Big Wood and the hag were dismayed;
'Twas no longer fun getting laid.
But instead of divorce,
He swapped her for a horse,
And got the best of that trade.
--- Anon

Quite sordid and most maladroit
Was the neighborhood studsman's exploit:
He fucked like Old Scratch
At the cinched-up old snatch
Of my ugliest aunt from Detroit.
--- G0656

Well son, I am old and I'm ruthless;
I've overweight, balding and toothless.
If that silly tart
Wants me in her heart,
Well, she just must be totally useless.
--- Tiddy Ogg

A lad with a fine virtuosity
Debauched an old maid with ferocity.
When the maid did recover
She said, "Where's my lover,
For the law does permit reciprocity."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024 P8112

When looking around for a swifty,
Consider the ladies past fifty:
"They don't yell, they don't swell,
And they're grateful as Hell."
(But younger is surely more nifty.)

Between one's frustration and panic,
The difference is really titanic --
The first time, it's not nice
When you can't do it twice --
The reverse, oh dear Lord, drives you manic.
--- Martin Wellborn P8509

This old retired sailor name Crouse,
Spent many nights in a whorehouse.
But when he turned eighty,
He said to a matey,
"I go there now only to browse!"
--- Laurence Craft

An 80 year old man named Ed
Would take a young girl to his bed,
But when he got there
He had nothing to share--
His desire was all in his head.
--- Tom Patton P9709

How ironic that as one gets bald,
One is less and less frequently balled,
Till at last, guess what,
Time comes--one does not,
And even the best have bawled.
--- Ann Gasser P9112

The young lover always wants more,
Till the tip of his penis is sore.
Then most men like a go
Twice a week, or so;
But at ninety the whole thing's a bore.
--- G0136

When you're old, it gets cold in December,
So you sleep with the opposite gender.
If you do something right
And get lucky one night,
Did you like it? You can't quite remember.
--- William N Nesbit P9605 a

A senile old fellow of Lowing,
Said: "The signs of my aging are showing.
Though not yet impotent,
I'm incontinent;
I don't know if I'm coming or going."
--- Phil T

For a pharoah who ruled on the Nile,
The result of old age proved most vile.
Increasing senescence,
Infrequent tumenscence,
And a weakness that quite cramped his style.
--- Armand E Singer 54

He'd oft shoot his load over Dot,
And from yards, hit the revalent spot.
But at eighty, instead
Of a geyser, old Ted
Merely dribbles it into her twat.
--- Peter Wilkins

A horny young lady was Lynn;
For money she married old Flynn,
But his pecker was dead
So the young lady said,
"When I stand on my head, drop it in."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0725

There was an old fellow from Anchorage,
Who was riddled with fury and rancorage.
When he offered abusement,
The girls gave refusement,
And all he had left was the hankerage.
--- Isaac Asimov

In our dotage I noodled sweet Janet;
Every other third Thursday we'd plan it.
Though she'd rub it with lard,
I couldn't stay hard,
When into that dry hole I'd ram it.

I'm finished," wailed lecherous Leach,
"Good sex honored more in the breach;
For now that I'm aging,
The hormones aren't raging:
My conquest's a figure of speech."
--- Armand Singer

This aged man of whom we speak,
Likes to try a new whore every week,
Because he can't remember
Where he dipped his member.
Flesh is willing but the mind is weak.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

It was just like old Lester one day,
When he joined a young woman in play,
To fail in recalling,
How to go about balling,
So he did the whole thing the wrong way.
--- Isaac Asimov

As he fitfully fumbled a whore,
This senile old man, Willie Blore,
With a toothless grin said,
"Though my sexer is dead,
I find it still fun to explore."
--- Grand Prix Lim 206

"I wish I could climax," said Max,
As moaning he put on his slacks.
"The trouble with age,
Is how to engage...
One has to get stiff to relax."
--- Freude N. Slipp P8111

When a nonagenarian Ben
Saw a pretty young girl with some men
At the seaside one day,
A friend heard him say,
"What I'd give to be 80 again!"
--- A N Wilkins P8509

