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Big Wood and the hag were dismayed; Quite sordid and most maladroit Well son, I am old and I'm ruthless; A lad with a fine virtuosity When looking around for a swifty, Between one's frustration and panic, This old retired sailor name Crouse, An 80 year old man named Ed How ironic that as one gets bald, The young lover always wants more, When you're old, it gets cold in December, A senile old fellow of Lowing, For a pharoah who ruled on the Nile, He'd oft shoot his load over Dot, A horny young lady was Lynn; There was an old fellow from Anchorage, In our dotage I noodled sweet Janet; I'm finished," wailed lecherous Leach, This aged man of whom we speak, It was just like old Lester one day, As he fitfully fumbled a whore, "I wish I could climax," said Max, When a nonagenarian Ben And old couple dated for years, So they wed and the deed it was done, He said: "Now dear, over you bendo, Said old Father William, "I'm humble By sex we were oft times inspired; Said an impotent, mellow old fellow, One good romp, and then they just smolder, A sad-eyed old timer named Page Said the geezer, "I'm ready for screwing. Said the geezer, "I need some romance! At times I have urges erotic An old codger proposed to Sue, There's a certain young woman named Sharon, "Seventy times in one night is the score," Full ninety years old was friend Wynn, There was a young fellow named Beakley, An old fornicator of Friant, Now the golden years come and they go, Sixty one! No more fun pitching woo; Things get worse when you reach sixty three; About then, you're much less debonair; Things get worse, at age sixty six; A long pow-wow will settle your fate; Forget sixty nine? Are you mad? And even at ninety or so, Well, your octogenarian pet, You can throw the Viagra aside, My feelings are hurt and I'm sad; Oh now, you must not feel blue! Well now, you're ever so sweet, As someone once said: You should tell her "Oh Ethel?" "Yes dearest?" "My part "Like this, yes?" "Oh Eth!" "Is it good "Whew! Ethel?" "Yes Ron?" "Be a dear, I guess I will tell you the truth; I once made me movies of porn, You're hair will soon be turning grey, So you can't keep it up now all night, Look forward to what lies ahead; That last verse, pretend it's not there. And now I must stop for a pee; Okay now, I've been to the loo. Hello, this is nurse Emma Croft.
'Twas no longer fun getting laid.
But instead of divorce,
He swapped her for a horse,
And got the best of that trade.
--- Anon
Was the neighborhood studsman's exploit:
He fucked like Old Scratch
At the cinched-up old snatch
Of my ugliest aunt from Detroit.
--- G0656
I've overweight, balding and toothless.
If that silly tart
Wants me in her heart,
Well, she just must be totally useless.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Debauched an old maid with ferocity.
When the maid did recover
She said, "Where's my lover,
For the law does permit reciprocity."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024 P8112
Consider the ladies past fifty:
"They don't yell, they don't swell,
And they're grateful as Hell."
(But younger is surely more nifty.)
The difference is really titanic --
The first time, it's not nice
When you can't do it twice --
The reverse, oh dear Lord, drives you manic.
--- Martin Wellborn P8509
Spent many nights in a whorehouse.
But when he turned eighty,
He said to a matey,
"I go there now only to browse!"
--- Laurence Craft
Would take a young girl to his bed,
But when he got there
He had nothing to share--
His desire was all in his head.
--- Tom Patton P9709
One is less and less frequently balled,
Till at last, guess what,
Time comes--one does not,
And even the best have bawled.
--- Ann Gasser P9112
Till the tip of his penis is sore.
Then most men like a go
Twice a week, or so;
But at ninety the whole thing's a bore.
--- G0136
So you sleep with the opposite gender.
If you do something right
And get lucky one night,
Did you like it? You can't quite remember.
--- William N Nesbit P9605 a
Said: "The signs of my aging are showing.
Though not yet impotent,
I'm incontinent;
I don't know if I'm coming or going."
--- Phil T
The result of old age proved most vile.
Increasing senescence,
Infrequent tumenscence,
And a weakness that quite cramped his style.
