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There was a young lady named Forrer There was an old man from Peru, Oh Heavens! I am sorry, pet; One thousand one hundred and ten! Said an angry young lady of Frandal: There once was an upcoming lad, I once thought I loved you, monsieur, "I'm sorry, dear Darling - you hurt me. The pleasure of sex is a verity. A young, confident bridegoom named Hughes, The bride gave her groom the old nod, The girl called her boyfriend "Slick-shooter," The militia who guard Watkins Glen, The piteous plaint of a maid A luscious young nymph named Dorella A teenage slut from Verdun A dirty young fellow named Dick A vulgar and loathsome young slob The thoughts of the Playboy on sex They say I'm a sexual dunce, I made love to Pam when she beckoned. The suffering wives must endure "Embarrassed" is my middle name; Our Claire, who'd had sexual relations A self-centered young fellow named Newcombe, A guy who was too quick to come, I once was in bed in New York A girlie named Shirley from Burley, To come early is such a darn shame. The first time a pussy I sighted, An innocent teacher named Craig, She was a young virginal bride A self-confessed sex hound named Nailer A freshman with visions Elysian, A hot Piute squaw in Nevada It is good when you rock and you roll; A nearsighted fellow named Nicky Mable announced at Mahjongg: I'm famous for liking to bung; An accident prone fellow, Nick, There was a young girl named McGruder I had been quite unaware In addition, girls love to get scummy I always take care with my bone; A lady named Marjorie Cole There once was a woman called Jane, She bounced from the bed in dejection "Nearsighted Don Juan," he was named; If a girl will not give in an inch, There once was a girl named Celeste, I told her, "I cannot construe, To the doctor, a fellow named Long There once was a girl, Judith Smiles, Let me tell you about my old chum, Anne urged on the young man astride her, That young man made Annie much madder, I knew that young girlie called Annie; When he tried fucking Mame from the rear, A girl of refined femininity There was a young lady from Sark There once was a man named O'Malley A Roman whose name was Spartillicus There once was an old city gent, A silly old farmer from Wendover A liberal lady from Greer, When Julie was shagged by big Joel, A furtive old fellow of Bath
Who looked for a man to restore her.
With her spouse so inept
She would rather he slept,
For she called him the Great Unexplorer.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0150
Who asked his young wife if she'd screw.
She assumed the position,
Stating her one condition,
"Wake me up just as soon as you're through."
--- Bob Birch P0107
And this I most truly regret.
I've now hurt your feeling,
By watching the ceiling;
But, I couldn't see the TV set.
--- Karen
Don't talk! Now I must start again!
The dots on the ceiling
Are much more appealing,
Than Barbie's old eunuch friend, Ken.
--- Anon
"Your sexual effort's a scandal!
That short, feeble poke
Was a horrible joke.
Now I'm sorry I burned up my candle!"
--- G2130
Full of juice, but a bit of a cad.
Once he got off his rocks,
He would put on his socks,
And sneer, "Well, I guess you've been had!"
--- John Ciardi
But after tonight I'm not sure.
You've gone off half-cocked
All over my frock,
And left a big stain on the floor.
--- Michael Horgan
You surely forgot to alert me
To ready the lube.
Your slim little tube
Has caused a great pain to insert'n me."
--- Anon
Too bad that it's done with CELERITY.
To the lady's complaint,
A John Holmes you ain't, (big penis porn star died AIDS)
Though it made him a quick dead celebrity.
--- Chris Papa
Told his bride, "You've got nothing to lose,
'Cause I'm pure dynamite!"
She said, "You may be right,
But I fear you might have a short fuse!"
--- Anon
And showed him her curvy young bod;
When he saw her twat,
Right there on the spot,
His 'dynamite' blew up it's wad.
--- Anon
So quick on the draw was the brute; her
Frustration to solve, her
Man tried a "Revolver,"
So high-calibre, he's now a neuter.
