Few things to desire can so prod us,
As much as a plump Hindu goddess,
With eight clinging arms,
And exhuberant charms,
That are not concealed in a bodice.
--- W F N Watson

In ancient days Man knelt before
Whichever god he would adore.
But nowadays we sit
By a tube that is lit
And bow before the icebox door.
--- Irving Superior P9303

A God may well puncture a vein,
But blood, it will never contain.
The ichor within,
Is not lost, and causes no pain.
--- Larry Davis P8511

Said the Irish Jehovah, "Bejabers,
Go forth, Paddies, love all your neighbors.
Send your girls to the Jocks;
Let them strip to their socks,
And give them some use for their cabers.
--- Tiddy Ogg

And the Welsh God said: "Taffy, please keep
The faith, covet not ye the sheep
Of Gwyn and Myfanwy;
Your own flock is handy,
So into your own sheep fold creep."
--- Tiddy Ogg

The English God murmured "Alas,
I told you, don't covet the ass
Of Robinson minor,
But no ass is finer;
Go bugger him now in the grass.
--- Tiddy Ogg

"'Tis better to give than receive,"
He counseled young Scotsman Steve.
So he gives IOU's
If credit's refused.
He'll nut you, then cash he'll receive.
--- Tiddy Ogg

To an Eskimo living up north
Declared the Almighty, "Come forth!"
But according to myth,
The poor fellow came fifth,
And occasioned the Almighty's wrath.
--- Hugh Oliver 114a

A universe ordered by chance,
Is a theory than none can advance,
For its intricate parts
Speak plainly of art;
There's a design in each circumstance.
--- E T Holt

If God exists, then he should
Be all-powerful, knowing, and good.
But that evil persists,
Shows that no one exists,
Who does as a being like that would.
--- E T Holt

The stranger that came to our town
Beheld our tall totems and frowned,
"And what of the Crab God,
Who guarantees that cod
Abundantly are to be found.
--- Matthew Montchalin

And some were slick oak, others bone,
But the best of them all were of stone.
Fish gods dressed in fleece,
Adorned with shark teeth,
Assuring us fish to take home.
--- Matthew Montchalin

"He gives, to the ones He loves, sleep,"
Said the pastor of God to his sheep.
But here lieth one
Who'll attest sleep's no fun --
The inventor of death is a Creep!
--- Robin K Willoughby P8702 a

Could those ancient deities foresee
That in the year 1993,
A small magazine
Would in verse quite obscene,
Denigrate their divine dignity.
--- Irving Superior P9303

A goddess of old they called Isis
Would often declare, "It is I, sis,
And those who want ices
Don't know a thing, Aye, sis,
That is why I will spit in their eye, sis."
--- John Dohner P9603

The final design God presented,
For the woman and man he invented;
Showed the thing on the male
Sticking out like a tail,
While the female's receiver indented.
--- Cap'n Bean P9902a

God brought perfect man to fruition,
But viewing the scraps with contrition,
He collected the junk
And created the skunk,
The lawyer and the first politician.
--- Douglas Catley P9706

These deities speak words oracular,
But putting it in the vernacular:
They speak so obscure,
That it's verbal manure,
That proves what a great load of crap they are.
--- Anon

Every good school student learns
Of Gods seen on old Grecian urns.
Is the most famous, Zeus?
No-no...sily goose!
The most famous God is George Burns!
--- John K Roberts P9303

If you claim Christ was gay, I won't hear it!
But say God's a she and I'll cheer it.
And if you can boast
The same for the Ghost,
I'll try to get into the Spirit
--- John Miller

Beginning where it all begun,
'Twas six days before we were done.
Then, needing some rest,
They pronounced me blessed,
And I screwed both the father and son.
--- Goin2

We all hate to get wrinkled and grey,
And to keep our good eyesight we pray.
But as we get short sighted,
We can't see how we're blighted;
God gives as he taketh away!
--- Doug Harris P0502

There once was a man who said, "God
Must find it exceedingly odd,
If he finds that this tree
Continues to be,
When there's no one about in the Quad."
--- Ronald Knox

Dear Sir, Your astonishment's odd.
I am always about in the Quad,
And that's why this tree
Will continue to be,
Since observed by, Yours faithfully, God.
--- Anon

If objects depend on our seeing,
So that trees, unobserved, would cease tree-ing,
Then my question is: who
Is the one who sees you,
And assures your persistence of being?
--- Roderick T Long

Dear Sir, You reason most oddly.
To be's to be seen for the bodily.
But for spirits like me,
To be is to see.
Sincerely, The One who is godly.

