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Said Billy, "You're old, and I must There was a young fellow named Fletcher, Judge Hemp and Reverend Lockjaw There's a geezer in Lima, Peru, When Joe came to visit young Nell My boy, if you like to have fun, See, as we do age, we do find, Life's great and I'd not wish for more. The lovely young lady called Mandy, An ancient but jolly old bloke, There was a young wench in Del Norte, Said a wife, as they drove out of Boulder, There's winter in the hair of my ass. A railwayman, running from Crewe, Getting old's not a cause to be glum, A lovely young thing named Lee Ann, And I'm doing the best that I can.
At last in his sixties he came A hooker who worked in LA This was an extended duration Preached Reverend Algernon King, There was a young girl of Berlin, At ninety a codger named Fred There was an old codger named Ben There was a young man who gave chase, Geriatric sex coupling is fine; An eighty year old was Sir John, Though Grandpa had reached eighty-four, "It's a young wife I need," said the sage, To Grandpa sex is quite a must. Old age to this couple is kind, They say sex when you're old is still fun, A maestro by name of Calhoun I know an old codger named Lee, When a perky old Blue met a Grey, There was an old lady aloof, Engrossed, he sure ain't Alley Oop; He said: "Now dear, over you bend-o, In Summer he said she was fair, A one-woman fellow named Thorn Although Sally and I have grown old, And the one's our own age who do In the Home, an old Grey met a Blue, A young corporate banker named Beatty In the quaint little village, St. Claude, At "Heaven's Awaiting You" care, "But Katie, I love you sincerely." Said an old maid one fondly remembers, (But your poker feels great in my embers!")
Rapid aging leaves me in a stupor; So slow was the horny old duchess, "At 20, said Joe, "I'd have drilled you. An elderly matron named Jude She was old but she still liked to do it. All the dames at the Home for the Aged You know how it is with old folk. There was a young lady who wouldn't. I lured this ol' gal, with a wink In this case I'd not make a stink; Rhonda, the BEST at that rink You may not believe me, and yet, Oh yes, I remember ol' Cookie, A pious old lady of Brewster, At 90, when boffing, May's thrust lags, A middle-aged lady once reckoned, As the years go by and the pleasure Getting old's not a cause to be glum, There was an old maid of Duluth, (With a "lithpy" young man name of "Brooth".)
There once was a lady who thought
Save this young girl from your lust,
So give her up, pops."
Two bops to the chops --
Bill picked his ass out of the dust.
--- John Miller
A widely reputed old lecher.
When he'd take on a whore,
She'd need a a rebore,
And they'd carry him out on a stretcher.
--- L0295
Had a prayer meet one eve with my Pa;
Monosyllabic grunts
About sweet college cunts!
They drooled and bellowed "Hee-haw!"
--- Anon
Who claims he's still able to screw.
No, he isn't uncouth;
He's telling the truth.
He can saw and can hammer well too.
--- P0609
She convulsed in a bad, sickly spell.
But she said to him, "Dear,
There is nothing to fear,
For my grandmother fucks very well."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0276
If you take all the girls one by one,
And when reaching four score,
Still don't find it a bore,
Why then, you're a hero, my son.
--- Isaac Asimov
No matter our speed, we're behind.
But this is no race,
So set a slow pace.
And tell your friend's friend to unwind.
--- Anon
Each day I"ve sex at 94,
With young widow Mandy
And for me it is handy,
To live at 92, so next door.
--- Donald McGill
To men was just youthful eye-candy.
But at number thirty
Lived old dirty Gerty,
Who was, it would seem, far more randy.
--- Donald McGill
Once picked up a lass for a poke.
He wore her plum out
With his fucking about,
And shit in her shoe for a joke.
--- Archie
Who liked to screw men over forty.
She said, "It's too quick,
With a young fellow's prick;
I like it to last and be warty.
--- G2314
"Now, before you become any older,
I believe you should know
You're becoming quite slow."
So he stopped on the shoulder and rolled her.
