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At the corner of Hollywood-Vine A promiscuous lady named Grace He thought he was master and lord; He banged her until he came gushin' To his girl, a young fellow named Fred So Fred dropped his pants to the floor The mother observed with remorse Though mother the marriage did thwart. The old lady's charges were filed I don't expect much from a man. I'd offer to last the whole night, My true love for you has not died. She wanted a quickie divorce, She found reason two, she could use Though sex is my favorite leisure, I'm sorry that sex is a pain, I'm an expert in open-pit mining; As he rolled off the young lass, he said, At the theater, a fellow named Bract Said a worn-out old tourist in Nome: There was a young girl from Taipei A sex-crazy robot named Ray There was a young lady of Linz There once were a couple of rockers, The tale about poor Ms. Lee; There was a young cowgirl named Haddle I dream of that night in Bruxelles To MacDonald's would go young Miss Hopper -- There was a young woman named Gretchen This chandelier swinging's too risky; An actress of a very young age, There once was a gentleman dapper, An uppercrust couple, the Chases, Archie has done it in bed. At the firehouse a fireman is not 9 8 7, 6 5 4, 3 2 1; An old patternmaker named Warbocks, Over in Nepal to the west, There was a mortician named Dauphin, On the cruise ship the Norse lover scored If you look around in the fall, The Incas who lived in Peru The sex that we had was quite kinky. There was an old man named Purnell, I know you will think this quite strange, While with sheep I don't like to compete, A newspaper novice in Norton, The love life of many hot wenches A sextet of nymphs and a satyr, There was a young fellow named Wage A horny young footman named Dockery, On a date with a lady, young Gore A palsied old lady named Blair There once was a couple from Detroit Dear Rosie, the wife of young Ellis, A toast to a woman World Cruising, There was a young lady named Ford While rolling about in the hay A coffin must be quite expensive. There once was a lover named Keith There was a young lady named Fairway A dying Lothario named Castle I know that we have caused some stares, If you can't get 'em free any more, It is Winter outside, the winds roar, There was this young woman called Mabel
A voice from the crowd murmured "Fine!
I've adjusted my drawers
And I'm utterly yours,
But that snatch that you're at isn't mine."
--- Hugh Oliver A020A
Was tired making love, face to face.
She presented her back,
Cried, "Alas and alack,
Your pecker has found the wrong space!"
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0411
And kept pumping her with his sword --
She moaned, not from passion,
But because he kept bashin'
Her poor head against the headboard!
--- Kaylin a
And gave her poor head a good crushin'.
Thank goodness he's spent;
Her neck is quite bent,
But worst of all is the concussion.
--- Karen
Said "Darling, let's both fuck in bed."
But the lady replied,
"Not until I'm a bride,
But I'll let you put in just the head."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0156
And over his girl he did soar,
And his pecker he urged
Till the head was submerged,
But her mother saw all through the door.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0157
And she kicked Freddy's ass with such force
That his prick sailed on through,
Split the hymen in two,
And Fred blew his wad like a horse.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0158
There still was bad news to report.
To the daughter forlorn,
An infant was born;
As for Fred, he was sued for support.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0159
That her daughter by Fred was defiled.
The facts were extruded
And the jury concluded
That the mother had fathered the child!
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0160
I'd like more than flash-in-the-pan.
If he lasts all night,
That would be alright.
Do you think that any man can?
--- Anon
At my age 'twould be a delight.
But it might be boring
Because of my snoring;
The volume would cause you a fright.
--- Anon
I cherish it here, deep inside.
But, you're still a jerk
And you'll have to work
At getting back on my good side.
--- Anon
For her husband had neither the force
Nor the stamina, length,
The rigidity, strength,
Nor the thickness and width of a horse.
--- Peter Wilkins
To rid herself of his small fuse.
She said to the court
Without frail retort,
"Like the horse, he fucks wearing shoes!"
--- Travis Brasell
And gold in them hills, I do treasure,
I'm through with prospectin'
'Cause now I'm rejectin'
The pain that has followed my pleasure.
--- Cubby
And has driven you very insane.
If tunnels cave in,
Don't go where you have been --
Go open-pit mining for gain.
--- Marlene Lewis
It all starts with wining and dining.
When I find a good pit,
As I yesterday did,
It's always one with a pink lining.
--- Dirruk
"You're the first one I've had in this bed.
But I've had seven more
Down there on the floor,
And fucked forty-three in the shed."
--- Shawn Seabrook
And his wife showed a great lack of tact.
They engaged in coition
In the first intermission,
Then slept soundly through the last act.
--- Michael Weinstein P9804
"Travel may broaden one, in Rome,
But you don't need a passport
If you're look for ass-sport--
There's all you can take, right at home."
--- G0691
Who was voted the Queen of the May.
But the pole she went 'round
Wasn't stuck in the ground,
But attached to a young man named Wei.
--- G0466
Had sex in the bathtub one day.
His circuits eroded,
His ballocks exploded,
And frightened his woman away.
--- Anon
Who went into antics and spins
With her Hindu ascetic
And his counsel prophetic,
For he had her on needles and pins.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0723
Who went out with a bird with big knockers.
They wanted to play
And she didn't say nay,
So they took her behind the girls' lockers.
--- Anon
She fell for some guy who's N.G.;
The story is laid
Just out of Belgrade,
And so, for that matter, was she.
--- Armand E Singer 797a
Who dated a lad from Seattle.
