,
Ate a whore underneath,
Then he finished her off with his sword.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2850

"Is it true that you frolic in Jello?"
My fat ugly boss used to bellow.
If he tries any tricks,
Or gelatinous licks,
I'll cut the balls off that fat fellow.
--- Sweet Young Thang

Is it true that you frolic in Jello?
It's far better to find a young fellow.
Certainly it's true,
They're much firmer, too,
And you don't have to scrub off the yellow!
--- Ginger Lee Innbed

No, although Mary has said
That a mere surface grinding by Fred
Leaves her unsatisfied,
So she'd like to be tried
By a vertical grinder instead.
--- Anon

"Where's Mary?" asked Fred, "I can't find 'er."
"At Tom's," said his friend, "since he's kinder;
It's none of my biz,
But Mary likes his
Reciprocal grinder behind 'er!"
--- Anon

A Cylindrical Grinder named Mark,
With his tool went in search of a spark.
He wanted a snug,
Tight fit for his plug,
Which he found in his old buddy Clark.
--- Anon

The repose that enclosed Alabama
Was disturbed by the ear-splitting clamor
Of a maid being laid,
With the violent aid
Of a hit on the clit with a hammer.
--- Hugh Oliver A011A

In the summer, a woman, Roseanne
Really sweats when she's humping her man.
But she isn't a fool,
For she keeps herself cool
Just by fucking in front of a fan.
--- Cap'n Bean

A fortnight ago I had Jean
In her old man's washing machine.
As we copulated,
We were agitated,
But came out in the rinse nice and clean.
--- David Miller

Is it true that you frolic with Jello?
Applying it by use of a bellow?
You must understand,
It might feel quite grand,
But this nonsense must stop, my good fellow!
--- Oxymorongal

"Is it true that you frolic with Jello?"
"Yes, I am that same kinky fellow.
Why would I hide it?
If you've never tried it -
You've never really been mellow."
--- Ogden Nield

A girl from the small isle of Easter
Attracted him, with her cute keester.
He could not penetrate
This potential mate,
Until he got wise and then greased her.
--- Tom Patton P9602

There was a young man of Calcutta,
Who was heard in his beard to mutter,
"If her Bartholin glands
Don't respond to my hands,
I'm afraid I shall have to use butter."
--- L0015

There once was a shepherd from Wheeling,
Whose sheep gave him a special feeling.
To elevate this love,
To the heavens above,
He put mirrors on the bedroom ceiling.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

This lurker referred to as Judah,
Broke into my house, an intrudah!
She wasn't that gentle,
But knew tricks oriental,
So I got my sex toys and I screwed ah.
--- TuttaGioia

Dynamite, some duct tape and a wok;
Halloween mask, a key and a lock;
Be creative, I say,
For this Valentine's day;
Don't be logical like Mr. Spock.
--- Anon

There was an old dame of Fort Pierce
Whose sexual jollies were fierce,
Appertaining to guys
With some kinky supplies,
That would never be offered at Sears.
--- Keith MacMillan A034C

There was a wise hooker named Mary
Whose truck filled with sex aids was scary;
Devices from Boston,
From Frisco, from Austin,
From Newport to old Tucumcari.
--- Armand E Singer 674

An old window washer named Luigi
Was screwing a lady from Figi.
When she started to sweat,
He said, "Hold it, my pet,"
And squished off the sweat with his squeegee.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024 G0646

Old camp beds are dangerous things
For romantic and passionate flings,
'Cause they tend to fold up
With a snap as you tup,
And your bollocks get caught in the springs.
--- Anon

Well, I wonder, what can you expe't
From a bed old and camp just like thet?
If one reaches that age
And the desparate stage,
All the same, they just take what they'll get.
--- Anon

I used to go camping, oh yes;
In shorts and a woggle, no less.
The latter I'd wiggle
At Brownies, who'd giggle
But secretly want one I guess.
--- Anon

One day at a jamboree camp
In the light of a flickering lamp
Young Sue all a-goggle
Said, "Gimme yer woggle;
My pussy's all soggy and damp."
--- Anon

And honestly what could I say?
I did my good deed for the day.
If only I knew
What the camp-bed would do
I'd have told her, "Dear Susie, no way."
--- Anon

For just as I had her unskirted,
Before I'd a chance to insert it
My bollocks got trapped
In the springs as they snapped
And the whole bloody camp-bed inverted.
--- Anon

There was an old Scot named MacDilts
Whose girl stood high over his kilts.
This girl was too tall
And his bed was too small
So he screwed her while standing on stilts.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0726

In Key West a man named Mac Dilts
Was having his bride 'neath the quilts.
A big hurricane blew
And the ocean washed through,
So he finished her off while on stilts.
--- Albin Chaplin

There's a certain young cockster named Sam
Who prefers humping girls on the lam(b) --
Not poor runaways;
Girls merit his praise
On the fleece of some son of a ram.
--- Armand E Singer 635

Try a little bit of peanut butter,
Smear it all over his putter --
Add a little grape jelly,
(Don't drip it on his belly!)
Just see if that won't make him splutter!
--- Anon