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Loading flags was the job of Weaver; When Kay left her boyfriend named Ray, The women love Santa's big dick, A man of great honor named Skinner Does getting laid off mean getting fired? Said a fearless explorer named Rand, As Jack and Suzanne drew their pay, An Italian musician named Guido An 80 year old man said, "I hate A Japanese friend, not Nisei, In the mountains a hiker, Miss Bicks, Fred, the electrician, inserts A nut on the bolt, feeling blue, A rebellious young Scot named McHugh There once was a butcher named Clete, There was an odd fellow named Lohring "Wanna a fuck in the office, dear Kate?" To the hardware man went old Miss Blue The hardware man, nobody's dunce, Old babes find male strippers divine; She went shopping at one of those malls An innocent fellow named Tucker There's nothing of which I am fonder, And there to see rose-fingered Dawn It seems once again I must fail To her garage she goes, there she's taking At this time of year, it's still night Now Dawn wears a kaftan and beads, Now our local river, the Stour In this delta Dawn stands in the storm Before they could jump on my dick, She said, "My weak bladder, I suppose An old oysterman lost his wits A Tutsi, from deep down Burundi, The runaway psychic was charged "Some evening!" she said with a sigh; As a child, I heard Soupy Sales say Obstetricians remember with glee The SPCA moves to block A handyman known as Hieronymous Hieronymous was a poor handyman; Those Mills brothers, Rolf, Roy, and Ray, Was that TransWorld Airlines you flew, Dee? There's an efficient new diet I've heard; Butt-slaps make a gunfighter's soul stir, When last I attempted to clasp Out in the mid-east for a while, Ephriam's really okay, A sexy young lady named Gail She wants to give blood for the sick; Girl Scout cookie sales too high to match, She's smiling! I treat my girl right; The bride said "I'll love you forever, I thought I'd be here by eight At picking up girls, Bill's not clever, Female anglers awaiting strong tugs, A candy plant typist discreet A young woman shed a sad tear. In Nam we had run out of luck; A hardware clerk lived by her wits, There are female police in our nation When harvesting crops, to be blunt, The sexy drug dealer, Miss Stack, An old glass-eyed hooker named Dru A truck-driving lesbo called Spike The Luftwaffe went off their rockers; A girl who's well formed where she sits,
Every day earned his pay, an achiever.
With a reputation
For procreation,
Friends all know he's a bunting heaver.
--- Tom Patton P0201
He looked high and low through the day.
He got down on his knees
And he begged his friends, "Please,
Let me know when and if you see Kay."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2255
They love him 'cause he won't come quick;
Comes once a year, true,
But makes them come, too;
They come just in the time of Nick.
--- Anon
Said, "Mr. O'Conner, you sinner,
You will soon be a goner.
What is better than honor?"
Said O'Conner, "What's better is in her!"
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2307
Or activity far more admired?
Breaking it down,
Though not with a frown,
Getting laid, getting off -- things desired.
--- Anon
As he pumped some black girl on the sand,
"I'm new to this region,
The dangers are legion,
And I must get the lay of the land!"
--- Armand E Singer 394
The boss said, "They're both triple-A
But business is slow,
So I must let one go,
I must lay Sue or Jack, off today."
--- Brimko P0409
Did invent the scale do-mi-sol-ti-do.
But the black keys insisted
That they too should be listed,
And that's why we have got di-li-bi-do.
--- J Maynard Kaplan
Having sex with my newly wed mate.
If I can outlast her
She says, "Do it faster."
Her swinging is a gusty rate.
--- Tom Patton P0107
Perky, petite and so gay,
Said the 3rd of November
Is a day to remember...
"I ruv it on Erection Day."
--- Tutta Gioia
Would avoid getting into a fix.
She made sure to include
Lots of water and food
And she kept a sharp eye on 'Trail Mix?
--- Albin Chaplin P0102
His tool in tight girls with short skirts.
Loves sticking full measure
Deep into their treasure,
And hearing that it Mega-Hertz.
--- Anon
Gave its partner the threadbarest clue;
Said the bolt, "You are nuts
If you haven't the guts
To admit I mean more than a screw."
