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The housewife her duty does shirk A man about town with a flair, Now that I have your full attention, I don't think that fondling your thigh Of all beasts of land, air, and sea, I love you dear, honest I do, A prissy young hussy named Pru A young public steno from Surrey, A gentleman shouldn't bring haste for it. There was a young man of Natal, (Published 1879)
Said a sweet little damsel, "I blush, I like a man with a slow hand, There once was a nympho named Carrie, A fine lassie from old Edinborough, There was an old fellow named Wills There was a sly wily Berliner, While sailing his ship, Duke O'Malley Can they str ((( e ))) tch to accommodate T H I S? There was a young lady named Dee A cocksman from Kalamazoo Well maybe you're looking for me; Speak kindly to women in pain, There was a young lady named Meg, There was a young man of St. Kitt, Should a fellow discover some night, From the Fed we all get a shag nor A homely old spinster of France, "It's no good," said Lady Maud Hoare, A middle-aged lady named Brewer, There was an old spinster of Tyre, An old turkey plucker from Perth They've done a definitive study Up here in my opulent mansion, Since your interest now is phallic, She rarely has time for my meat; A fund-raising man of Utrecht A charitable lady named Wertz There was a young lady named Anna, A generous damsel named Marge, An affectionate girl of Arcadia, There was a young woman of Geneva, There once was a fellow named Finster, There was a young dolly named Molly To a diffident fellow named Legman, A landlady living in Gower, A fastidious old man of Westminster, I dislike all this crude notoriety I think I once fucked that guy; There was a young fellow of Tulsa, While cuddled up under the blanket, There was an art tart in Gallipoli A tourist who stopped at Capri, Good heavens, I hope you're not shocked! Meanwhile, back at the ranch, There was a young fellow named Blaine, A reckless young man from Fort Blaney, Can it be that some other mens' greed There was a young girl named McGarrity, A knight in full armor, Sir Cleaver, I met a young lass named Roberta, When the Duchess of Bagliofuente The psychiatrist heard with reflection A soft-hearted whore named Miss Tuckem Poor Charlie was struck with bad luck; There was a young lady named Wertz The first chap to fuck little Sophie
As she jumps into bed with a smirk
And she shows her crevasse,
But she parcels her ass,
In return for some specified work.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0329
Used to date all the homeless girls there.
His idea's not complex,
Just that right after sex,
He could drop these broads off anywhere.
--- Don Moore P0401
I still am hesitant to mention
Your fly is undone,
But, today at one,
The doc told me "reduce your tension."
--- Anon
Would put such a glint in your eye.
And as for your tension,
It comes from abstention --
Thought you were a more active guy!
--- Anon
Man behaves the most curiously.
For no other creature
Possesses this feature:
Loving "A" while thinking of "B."
--- Bob Giandomenico P9102
But your Mum is a much better screw.
If you miss me tonight,
When you turn out the light,
I'll be giving you mother her due.
--- Anon
Confided, "It may well be true
That I seem to be rigid,
And, yes, even frigid--
But really, I'd rather ske-rue."
--- Norm Storer
Did her work well with never a worry.
Though her clients were myriad
She did not miss a period,
For she never did things in a hurry.
--- John Ciardi
He must see that the lady is paced for it.
He must kindle the fire,
Raise it carefully higher,
Producing a connoisseur's taste for it.
--- Isaac Asimov
Who was having a Hottentot gal.
She said, "Oh, you sluggard!"
He said, "You be buggared!
I like to fuck slow, and I shall."
--- Norman Douglas L0073
At requesting you, sir, not to rush.
Before pounding the meat
In a blazing white heat,
Why not finger the soft underbrush."
--- Isaac Asimov
Whose mere touch sends me to dreamland.
I'd rather no speed
For this private deed;
On that point, I'm taking command.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Who screwed every Tom, Dick, and Harry.
But she later confessed
That Harry was best,
'Cause Tom and Dick turned out to be fairies.
--- Laurence Craft
Once was screwed in a freshly turned furrow.