And old couple dated for years,
Then one night when they'd had a few beers,
They thought they would wed,
For it's cheaper, one bed,
And to part every night just brings tears.
--- Richard

So they wed and the deed it was done,
And the rest of the guests they had gone,
He said "Sex?" hopefully;
She said "In-frequently."
"Is infrequently two words or one."
--- Richard

He said: "Now dear, over you bendo,
And soon we will reach a crescendo."
She said, "Don't be coy."
Replied the old boy,
"Okay, straight, and not innuendo."
--- Tiddy Ogg

Said old Father William, "I'm humble
And getting too old for a tumble,
But produce me a blonde
And I'm still not beyond
An attempt at an interesting fumble."
--- Conrad Aiken

By sex we were oft times inspired;
And our loins were frequently fired.
But now I must say
As years pass away,
It usually just leaves me tired.
--- Anon

Said an impotent, mellow old fellow,
As he mooched into Mamie's bordello:
"I'd sure love to do it,
But I'm just not up to it,
So I'll just have a smell, and say Hell-lo!"
--- Grand Prix Lim 978 G1784

One good romp, and then they just smolder,
The flames of passion just grow colder --
Takes weeks to rekindle
The fire in their spindle,
That happens as men become older!
--- Anon

A sad-eyed old timer named Page
Cried out, in his impotent rage,
"It's mighty damn vexing
To hanker for sexing,
After you've been done in by old age!"
--- Grand Prix Lim 257

Said the geezer, "I'm ready for screwing.
I feel a great sex orgy brewing.
I'm a studly don Juan
So let's get it on,"
But his dead pecker said, "Nothing doing".
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0608

Said the geezer, "I need some romance!
An affair, my life style would enhance.
I would like a good screw
Every evening or two,"
But his pecker, the boss, said "Fat chance!".
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0608

This is file xim

At times I have urges erotic
But recognize them as quixotic.
I swear someday that I
Will give it one more try
Though some of my parts are necrotic.
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P9609 a

An old codger proposed to Sue,
Though when asked about sex, he was blue.
"Infrequently," Ed
Reluctantly said.
But she asked, "Is that one word or two?"
--- A N Wilkins P0211 P8405a

There's a certain young woman named Sharon,
Who's decided to marry a baron.
At age eighty-four
He can do it no more.
But he's rich, so she isn't despairin'.
--- Isaac Asimov

"Seventy times in one night is the score,"
Said the proud bridegroom, aged ninety four.
"On the day were were wed,
Sixty nine on the bed,
And one on the way to the floor."
--- Bob Giandomenico P9209

Full ninety years old was friend Wynn,
When he went to a hookshop to sin.
But, try as he would,
It did him no good,
For all he had left was the skin.
--- L1127

There was a young fellow named Beakley,
Who managed at first a tri-weekly.
Then he tried with some care
A try-weekly affair;
Before long he was doomed to try weakly.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2438

An old fornicator of Friant,
Whose cock, year by year, became pliant,
Remarked, "As to screwing,
It's been my undoing,
And the whores now have lost a good client."
--- G0338

Now the golden years come and they go,
Leaving brown streaks, by now you must know;
You will soon feel the prod
Of Reality's Rod;
When you reach the big six oh, soon you'll go!
--- Allen Wolverton

Sixty one! No more fun pitching woo;
No more wet dreams about ring-dang-doo;
Chasing babes as of yore,
Makes the prostate quite sore;
Sixty two's when it gets tough to screw.
--- Allen Wolverton

Things get worse when you reach sixty three;
Because then, it will hurt when you pee.
Then at age sixty four,
You will poop on the floor;
Just as well now; it's harder to see!
--- Allen Wolverton

About then, you're much less debonair;
You'll be wearing a bib, placed with care,
'Cause at age sixty five,
You be drooling saliv-
Ah, with food lumps all stuck in your hair!
--- Allen Wolverton

Things get worse, at age sixty six;
To your bod, every underthing sticks;
Then at age sixty seven,
You'll sneak into heaven;
But your fragrance will foil all such tricks.
--- Allen Wolverton

