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She turned on the radio low;
Set the mood with some sad country woe.
She said, "Here, eat your tater,
Ah've got plans fer ya later.
Perhaps the startch'll make Little Pete grow."
--- Anon

He picked at his vittles, uneasy.
Said, "My, these potatoes are greasy.
I shan't eat them, Paul,
Too much cholesterol.
Lately lard makes my stomach feel queasy."
--- Anon

Since Pete spurned her lavish repast,
And seemed loathe to remember the past,
She went into Plan B
And sat down on his knee,
As he looked at her, shocked and aghast.
--- Anon

Sweet Polly was rarin' to go.
She thought Pete would be rowdy and so
She opened her arms
To reveal both her charms,
And was shocked to hear Pete say, "Dear, no,
--- Anon

"Let's not be so glaringly crass,
Sweet Polly, my fine Texas lass.
Please show some finesse
And rebutton your dress.
And please, dear, recover your ass."
--- Anon

Sweet Polly said, "Well, Ah'll be durned!
Fer a "Real man" is what Ah have yearned.
Ya'll done gone squirrelly,
Now actin' all "girlie",
With these "citified" ways ya done learned!"
--- Anon

She decided she'd not take no more.
Her ol' Pete had turned into a bore!
So with all of her might,
Kicked him into the night,
As she slammed and deadbolted her door.
--- Anon

So, Sweet Pol's in the market again,
For a guy who can settle her yen,
For hard loving and work
But who won't be a jerk.
Any takers? Inquire within.
--- Anon

I lay on my back in the long,
Long grass, while Marie teased my dong,
With fingers and lips,
While my head 'tween her hips,
Was teasing her clit into song.
--- Tiddy Ogg

A noise! I arose from my back, ter
See old farmer Giles in his tractor,
With dung spreader fitted;
'Twas time that we flitted.
Frustrated, and still I'd not facked her.
--- Tiddy Ogg

We strolled through the woods to the river,
In peaceful surroundings I'd give her,
A length of old Oggy,
In style straight or doggy;
Again though, I could not deliver.
--- Tiddy Ogg

For some indescribable cunt,
Was arsing about in a punt,
With foul outboard motor.
I told him to go ter
The deepest of hells for that stunt.
--- Tiddy Ogg

One last try. We climbed the church spire,
In belfry I'd quench my desire.
But no fornication,
Tintinabulation,
Of bell tollers quenched quite my fire.
--- Tiddy Ogg

Marie, in a huff, up and left,
So I went to the farmyard to heft
A young heifer's snatch.
But who there should catch
Me but old Giles's wife, who so deft...
--- Tiddy Ogg

...Grabbed hold my throbbing appendage,
And tripped me in ways to upendage,
And then, (if you follow,)
Cock, pullet and swallow,
Which brings this odd tale to an endage.
--- Tiddy Ogg

Says my young daughter, who's name is Kate,
"Dad, 'bout dating, you just can't relate."
I too was once a yout',
So I know I will shoot
Any date with thoughts to copulate.
--- Anon

This I've made the young men aware;
Hope I've succeeded with my scare.
If they try to get "it",
They in boucoup shit.
I'm ever alert. Best not dare!
--- Anon

He claimed to be up for a lay;
He wanted a roll in the hay.
Take 'er or leave 'er,
I've got the hay fever.
My eyes are swoll shut for today.
--- Marty TP9807

He shouted, "I've got an erection!"
I mumbled "I've got an infection.
If you want to trade,
Then you can get laid."
Funny -- he settled for affection.
--- Marty TP9807a

So tell me, is this something new?
For though my requests have been few,
You won't let me mount.
Now I have lost count
Of times you've denied me a screw.
--- Frank Fazed

"You've not said the least bit that's true!
I've never denied you a screw.
I've said, go ahead --
In any whore's bed.
Just don't expect me in there too!"
--- Marlene Lewis

Sweet Melisande, you are so refined;
So delicate, gentle and kind.
With love I'm besot,
So show me your twat,
And give me a bloody good grind.
--- Tiddy Ogg