The Goddesses of old Indonesia
All looked like they'd thoroughly tease ya.
Twenty hands with long reach;
Times five fingers on each,
Equals one hundred ways they could please ya.
--- Theo Heller P9303

Worshipping calves isn't silly
And a Golden one's really a dilly.
Some pagans liked goats,
Some liked sheep, even shoats.
But a Gold Calf will sure Gild Your Lily.
--- Theo Heller P9302

There was an old lady of Sydney
Who was bothered with pains in her kidney.
She prayed to the Lord
Tae hae it restored.
He said that He wud, but He didnae.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

If your house isn't ready to show it
To the clergy -- afraid that you'll blow it.
But if God should get keen
On your house being clean,
He'd inspect it and you'd never know it.
--- Boy Pilot

As humans, we're almost like gods,
But the "almost" makes ominous odds.
Given power to destroy, we
Can screw things up royally;
A dangerous position for clods.
--- Dr Limerick

Our God, some contend, is immutable,
Their faith is, indeed, irrefutable;
When He does what He should,
It's because He is Good.
When he doesn't, because He's inscrutable.
--- Laurence Perrine Lib Lim

"The God is receipt of our prayer",
Said a man by the name of Voltaire,
"Would surely be missed;
If he did not exist,
We should have to invent him, so there!"
--- Richard Long

This is file ybl

The question to me, doth perplex;
Pondering, my brain it doth vex;
I ask, in a fog,
"Is there a dog?"
The question's for agnostics, dyslex.
--- Chris Anton

Since Israelis, though pious, are mod,
New technology's getting the nod.
Those people in haste
With no time to waste
Can now FAX directly to God.
--- A N Wilkins P9304

As the Hindu god Krishna's ambition
Was to spend all his time in coition,
To exhibit their piety
With perfect propiety,
Sculptors showed him in every position.
--- A N Wilkins P9212

Today marks the birth of Lord Krishna;
To followers of him I thus wishna
A year free from worry,
So chant hari hari,
And girls come and give me a kishna.
--- Tiddy Ogg

Said a gifted young thinker named Bond,
Who was asked to explain the Beyond:
"Life is cute but absurd,
And from this I've inferred
That the Lord of Creation is blonde."
--- Graham Lester

Those who say God must be a man,
Do not understand the master plan.
It's the woman who rules,
Men are just fools;
The way its been since the world began.
--- Carol

He's created by people who praise Him.
(A thought which does not even faze Him)
But that self-seeking rumor
That God dislikes humor,
Must truly (He made us) amaze Him!
--- David A Brooks

With wonder I think of all ills;
Misfits which the Almighty wills.
I'm struck by this notion --
With the globe two-thirds ocean,
Why isn't man born with some gills?
--- Anton Kovar P8308

There was a young man with a rod,
Who thought he'd been chosen by God,
To exercise Hell
From the girls. He meant well,
But the Thunder said: "Exorcise -- Clod!"
--- John Ciardi

Two brothers who lived in a town,
Well-known when trouble went down,
Were cause for their parents
To get Pastor Clarence,
To change behavior with his frown.
--- Daniel Ford

Younger Tim went first and was asked
"Where is God?" in voice sweetly basked.
No response to Pastor
Brought next question faster,
"Where's God?" But the boy was not tasked.
--- Daniel Ford

Now Clarence, annoyed and knit-browed,
Inquired angrily and aloud,
"WHERE IS GOD?! Tell me son!"
Caused Tim right then to run
And hide under his bed, quite cowed.
--- Daniel Ford