--- Robin K Willoughby P8412
Embrace local girls now and then.
So quick were they done,
That the girls had no fun.
So that's why they're called "minute men"
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0305
Is often that she's been betrayed:
"I feel so bereft --
He screwed me, then left."
But she's not really lost, just mislaid.
--- Norm Storer
Was raped by an ape in the cella.
She cried, "That baboon
Went and came too damn soon,
But then so does the average fella!"
--- Larry Wilde
Said to her boyfriend, "We're done!
I may not be bright
But I know what I like,
And you're finished before I've begun."
--- Snaggletooth
Would tease with his hard, horny prick.
He'd leave his mate steaming
But leave before creaming;
He was a most mean dirty trick.
--- Limericks Naughty & Gay
Defiled an old spinster named Cobb.
She called for some help
To lay hands on this whelp,
For he hadn't completed his job.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1393
Are seldom if ever complex.
He comes in a trice
Which is not very nice,
And not what his Bunny expects.
--- G0181
'Cause I don't perform cunning stunts.
But is it a sin
To just bang it in?
Three minutes; I haven't come once.
--- Tony Burrell
I finished, she threw me out, reckoned
At sex I'm no good.
How could she conclude
Such a thing after only ten seconds.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Husbands whose loving is poor.
When after they've wed,
Too often in bed
Are PRECIPITATE and premature.
--- Chris Papa
The look of my face is of shame.
'Twas to be an all-nighter;
I had sworn to delight her,
But on entry preemptively came.
--- Bob Birch P0302
With many, gave forth this oration:
"Too many young men
Get real keen, but then
It's premature ejaculation."
--- Tiddy Ogg
Who seduced many girls but made few come,
Said, "The pleasures of tail
Were ordained for the male.
I've had mine. Do I care whether you come."
--- L1624
Was selfish to boot, and then some.
Each gal he'd berate
For finishing late,
Then scat, with the utmost aplomb.
--- Chris Papa
With a man who had popped his cork.
But he popped it too early
Which made me feel surly,
And I killed him off with a spork.
--- Michelle
Was lovely, with hair long and curly.
We lay in the flax,
But I reached my climax
Too early and Shirley grew surly.
--- Coolbreeze
When with a nice little dame,
She could be real nice
By licking it twice.
It'll make a soft cock rise again.
--- Coolbreeze
I became suddenly excited.
I was put in my place
With a beet-reddish face,
'Cause my rocket had too soon ignited.
--- Dirruk
Whose knowledge of sex was quite vague.
One evening last June
He climax'd too soon,
And the spend trickled down on his leg.
--- Armand Singer
Until the groom slipped it inside.
He quickly pulled out
And said "Honey, look out!....
Well, I'm done, are you satisfied?"
--- Anon
Dragged a girl to his room to assail her.
He swore he would screw her,
And make her his whoo-er
But at all but a bum-fuck, did fail her.
--- G1018
This is file xpm
Once screwed a appendix incision.
But the girl of his choice,
Could hardly rejoice
At this horrible lack of precision.
--- L0333
Got madda and madda and madda.
What so dismayed her
Was the Injun who laid her,
For he poked his vast pud in her bladda.
--- G0801
But be careful. If you can't control
Your prick when it's drilling,
She might not be willing,
When she winds up with more than one hole.
--- Martin V Jensen
Decided to have just one quickie.
In his haste to embrace,
He faced the wrong place,
And got his dohickey all ickey.
--- Pierce Evans
My husband's dick is too long.
I don't mean to be crass...
Sex is a pain in the ass."
Old Gert cried, "You're doing it wrong!"
--- John K Roberts P9302 a
My member in bushes well-sprung.
But if I should miss
That vaginal kiss,
My dong will be covered in dung.
--- SFA
Attempting coitus too quick,
Hit flesh in between
The holes of Eileen,
And now wears a sling on his dick.
