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The Aztec God known as Choc_Muul God surveyed the third rock from the Sun, "For years," claimed St. Peter Chanel, As I slide down through life's long morass, There was a kind woman named Sue The idols bowed down to by Incas A graduate at M.I.T. When accusing the Lord, I have fears, His priests claim that old Zoroaster Jehovah grew madder and madder, Said the Lord, "I do not often get A girl with a lovely big apple Balaam cried to the Lord, "Oh alas! "I am, my dear Lord, a believer! God toiled very hard I should say, It appeared that a waiter named Fry A little boy, puzzled at heart, If it's quiet, God's taking a nap. Said the being that we know as Yahweh, God's first tries were hardly ideal! In the mud a young fellow at play, There was an Old Man of the Void As I slept, came a message from God: Nietzsche one said, "God is dead!" There is a creator named God God always comes out the winner, "The Lord with His marvelous plan A brave witness to Holy Jehovah Jehovah, no voluptuary, Can't find the Lord's weight, so I pray The Lord spake to Moses one day I wonder what made God decide While pulling his plonker one night, There was an old Bishop whose tort There was an Old Man with a beard, With proscriptions Jehovah's not shy, When you think of it, God is no dope. I hear all of you, but I swear, All-powerful, I, and all-seeing; When God made his prototype man, Now get thee behind me please, Satan, A rather extreme vegetarian God tortured Job on a bet, With Original Sin, the old Fox There once was a fellow called God In the dawn of Creation that morning, The brightest star in the night sky, In gods, what's the purpose of gender? Though created by God from the sod, While using his sexual power, A retiring old Spinster named Grace I trust you will not come unglued, Said God, who was feeling quite bored, Every Father's Day served as a prod "Of geeks, nerds, and quacks, I'll have none," The Lord said - "Ted is so necromanic, There was a young girl of Cape Cod The bugger, the bastard, the sod!
There was a young girl from Gibraltar, I see God as an much older guy, A testy creator named God At the first we're told only that God Limericks are made by fools like I, One Sunday, big G said with mirth, For five and a half days he sweated, It's now Friday, late afternoon, He thus broke the rule that is golden,
Told the High Priest he had but one rule:
If a peon should fart,
You must tear out his heart.
(And in Mexico farts are real cool).
--- Theo Heller P9303
And thought, "Me! Look what I've done!
I'll make Hell and damnation
My next innovation!
(But Lucifer will have all the fun!)
--- William N Nesbit P9902
"The Trinity held up quite well,
But finally so bored
With John Knox and his horde,
The Godhead took refuge in Hell."
--- A N Wilkins P8706
I thank God for the good times that pass,
And hope in the end
Tweezers he'll extend,
To pick the splinters from my ass.
--- Anon
Who would cry for an hour in the loo,
Thinking hard about Jesus
And children's diseases,
And God and His uncaring crew.
--- David A Brooks
Were not the most positive thinkers.
Virgins, A-Raters
To feed alligators?
The unthinking Incas were stinkers.
--- Theo Heller P9303
Is guilty of impiety --
Making mystical sign,
Changing water to wine,
And saying he's God al-MIT.
--- Hugh Oliver A129C
'Twill be met by people, with jeers,
However, THIS is a time,
And the most blatant of crime,
He's put nothing at all 'tween your ears.
--- Anon
Had done what a god could to master
His anger that Nietzche
Had used for a feature
Of that book which he thought a disaster.
--- A N Wilkins P9303
The snake became sadder and sadder.
"DON'T YOU KNOW, SNAKE, THAT I
WISH THAT YOU'D MULTIPLY?"
"I can't, Sir, for I am an adder."
--- John Dohner P8807a
Down to Earth, because once on a bet
I had an affair
With a Jewish girl there,
And they're talking about it all yet."
--- A N Wilkins P0211a
Went wandering into a chapel.
She started to munch;
God said, "That your lunch?"
She said, "No, God, just filling a gapple."
