The old golf pro clearly recalls To boy friends she rated first rate; It had been so long she'd lost count The Fink's family fortune, most think, "The difference 'tween nuns," says a troll, In New York two patrons of the arts Winter nights, for a drink or a sum, Her school dumped a coed named Cookie, A girl shock of wheat went and sleeped My buddy called Jack from Fort Knox Chiropractic consultant, Doc Scott: 'Twas in the newspaper I saw Eloise, I am told by a snooper, I'd sure like to see Eloise's, The dead hooker's funeral parade For a woman to write with appeal, "I'm a hardware store clerk," said Miss Hughes, An ugly old frump named of Hale Said ten-year old, Dominique Brown, A buxom young female, quite gritty, Because she's so sexy, Ms Rourke, The girl's swim team gossips at school; A female dog trainer now heels The Bureau of Census, so pities Drinking tea on his yacht, Mister Lee, A clever magician named Muntz, If you want your dinger to hum, Before she was put out for the night, A woman gag writer pens bits, An old Belgian king from Ostend Mr Einer, newlywed of Corning, A sadistic old fellow was Perce; We really must treat with more gravity
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Said the Dean of the Abbey, (named Frank), I thought I'd be back here by five, When his dong the doc cut away, A challenge to Jim, Michael hurls A lecherous shyster named Bill, A drunken and horny young boozer, What with female Marines, Sergeant Trilling, His girl Friday is one who enthralls, But what they don't know (the poor saps) If your wife is a frequent nit-picker A drunken old sailor named Reese A physician must stand as a rock; A man by the name of Maurice Ben Hur, that notorious satyr, I have read all the FAQ, "in appendo;" When old widow Johnson got crocked, Laughed a loose-moraled fellow named Rimmon, When Jack stayed at home with a cough, A wily, gay boxer though deft, "You look quite delectable, Delia. What he sought was a skilled adventurix, Designed by smart folks with good cause, There is this slick teaser named Slater; A needler of people was Strater, Our teacher, Miss Suzy Q. Cates, Oh pity the couple named Bates, A stickler for logic is Pater; When Max looked at Anne on the tractor, He used all his guile to attract her, "Please help me," the young man demanded. There once was a worker at Tri-D, A lady friend wanted a screw. You won't see a Doe pass the Buck,
The Master's at Niagra Falls,
Where he won a huge purse
And his girlfriend, the nurse,
Was happily fondly his balls.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0501
She always gave in to each date;
And so Kathryn Forney,
By gentlemen horny,
Is fated to be Forney Kate.
--- Allan Ottley, 1975 P8209
But her eyes she could not discount.
At the Goodyear tire sale
The sign said without fail,
They would freely give you a mount.
--- Anon
Are their stables, kept well in the pink;
Help, their daughters with pride,
Are most pleased to provide,
For each of them mucks like a Fink.
--- Bob Giandomenico P0207
"And girls in a bathtub-type bowl,
Is as plain as can be,
So I'll tell it to thee:
The former have hope in their soul."
--- Hugh Clary
Were seeking two girl counterparts.
At an art show that night,
Spied cute girls that looked right,
Bedding down with their two torrid hearts.
--- Tom Patton P0208
A hooker will flit to and from,
To hustle her bustle,
In pay-for-play tussle,
Impelled by a hot ruddered bum.
--- Bob Giandomenico P0501
For at coupling with boys, she's no rookie.
When her parents asked why
She was dumped, her reply
With a cynical shirk was, "Not hooky."
--- Bob Giandomenico P0011
Where a boy shock of wheat had been heaped.
On waking, 'tis said
She found herself bread
And cried, "My God, I've been reaped!"
--- James G Blaine P0408A
Is well hung and strong as an ox.
My big sister Gwen
Likes her men to be men,
So she often has Jack in her box.
--- Michael Horgan
Was butchy, efficient and hot,
On her hard, single bed,
Stress relief came, they said,
To the women she'd twist on the cot.
--- Bob Giandomenico P0408
A story that left me in awe.
Speed limit exceeding,
Pulled over for speeding,
Young Eloise laid down the law.