She preferred not to spar
In the back of the car;
She would much rather fuck in the saddle.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0705
With a bevy of Belges all so belles...
We dined first on mussles
Then worked our love muscles...
My God! We went off like bombshells!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Quarter pounders were in and were proper.
But she soon had an itch
For a Burger King switch --
For where else can you get the Big Whopper.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2982
Who's passion was on-the-net bitchin',
Till she discovered men
And since then has been
On her back in all rooms but the kitchen.
--- Richard Raffals
I did try it once with young Trixie.
The thing broke, alas;
She spent hours getting glass
From my ass, which she cleaned up with whiskey.
--- Anon
Thought sex was the ultimate rage.
Her lovers all know
They are part of the show,
When she insists on coming on stage.
--- Tom Patton P0409
Who followed a punk whippersnapper
Into the can
According to plan,
And screwed the young man in the crapper.
--- Limericks Naughty & Gay
Would make love in some outrageous places;
In doorways and halls,
Zoos, restaurants, and malls,
And even at home in some cases.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
This is file xom
Sometimes just in his head.
Or on the phone
And often alone.
He may even do it when dead.
--- Ericka
Supposed to have girls on his cot
But guys being guys
And with unzippered flies,
Things at firehouses often get hot.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0505
I'm afraid that I have just gone
And done it once more,
In reverse on the floor,
With a beautiful girl called Yvonne.
--- Prof M-G
Once screwed an old whore on a core box.
And after a flyer
On top of a dryer,
She stayed home for a week with a sore box.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2379
The Gurkhas and Sikhs used to tryst.
"Come Singh, lets go prayin',"
"He can't, him-a-layin',
Won't be long now, we'll ball with the Brits."
--- Anon
Who preferred to sleep in a coffin.
It was there that he tried
To make love to his bride;
And he did, but not very often.
--- Popsicle TP9807
In a lifeboat, as they crossed a fjord.
He got caught having sex
By a sailor named Rex,
Who shouted, "There's a man over broad!"
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0503
You'll find folks are having a ball!
They're rolling around
With beaus on the ground --
They even do that in the mall!
--- Anon
Had a game they called diddle-dee-doo.
It was probably great
But it doesn't translate,
So the details I'll leave up to you.
--- Neal Wilgus P8305P
And once it was on the golf linky.
On the back of a mule,
And once in preschool,
But the best was on my kitchen sinky.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Whose fame will remain immortal.
He devisied an emporioum,
A most wondrous sexorium,
And entitled the place a Motel!
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2758
But my bride will our kitchen arrange;
With her clothes on the floor,
A night shade by the door,
She'll want to be laid on the range!
--- Mark Levy P9901
Your suggestion is really quite neat.
But your lay in the hay
Didn't use lingerie.
Nor do I, though I might use a sheet.
--- Anon
Said, "Here's some good news to report on:
I've found since I wed
That a lithograph bed
Is not the best bed to disport on."
--- Harold C Bibby
Occurs in parked cars and park benches,
Porch rockers and bed,
Where they're happy to spread;
But do avoid wet-bottomed trenches.
--- Grand Prix Lim 840 G0221
Made love in a stalled elevator,
The foyer, the hall,
In the tub, 'gainst the wall,
And inside the refrigerator.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Whose girl thought that he was the rage.
For he placed her ass hairy
On a fat dictionary,
And had one piece of ass on each page.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0375
Was screwing a maid on some crockery.
Cried the girl, "This is crass!
Having shards up one's ass
Makes the service involved just a mockery!
--- Playboy Mag J F O'Conner
At first thought his girl was a bore
For her mother had said
Don't take boys into bed,
But she fucked very well on the floor.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0177
Found her maid being laid on the stair.
She chuckled and said
"It's more fun in bed...
So finish in mine...I don't care."
--- Grand Prix Lim 128
Who at nookie were quite adroit.
They banged on the stair
With their usual flair,
And on the lake near Irondequoit
--- Anon
Fell down and she broke her pelvellis.
With a cast to her head,
She was no good in bed,
So he screwed his sweet Rose on the trellis.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0692
A great writer and friend we are losing.
We wish her good luck.
May the men she will fuck
All be of the woman's own choosing.
--- Writerman
Who found herself now and then floored,
Or bedded, or chaired,
Or top of the staired --
And occasionally revolving doored.
--- Arthur Deex P9301A
With a farmer's nude daughter one day,
I was surprised that the bitch
Denied any itch,
But claimed to prefer it that way!
--- Norm Storer P0209
If using for boffin' extensive.
I'll rent you a room;
Boff without gloom.
Your boffin' can be more intensive.
--- Anon
Who performed on a funeral wreath.
"Though I sometimes get torn
By a stem or a thorn,
I get roses to stick 'tween my teeth."
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Who looked to be loved in a rare way.
She commenced from her bed
Where she stood on her head,.
Then had one on each step of the stairway.
--- Albin Chaplin
No longer with problems would hassle.
So he took a last trip
To that desolate strip
Which bridges the cunt and the asshole.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0798
While perfecting bonking in pairs.
If we get half tight,
We do get it right,
It's just a bit harder on stairs.
--- Cheryl
And you haven't the cash for a whore,
And a session with Bess
Can't relieve your distress,
Try buying the cutie next door.
--- John Miller
While inside, you sneeze and you snore.
You can't go canoeing
To get in your screwing,
But a lot can be done on the floor.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Who at table tennis was very able.
While playing with boys,
The game with no noise,
Was carried on under the table.
--- Gunjan Saraf
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