A yak saw a yak and thought, "She's
Just the one." Forced her down to her knees,
And kept pumping inside
For a day till she cried,
"Oh my God! Can I Everest, please!"
--- Peter Wilkins

Two brothers bought some new digs;
Started raising cattle and pigs.
Their dad said, "For fame,
You need a good name."
So they checked out some good usenet sigs.
--- Rusty Smith

The Internet search brought defeat,
So their father the boys did entreat.
He said, "Boys, do not blanch,
Call the place 'Focus Ranch',
'Cause that's where the sun's rays meet."
--- Rusty Smith

A "ham" operator named Dwight
Gave a girlie a horrible fright,
By saying, "Your Rube
Can't match my big tube,
And I hope to get India tonight."
--- Grand Prix Lim 264

Our dear Cynth, at the young age of four,
When her mother had just waxed the floor,
Told her daughter so fair,
That you can't go in there,
Repent and go in, Cyn, no more!
--- Anon

For sometime I have known without fail
On this fantasy voyage I would sail.
If Yale locks mount the guard
In the revered Harvard Yard,
Quid Pro Quo, Harvard beets at Olde Yale?
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P9808

I knew I was suffering from Puns
But my doctor said, "Switzerland Nuns."
Now my hearing is poor
So I said, "Are you sure?"
And he laughed and said, "Squits and the runs."
--- Anon

In Calcutta a fey Asiatic
Wrote odes in his gray city attic.
Though written to speak to me,
These odes were all Greek to me,
A Spartan, no old crazy Attic.
--- Laurence Perrine P9206

French Swim suits of Sarah O'Hara's,
Resulted in feels of her bare ass.
To one guy her response
Was a kick in the schwantz,
"That's the last time," he groaned, "I paw Sarah's."
--- Bob Giandomenico P9808

Rose the soul of an old house, amazed;
It's half-lidded windows were glazed.
"They pulled me apart,
Took me off in a cart.
Yes, this is the place I was razed."
--- Anon

I watched as my ducks copulated,
And later the eggs confiscated;
I took them to England,
That arboreal green land,
Where a dozen have all in Kew bated.
--- TuttaGioia

A crazy young fellow from Slane,
Had some odd sort of thoughts in his brain.
He swam the rivers of France,
Led the gendarmes in dance,
And though guilty, they found him in Seine.
--- Anon

He peered at me over the casement
To protest to me on his placement.
His eyes snapped with fire,
"I ought to be higher!
It's too damp down here in debasement!
--- Marlene Lewis

The Indy-car drivers composure
Was rocked by the recent disclosure
That their fumes and their smoke
Consistently broke
The laws for Indy-scent-exposure.
--- P Pipers

In Afghanistan they make no bones
About paving--no onerous loans
For asphalt, concrete,
Or bricks in the street.
They always put down Kabul stones.
--- A N Wilkins P9206

A Missouri cat lover took pity
On a stray with a coat that was pretty.
But then faced eviction
For rental restriction.
Said he only could lease sans his kitty.
--- Bob Giandomenico P9608

The gunk in Lake Erie's reducible.
'Twould be good if the lake were more usable.
To stop the pollution
Would be the solution,
And again make Lake Irreproducible.
--- Robert J Bates P9802 a

Sarah Bernhart, along with Frank Harris,
Left the Louvre and strolled on the terrace.
Defending her tits,
She kneed Frank who said "It's
The last time I paw Sarah's."
--- Arthur Deex P9701

Sweet Lisa most surely can tease a
Young man with her wiles, for she's a
Titillation to touch,
And she seems so for such,
Is the great teening power of Lisa.
--- Bob Giandomenico P0202

A Polish girl, tender of heart,
And a Polish lad, lonely but smart,
Might have been bound together
In Loves's lovely tether,
Had they met, but they lived Poles apart.
--- Laurence Perrine P8911

In the Netherlands city of Polder
Lived a girl who had eyes that would smolder
With lust, like a fox.
So we'd hide in the rocks,
Where my marbles would quickly get boulder.
--- Tiddy Ogg

Said the Caliph, "Despite my excursion
Which resulted in widespread conversion,
I can't tell one clan
From the rest in Iran.
One man's Mede is another man's Persian.
--- A N Wilkins P8407a