--- Observer
Considers this caper a blooper.
The cop's gun was loaded;
Her size was exploded;
She's nameing the poor bastard "Trooper"
--- John Miller
So big and well-rounded, by Jesus.
And I'd pay two bits
To just see her tits
Start jiggling around when she sneezes.
--- David Miller
Was composed of the girls in the trade.
The onlookers jest,
"There's one laid to rest,
And all of the rest to be laid."
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0606
Punctuation's what's needed, I feel.
When she talks, she will say:
"Miss a comma, okay.
Miss a period? That's a big deal."
--- Kirk Miller
"But some kinds of work I refuse.
I'll handle their nuts,
And their bolts and crosscuts,
But I refuse to hand out the screws!"
--- G2368
Begged hubby to little avail,
But uttered hosannas
For firm, smooth bananas
And called them the real old wive's tail.
--- Armand E Singer 390
"I'll search for the road to renown,"
Then borrowed the bike
Of eight-year old Mike,
And pedaled it all over town.
--- Observer
Owned a poultry farm west of Sioux City.
She was mean, beyond words,
To male workers and birds,
And never showed one turkey pity.
--- Bob Giandomenico P0112
Has every man popping his cork.
And each that's she's dated,
Is simply elated,
At how deft she is copping his pork.
--- Bob Giandomenico P0606
During practice, dish dirt, as a rule.
Their young breasts wetly heave,
As hot stories they weave;
Noisy ripples abound in the pool.
--- Bob Giandomenico P0112
Curs with leashes on spring-loaded wheels.
Most recalcitrant mutts,
She says, simply go nuts,
For a girl with a pair of hound reels.
--- Bob Giandomenico P0201
Those poor, wilted, wizened old biddies,
That it offers employment,
Though not much enjoyment,
For the work does involve tagging cities.
--- Bob Giandomenico P0110
Seemed happy as he could just be.
Asked his wife, amidst bliss,
"Any thing that you miss?"
He said, "No, just the sea, you an' tea."
--- JerzyK
Features assistants with really big fronts.
These girls in the act
Are really well stacked;
Also known for their most cunning stunts.
--- Tom Patton P0204
Sit down, buy Tamara a rum.
She'll quench your desire,
But you won't satisfy her;
Tamara, you see, never comes.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Sue's cat drank a dish of Miller Light.
When Sue went to bed
She had a clear head,
But her pussy was really quite tight.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0411
For a forum of wags who write skits.
More than holding her own,
With her skifis full blown,
By virtue of topping big wits.
--- Bob Giandomenico P0201
Went mentally clear 'round the bend;
Marooned with his jester
By a vicious sou'wester,
He found himself at his wit's end.
--- Armand E Singer 35
Arrives late for work always yawning.
When asked to resign or...
Said "Nothing is finer
Than to be in Carole Einer in the morning!"
--- FCA T9712
And his antics in bed were perverse,
Then he wrote poems erratic
Of his exploits traumatic,
So from bed the old man went to verse.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2744
The numerous acts of depravity
Of those two nasty queers,
Who've been at it for years,
Called Ben Dover and Phillip McCavity.
--- Michael Horgan
"Though I'm really not wishing to swank
With matters in hand,
I'm the best in the land
And they call me the Westminster Bank."
--- Joan Butler P0507
But wandered down into a dive.
And gained satisfaction
In rough whorish action...
It's better to come than arrive.
--- Tiddy Ogg
He went to the lawyer's that day.
He'll sure look cute
In his malpractice suit
He'll purchase with his severence pay.
--- Gearhart
To benchpress two women in pearls.
A sarcastic viewer,
Seeing Jim hoist the two-er,
Uttered "That boob's got a nice pair of girls."
--- Anon
His hands in the sexual till,
Spent most of the night,
No law books in sight,
In breaking some poor widow's will.
--- Armand E Singer 13a
Had hoped for a foxy gal cruiser;
Said the barkeep to him:
"Just forget high-class quim;
Mac, buggers, my boy, can't be choosers!"