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada
No more words from You now come to pass.
Have you naught to impart
Through my mind or my heart?"
God replied, "No, I speak through thine ass."
--- Graham Lester
For dishing out Adam a cleaver,
All praise! But you score
Allelujahs galore
For supplying sweet Eve with a beaver!"
--- Anon
And measured out chunks of the day
Into 24 hours,
But exhausted of powers,
Said, "I'm knackered, let's call it a day."
--- Doug Harris
Was not ever likely to die,
For he was still alive
At one hundred and five,
But God finally caught the man's eye.
--- A. N. Wilkins
Said, "Tell me, God, how does life start?
Do you cook it or bake it?
Say, how do you make it?"
God said, "I don't know. It's an art."
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada
If it's rainy, He's an angry chap.
Bird poop is an angel's orgasmic sensation,
And when we get hail, that's an angel's castration,
And if asteroid hits the earth, God is taking a crap!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
"I've great but not infinite po-weh.
But I speak not in jest;
This world's only a test,
And the final's in less than an hou-weh.
--- P Chernoff
Complex worlds, they have no appeal.
So in the present edition,
He made things Hermitian,
And this world, it seems, is quite real.
--- David Morin
Molded Adam and Eve one fine day,
Then with nothing to do
He created the screw
Just by fucking around with some clay.
--- Al Chaplin P0302
Who said, "I grow bored and annoyed;
I'll create Me a planet,
Then I shall man it--
I am tired of speaking unhoid."
--- Don Benson P9204
"Go forth now and wield thy great rod;
Defile every virgin,
(Like I needed urgin'!)
"The Beast then can't find such a bod!"
--- John Miller
God said, "You little fat head!
We'll see about that,
You ubermensch brat!"
Now Fred's in a box lined with lead.
--- Professor
Whose doings are sometines quite odd.
He made a painter named Val,
And I say, and I shall,
That he does no great credit to God.
--- James M Whistler
Doing things that would make me a sinner.
He got Mary, they say,
In a big family way,
Without even flowers or dinner.
--- Steve Holst
Made the world in six days," observed Stan,
"Because under our sun
Such things could be done
Before labor unions began."
--- A N Wilkins P8608
Once waived, on the A2 near Dover,
Some odd little tracts that
Got shredded. The fact's that
Jehovah forgot to shout, "Rover!"
--- David A Brooks
Was not given to fleshy vagary,
But having no wife,
At least once in his life,
He clearly enjoyed making merry. (Mary?)
--- A N Wilkins P8511a
And I study the Bible each day.
For I know the Lord giveth
To each human that liveth,
Then he goeth and taketh a weigh.
--- Phil Cannibal P9406a
Through a bush that was burning, they say.
When I claimed the Lord's word
In a beer can I heard,
To the nut house I went straight away.
--- Albin Chaplin P9102a
Girl's pee holes are something to hide.
It's not easy to sit
And massage your clit,
While a man's thing is hanging outside.
--- Bob Birch
Brother Francis was blinded by light;
"Is that you, my dear God?"
He said, swhooting his wad.
"Yes it is, and you've hit me, you shite!"
--- Peter Wilkins
This is file yal
Sued his God for a hideous wart.
The old God took the stand,
He said, "None of it's planned.
I just bounce him around for the sport."
--- Dennis M Hammes
Who said, "I demand to be feared.
Address me as God,
And love me, you sod!"
And man did just that, which is weird.
--- Roger Woddis
Which leads one to wonder just why
Towards sex, He has bent us
With dictum PORTENTOUS:
"Go forth, be fruitful, multiply".
--- Norm brust
He made things to just help us cope.
Among his biggest hits
Are girls with big tits;
And best of all, he gave us Hope.
--- Tom Patton P0310
I've read in the Bible somewhere,
That even Yahweh
On a slow cosmic day,
Likes a Limerick or two, way up there.
--- Joe Long
All-time most unusual being!
