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The air-headed lady named Rose "If it weren't against morals and creed," Said a cheerful young woman of Gratz, A young engineer at York, Said a verbal young man from New York, Said John, "In my recent attacking, The debutante sought to get rid At that junction the tables were turned; So wild was the lady of Bruce, There's a dandy named David in Divot There once was a fellow named Mitch Venus Butterfly, learn the technique; A baldheaded man who's named Hammer, Doctor Kupid, home-based in Vancouver, Air bed for my wife I have bought; Well, the man and his wife are a pair; There's a pretty young lady named Sark, The backhoe's a versatile tool I'm bathing in oil -- care to join me? Said the Victrola salesman going pink, I hear Peter's losing his grip But corporal punishment ain't Black leather and lace are OK If you really believe that my cock So how's about getting together; Said the careful Viscountess of Raleigh, "Hey Beth, that's quite funny! You wag! No accounting for taste, but to shag There's a frigid young lady of Smyrna You've been bad, old grouch Ebenezer! A full-armored knight screwed Miss Keyser; In cold truth, I just can't escape; But so far I've had no complaint, I can see no ingernal obstruction Find a maiden fair, bright, and still young, The hot slippery seed you disgorge, While curled up under the duvet, There was a young lady named Hall The coveted Duchess Award "Is it true that you frolic in Jello?" Is it true that you frolic in Jello? No, although Mary has said "Where's Mary?" asked Fred, "I can't find 'er." A Cylindrical Grinder named Mark, The repose that enclosed Alabama In the summer, a woman, Roseanne A fortnight ago I had Jean Is it true that you frolic with Jello? "Is it true that you frolic with Jello?" A girl from the small isle of Easter There was a young man of Calcutta, There once was a shepherd from Wheeling, This lurker referred to as Judah, Dynamite, some duct tape and a wok; There was an old dame of Fort Pierce There was a wise hooker named Mary An old window washer named Luigi Old camp beds are dangerous things Well, I wonder, what can you expe't I used to go camping, oh yes; One day at a jamboree camp And honestly what could I say? For just as I had her unskirted, There was an old Scot named MacDilts In Key West a man named Mac Dilts There's a certain young cockster named Sam Try a little bit of peanut butter,
Forgot to remove panty hose,
So when she made love,
Fabric pulled from above,
And caused her to wiggle her toes.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0608
Said Lord Peter, "my darling, indeed
I would sure tie you down.
All this moving around
Feels like fucking a squirrel on speed."
--- Ulla
Who made love on the flimsiest cots,
"With the final hup-hup,
The whole thing folds up,
And it's fun to end tied up in knots."
--- Isaac Asimov
Said, "When you arrive at the fork,
Don't veer right or left,
Go straight up the cleft,
With a touch of rotational torque."
--- Harold C Bibby
To his girl while inserting his dork:
"I prefer you askew
As we chat while we screw,
So I'd welcome some feminine torque."
--- Playboy Mag J F O'Conner
Variety seems to be lacking.
Let's drop on the bed,
From the lamps overhead,
And however we land, let's get cracking."
--- Isaac Asimov
Of the love-sick emotional kid.
In a tantrum one day,
To drive him away
She said, "Kiss my ass and he did!"
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0510Q
His attention was no longer spurned.
He heard what she said;
Turned her over instead,
And made sure that the favor's returned
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0510Q
They tied her ass down with a noose.
Then a cowboy named Scott
Shoved his cock in her twat,
And proceeded to cut the bonds loose.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0658
Supernaturally built with a pivot...
In the midst of a lay,
He can twist every way...
It's so crazy few babes will forgive it.
--- Grand Prix Lim 251
Who learned how to make his dick twitch.
Because the right twitching
Could stop his wife's bitching,
Having scratched her particular itch.
--- MrMalo a
With your fingers, you'll make her freak.
Watch her buck, moan and grind,
While you're blowing her mind;
Make her pass out from getting so weak.
--- Anon
Had a t-t-t-terrible stammer.