--- Irving Superior P9404
Said to the nocturnal intruder,
"I should turn on the light
To be sure you aim right,
For the last time you went in my tooter!"
--- Grand Prix Lim 411
That all women were longing to share
Their most private goodies,
With three or four woodies,
And, preferably, in the derriere.
--- Anon
If you stop and then shoot on their tummy;
They enjoy rubbing gook
In each cranny and nook,
Then licking their fingers with, "Nummy!".
--- Anon
It seeks out a moist hole for home.
I aim for that slit
Just above where you sit --
But my cock's got a mind of it's own!
--- Anon
Placed this ad today [personal]:
"I've got just the crude
For some Oiler dude,
If only he'll drill the right hole!"
--- Gearhart
For whom sex was too much of a pain.
When her boyfriend called Lars
Rammed his cock up her arse,
She vowed never to do it again.
--- Anon
And said of his lower half section:
"You boast that your post
Is the toast of the coast,
But you can't even make a connection!"
--- Grand Prix Lim 662
Girls' scorn made him feel so ashamed,
But he had to admit,
He rarely did hit
The targets at which he had aimed.
--- Armand E Singer 554
And from moral behavior won't flinch,
And she finds it too crass
To be fucked up the ass,
Then her armpit will do in a pinch.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0712
Whose boyfirend had caught her undressed.
He gave her the shaft
Just two inches aft.
Now that's where she likes it the best.
--- David Miller
If it's in where you pee or you poo."
She said, "You dumb bastard!
It's fine to get plastered,
But get your dick out of my shoe!"
--- John Miller
Said his wife had objections so strong --
Though he fucked her first class,
'Twas a pain in the ass.
Said the doc, "You are doing it wrong!"
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2992
Who went out one night on the tiles.
But she made a mistake
With a sailor named Drake,
Who missed and punctured her piles.
--- Anon
The one who is incredibly dumb.
When he went for a screw,
He didn't know what to do,
So he ended up giving her bum.
--- Anon
To hurry and get it inside her.
He was hung like a horse
And had to use force;
Now Annie is sadder but wider.
--- John Miller
After the first time he had her.
He turned her around
And rode her, face down --
And made Annies wider but sadder.
--- Karrilyn
She liked to be stuffed up the fanny.
But that wasn't all,
For I seem to recall
She enjoyed it in every cranny.
--- Peter Wilkins
She cried, "What are you, a man or a queer?
You pick for your hole
My dirty asshole,
When my cunt is so hot and so near!"
--- G1038
Decided to lose her virginity.
Her man said, "My dear,
Now don't shed a tear,
It's the wrong hole, but in the vicinity."
--- Anon
Who would only make love in the dark.
But her boyfriend said, "Hon,
Could you loosen your bun?
I can't tell if I'm hitting the mark."
--- G1606
Who was frigging a lassie named Sally.
The first words she spoke,
As he gave her a poke,
Were "Mister, you're right up my alley!"
--- Anon
Had sex with his girlfriends umbilicus.
In spite of strong doubt, he
Deflowered her out-sy,
And made in an in-sy, the silly cuss.
--- G2513
Who mounted a lady from Gwent.
She said, "Oh your pole...
It's in the wrong hole!"
He said, "That's okay, dear, it's bent!"
--- SFA
Told his busty young milkmaid to bend over,
Then he planted his tool,
Till his wife said, "You fool,
You're shoving it up the wrong end of her."
--- Michael Horgan P0409
Presenting her opulent rear,
Was pained to discover
Her hard-driving lover
Was ignorant where he should steer.
--- Hugh Oliver A106B
With his muscular, seven-inch pole,
She cried, "Ow, that's sore,
Are you perfectly sure
That you're shoving it up the right hole?"
--- Michael Horgan
Occasioned his mistress's wrath;
On commencing to harden,
He entered her garden,
But led her up quite the wrong path.
--- Hugh Oliver A059A
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