All creatures I made;
All-importance displayed.
Then I took all week off and went skiing.
--- Rory Ewins Q
He lost vital parts of the plan.
And unsightly sections,
Like bums and erections,
He ought to improve when he can.
--- Michael Horgan
All week this dumb rock I'm creating.
I've had enough Godding;
Come give me a rodding,
And not just your usual fellating.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Looked down from his summit Bavarian.
He said, "It's not odd
I'm superior to God,
For the latter is not even Aryan."
--- Sagittarius
Just to find out how bad it could get.
And his weird sense of humor
Gave fuel to the rumor,
That He hasn't learned anything yet.
--- Steve Holst
Put the Wheels of Justice on blocks.
Because according to the Bible,
The Manufacturer's not liable
For defects right out of the box.
--- steve Holst
Whom everyone thought rather odd,
Apart from a lady
Called Eileen O'Grady,
Who worshipped the ground that he trod.
--- Michael Palin
I remember I gave you fair warning:
The Arts are but Six!
You add Politics
And the Seven will all die a-bourning.
--- Robert Frost P0504
Provided guide for the magi.
Two millinnium later,
A sign from the Creator;
What does a partial eclipse imply?
--- Election 2000
Did it come in a grand burst of splendor?
Does all Being proceed
From some God-creature's seed,
Or the scum from some God-creature's blender.
--- Anon
Some homophobes think we are odd.
If that is the case,
It is a disgrace;
It reflects rather badly on God.
--- Limericks Naughty & Gay
John saw "The Light", 'neath the church tower.
But wanting to boff,
He then turned it off,
And he saved God one kilowatt hour.
--- David Miller
Said, "Sex is the bane of the race.
In my estimation
For Man's procreation,
God selected too personal a place!"
--- Grand Prix Lim 516
As you slaughter your child for my food;
I'm the Lord God, you see,
So your murders for me,
Are with transcendent virtue imbued.
--- Jehovah
"It's nice to be simply adored,
But I find it quite weird,
That by some I am feared,
And by others, completely ignored."
--- Richard Long
To Joseph, who still thought it odd
And wondered in truth
Whether he in his youth
Had been made a cockhold by God.
--- A N Wilkins P8612
Said God when his work had begun.
"CIA men will do,
When I'm caught in a stew,
But theologians are the most fun!"
--- Ernest Lefever Lib Lim
To probe the dead under her tunic".
When Amanda reached Heaven,
God took her to His Haven,
And humped with desire very manic.
--- Anon
Who thought all babies came from God.
But it wasn't Jehovah (It wasn't the Almighty)
Who turned the girl over, (Who lifted her nightie)
'Twas Roger the dodger, the dirty old codger,
--- L0278
Who was raped as she knelt at the altar.
It really seems odd,
That a virtuous God,
Should answer her prayers and assault her.
--- L0299
Who is quite a bit older than I.
When you get to his place,
He looks in your face,
And waves you ahead with a sigh.
--- Tony Burrell
Created two people from sod.
But when he turned his back,
They went off for a snack,
So he cursed them forever. How odd!
--- Graham Lester
Created all things. It is odd
That there isn't a clue
(And I sure wish I knew)
What he stood on before he made sod!
--- Rob L Staples P0209
But only God can make the sky.
He also made man,
To show that he can,
And women that you can't buy.
--- L Falk
I think I will make me an Earth,
From gravel and rocks,
And, bless my old socks,
I'll cover much over with turf.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Making mountains and lakes, and swamps fetid.
And birds, beasts, and fowl,
Then he wiped with a towel,
His face. Just one more thing, he fretted.
--- Tiddy Ogg
And Mrs G wants him home soon,
So his final creations
With acceleration's
Complete, with no time to fine-tune.
--- Tiddy Ogg
As Rusty or I could have told 'im,
Quality control
On each part and the whole's
Essential when gizmos you're mouldin'.
--- Tiddy Ogg
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