A long pow-wow will settle your fate;
Sixty eight's when you're shipped down to Sat-
An! Where time marches on,
Till your memory's gone!
Sixty nine, pal? Forgot? It's too late!
--- Allen Wolverton

Forget sixty nine? Are you mad?
No reason, old chum, to be sad.
At 80 years young
With a flexible tongue,
One still can get pussy, m'lad.
--- Peter Wilkins

And even at ninety or so,
It's never too late for a go;
An implant or three
Or Viagra for tea,
And the biddies will big for a hoe.
--- Peter Wilkins

Well, your octogenarian pet,
Has a tasty surprise, I'll just bet;
Yes sir, fumble for fun;
Get her pampers undone;
What you see, pal is what you will get!
--- Allen Wolverton

You can throw the Viagra aside,
When formaldehyde stiffens your pride;
You can last 'til she craps,
As you fondle her flaps,
Like a couple of eggs, kind of fried.
--- Allen Wolverton

My feelings are hurt and I'm sad;
Young mistress of mine treats me bad.
Whenever we greet
Her friends on the street,
She always says, "Meet my old dad."
--- Travis Brasell

Oh now, you must not feel blue!
She just does not want to share you.
She claims that you're old
So they won't be bold
Enough to say, "Daddy, lets screw!"
--- Marlene Lewis

Well now, you're ever so sweet,
But what hurts me most when we greet
My mistress's friends
Is that she extends
Her intro with 'meet' and not 'meat'!
--- Travis Brasell

As someone once said: You should tell her
This dictum below, my good feller.
"Don't be so uncouth,
There's snow on the roof,
But a fire still burns in the cellar."
--- Tiddy Ogg

"Oh Ethel?" "Yes dearest?" "My part
Has arisen; pretend you're a tart?"
"But of course, Ron, I'll wank you
And spank you and crank you."
"Oh thank you, dear Eth; can we start?"
--- Anon

"Like this, yes?" "Oh Eth!" "Is it good
For you Ron?" "Oh that's lovely. Now could
You just rub a bit faster?"
"Oh Ron, you're the master."
"Oh Eth?" "Yes?" "I'm getting a wood."
--- Anon

"Whew! Ethel?" "Yes Ron?" "Be a dear,
Stop your wanking; I've come over queer."
"Does my squeeze make you wheeze?"
"Yes. I'm sorry, Eth. Please
Turn that knob on my pacemaker here."
--- Anon

I guess I will tell you the truth;
I'm sitting here, fondling young Ruth,
Who has pointy nipples,
After only two tipples
And soon we will do thing uncouth!
--- Archie

I once made me movies of porn,
With Ruth 'midst the alien corn.
But now I am toothless
And truthless and Ruthless
And all my libido has gorn
--- Tiddy Ogg

You're hair will soon be turning grey,
(If you have any left, I should say.)
But don't count the cost,
Not everything's lost,
There's plenty of time left to play.
--- Tiddy Ogg

So you can't keep it up now all night,
But experience tells you what's right.
Your partner to please,
You know all the keys,
To give pleasure to a great height.
--- Tiddy Ogg

Look forward to what lies ahead;
Your prostate means wetting the bed.
Then there's gout and arthritis,
And the pain of colitis,
You'll be wishing quite soon you were dead.
--- Tiddy Ogg

That last verse, pretend it's not there.
It just floated up out of the air.
But as I'm getting old
And my brain's growing cold,
I've lost the delete key, I fear.
--- Tiddy Ogg

And now I must stop for a pee;
Very soon, lad, you'll be just like me.
Just a half-witted fool,
Who will dribble and drool,
'Til somebody calls you for tea.
--- Tiddy Ogg

Okay now, I've been to the loo.
What is it I'm trying to do?
Write a big birthday verse?
I don't know; tell me nurse,
I'm writing this message to who?
--- Tiddy Ogg

Hello, this is nurse Emma Croft.
That silly old fool's nodded off.
But I'll send this to you,
As I'm sure he meant to...
God knows but his brain has gone soft.
--- Tiddy Ogg