--- Keith MacMillan A025B
There's summer in his heart; he has class.
He never misreads
Every one of my needs.
"That's nice; is there spring in his ass?"
--- Anon
Said, "How I regret that so few
Lady passengers dream
That I'm still full of steam,
Or else they'd be forming a queue."
--- Harold C Bibby
Or to eschew a ride on her bum,
Though her portal, they say,
May get wrinkled and grey,
It is still pink inside, and still fun!
--- Joe Long
Attacted an elderly man.
She started to weep as she said with a pout,
His lack of inventiveness puts me to rout.
It's the same old damn thing, weak in and weak out,
--- J Robert Greene A
And was asked if he still liked the game.
"Well, I'm losing my zest
To compete with the best,
But I'm rough on the halt and the lame.
--- Laurence Perrine P8509
Charged two hundred bucks for a lay.
But a geezer caused trouble
And had to pay double,
'Cause it took him two thirds of a day.
--- Arnie schoenbrun P0608
But just minutes for cohabitation.
The bulk of time spent,
By the persistent old gent,
Was working on penile inflation.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0608
"A dirty old mind's a good thing;
You still crave it in bed,
But it's all in your head;
Ten years since your last goatish fling."
--- Armand Singer
Who was raped by an elderly Finn.
Though he diddled his best,
And screwed her with zest,
She kept asking, "Hey Pop! Is it in?"
--- L0005
Claimed to have little trouble in bed
With a pretty young chick.
He managed the trick
With a capsule called "Upjohn", he said.
--- A N Wilkins P8509
Who had a most terrible yen.
The problem was not
The how, why, or what,
But the who and the where and the when.
--- G0014
To loose women. A pitiful case,
Made more sordid by wine,
Till at seventy-nine,
He died with an evil grimace.
--- John Ciardi A
There's no need to wilt on the vine.
So if you're mature,
Let's let love endure.
Will it be at your place or mine.
--- Chris Papa
When he wed twenty year old Yvonne.
His friends told him, "Jack,
She's a sex maniac."
Sir John said, "You're putting me one."
--- Bob Giandomenico P9209a
He loved to have sex more and more;
To Grandma's delight,
He would screw her each night,
Till he came with a thunderous roar.
--- Cap'n Bean P0107
"Who'll react to my sexual rage.
My old girl's got no spring,
And I do the whole thing--
Damn hard work for a man of my age!"
--- G0174
The old lady is still blest with lust.
So life's not too bad,
But it remains sad.
When he's come, she's showered with dust.
--- Dirruk
Their marriage the best one can find.
For he to her chaff
Has grown totally deaf,
And she to his failings is blind.
--- Laurence Perrine P8509
Just as long as you walk and don't run.
But it comes as a shock
When you're still in one sock,
And find things have already begun.
--- Anon
Was wed to a withered old prune.
When his friends did deride,
With a smile he replied,
"On old fiddles, I play a fine tune."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2488
Whose age is one hundred and three;
He has sex with Miss Wren,
Who's one hundred and ten.
This is something I'd rather not see.
--- Cap'n Bean
This is file wjm
She said, "Sir, would you like to go play?"
After dinner and wine,
He said, "Your place or mine?"
And they played Civil War in the hay.
--- William N Nesbit P9605
Who thought that old Rufe was a spoof.
To his penthouse she went
With this harmless old gent,
But old Rufe on the roof gave her proof.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1305
While she over and over does whoop:
"Super sex"! she does offer,
To get him to boff her;
At last, he says: "Yeah, gimme soup!"
--- Anon
And soon we will reach a crescendo."
She said: "Don't be coy."
Replied the old boy:
"OK, straight, and not innuendo."
--- Anon
In Autumn her charms were still there;
But he said to his wife
In the Winter of life,
"There's no Spring in your old derriere."
--- Anon
Once wept he had ever been born.
By the time he persuaded
His girl, she was faded,
And he was too aged and worn.
--- Isaac Asimov
We still treasure our games more than gold.
