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The old golf pro clearly recalls
The Master's at Niagra Falls,
Where he won a huge purse
And his girlfriend, the nurse,
Was happily fondly his balls.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0501

To boy friends she rated first rate;
She always gave in to each date;
And so Kathryn Forney,
By gentlemen horny,
Is fated to be Forney Kate.
--- Allan Ottley, 1975 P8209

It had been so long she'd lost count
But her eyes she could not discount.
At the Goodyear tire sale
The sign said without fail,
They would freely give you a mount.
--- Anon

The Fink's family fortune, most think,
Are their stables, kept well in the pink;
Help, their daughters with pride,
Are most pleased to provide,
For each of them mucks like a Fink.
--- Bob Giandomenico P0207

"The difference 'tween nuns," says a troll,
"And girls in a bathtub-type bowl,
Is as plain as can be,
So I'll tell it to thee:
The former have hope in their soul."
--- Hugh Clary

In New York two patrons of the arts
Were seeking two girl counterparts.
At an art show that night,
Spied cute girls that looked right,
Bedding down with their two torrid hearts.
--- Tom Patton P0208

Winter nights, for a drink or a sum,
A hooker will flit to and from,
To hustle her bustle,
In pay-for-play tussle,
Impelled by a hot ruddered bum.
--- Bob Giandomenico P0501

Her school dumped a coed named Cookie,
For at coupling with boys, she's no rookie.
When her parents asked why
She was dumped, her reply
With a cynical shirk was, "Not hooky."
--- Bob Giandomenico P0011

A girl shock of wheat went and sleeped
Where a boy shock of wheat had been heaped.
On waking, 'tis said
She found herself bread
And cried, "My God, I've been reaped!"
--- James G Blaine P0408A

My buddy called Jack from Fort Knox
Is well hung and strong as an ox.
My big sister Gwen
Likes her men to be men,
So she often has Jack in her box.
--- Michael Horgan

Chiropractic consultant, Doc Scott:
Was butchy, efficient and hot,
On her hard, single bed,
Stress relief came, they said,
To the women she'd twist on the cot.
--- Bob Giandomenico P0408

'Twas in the newspaper I saw
A story that left me in awe.
Speed limit exceeding,
Pulled over for speeding,
Young Eloise laid down the law.
--- Observer

Eloise, I am told by a snooper,
Considers this caper a blooper.
The cop's gun was loaded;
Her size was exploded;
She's nameing the poor bastard "Trooper"
--- John Miller

I'd sure like to see Eloise's,
So big and well-rounded, by Jesus.
And I'd pay two bits
To just see her tits
Start jiggling around when she sneezes.
--- David Miller

The dead hooker's funeral parade
Was composed of the girls in the trade.
The onlookers jest,
"There's one laid to rest,
And all of the rest to be laid."
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0606

For a woman to write with appeal,
Punctuation's what's needed, I feel.
When she talks, she will say:
"Miss a comma, okay.
Miss a period? That's a big deal."
--- Kirk Miller

"I'm a hardware store clerk," said Miss Hughes,
"But some kinds of work I refuse.
I'll handle their nuts,
And their bolts and crosscuts,
But I refuse to hand out the screws!"
--- G2368

An ugly old frump named of Hale
Begged hubby to little avail,
But uttered hosannas
For firm, smooth bananas
And called them the real old wive's tail.
--- Armand E Singer 390

Said ten-year old, Dominique Brown,
"I'll search for the road to renown,"
Then borrowed the bike
Of eight-year old Mike,
And pedaled it all over town.
--- Observer

A buxom young female, quite gritty,
Owned a poultry farm west of Sioux City.
She was mean, beyond words,
To male workers and birds,
And never showed one turkey pity.
--- Bob Giandomenico P0112

Because she's so sexy, Ms Rourke,
Has every man popping his cork.
And each that's she's dated,
Is simply elated,
At how deft she is copping his pork.
--- Bob Giandomenico P0606

The girl's swim team gossips at school;
During practice, dish dirt, as a rule.
Their young breasts wetly heave,
As hot stories they weave;
Noisy ripples abound in the pool.
--- Bob Giandomenico P0112