But his girl didn't care,
'Cause he'd go like a hare,
When he'd wh-wh-wh-wham, thank you ma'am her.
--- Pierce Evans
A technician of sex, an improver,
Has corrected the ride,
Hip to hip, side by side,
So you can't tell who's moved, who's the mover.
--- Armand Singer
A verse needed to share it in thought.
So please lend a hand;
Any verse would be grand.
Alas, your pay will be naught.
--- Jeanie
He treats her with the utmost care.
He does not want a rift,
So he gave her a gift.
Tonight, they'll be fucking on air.
--- Jeanie
Afraid to get laid in the dark.
But she's often manhandled
But the light of a candle,
In the bushes of Gramercy Park.
--- L1345
For trenching or digging a pool.
But for screwing some gal,
Even horny old Sal,
A slip could be overly cruel.
--- Anon P0112
While I'm slippery, greasy, and oily.
I could slide 'cross the floor,
Maybe right out the door,
But for God's sake, dont' try to foil me.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
This product's a wind-up, I think.
Until they invent electricity,
It's our only facility;
This big horn will make the girls wink.
--- Anon
(If he's floss-sized, that is no hardship)
But with lace or black leather,
We could work together,
And into some shape, we'd him whip...
--- Ericka
Quite as good as old-fashioned restraint.
I prefer to be thrust
Into harness of lust;
Just the very idea makes me faint.
--- Peter Wilkins
But the whips? You can put them away.
And I wouldn't resist
If you handcuffed my wrist
To the bedpost and left me all day
--- Peter Wilkins
Is for flossing, you're in for a shock.
The harder you cuff
Me, you'll find soon enough
That I've eight or nine inches of rock.
--- Peter Wilkins
You, dressed in black nylon and leather.
Me, tied to the bed
With you giving me head,
Till I'm nearing the end of my tether.
--- Peter Wilkins
"In this weather it's simply a folly
For a young English lass
To get laid in the grass,
Without good rubber boots and a brolly." (umbrella)
--- Armand E Singer 142
Our bodies in bubble wrap we'll lag.
There will be lots of popping
When I shove my whopping
Prick in your twat, while we shag!"
--- Rick O'Shay
That Beth, who's an ugly old hag,
Forget 'bout the bubbles
And lose all your troubles,
But first put her head in a bag.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Who will not be turned on, so to turn her,
An importunate squire
Almost set her on fire
By inserting a large bunsen burner.
--- Hugh Oliver A038B
You'll never be able to squeeze her.
Every penny you pinch,
Buys some sex toys, you Grinch!
So that now you'll be able to please her.
--- Annie Mae Hentai T9712
She said that this did not surprise her,
For his act was well-meant,
But he was not a gent,
For he failed to uncover his visor.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0716
My finances are in bad shape.
Viagra's run short
And I've had to resort
To popsicle sticks and duct tape.
--- Observer
Nor suffered from undue constraint,
Although truth be known,
At time I am prone
To feel just a little to faint!
--- Observer
This is file ylm
To near-future noctural seduction.
Let your lover apply
A good "hot lips" supply,
A sweet vacuum, of genital suction.
--- Ward Hardman
On your mate-questing journey far-flung.
Tell her you're a Druid
Who'll squirt sacred fluid
In white arabesques on her tongue.
--- Ward Hardman
She can thirstily right then engorge,
Then she'll hand you her teat
Saying "Bon appetit!"
And quite soon a fine love you will forge.
--- Ward Hardman
Olga murmured, "Hmm, this is groovy.
A limerick with a blanket
Meant that I could just wank it,
But no restrictions on duvet this new way.
--- FCA
Who dated a shoemaker Paul.
His last she got first,
With his tongue interspersed,
And the heel finished off with his awl.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0706
Was won by a man who was bored,
And he sharpened his teeth,
Ate a whore underneath,
Then he finished her off with his sword.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2850
My fat ugly boss used to bellow.