--- Armand E Singer 54
And from yards, hit the revalent spot.
But at eighty, instead
Of a geyser, old Ted
Merely dribbles it into her twat.
--- Peter Wilkins
For money she married old Flynn,
But his pecker was dead
So the young lady said,
"When I stand on my head, drop it in."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0725
Who was riddled with fury and rancorage.
When he offered abusement,
The girls gave refusement,
And all he had left was the hankerage.
--- Isaac Asimov
Every other third Thursday we'd plan it.
Though she'd rub it with lard,
I couldn't stay hard,
When into that dry hole I'd ram it.
"Good sex honored more in the breach;
For now that I'm aging,
The hormones aren't raging:
My conquest's a figure of speech."
--- Armand Singer
Likes to try a new whore every week,
Because he can't remember
Where he dipped his member.
Flesh is willing but the mind is weak.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
When he joined a young woman in play,
To fail in recalling,
How to go about balling,
So he did the whole thing the wrong way.
--- Isaac Asimov
This senile old man, Willie Blore,
With a toothless grin said,
"Though my sexer is dead,
I find it still fun to explore."
--- Grand Prix Lim 206
As moaning he put on his slacks.
"The trouble with age,
Is how to engage...
One has to get stiff to relax."
--- Freude N. Slipp P8111
Saw a pretty young girl with some men
At the seaside one day,
A friend heard him say,
"What I'd give to be 80 again!"
--- A N Wilkins P8509
Then one night when they'd had a few beers,
They thought they would wed,
For it's cheaper, one bed,
And to part every night just brings tears.
--- Richard
And the rest of the guests they had gone,
He said "Sex?" hopefully;
She said "In-frequently."
"Is infrequently two words or one."
--- Richard
And soon we will reach a crescendo."
She said, "Don't be coy."
Replied the old boy,
"Okay, straight, and not innuendo."
--- Tiddy Ogg
And getting too old for a tumble,
But produce me a blonde
And I'm still not beyond
An attempt at an interesting fumble."
--- Conrad Aiken
And our loins were frequently fired.
But now I must say
As years pass away,
It usually just leaves me tired.
--- Anon
As he mooched into Mamie's bordello:
"I'd sure love to do it,
But I'm just not up to it,
So I'll just have a smell, and say Hell-lo!"
--- Grand Prix Lim 978 G1784
The flames of passion just grow colder --
Takes weeks to rekindle
The fire in their spindle,
That happens as men become older!
--- Anon
Cried out, in his impotent rage,
"It's mighty damn vexing
To hanker for sexing,
After you've been done in by old age!"
--- Grand Prix Lim 257
I feel a great sex orgy brewing.
I'm a studly don Juan
So let's get it on,"
But his dead pecker said, "Nothing doing".
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0608
An affair, my life style would enhance.
I would like a good screw
Every evening or two,"
But his pecker, the boss, said "Fat chance!".
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0608
This is file xim
But recognize them as quixotic.
I swear someday that I
Will give it one more try
Though some of my parts are necrotic.
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P9609 a
Though when asked about sex, he was blue.
"Infrequently," Ed
Reluctantly said.
But she asked, "Is that one word or two?"
--- A N Wilkins P0211 P8405a
Who's decided to marry a baron.
At age eighty-four
He can do it no more.
But he's rich, so she isn't despairin'.
--- Isaac Asimov
Said the proud bridegroom, aged ninety four.
"On the day were were wed,
Sixty nine on the bed,
And one on the way to the floor."
--- Bob Giandomenico P9209
When he went to a hookshop to sin.
But, try as he would,
It did him no good,
For all he had left was the skin.
--- L1127
Who managed at first a tri-weekly.
Then he tried with some care
A try-weekly affair;
Before long he was doomed to try weakly.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2438
Whose cock, year by year, became pliant,
Remarked, "As to screwing,
It's been my undoing,
And the whores now have lost a good client."