Your words are like Browning and Shelly.
Your movements like dancer Gene Kelly.
But Pelly, I'll tell ye,
I'll not bare my belly,
'Cause Pelly, your smelly as helly!
--- Tiddy Ogg

Enchantress thou art, Melisande,
Come hither and give me thy hand.
To aid our romance,
Put it here in my pants,
And massage my hot throbbing gland.
--- Tiddy Ogg

Oh Pelleas darling, I'm shocked!
I'm standing here, not yet defrocked,
But thou couldst not linger.
I've goo on my finger;
I think, sir, you've gone off half-cocked.
--- Tiddy Ogg

Perverse author complains now and then,
He must choose between penis and pen.
For royalty checks
He will forego sex,
Be creative - nix women again.
--- Esther Kock

It need not be necessarily so;
He should learn what makes earned money grow.
While safely investing,
While write arm is resting,
He'd achieve a sex-filled status quo.
--- Esther Koch

The shepherd committed a gaffe;
Caused the girl that he wanted, to laugh.
She said, "There's no way
With you I would stay;
You'll just have to play with your staff."
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0308

He said, "Your advice you can keep;
Your rejection does not make me weep.
I did not want your heart
But your most useful part,
Which is much like the one on my sheep."
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0308

Young Marian don't seem to like
The thought of a poke from my pike.
So until "when" or "if",
I'll just have to sniff,
The saddle attached to her bike.
--- Tiddy Ogg

Go ahead, if you wish, take a sniff --
It's okay to have you a jiff!
But there won't be no jokes
If it's caught in the spokes,
So beware if your dangler gets stiff.
--- Kaylin

This fetish, I'm glad you don't mock it,
And thanks for concern for my cock; it
Is true, once before,
It got rather sore,
When caught 'twixt the chain and the sprocket.
--- Kaylin

True story: I once met a cop;
A teacher he'd been; had to stop.
Those fifteen year old
Gals came on too bold;
He knew his restraint he'd soon drop.
--- Anon

This is file xzm

These girls, in their quite early teens,
Walk round in their cut-off tight jeans.
You can see curly hair
And midriffs quite bare,
Enough to make any man cream.
--- Anon

Says Paddy, "What are you folks about?
There's no need to brag or to shout;
I need just thirty secs
To finish my sex,
Including a pee after I'm out.
--- Anon

There once was a spinster from Lark
Who went for a tramp in the park.
And he went for her,
And the feathers and fur
Were flying till long after dark.
--- Lims Unlimited

A phenomenal woman named May
Was always quite ready to play.
She'd start, hot and bright,
The previous night,
And keep it up all the next day.
--- Isaac Asimov

That lodger who was a curmudgeon
Spent the night trying to fondle and nudge 'em.
When he cooed "I'm excited,"
She became quite requited,
And it took her till dawn to dislodge 'im.
--- Arthur Deex P0109

There once was a cute Eskimo.
I took her while the wind did blow.
I promised her muk-muk,
If she would just fuck-fuck.
All through the long nite, asses did go.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

There once was a guy named John
Who looked like your average ex-con.
Different girls every night
Kept him out of sight,
And John kept on screwing till dawn!
--- Jim Weaver Collection

The girl is ready to come.
Listen and you'll hear her hum.
It's nearly an hour;
Thank God he's got power.
Longer and Dick would be numb.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

There was a young man from Havana
Whose girl thought she was in Nirvana.
According to her
He'd enter "ayer"
And seldom withdrew till "manana".
--- Pedro J Saavedra P8203

Quoth the raven-haired girl, "No more.
My body is battered and sore.
It was all right,
But it's taking all night,
And frankly's becoming a bore."
--- Nell Dean

If you like them with endurance,
I can only give my assurance
That at eighteen they're fine,
With a bottle of wine,
And a condom to use as insurance.
--- Anna Gates

A virile young fellow named Nate
Thinks sex is just really great.
He says it's a crime
If you don't take the time,
To do it for five hours straight.
--- Thomas Patton

