MORE
Said an eightyish woman named June Said John, "This elaborate position I once knew a gal from Algiers, So I laid that old maid on her belly This may be a joke to you, I used Crisco, I used K-Y, I used oil; It was my most frustrating screw; Emily Dickinson wrote of great passion, Little do they know that even now, That past thousand years has gone quick! But that has advantages too; At the end of a life spent in sin, With maidens both buxom and thin, While clearing my attic last night, It seems that I "Did it with V" I "Did it with P" every day The entry for January 4 In my calendar for '84, And yes George, I did come again, Another year older; I find The sequence, as you know, is put neatly: At night as I lay on my back, No matter if only one hill; Now older I look at life bleakly; I guess it's a natural trend. Oh, If your age is causing distress, Now you know you are not being fair; So quit all this stuff about weakness So sorry you no longer wobble; Not really distressed 'bout my age; Several people expressed regret Still round here a wobble I'll be; As long as you wobble that's fine, A woman once went to great pains The women you know sound so sneaky, Affairs with sweet Roo's? Never knock it! A young girl of exquisite form Epileptic cornhusker, young Fritz A fellow from Rio del Mar There was a young lass of New York, "How do I love thee?" he would say Now Sam was the pink of deportment; There was a young man from St Cloud, When the daughter went out with Carruther, At night after sinking a flagon, Sally's sex-life was carefully planned. There was a Young Lady of Turkey, Mused fastidious Molly B Ewing, "Far dearer to me than my treasure," (With a cockswain or two, for good measure.")
With her big lusty bust, Bonnie Boggs A girl who appeared in 'La Ronde' For me, sex is like two dogs humping, A meticulous fellow named Kirk, In case you like sexual stunts, Contortionists are known for flexion, A fuck and a thrust and a parry; Before getting married, Diane A comely young widow from Ayre A fellow canoeing named Whipple If he knows enough not to choke you, Said Mel to his date, "Listen, Bunny, Man's life on this Earth is a bust; At a gathering near Fort Macleod, There are some who suspect that Miss Riegel A neat sort of lecher is Sidey, There once was a lady named Gloria (modified by McW)
Said a chippie to Buggerby Hoke,
When her ninetyish man came too soon,
"You're a stick in the mud
And a useless old dud.
That's twice that you've failed me since noon."
--- Isaac Asimov
Should result in delightful coition;
But with all the exertion
Required for insertion,
I'm too breathless to pump, in addition."
--- Isaac Asimov
A virgin for fifty-two years.
She finally broke down
With a night on the town,
And three hours with her thighs on my ears.
--- Anon
And broke out the old k-y jelly.
Her 'roids I greased,
And I was real pleased
When my dick didn't wind up too smelly.
--- Anon
But she don't have to be fifty-two.
I had one twenty-three
And as tight as can be.
She turned my once happy balls blue!
--- Anon
Still nothing could lighten my toil.
Mr. Happy went limp
Like a tranquilized chimp.
So never did I fertilize the soil.
--- Anon
My worst freakin' nightmare come true.
Now me thinks "tight's" overrated
If can't be integrated.
Now I only screw one's marked 'drive thru'!
--- Anon
Wild nights; Wild nights are they rationed?
When we were young,
It was so much fun.
Now the young look on us with compassion.
--- Azul
Making love is better somehow.
We still get the rush
When our eyes touch,
But we take our time and it's WOW!
--- Azul
But I fear that it's nature's cruel trick
That the older one is,
Tempus fugit ... like whizzzz!
And reduces the power of one's dick.
--- Anon
No more premature fizzing of goo;
No more single orgasms,
But multiple spasms,
For all of you ladies I woo.
--- Anon
I look in my mirror and grin:
If I'd thought to ration
My sexual passion,
Perhaps I could still get it in!
--- Norm Storer P0108
I have sampled all classes of sin.
But of late I have learned
That although fire still burned,
I was just not the man I had been.
--- Norm Storer P0108
An old diary of mine came to light.
'69 it was dated,
But was it X-rated?
Dunno; but I'll read it tonight.
--- Anon
Many times until March 23;
Then from March 24
Seems I did it no more
For in red I wrote "Did it with P".
--- Anon
Throughout April and well into May;
Then no entries at all
In my diary 'til fall
When I "Did it with A, J and K".
--- Anon
Just reads "Did it with V" nothing more.
Now that "V" could be vigour
Or Vicky I figure;
Or five? Most unlikely I'm sure.
--- Anon
I noted I managed to score;
She was really gorgeous;
P'raps this girl of George's
Is mine... I'll be his dad-in-law!
--- Anon
Three times, though it poured down with rain.
But during that shower
I plucked her sweet flower,...
But was her name Sylvie or Jane?
--- Anon
My libido has somewhat declined,
And instead of each day
Somewhat less is OK;
But the thoughts are still there in my mind.
--- Anon
Tri-nightly, try nightly, tri-weekly.
Then weekly you try,
Now bleakly you sigh,
And now and then you just try weakly.
--- Anon
My man explored twin peaks and crack....
The cartography's changed:
The old mountain range
Is now just a hill and train-track!
--- Anon
It's a brand new explorative thrill.
And as long as the actions
Provoke satisfactions,
There's bundles of fun in it still.
--- Anon
Good grief, was it really tri-weekly
For many long hours?
So just where have my powers
Gone, reduced as I am to try weakly?
--- Anon
When young I could reach a crescendo
Most every day,
But it's slipping away,
Now and often a dim innuendo.
--- Anon
And your power's are less, I suggest,
That you work out a bit,
And soon you'll be fit.
Then, come here and take off my dress.
--- Anon
That night with pencil in the air,
You took me to heaven,
And made love times seven.
