Few things to desire can so prod us, In ancient days Man knelt before A God may well puncture a vein, Said the Irish Jehovah, "Bejabers, And the Welsh God said: "Taffy, please keep The English God murmured "Alas, "'Tis better to give than receive," To an Eskimo living up north A universe ordered by chance, If God exists, then he should The stranger that came to our town And some were slick oak, others bone, "He gives, to the ones He loves, sleep," Could those ancient deities foresee A goddess of old they called Isis The final design God presented, God brought perfect man to fruition, These deities speak words oracular, Every good school student learns If you claim Christ was gay, I won't hear it! Beginning where it all begun, We all hate to get wrinkled and grey, There once was a man who said, "God Dear Sir, Your astonishment's odd. If objects depend on our seeing, Dear Sir, You reason most oddly. The Goddesses of old Indonesia Worshipping calves isn't silly There was an old lady of Sydney If your house isn't ready to show it As humans, we're almost like gods, Our God, some contend, is immutable, "The God is receipt of our prayer",
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The question to me, doth perplex; Since Israelis, though pious, are mod, As the Hindu god Krishna's ambition Today marks the birth of Lord Krishna; Said a gifted young thinker named Bond, Those who say God must be a man, He's created by people who praise Him. With wonder I think of all ills; There was a young man with a rod, Two brothers who lived in a town, Younger Tim went first and was asked Now Clarence, annoyed and knit-browed, Big brother asked why (scared but hid it). Less prayers, if I had my druthers. Religion? Democracy? Where? Said the Lord to his flock, "Never fear. The godsquad says God's underpinning A little old wart, name of Rod, If you'll consider, you'll find Both the Roman Gods Saturn and Ops (Ops - god of the harvest)
The universe cannot be thought, God can't be proved, I won't lie; Of all God's jokes, none is bluer, Not too many will know what his name is, There is a creator named God, Mother Mary was a cute dame, A sweetie once took me with haste. Now we break for an update: In Heaven, I sat down on a bench, slightly faint, The god Siva embodies the plan With the god Siva's amorous glance "After all of this time it is clear There was an old Fellow named God The sun-god of Egypt, Amon,
As much as a plump Hindu goddess,
With eight clinging arms,
And exhuberant charms,
That are not concealed in a bodice.
--- W F N Watson
Whichever god he would adore.
But nowadays we sit
By a tube that is lit
And bow before the icebox door.
--- Irving Superior P9303
But blood, it will never contain.
The ichor within,
Ethereal-thin
Is not lost, and causes no pain.
--- Larry Davis P8511
Go forth, Paddies, love all your neighbors.
Send your girls to the Jocks;
Let them strip to their socks,
And give them some use for their cabers.
--- Tiddy Ogg
The faith, covet not ye the sheep
Of Gwyn and Myfanwy;
Your own flock is handy,
So into your own sheep fold creep."
--- Tiddy Ogg
I told you, don't covet the ass
Of Robinson minor,
But no ass is finer;
Go bugger him now in the grass.
--- Tiddy Ogg
He counseled young Scotsman Steve.
So he gives IOU's
If credit's refused.
He'll nut you, then cash he'll receive.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Declared the Almighty, "Come forth!"
But according to myth,
The poor fellow came fifth,
And occasioned the Almighty's wrath.
--- Hugh Oliver 114a
Is a theory than none can advance,
For its intricate parts
Speak plainly of art;
There's a design in each circumstance.
--- E T Holt
Be all-powerful, knowing, and good.
But that evil persists,
Shows that no one exists,
Who does as a being like that would.
--- E T Holt
Beheld our tall totems and frowned,
"And what of the Crab God,
Who guarantees that cod
Abundantly are to be found.
--- Matthew Montchalin
But the best of them all were of stone.
Fish gods dressed in fleece,
Adorned with shark teeth,
Assuring us fish to take home.
--- Matthew Montchalin
Said the pastor of God to his sheep.
But here lieth one
Who'll attest sleep's no fun --
The inventor of death is a Creep!