Big brother asked why (scared but hid it).
Timmy screwed courage to admit it:
Oh my! Brother Hubble,
This time we've Big Trouble.
God's missing and they think we did it!"
--- Daniel Ford

Less prayers, if I had my druthers.
"Don't kvetsh." said my wise old mother.
As a matter of fact,
The Gods and I have a pact,
We've agreed not to bother each other!
--- John K Roberts P9303 a

Religion? Democracy? Where?
In the old and new testament there
Is the scope to elect
A god you respect?
Eternal hellfire if you dare.
--- Tiddy Ogg

Said the Lord to his flock, "Never fear.
If you kneel and you pray I'll appear.
You will get a remission
For your carnal coition.
I will not turn my back on a queer."
--- Phil Cannibal P9106

The godsquad says God's underpinning
Its battles with Satan and Sinning,
With Popes and with Islam,
Assisted by His Lamb.
So why, for God's sake, aren't they winning?
--- David A Brooks

A little old wart, name of Rod,
Popped up and declared himself God:
"I'm amazing, I'm great,
I'm really first rate!"
Turned out he was only a clod.
--- Marlene Lewis

If you'll consider, you'll find
That God can't exist just in the mind.
For it's greater to be
In reality,
And God's greatness is of every kind.
--- E T Holt

Both the Roman Gods Saturn and Ops
Had to do with the health of the hops;
They consorted ad lib
And it would be a fib
If I said they avoided the schnapps.

(Ops - god of the harvest)
--- J Maynard Kaplan

The universe cannot be thought,
To have started to be, out of naught.
For that all has a cause (who caused God?)
Is one of those laws
That common experience has taught.
--- E T Holt

God can't be proved, I won't lie;
But believing in him's worth a try.
For those that believe,
Just might receive
Heavenly bliss when they die.
--- E T Holt

Of all God's jokes, none is bluer,
Than when he mixed sex and manure.
What was on his mind,
When he saddled mankind,
With a playground alongside a sewer.
--- A Cinna

Not too many will know what his name is,
But this Anselm was no ignoramus.
For, though scholars have mocked it,
There's a "proof" he concocted
That makes him eternally famous.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

There is a creator named God,
Whose doings are sometimes quite odd.
He made Kerrymen cute,
And Tipperarymen mute,
Which when all's said and done is just cod!
--- Linda Marsh Coll

Mother Mary was a cute dame,
But the Trinity sullied her name.
It was God, Jesus and Ghost
That 'gang-banged' her the most,
To her humiliation, mortification, and shame!
--- Anon

A sweetie once took me with haste.
Then, raising her head to my waist,
Her lips smacked with glee,
"If God were a She,
Your semen like chocolate would taste."
--- Anon

Now we break for an update: In Heaven,
Today, God announced, "Soon shall Our seven
Famous plagues come to pass;
Man -- your ass is grass!"
Further details tonight at eleven.
--- Robin K Willoughby P8608

I sat down on a bench, slightly faint,
Looking up to our God in complaint,
That life's lost its gloss.
Hark! A sign from the boss .....
I just noticed the card saying, "WET PAINT".
--- Doug Harris P0509

The god Siva embodies the plan
For this nation's ideal baseball fan.
How simple a chore
For him to keep score,
While he holds a cigar and beer can.
--- A N Wilkins P9212

With the god Siva's amorous glance
And his six arms and hands too, what chance
Would a girl on a date,
Although ever so straight,
Have to keep the guy out of her pants?
--- A N Wilkins P9212

"After all of this time it is clear
That the faculty," said Dean Lanier,
"Report only to God,
And what makes it odd,
Is that some profs are atheists here."
--- A N Wilkins P8311

There was an old Fellow named God
Who had children so sinful and odd
That he passed his long days
Giving thought to new ways
To stomp harder on those whom He trod.
--- David A Brooks

The sun-god of Egypt, Amon,
Got very few chances for fun.
When he got to a crisis,
He'd bonk little Isis,
Which caused the Nile waters to run.
--- Jemstone P0103