--- G0338
Leaving brown streaks, by now you must know;
You will soon feel the prod
Of Reality's Rod;
When you reach the big six oh, soon you'll go!
--- Allen Wolverton
No more wet dreams about ring-dang-doo;
Chasing babes as of yore,
Makes the prostate quite sore;
Sixty two's when it gets tough to screw.
--- Allen Wolverton
Because then, it will hurt when you pee.
Then at age sixty four,
You will poop on the floor;
Just as well now; it's harder to see!
--- Allen Wolverton
You'll be wearing a bib, placed with care,
'Cause at age sixty five,
You be drooling saliv-
Ah, with food lumps all stuck in your hair!
--- Allen Wolverton
To your bod, every underthing sticks;
Then at age sixty seven,
You'll sneak into heaven;
But your fragrance will foil all such tricks.
--- Allen Wolverton
Sixty eight's when you're shipped down to Sat-
An! Where time marches on,
Till your memory's gone!
Sixty nine, pal? Forgot? It's too late!
--- Allen Wolverton
No reason, old chum, to be sad.
At 80 years young
With a flexible tongue,
One still can get pussy, m'lad.
--- Peter Wilkins
It's never too late for a go;
An implant or three
Or Viagra for tea,
And the biddies will big for a hoe.
--- Peter Wilkins
Has a tasty surprise, I'll just bet;
Yes sir, fumble for fun;
Get her pampers undone;
What you see, pal is what you will get!
--- Allen Wolverton
When formaldehyde stiffens your pride;
You can last 'til she craps,
As you fondle her flaps,
Like a couple of eggs, kind of fried.
--- Allen Wolverton
Young mistress of mine treats me bad.
Whenever we greet
Her friends on the street,
She always says, "Meet my old dad."
--- Travis Brasell
She just does not want to share you.
She claims that you're old
So they won't be bold
Enough to say, "Daddy, lets screw!"
--- Marlene Lewis
But what hurts me most when we greet
My mistress's friends
Is that she extends
Her intro with 'meet' and not 'meat'!
--- Travis Brasell
This dictum below, my good feller.
"Don't be so uncouth,
There's snow on the roof,
But a fire still burns in the cellar."
--- Tiddy Ogg
Has arisen; pretend you're a tart?"
"But of course, Ron, I'll wank you
And spank you and crank you."
"Oh thank you, dear Eth; can we start?"
--- Anon
For you Ron?" "Oh that's lovely. Now could
You just rub a bit faster?"
"Oh Ron, you're the master."
"Oh Eth?" "Yes?" "I'm getting a wood."
--- Anon
Stop your wanking; I've come over queer."
"Does my squeeze make you wheeze?"
"Yes. I'm sorry, Eth. Please
Turn that knob on my pacemaker here."
--- Anon
I'm sitting here, fondling young Ruth,
Who has pointy nipples,
After only two tipples
And soon we will do thing uncouth!
--- Archie
With Ruth 'midst the alien corn.
But now I am toothless
And truthless and Ruthless
And all my libido has gorn
--- Tiddy Ogg
(If you have any left, I should say.)
But don't count the cost,
Not everything's lost,
There's plenty of time left to play.
--- Tiddy Ogg
But experience tells you what's right.
Your partner to please,
You know all the keys,
To give pleasure to a great height.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Your prostate means wetting the bed.
Then there's gout and arthritis,
And the pain of colitis,
You'll be wishing quite soon you were dead.
--- Tiddy Ogg
It just floated up out of the air.
But as I'm getting old
And my brain's growing cold,
I've lost the delete key, I fear.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Very soon, lad, you'll be just like me.
Just a half-witted fool,
Who will dribble and drool,
'Til somebody calls you for tea.
--- Tiddy Ogg
What is it I'm trying to do?
Write a big birthday verse?
I don't know; tell me nurse,
I'm writing this message to who?
--- Tiddy Ogg
That silly old fool's nodded off.
But I'll send this to you,
As I'm sure he meant to...
God knows but his brain has gone soft.
--- Tiddy Ogg
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