As a lover you CANNOT compare.
--- Anon
And degenerating into antiqueness;
I've had quite enough
And I call your bluff;
The seven? Can you repeat this?
--- Anon
I loved it, but still I could knobble
You. Now that you're Tigger,
Just bounce on my trigger;
But seven? No wonder I hobble.
--- Anon
And my fitness, you'll just have to gauge.
When I start to caress
You and take off your dress;
For your lust I can surely assuage.
--- Anon
Saying wobbly was the best name yet;
If you can hobble,
I suppose I could wobble;
Let's hope I don't live to regret!
--- Anon
I prefer to wobble you see.
Had to change a letter,
Do you think this is better?
I am Wobblie no longer Wobbly
--- Anon
'Cause we all think it's rather divine.
Whether y or i e,
Would you wobble for me
Between tea-time and quarter-past-nine?
--- Anon
This is file xhm
To fit my wee horsey with reins.
She feared that my colt
Would soon shoot-his-bolt,
And cover her undies with stains.
--- Anon
(And reins on your horsey's just freaky.)
But on second thought,
Doing laundry ain't hot.
Can't blame her if you're cockaleekie.
--- Anon
But take care when inserting your rocket,
If you choose the wrong place,
They'll spray you with mace,
So always we use the right socket!
--- Archie
Was quite choosy with whom she'd perform.
But when out in a gale
She'd fuck every male,
Saying, "Any old pork in a storm."
--- G0072
Shucked corn and he shucked between fits.
He dated Miss Bruce
Whose bowels were loose,
So he fucked in between fits and shits.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0161
Had ways that were slightly bizarre.
He said, "It's a lark
To grope in the dark,
But blindfolded is better by far."
--- Limericks Naughty & Gay
Who loved fondling her boyfriend's big dork.
She would stroke and embrace it,
Then carefully place it
At the spot where her two legs did fork.
--- Isaac Asimov
To me each and every damn day;
And then he would count
Just after he'd mount;
It sure did take MY breath away!
--- Anon
Of manners he had an assortment.
In his impeccable way
He would courteously lay
And would come with the proper exhortment.
--- Limericks Naughty & Gay
Who was fucking his girl in a crowd.
When someone up front
Said "Hm, I smell cunt,"
Just quiet like that, not out loud.
--- William K Alsop Jr
His entreaties to fuck she did smother.
But she said, "Please lay down,
I'll get on with no gown."
And she thus did disgrace the boy's mother.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2037
My tail really got quite a wag on.
Then free of all cares
I'd stagger upstairs,
Determined to 'enter the dragon.'
--- Anon
Said she, "I prefer to be manned.
Things that are anal
Are always so banal,
But things that expand are just grand."
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Who wept when the weather was murky;
When the day turned out fine,
She spread out supine --
A good lay, though a little bit quirky.
--- Edwardian Leer 090
"There's a bad downside, even to screwing.
The tight shoe that pinches:
It's only two inches
'Twist pleasure and loathsome poo-pooing.
--- Armand Singer
The heiress declared, "Is my leisure.
For then I can screw
The whole Harvard crew.
They're slow by that lengthens the pleasure."
--- L0355A
Lures her men as she casually jogs...
She goes for coition
In any position,
But prefers the one used by hedge hogs.
--- Grand Prix Lim 385
Once confessed, as she drank a 'biere blonde':
My life's quiet," she wept,
"I do nothing. Except--
Well, I fuck a group called 'tout le monde'."
--- G2477
Or fire truck hoses a-pumping.
My Marilyns strap-on
Is perfect to crap on,
Like a pole vault without all the jumping.
--- Anon
Had a truly unusual quirk;
If the sheets were askew
When he went for a screw,
He could not get his weenie to work.
--- Cap'n Bean P0102
Don't take on five cunts all at once.
All wise men eschew
Overdoing a screw;
It can shrink mighty peckers to runts.
--- G0774
And bend many ways for injection.
But watch which and whose
They bend for and choose
The ones who're least prone to infection.
--- Jon Gearhart
His partner in lust he'll not marry,
But given the thrill
Of her Blueberry Hill,
He just may continue to tarry.
--- Anon
Offered this marital plan:
"I'll never get fussy
If you screw only my pussy,
Or you'll witness some shit hit the fan!"
--- Laurence Craft
Has climbed from the depths of despair;
With no spouse to bed her,
And no friend of wed her,
She relies now on strangers to lay her.
--- Norm Storer P0108
Seduced an old maid with a triple.
With his stance ornamental
And his manner so gentle,
One could scarcely observe any ripple.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0379
When he starts to orally poke you,
He has enough skill
To give you a thrill
Later on, when he starts to stroke you!
--- Kaylin Brandon
Your crack about cash wasn't funny!
Some boffing is nice,
But selling, it's vice.
So don't you again mention money!"
--- Larry Wilde
His symbols corrode and they rust.
To improve his life's term,
He must husband his sperm,
And must work without raising a dust.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2485
This whisper, comes by in the crowd:
"I do not object,
Now you're fully erect,
But kindly don't do it so loud."
--- Hugh Oliver 90d
Believes making love is illegal;
She will NOT go to bed
With Tom, Dick, or Fred,
But everyone says Miss McTeague'll.
--- Limber Limericks
Who keeps all his love affairs tidy;
The redhead on Sunday,
The blonde babe on Monday,
The others on Tuesday or Friday.
--- Armand Singer
Whose lewdness was such it would worry ya.
She fucked only negros--
They've much bigger pegos--
I'd say more, but I don't want to bore ya.
--- G0600
"I'm sure what you said is a joke.
Of course I've a pair
Of apertures there--
Just make sure it's the top one you poke!"
--- Grand Prix Lim 460 G0983
MORE