If he tries any tricks,
Or gelatinous licks,
I'll cut the balls off that fat fellow.
--- Sweet Young Thang
It's far better to find a young fellow.
Certainly it's true,
They're much firmer, too,
And you don't have to scrub off the yellow!
--- Ginger Lee Innbed
That a mere surface grinding by Fred
Leaves her unsatisfied,
So she'd like to be tried
By a vertical grinder instead.
--- Anon
"At Tom's," said his friend, "since he's kinder;
It's none of my biz,
But Mary likes his
Reciprocal grinder behind 'er!"
--- Anon
With his tool went in search of a spark.
He wanted a snug,
Tight fit for his plug,
Which he found in his old buddy Clark.
--- Anon
Was disturbed by the ear-splitting clamor
Of a maid being laid,
With the violent aid
Of a hit on the clit with a hammer.
--- Hugh Oliver A011A
Really sweats when she's humping her man.
But she isn't a fool,
For she keeps herself cool
Just by fucking in front of a fan.
--- Cap'n Bean
In her old man's washing machine.
As we copulated,
We were agitated,
But came out in the rinse nice and clean.
--- David Miller
Applying it by use of a bellow?
You must understand,
It might feel quite grand,
But this nonsense must stop, my good fellow!
--- Oxymorongal
"Yes, I am that same kinky fellow.
Why would I hide it?
If you've never tried it -
You've never really been mellow."
--- Ogden Nield
Attracted him, with her cute keester.
He could not penetrate
This potential mate,
Until he got wise and then greased her.
--- Tom Patton P9602
Who was heard in his beard to mutter,
"If her Bartholin glands
Don't respond to my hands,
I'm afraid I shall have to use butter."
--- L0015
Whose sheep gave him a special feeling.
To elevate this love,
To the heavens above,
He put mirrors on the bedroom ceiling.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Broke into my house, an intrudah!
She wasn't that gentle,
But knew tricks oriental,
So I got my sex toys and I screwed ah.
--- TuttaGioia
Halloween mask, a key and a lock;
Be creative, I say,
For this Valentine's day;
Don't be logical like Mr. Spock.
--- Anon
Whose sexual jollies were fierce,
Appertaining to guys
With some kinky supplies,
That would never be offered at Sears.
--- Keith MacMillan A034C
Whose truck filled with sex aids was scary;
Devices from Boston,
From Frisco, from Austin,
From Newport to old Tucumcari.
--- Armand E Singer 674
Was screwing a lady from Figi.
When she started to sweat,
He said, "Hold it, my pet,"
And squished off the sweat with his squeegee.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024 G0646
For romantic and passionate flings,
'Cause they tend to fold up
With a snap as you tup,
And your bollocks get caught in the springs.
--- Anon
From a bed old and camp just like thet?
If one reaches that age
And the desparate stage,
All the same, they just take what they'll get.
--- Anon
In shorts and a woggle, no less.
The latter I'd wiggle
At Brownies, who'd giggle
But secretly want one I guess.
--- Anon
In the light of a flickering lamp
Young Sue all a-goggle
Said, "Gimme yer woggle;
My pussy's all soggy and damp."
--- Anon
I did my good deed for the day.
If only I knew
What the camp-bed would do
I'd have told her, "Dear Susie, no way."
--- Anon
Before I'd a chance to insert it
My bollocks got trapped
In the springs as they snapped
And the whole bloody camp-bed inverted.
--- Anon
Whose girl stood high over his kilts.
This girl was too tall
And his bed was too small
So he screwed her while standing on stilts.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0726
Was having his bride 'neath the quilts.
A big hurricane blew
And the ocean washed through,
So he finished her off while on stilts.
--- Albin Chaplin
Who prefers humping girls on the lam(b) --
Not poor runaways;
Girls merit his praise
On the fleece of some son of a ram.
--- Armand E Singer 635
Smear it all over his putter --
Add a little grape jelly,
(Don't drip it on his belly!)
Just see if that won't make him splutter!
--- Anon
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