--- Bill Backe-Hansen P9206
Was arrested for "mounting a coup".
That's just what I heard
And I think it's absurd
And, unless you're the coo, wouldn't you?
--- John E Maywood
Who had the best steaks on the street.
His helper named Hogan
Came up with the slogan:
"I bet that you can't beat my meat!"
--- David Miller
Who practiced sex with an oar ring.
Nothing could be finah
Than to be in a vagina
In the mor or oar or orning.
--- Tom Patton
"Well OK then; we'll stay a bit late."
But on starting to screw
In came Joe. "Who are you?"
"I'm her Orifice Manager, mate."
--- Peter Wilkins
And she said to him, "What shall I do?
I have no time to waste
For I want a good paste,
And I can't seem to find the right screw."
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Through the day many problems confronts,
So he thrust up her flue
And he gave old Miss Blue
The paste and the screw both at once.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
With steam, their bifocals do shine.
They go mad as those strippers,
A-swingin' their drippers,
Cast all of their pearls 'fore the swine!
--- Anon
With large stores and also small stalls.
A man wearing shorts
Sold equipment for sports;
She watched while he played with his balls.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0502
Was at Armour a skilled pheasant plucker.
His revealed his occupation
To a girl in conversation;
She said, "This fellow needs a speech instructor."
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0206
First thing in the morning to wander,
On a fine summer's day,
And my footsteps will stray
To the top of that meadow out yonder.
--- Peter Wilkins
Creep over the vicarage lawn...
She takes off her shirt,
Bra, panties, and skirt,
And gambols about like a faun.
--- Peter Wilkins
To tell you an innocent tale
Of pleasures bucolic,
Free of sexual frolic.
Alas I'm a dirty old male.
--- Peter Wilkins
Her little sports car, and it's making
A hell of a roar,
With her foot on the floor;
Then a squeal... Yes that's right, Dawn is braking.
--- Peter Wilkins
At 6 AM, that's when a bright
Glow may be seen
Through her window, if keen
Like me, to watch Dawn's early light.
--- Peter Wilkins
Communion with Nature she needs.
With her brother Pip, she's
A regular hippie...
The Dawn of a New Age, indeed.
--- Peter Wilkins
Here splits in its hydraulic power
Into two, named by color,
One lighter, one duller,
And here she'll spend many an hour.
--- Peter Wilkins
Of water, at where it is torn
Into two. There she'll stand
On the edge of the land,
'Cause the darker Stour's just before Dawn.
--- Peter Wilkins
I re-buttoned my fly pretty quick;
But she shouted, "You fool!
All I want is your tool!"
So I gave her my shovel and pick.
--- Anon
Is the cause of my sexual woes.
It's so very haunting
To see my mate daunting
The moment my hot flower shows."
--- Tom Patton P0109
From the seizures he'd get. "It's the pits!
And you know, it is lots
Like a whore with the trots:
I'm shucking while having the fits.
--- Scott
This is file xtl
To his wife, who was Hutu, last Sunday
Said: "Oh, Gloria, dear,
It's getting quite clear
To me: 'Sic transit gloria mundi'."
--- Carl Ludvig Kjelsen P0410
(His case being wrapped up by Marge).
He saw her red panties,
And she saw, andantes,
That packaged small medium en-large!
--- Anon
"Some moon!" And, "Some stars in the sky!"
(As he fondled her ass)
"Some dew on the grass!"
"Not me!" was her instant reply.
--- Anon
To his sidekick on TV, one day:
"You can't read! I suspect
You should have your eyes checked.
Every time I write 'F' you see 'K'."
--- Anon
Young Katie, with spirit so free,
Who worshipped each bone
That she'd fucked or she'd blown,
And signed letters, "Love, Kay in O.B.".
--- Anon
A cruel shepherd's abuse of his flock.
One of their biggest fears,
Is that sheep's rumps and ears,
Are but two spots that he kicks his stock.
--- Bob Giandomenico P0201
Had a client (let's keep her anonymous).
When he asked, "Tell me do,
Should I nail or screw"
She replied, "Silly boy, they're synonymous!"