We still play hide 'n seek
Once or twice every week,
And so do our grand-kids, I'm told.
--- John Miller 0041
Give in to our wishes and screw,
Don't want it often
Enough, for us boffin'
Machines full of gallons of spew.
--- Anon
And said, "I can still function. Can you?
She said, "Sure, if we're done
Before fifty past one,
Because bingo starts promptly at two."
--- William N Nesbit P9605 a
Once had an affair with a lady.
It wouldn't have been
Such a sin, had she been
A couple of years under eighty.
--- Anon
Lived a 90 year old virgin named Maude.
One day she moaned,
"I'll never get boned,
Till I firm up this wrinkled old bod".
--- Anon
Old Bert is in deepest despair;
For his lady friend, Kate,
At one hundred and eight,
Has embarked on another affair.
--- Peter Wilkins
"I know, my dear Bert, but your nearly
One hundred and three
And you can't even pee,
Whereas Tom can still manage it yearly."
--- Peter Wilkins
"Now my days are quite clearly Septembers.
All my fires have burned low,
I'll admit that it's so,
But you still might have fun in the embers."
--- Playboy Mag J F O'Conner
She was hot in the flick "Starship Troopers,"
In a very short time
She's 'way past her prime,
And her boobs have become C-cup droopers.
--- Anon
She could never keep out of men's clutches.
She was fucked as she ran,
By a one-legged man,
Who managed to crotch her on crutches.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0119
At 50, I guess I'd have thrilled you;
But not now, when you're weighty,
And 80, dear Katie,
With cunt infestations of mildew."
--- Peter Wilkins
Was screwed by a man who was stewed.
She exclaimed in disgust,
"My old man, he's a bust;
Now I know what it's like to be screwed."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0224
She'd lost all her teeth and we knew it.
I took her to bed;
She grinned and she said,
"I gum, I don't fuck, I eschew it."
--- Anon A
Lay in wait for the chance thay might lay Jed,
Who though octogenarian,
Was a horny and hairy 'un;
They'd cry, "How 'bout a romp in the hay, Jed?"
--- Robin K Willoughby P8509
We'll do anything to get a good poke.
Whether old or young,
Hard dick or tongue,
We can still give you a good soak.
--- Anon
Her mother had told her she shouldn't.
When dear mama died,
She felt free. So she tried,
But by then she's so old that she couldn't.
--- Isaac Asimov
And a promise of wild sex and drink.
But, to my lament,
The next morn, when she went,
She left her teeth there in the sink!
--- Anon
You did pretty well, I should think.
Teeth out for the job
Costs ten extra bob,
From the girls at the Happy Hour Rink.
--- Anon
Has habits akin to a mink.
For a small sum of cash
And just an eyelash,
She can get you to come in a blink.
--- Anon
Old gals are the very best bet.
They don't yell, tell, or swell,
And they fuck hard as hell,
For it may be the last one they'll get!
--- Albin Chaplin 3024 G0234
And that all-nighter cowboy nookie.
Though older than dirt,
I did make him hurt;
At love making I am no rookie.
--- Anon
Forgave all who'd ever abused her,
But flew into a rage,
Time could not assuage,
When she thought of one cad who'd refused her.
--- John Ciardi
And when on her knees ol' May's bust drags;
But for her dry twat
Just look what May's got;
She wipes that thing clean with new dust rags.
--- Anon
The passage of time to a second,
Then rounded it out
To ten years, just about,
Since the last man had come when she beckoned.
--- John Ciardi
Has been had many times beyond measure,
We don't need so much
And the timing is such,
That ladies our age start to treasure.
--- Anon
Or to eschew a ride on her bum;
Though her portal, they say,
May get wrinkled and gray,
It is still pink inside, and still fun!
--- Q
Who wept when she thought of her youth,
Remembering chances
She missed at school dances,
And once in a telephone booth.
--- Anon A
Only one thing, but thought it a lot.
She thought yes and no,
Till at eighty or so,
She decided she rather thought not.
--- John Ciardi
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