There was a young fellow named Lance,
Who pawned his last pair of pants,
To bet on a horse,
And the nag lost, of course;
Well it should, 'twas called Norfolk Enchants.
--- Tiddy Ogg a

There was a young man from Albania
Who suffered from megalomania;
But an omnipotence
Just didn't make sense,
And potency bursts were in vania.
--- Bill Backe-Hansen P9206

To save Chinese women from freaking,
The Great China Wall, broadly speaking,
Was, no doubt, erected
'Cause it was expected
To keep wicked voyeurs from Peking!
--- Observer

Will you see what gascon really means?
My understanding wasn't worth beans.
Instead of brag man,
I thought it meant red can,
That holds English gasolines!
--- Crispy

A pretty Hawaiian, one day,
Found it difficult getting away.
She'd approached a young tourist
Who was not of the purest,
Saying, "Would you like to purchase a lei?"
--- Isaac Asimov

A Chinaman touring the Nile
Said, "The Sphinx doesn't seem quite my style,
But yonder there be
Other ruins I see.
I'll pyramid those for a while.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

Went to Branson last week in the winter;
Saw a sign there, made me want to enter.
I re-thought that plan
After reading again;
'Twas the "Dewey Short Visitors Center."
--- Anon

I once met this gal from down under,
Whose heritage split me asunder.
She from Alice Springs
And Sydney. She sings.
I am Alice's and Sydney's great wonder.
--- Sumaq

A circus ringmaster called Thripp,
At dusk, with a crack of his whip,
Made all the girls sing,
And run round the ring,
Performing a lewd Sunset Strip.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

A milliner in Zermatt, forlorn,
At the loss of his prized Alpine horn,
And, unable to yodel,
His sadness was total,
So this made the Swiss hatter mourn.
--- Bob Giandomenico P0103

Once in a US west coast disco,
I paid for a bout with miss Mishko.
She wanted to fly
To the UK but I
Just left my tart in San Francisco.
--- Anon

This is file xxl

They've taken a Polack joke poll
And found that they're mostly un-droll;
For great wits won't touch
A theme such as such,
Not even with a ten foot Pole.
--- Irving Superior P8909

A traveller once to his sorrow,
He desired to take tickets to Morro,
But they said "Go away,
You can't book today,
For a journey you're taking tomorrow."
--- Archie

Roused from sleep, archeologist Stone
Found two Persians in quarrel full-blown.
With a thigh-bone, I'm told,
He knocked them both cold-
Thus stilling two Kurds with one bone!
--- Martin Bristow SmithP0103

There was an old girl of Uganda,
Renowned for her coolness and candor.
When, during abuse,
Her spouse yelled, "You goose!"
She quickly retorted, "Uganda!"
--- Langford Reed

A bikini-clad girl named Lenore
Got exhausted while swimming to shore.
The entire lifeguard crew
All came to the rescue;
They thought she was worth wading for!
--- Observer

If jungle or desert be crossed,
You'll need a Tates compass -- low cost.
The accuracy
May be suspect -- thus he
Who has a Tates surely is lost.
--- Tiddy Ogg

An old sourdough near Cripple Creek
Felt a presence of which he won't speak.
'Round his dying campfire,
He sensed smoldering ire.
'Twas the ghost of Zeb Pike's widow's pique.
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P9604

Two acrobats stopped for a drink
From two glasses set out on the sink.
But one acrobat stumbled,
Their glasses both fumbled:
Four tumblers were tumbled -- clink, clink!
--- Laurence Perrine P8403

Said a cat, as he playfully threw
His wife down a well in Peru,
"Relax, dearest Thora,
Please don't be angora,
I was only artesian you."
--- Linda Marsh Coll

In the mystical land of Trefoil,
Nothing will grow in the soil.
But they have it made,
Thanks to profits from trade;
Their exports Are Zircon and Oil.
--- Dr Limerick

It is where each seaport likes to boast,
"We've more tonsorial shops than most.
When it comes to shearing,
All of us are cheering.
We all live on the Barbary Coast."
--- Tom Patton P0411