--- Robin K Willoughby P8702 a
That in the year 1993,
A small magazine
Would in verse quite obscene,
Denigrate their divine dignity.
--- Irving Superior P9303
Would often declare, "It is I, sis,
And those who want ices
Don't know a thing, Aye, sis,
That is why I will spit in their eye, sis."
--- John Dohner P9603
For the woman and man he invented;
Showed the thing on the male
Sticking out like a tail,
While the female's receiver indented.
--- Cap'n Bean P9902a
But viewing the scraps with contrition,
He collected the junk
And created the skunk,
The lawyer and the first politician.
--- Douglas Catley P9706
But putting it in the vernacular:
They speak so obscure,
That it's verbal manure,
That proves what a great load of crap they are.
--- Anon
Of Gods seen on old Grecian urns.
Is the most famous, Zeus?
No-no...sily goose!
The most famous God is George Burns!
--- John K Roberts P9303
But say God's a she and I'll cheer it.
And if you can boast
The same for the Ghost,
I'll try to get into the Spirit
--- John Miller
'Twas six days before we were done.
Then, needing some rest,
They pronounced me blessed,
And I screwed both the father and son.
--- Goin2
And to keep our good eyesight we pray.
But as we get short sighted,
We can't see how we're blighted;
God gives as he taketh away!
--- Doug Harris P0502
Must find it exceedingly odd,
If he finds that this tree
Continues to be,
When there's no one about in the Quad."
--- Ronald Knox
I am always about in the Quad,
And that's why this tree
Will continue to be,
Since observed by, Yours faithfully, God.
--- Anon
So that trees, unobserved, would cease tree-ing,
Then my question is: who
Is the one who sees you,
And assures your persistence of being?
--- Roderick T Long
To be's to be seen for the bodily.
But for spirits like me,
To be is to see.
Sincerely, The One who is godly.
--- RODERICK T LONG
All looked like they'd thoroughly tease ya.
Twenty hands with long reach;
Times five fingers on each,
Equals one hundred ways they could please ya.
--- Theo Heller P9303
And a Golden one's really a dilly.
Some pagans liked goats,
Some liked sheep, even shoats.
But a Gold Calf will sure Gild Your Lily.
--- Theo Heller P9302
Who was bothered with pains in her kidney.
She prayed to the Lord
Tae hae it restored.
He said that He wud, but He didnae.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
To the clergy -- afraid that you'll blow it.
But if God should get keen
On your house being clean,
He'd inspect it and you'd never know it.
--- Boy Pilot
But the "almost" makes ominous odds.
Given power to destroy, we
Can screw things up royally;
A dangerous position for clods.
--- Dr Limerick
Their faith is, indeed, irrefutable;
When He does what He should,
It's because He is Good.
When he doesn't, because He's inscrutable.
--- Laurence Perrine Lib Lim
Said a man by the name of Voltaire,
"Would surely be missed;
If he did not exist,
We should have to invent him, so there!"
--- Richard Long
Pondering, my brain it doth vex;
I ask, in a fog,
"Is there a dog?"
The question's for agnostics, dyslex.
--- Chris Anton
New technology's getting the nod.
Those people in haste
With no time to waste
Can now FAX directly to God.
--- A N Wilkins P9304
Was to spend all his time in coition,
To exhibit their piety
With perfect propiety,
Sculptors showed him in every position.
--- A N Wilkins P9212
To followers of him I thus wishna
A year free from worry,
So chant hari hari,
And girls come and give me a kishna.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Who was asked to explain the Beyond:
"Life is cute but absurd,
And from this I've inferred
That the Lord of Creation is blonde."
--- Graham Lester
Do not understand the master plan.
It's the woman who rules,
Men are just fools;
The way its been since the world began.
--- Carol
(A thought which does not even faze Him)
But that self-seeking rumor
That God dislikes humor,
Must truly (He made us) amaze Him!
--- David A Brooks
Misfits which the Almighty wills.