A female dog trainer now heels
Curs with leashes on spring-loaded wheels.
Most recalcitrant mutts,
She says, simply go nuts,
For a girl with a pair of hound reels.
--- Bob Giandomenico P0201

The Bureau of Census, so pities
Those poor, wilted, wizened old biddies,
That it offers employment,
Though not much enjoyment,
For the work does involve tagging cities.
--- Bob Giandomenico P0110

Drinking tea on his yacht, Mister Lee,
Seemed happy as he could just be.
Asked his wife, amidst bliss,
"Any thing that you miss?"
He said, "No, just the sea, you an' tea."
--- JerzyK

A clever magician named Muntz,
Features assistants with really big fronts.
These girls in the act
Are really well stacked;
Also known for their most cunning stunts.
--- Tom Patton P0204

If you want your dinger to hum,
Sit down, buy Tamara a rum.
She'll quench your desire,
But you won't satisfy her;
Tamara, you see, never comes.
--- Tiddy Ogg

Before she was put out for the night,
Sue's cat drank a dish of Miller Light.
When Sue went to bed
She had a clear head,
But her pussy was really quite tight.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0411

A woman gag writer pens bits,
For a forum of wags who write skits.
More than holding her own,
With her skifis full blown,
By virtue of topping big wits.
--- Bob Giandomenico P0201

An old Belgian king from Ostend
Went mentally clear 'round the bend;
Marooned with his jester
By a vicious sou'wester,
He found himself at his wit's end.
--- Armand E Singer 35

Mr Einer, newlywed of Corning,
Arrives late for work always yawning.
When asked to resign or...
Said "Nothing is finer
Than to be in Carole Einer in the morning!"
--- FCA T9712

A sadistic old fellow was Perce;
And his antics in bed were perverse,
Then he wrote poems erratic
Of his exploits traumatic,
So from bed the old man went to verse.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2744

We really must treat with more gravity
The numerous acts of depravity
Of those two nasty queers,
Who've been at it for years,
Called Ben Dover and Phillip McCavity.
--- Michael Horgan

This is file xsl

Said the Dean of the Abbey, (named Frank),
"Though I'm really not wishing to swank
With matters in hand,
I'm the best in the land
And they call me the Westminster Bank."
--- Joan Butler P0507

I thought I'd be back here by five,
But wandered down into a dive.
And gained satisfaction
In rough whorish action...
It's better to come than arrive.
--- Tiddy Ogg

When his dong the doc cut away,
He went to the lawyer's that day.
He'll sure look cute
In his malpractice suit
He'll purchase with his severence pay.
--- Gearhart

A challenge to Jim, Michael hurls
To benchpress two women in pearls.
A sarcastic viewer,
Seeing Jim hoist the two-er,
Uttered "That boob's got a nice pair of girls."
--- Anon

A lecherous shyster named Bill,
His hands in the sexual till,
Spent most of the night,
No law books in sight,
In breaking some poor widow's will.
--- Armand E Singer 13a

A drunken and horny young boozer,
Had hoped for a foxy gal cruiser;
Said the barkeep to him:
"Just forget high-class quim;
Mac, buggers, my boy, can't be choosers!"
--- Allen Wolverton

What with female Marines, Sergeant Trilling,
Finds his life in the Corps more fulfilling.
In the daytime his skill
Is in close-order drill,
While at night, it's in close-ardor drilling!
--- Playboy Mag J F O'Conner

His girl Friday is one who enthralls,
As phone contacts she deftly forestalls.
Then she serves him a beer,
Making perfectly clear,
She can handle his bock and his calls.
--- Bob Giandomenico P0110

But what they don't know (the poor saps)
Is that with their occasional lapse
(As I get the word
From one wise old bird)
Cunning linguists are popular chaps.
--- Anon

If your wife is a frequent nit-picker
Who enjoys nothing more than to bicker,
She is certain to win
Every fight you get in;
So try not to argue - just dicker.
--- Jerry Nordal P0107

A drunken old sailor named Reese
Raised hell with a madam from Nice.
He was told to keep quiet
But he started a riot.
And was jailed for disturbing the piece.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2256