--- Allen Wolverton
Finds his life in the Corps more fulfilling.
In the daytime his skill
Is in close-order drill,
While at night, it's in close-ardor drilling!
--- Playboy Mag J F O'Conner
As phone contacts she deftly forestalls.
Then she serves him a beer,
Making perfectly clear,
She can handle his bock and his calls.
--- Bob Giandomenico P0110
Is that with their occasional lapse
(As I get the word
From one wise old bird)
Cunning linguists are popular chaps.
--- Anon
Who enjoys nothing more than to bicker,
She is certain to win
Every fight you get in;
So try not to argue - just dicker.
--- Jerry Nordal P0107
Raised hell with a madam from Nice.
He was told to keep quiet
But he started a riot.
And was jailed for disturbing the piece.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2256
Be immune to the ills of his flock.
The strong, young ones are best,
Female patients attest,
And scorn, quickly, an old croupy doc.
--- Bob Giandomenico P0112
Took 'Chance' as his nickname, for he's
In search of a mate
And now on each date
He sings to them "Give Chance a Piece".
--- Anon
Once went down on a girl in a crater.
She tasted quite salty,
(Not at all chocolate-malty)
But he was, on the whole, gladiator.
--- Michael Weinstein P9206a
Heard the rule against dirty crescendo.
To an act, be oblique
With a word such as "Greek",
Which is just, so I say, innuendo.
--- Mad Scientist
She'd take on just any who knocked.
She screwed old man Fincher
Who had a three-incher,
And claimed that he went off half cocked.
--- David Miller
"There are guys into drugs, booze, or slimmin',
Or jogging or rock,
But me, I dig cock,
And the one thing I'm into is women."
--- Armand E Singer 190
The receptionist would grumble and scoff.
When people would phone,
She'd say with a drone,
"I'm sorry, today is Jack off!"
--- Travis Brasell
With his fists was of ethics bereft.
He would weaken each foe,
With a skillful low blow,
Then apply cunning clips to his left.
--- Bob Giandomenico P0201
For starters, I fancy Ophelia;
Then later in bed,
While I'm giving you head,
You can bet I'll be making Amelia."
--- Peter Wilkins
A gal schooled in sexotic kicks.
He scouted prepared
With treats to be shared;
He packed plenty of he-man trail mix.
--- Esther Koch P0102
From ladies it draws great applause.
For that hair-trigger fella,
Who comes a cappella,
The device, a gal's friend, "Man-O-Pause".
--- Tutta Gioia
He's clever but mean - a real hater;
He needles good folks
With gibes and forked jokes:
They call him a true master baiter.
--- Armand Singer
A most misanthropical hater;
He insulted all others,
Even sisters and brothers,
Damned proud to be called "Master Baiter."
--- Armand E Singer 721
Makes all the class laugh when she states,
"I'm really appalled;
Stand up when you're called --
I'm talking to you, Master Bates!"
--- Armand E Singer 924
Whose amorous coupling creates
One after another,
A son and his brother,
To suffer the name, Master Bates.
--- Allan Ottley, 1975
He'll argue you down - a top rater;
His reasoning's sound;
His knowledge profound.
He floors you: a master debater.
--- Armand Singer
He pulled out his prick to distract her.
She encouraged young Max
So he pulled off his slacks,
And on top of the tractor, Max Factor.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0770
And was thrilled when he finally sacked her.
"Why did, if you'll pardon,
Elizabeth Arden?"
"Because, Sir, that beastly Max Factor!"
--- Jim Weaver Collection
"I leave myself feeling quite stranded.
When I masturbate,
It's supposed to feel great,
But I can't do it right, I'm left-handed."
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Whose attendance became quite untidy.
His bad habits grew so,
Like Robinson Crusoe,
He always would get off on Friday.
--- David Miller
Flat-headed, I just wouldn't do.
She settled instead
For Phil Phillip's head.
He tightened her up a bit too.
--- Jim Weaver Collection a
Nor bookies bemoaning their luck.
But what you will find
Are wankers gone blind,
And Eunuchs just can't give a fuck.
--- SFA