I'm struck by this notion --
With the globe two-thirds ocean,
Why isn't man born with some gills?
--- Anton Kovar P8308
Who thought he'd been chosen by God,
To exercise Hell
From the girls. He meant well,
But the Thunder said: "Exorcise -- Clod!"
--- John Ciardi
Well-known when trouble went down,
Were cause for their parents
To get Pastor Clarence,
To change behavior with his frown.
--- Daniel Ford
"Where is God?" in voice sweetly basked.
No response to Pastor
Brought next question faster,
"Where's God?" But the boy was not tasked.
--- Daniel Ford
Inquired angrily and aloud,
"WHERE IS GOD?! Tell me son!"
Caused Tim right then to run
And hide under his bed, quite cowed.
--- Daniel Ford
Timmy screwed courage to admit it:
Oh my! Brother Hubble,
This time we've Big Trouble.
God's missing and they think we did it!"
--- Daniel Ford
"Don't kvetsh." said my wise old mother.
As a matter of fact,
The Gods and I have a pact,
We've agreed not to bother each other!
--- John K Roberts P9303 a
In the old and new testament there
Is the scope to elect
A god you respect?
Eternal hellfire if you dare.
--- Tiddy Ogg
If you kneel and you pray I'll appear.
You will get a remission
For your carnal coition.
I will not turn my back on a queer."
--- Phil Cannibal P9106
Its battles with Satan and Sinning,
With Popes and with Islam,
Assisted by His Lamb.
So why, for God's sake, aren't they winning?
--- David A Brooks
Popped up and declared himself God:
"I'm amazing, I'm great,
I'm really first rate!"
Turned out he was only a clod.
--- Marlene Lewis
That God can't exist just in the mind.
For it's greater to be
In reality,
And God's greatness is of every kind.
--- E T Holt
Had to do with the health of the hops;
They consorted ad lib
And it would be a fib
If I said they avoided the schnapps.
--- J Maynard Kaplan
To have started to be, out of naught.
For that all has a cause (who caused God?)
Is one of those laws
That common experience has taught.
--- E T Holt
But believing in him's worth a try.
For those that believe,
Just might receive
Heavenly bliss when they die.
--- E T Holt
Than when he mixed sex and manure.
What was on his mind,
When he saddled mankind,
With a playground alongside a sewer.
--- A Cinna
But this Anselm was no ignoramus.
For, though scholars have mocked it,
There's a "proof" he concocted
That makes him eternally famous.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Whose doings are sometimes quite odd.
He made Kerrymen cute,
And Tipperarymen mute,
Which when all's said and done is just cod!
--- Linda Marsh Coll
But the Trinity sullied her name.
It was God, Jesus and Ghost
That 'gang-banged' her the most,
To her humiliation, mortification, and shame!
--- Anon
Then, raising her head to my waist,
Her lips smacked with glee,
"If God were a She,
Your semen like chocolate would taste."
--- Anon
Today, God announced, "Soon shall Our seven
Famous plagues come to pass;
Man -- your ass is grass!"
Further details tonight at eleven.
--- Robin K Willoughby P8608
Looking up to our God in complaint,
That life's lost its gloss.
Hark! A sign from the boss .....
I just noticed the card saying, "WET PAINT".
--- Doug Harris P0509
For this nation's ideal baseball fan.
How simple a chore
For him to keep score,
While he holds a cigar and beer can.
--- A N Wilkins P9212
And his six arms and hands too, what chance
Would a girl on a date,
Although ever so straight,
Have to keep the guy out of her pants?
--- A N Wilkins P9212
That the faculty," said Dean Lanier,
"Report only to God,
And what makes it odd,
Is that some profs are atheists here."
--- A N Wilkins P8311
Who had children so sinful and odd
That he passed his long days
Giving thought to new ways
To stomp harder on those whom He trod.
--- David A Brooks
Got very few chances for fun.
When he got to a crisis,
He'd bonk little Isis,
Which caused the Nile waters to run.
--- Jemstone P0103