--- Anon
He knew not which tool could pierce her can.
Screwdriver or hammer?
Which one to slam-bam her?
Request jaws-of-life and battering ram!
--- RanDog
Each morning are sucked by sis Kay;
Although she's not wealthy,
The lass sure is healthy
From having her three Mills a day.
--- Travis Brasell
A stewardess there once offered me
Some coffee to drink.
I said "No, but I think
I'd rather have some TWA tea.
--- Anon
All blokes middle aged spread the word!
It's based on monogamy,
With heavy petting and snogamy,
Where you kill off two stones with one bird!
--- Doug Harris P0502
And a blonde with her butt on a bolster
Gets the man in a rut --
He keeps on slapping butt
When he's slipping his gun in her holster.
--- Amego P9911
Christina, to proffer my asp,
Her Vagina Dentata
Had a smell like ricotta,
When my retch was exceeding my gasp.
--- Anon
Where most of the women are vile,
I met lovely Suzie,
A Lebanese floozy;
She's call the best wank of the Nile.
--- Tiddy Ogg
But his wife's better off far away.
No Buxom lass,
Kay's a pain in the ass,
And if you see Eph, you see Kay.
--- David Miller
Had a permanent itch in her tail.
When the weather was bad,
She frequently had
Any good sport in a gale.
--- Michael Horgan
She hopes to be done really quick.
The phlebotomist mumbles
As with needles he fumbles,
She sits there and waits for the prick.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0508
Were accomplished with canny dispatch.
Each girl doing her part,
Income went off the chart,
When the troop leader then snared her batch.
--- Bob Giandomenico P0204
I've just bought her a mini-skirt, tight.
"Bend over to please"
Is my motto, and she's
Bound to show me her beam, with delight.
--- Doug Harris P0606
Though your dick the doc had to sever.
Instead of your dong,
Please, hon, use your tongue.
It's better to be ate than never.
--- Carol
But got stuck on an awful slow date.
It took him so long
To get up his dong...
It's better to come and be late.
--- Carol
And Kathy's the one chick he's ever
Got into his bed,
So as he once said,
"I guess, better Kate than not never."
--- Tiddy Ogg
On their lines, employ flies, lures and plugs.
But the smart girl who vies,
With all sizes of flies,
Finds most suckers are hooked with jig bugs.
--- Bob Giandomenico P0112
Each day sucked the plant owner's meat.
Then gave nightly relief
To the pickle plant chief,
So the bitter she took with the sweet.
--- Albin Chaplin
"My husband's a punster, I fear!
Though I told him, 'My dear,
I would like a brassiere,
That lummox gave me a brass ear!"
--- John Dohner P8802
The "Pres" he was passing the buck.
Then a girl came a running,
With questions so cunning,
She said, "Joe, tell me now, Phan-U-Cuk?"
--- Anon
Selling hammers and saws to male twits.
They thought it was nice
At double the price,
When she let them inspect her tool kits.
--- Tom Patton P0110
Who play house with guys at the station;
Which is saying, of course,
That they screw with the force.
After all, folks, the term's cop-ulation.
--- Playboy Mag J F O'Conner
Don't spend a great part of your hunt
On the smallest white boll;
Pick the largest, most tall!
While ignoring the small cotton runt.
--- Doug Harris P0512Q
Sells cocaine and morphine by the sack.
Peddles uppers and downers
To rich out-of-towners,
But the young guys are into her crack.
--- Parker Waterman P0108
Said eye sockets make the best screw.
She tell all her men,
"Please come back again,
And I'll keep an eye out for you."
--- David Miller
Hauls dildoes by night down the pike.
And if asked by the fuzz
What it is she does,
She replies, "I'm a fake-dick van dyke."
--- Plaayboy Mag
Their draft of girl flyers drew gawkers.
A nonet well endowed,
Had male pilots wowed,
And they dazzled a crowd with nine Fokkers.
--- Bob Giandomenico P0304
Can drive most men out of their wits,
And they'll really be wowed,
If she claims she's "endowed,"
In the chest, if they feel her term fits.
--- Bob Giandomenico P0108
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