A physician must stand as a rock;
Be immune to the ills of his flock.
The strong, young ones are best,
Female patients attest,
And scorn, quickly, an old croupy doc.
--- Bob Giandomenico P0112

A man by the name of Maurice
Took 'Chance' as his nickname, for he's
In search of a mate
And now on each date
He sings to them "Give Chance a Piece".
--- Anon

Ben Hur, that notorious satyr,
Once went down on a girl in a crater.
She tasted quite salty,
(Not at all chocolate-malty)
But he was, on the whole, gladiator.
--- Michael Weinstein P9206a

I have read all the FAQ, "in appendo;"
Heard the rule against dirty crescendo.
To an act, be oblique
With a word such as "Greek",
Which is just, so I say, innuendo.
--- Mad Scientist

When old widow Johnson got crocked,
She'd take on just any who knocked.
She screwed old man Fincher
Who had a three-incher,
And claimed that he went off half cocked.
--- David Miller

Laughed a loose-moraled fellow named Rimmon,
"There are guys into drugs, booze, or slimmin',
Or jogging or rock,
But me, I dig cock,
And the one thing I'm into is women."
--- Armand E Singer 190

When Jack stayed at home with a cough,
The receptionist would grumble and scoff.
When people would phone,
She'd say with a drone,
"I'm sorry, today is Jack off!"
--- Travis Brasell

A wily, gay boxer though deft,
With his fists was of ethics bereft.
He would weaken each foe,
With a skillful low blow,
Then apply cunning clips to his left.
--- Bob Giandomenico P0201

"You look quite delectable, Delia.
For starters, I fancy Ophelia;
Then later in bed,
While I'm giving you head,
You can bet I'll be making Amelia."
--- Peter Wilkins

What he sought was a skilled adventurix,
A gal schooled in sexotic kicks.
He scouted prepared
With treats to be shared;
He packed plenty of he-man trail mix.
--- Esther Koch P0102

Designed by smart folks with good cause,
From ladies it draws great applause.
For that hair-trigger fella,
Who comes a cappella,
The device, a gal's friend, "Man-O-Pause".
--- Tutta Gioia

There is this slick teaser named Slater;
He's clever but mean - a real hater;
He needles good folks
With gibes and forked jokes:
They call him a true master baiter.
--- Armand Singer

A needler of people was Strater,
A most misanthropical hater;
He insulted all others,
Even sisters and brothers,
Damned proud to be called "Master Baiter."
--- Armand E Singer 721

Our teacher, Miss Suzy Q. Cates,
Makes all the class laugh when she states,
"I'm really appalled;
Stand up when you're called --
I'm talking to you, Master Bates!"
--- Armand E Singer 924

Oh pity the couple named Bates,
Whose amorous coupling creates
One after another,
A son and his brother,
To suffer the name, Master Bates.
--- Allan Ottley, 1975

A stickler for logic is Pater;
He'll argue you down - a top rater;
His reasoning's sound;
His knowledge profound.
He floors you: a master debater.
--- Armand Singer

When Max looked at Anne on the tractor,
He pulled out his prick to distract her.
She encouraged young Max
So he pulled off his slacks,
And on top of the tractor, Max Factor.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0770

He used all his guile to attract her,
And was thrilled when he finally sacked her.
"Why did, if you'll pardon,
Elizabeth Arden?"
"Because, Sir, that beastly Max Factor!"
--- Jim Weaver Collection

"Please help me," the young man demanded.
"I leave myself feeling quite stranded.
When I masturbate,
It's supposed to feel great,
But I can't do it right, I'm left-handed."
--- Jim Weaver Collection

There once was a worker at Tri-D,
Whose attendance became quite untidy.
His bad habits grew so,
Like Robinson Crusoe,
He always would get off on Friday.
--- David Miller

A lady friend wanted a screw.
Flat-headed, I just wouldn't do.
She settled instead
For Phil Phillip's head.
He tightened her up a bit too.
--- Jim Weaver Collection a

You won't see a Doe pass the Buck,
Nor bookies bemoaning their luck.
But what you will find
Are wankers gone blind,
And Eunuchs just can't give a fuck.
--- SFA


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