We all laughed when a fellow named Ollie
Once swore he would screw a young dolly.
"For twelve hours, I'll engage her,"
And he laid down his wager.
We all laughed, but he did it, by golly.
--- Isaac Asimov

It is said that Arabian Sheikhs
Can make love without stopping for weeks,
And their wives, it appears,
Can keep coming for years--
It sounds like they're all fucking freaks.
--- Michael Horgan

Ride me, young thing, I adore
Making women hump 'til their sore.
They go 'til their pleasure
Has run it's full measure,
And return the next day for some more!
--- Anon

Though big balls are best and I've got 'em;
Two bonks from above and I've shot 'em.
So, prolonging my power
For hour after hour,
I boink buxom babes from the bottom.
--- John Miller

A fellow who called himself Lee,
Had a longstanding tryst with Marie;
For they started to screw
At a quarter-to-two
And they came at a quarter-past-three.
--- Cap'n Bean P0106

Mrs Brown was telling Miss Hays
Of her husband's amorous ways.
"My thighs spread for hours
When he brings me flowers."
Miss Hays exclaimed, "Heavens! No vase?"
--- Bob Giandomenico P9003

Reminds me of one night with Flo;
For hours we went to and fro.
On nailing her ass,
'Twas plumb out of gas,
So promptly, I gave her some mo'.
--- SFA

If the Caliphs of arid Kuwait
Are enabled, like camels, to mate
For a week and a quarter
On a liter of water --
Just imagine how long on a date!
--- Thomas A Quinine P8407

"In less than two weeks, cometh June."
"Good heavens, she cometh so soon?"
"I hope so," said Jack
As he plundered her crack,
But I've only been going since noon!"
--- Peter Wilkins

I now think our lustful affair,
Such pleasure is so hard to bear.
Our loins pressed together,
(It feels like forever...)
There's hardly a moment to spare.
--- Jayne

When I feel that I'm just on the brink,
I gasp and pull out of that pink
Lovely labial space,
While regaining my pace,
And hope that my pecker won't shrink.
--- Tutta Gioia

It's a balancing act, is it not?
Between keeping your cool and her hot --
These girls with their four-
Teen orgaasms, how bor-
Ing for guys who have only one shot.
--- Lucy

"My Lord," said the wench to her master,
"You'll explode if you hump any faster!"
So he then turned her over
To imitate Rover,
And thus became a much longer laster!
--- Jim Weaver Collection

Her heart, I would love, that's a fact,
And her offer has much to attract!
I'd spend the whole day
'Tween her legs and just play.
And once there, I may never come back.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

A young woman who's from Louisville
Feared no man would have adequate skill.
Though many had laid her,
There were none who'd out-stayed her,
Or endured until she'd had her fill.
--- Isaac Asimov

The milkman remains hours with Miss Blum,
And the neighbors attitudes are glum.
For they know what occurs,
And they're glad she gets hers --
But their milk's late 'cause he doesn't come.
--- Grand Prix Lim 308

Some women express admiration,
And treat with extreme veneration,
The gigantic dong.
But I think they're wrong;
It's not so much size as duration.
--- Ericka

Dear Ericka, I try by best
But cannot come(!) up to your test:
My ejaculation
Lacks the duration
At 38 seconds at best.
--- John Miller

John, it might not seem like a lot,
But I'll take every second you've got;
As long as it's clean,
And your teeth ain't green,
And you promise to hit the right spot.
--- Carol

There was a young waitress named Schirring
Who started a trembling and purring.
Said the chef, "Are you ready?"
She said, "Not yet, Freddie.
I believe I would like some more stirring."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0323

At four ev'ry morning I rise
And open my sleepy, blue eyes;
The first thing I do
(Repeatedly, too!)
Is slide my 'rise' between her thighs!
--- Anon

I ain't figured women out yet,
They want all their passion-needs met,
With foreplay and licking,
And hours of dicking,
Then nag when the sheets are all wet!
--- Travis


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