I'm thorium talking tho slow.
I bit off my tungsten, you know.
Bring out the black crepe,
'Cause I'm in no shape
For any oratorio.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

In Brazil the miners spend each day
Mining gold in the old fashioned way.
They use a sluice box
To sort out the rocks,
And each week end up weighing their pay.
--- Tom Patton P0111

If your landlady says that she might
Throw you out of your condo at night,
Don't take all that guff!
Stand tall; call her bluff.
Remember Condo Lessee Right
--- Dr Limerick

Said an old sailor to impudent help,
"If you get your legs tangled in kelp,
Or with the anchor chain,
Then kindly refrain
From running to me for some help!"
--- Observer

Biggles, flying ace, chased the hun;
With Ginger and Algy had fun.
But you must take care,
When you're up in the air,
'Cause Biggles always flies undone.

(Major James Bigglesworth, hero of boys book series 1998)
--- Tony Burrell

There was a young fellow who started
To fuck with Miss Cash, but she farted.
He said, "I'm a fool.
Her farts foul my tool."
So the fool and Miss Cash were soon parted.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1233

In the tropics, soft notes that subsist,
Stately palms by warm breezes are kissed,
And their boughs gently sway,
Gives one pause to assay,
Sweet refrains from the noble fronds list.
--- Bob Giandomenico P0401

A forgetful professor was Gore;
His actions his wife would abhor.
He caused nothing but strife
When he slammed his dear wife
And proceeded to fuck with the door.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2087

The garbagemen made a proposal.
The client agreed, saying, "Those'll
Be the terms for a year."
They replied, "Don't you fear.
We are always at your disposal."
--- Anon

Mick Jagger once chewed on some Swedes
That came to a concert in Leeds;
They had to convict 'im
Because of the dictum
That we not bite the fan that us heeds.
--- Anon

A musical girl from Kuwait
Was adored by a fellow named Tate.
When he cried out, "Oh Miss,
Do you know love is bliss?"
She said, "No, but you hum it, I'll play it.
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada

An incompetent king on a throne,
Whose poor leadership, unrest has sown,
Is a monarch who's sort,
As absurd as a wart,
Is less use than that thing on a crone.
--- Bob Giandomenico

"It's confusing," the Joint Chiefs all say.
"It appears any number can play.
What are the attractions
Of disparate factions
And just who are these Kurds any Whey?"
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P9611

Once a knight called Sir Menper, did go
Through the lake to save damsels in woe.
Then he lit a huge fire
For to dry their attire...
Horse is wet, Menper's pyre, ladies glow!
--- Anon

Luke O'Cyte just adored Mary Jane,
But then he met loving Elaine.
Two cells that pass
In the night, alas,
Their love, after all, was in vein.
--- Al Willis P9507

There once was an explorer called Burke,
Whose lamp died in the jungle's night murk.
So he said to his band:
"Men, raise your right hand",
And it showed many hands make light work.
--- Prof M-G

A member of Mensa, Abe Rosen,
He thought he was among the chosen.
In spite of the cynics,
He embraced cryogenics
For many are cold, but few frozen.
--- Robert V Davis P9609

A well-known mesmerist ranted,
That a spell could not be recanted.
"Could it be?", was the question,
"Post-hypnotic suggestion,
Is a thought that's forever trance-planted?"
--- Anon

What question was asked, you suppose,
Of the new Mom, sweet young Lida Rose?
"Have you chosen a name
For this lad bound for fame?"
"Waylin, 'cause he's mighty lachrymose,"
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0209

Marceau was just standing, white faced,
But I shot him from total distaste;
The judge took the time
To explain that a mime,
Is a terrible thing just to waste.
--- Anon

Ms Noonan, of the Isle of White,
Her son, Mornin, clever and bright.
For his manner, pristine;
He was dubbed by the queen.
Now he's Mornin Noonan Knight
--- Anon

Last Fall the boy said, "It's not fair.
Fido bit me just now on the stair."
Said his sister, "I fear
It's just that time of year
When there's often a nip in the heir."
--- A N Wilkins P9206

Electric power was our jewel
Till the prices became so cruel.
It should be our goal
To expand use of coal,
Because there's no fuel like an old fuel
--- Tom Patton P0105