To encourage fertility,
With all her ability,
She tried hard as she could to be thorough.
--- Isaac Asimov
Who dear wife had so many ills,
That he nearly had fits.
Till he turned to his wits
And he fucked between fevers and chills.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2931
Renowned as a secretive sinner.
So sly, elementary,
And phased was his entry,
No fraulein detected him in her.
--- David Alan Brooks Q
Hurt his back when he fell in the galley.
But he got along fine
With his old concubine,
With a push and a shove from his valet.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0284
(I'm incredibly tense from your kiss.)
Now I promise, you know,
That I'll do it r e a l s l o w,
Till you're practically fainting with bliss.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Who wanted the late show to see.
But her husband, though blind,
Just had sex on his mind,
So she fucked him while watching TV.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0678
Discovered a halavascroo.
"She's so good," he declared,
"She should really be shared!"
So he let his best palavatoo!
--- Norm Storer
I'm right here behind a palm tree.
I'm looking for you,
'Cause I need a good screw,
And honey for you it's all free!
--- Anon
For they are the ones who have lain
With you while you humped
Their asses and pumped
Hot jism again and again.
--- Anon
Who liked sitting on a boys peg.
Said she, "I don't mind.
I like to be kind.
And I hate to see young fellows beg."
--- John Ciardi
Who was screwing a spinster, but quit.
Said she, "Don't be scary
It's only my cherry,"
But he said, "It feels more like a pit."
--- L0891A
A girl's body in bed, it's all right.
He should think it's good luck,
And accept the free fuck.
He will bugger her too, if he's bright.
--- L0495
Do they care if we're on the rag more.
Do I mind some fucking?
When you're double-clucking,
A case of tail dogging the Wagner?
Who all the men looked on askance,
Threw her skirt overhead
And jumped into bed,
Saying, "Now I've at least half a chance."
--- L0834
"I can't concentrate any more.
I'm all in a sweat,
And the sheets are quite wet,
And just look! It's a quarter to four!"
--- L0099
Used to ask all the fellows to screw her.
A favor of sorts,
But the number of sports,
Who were willing grew fewer and fewer
--- John Ciardi
Who bellowed, "My cunt is on fire!"
So a fireman was found,
Brought his engine around,
And extinguished her burning desire.
--- L0902
Related his tales with mirth.
"I have plucked them all!
The large and the small --
And some ladies, for what it is worth."
--- Anon
On why love is getting so muddy.
It seems that we guys
Now only have eyes
For something we call a "fuck buddy."
--- SFA
I wrestle with limerick scansion.
I'm hoping the maid
Will come to my aid
And give me a phallic expansion.
--- SFA
This is file xgm
I hope that your housemaid is Gallic.
Just prove you're flesh and blood
And her deep recess flood;
Much better than something metallic.
--- Ward Hardman
With servants I have to compete.
One day, from her fuzz
I heard a loud buzz,
And mowing her lawn I found Pete. (Wilkins)
--- SFA
Solicited clients select.
"Would you give, Mr. Hayward,
To the girls who are wayward?"
He replied, "I have given direct."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2353a
Exclaimed as she lifted her skirts,
"The United Foundation
Is a poor imitation
Of the way that I give till it hurts."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0778
With a face like a purple banana.
Screwed again and again,
She would faint from the strain,
And the fellow on top had to fan 'er.
--- P8208
When she spied one delightfully large,
Would kick up her heels,
And spurning all deals,
Take care of the thing without charge.
--- Isaac Asimov
To her fellow said, "What can I sadia?
That casual lay
Was simply my way
Of a pleasant hello and good dadia."
--- Keith MacMillan 31b
Whose life was all joie de vivre.
When she grew too old to joie,
She employed a young boy,
To restore the joie to her vivre.
--- L1704
Who lived in the town of Westminster.
He was lonely indeed,
And in terrible need,
So he balled an old homely spinster.
--- Bob Birch P9804
Who thought that to frig was folly.
Said she, "Your peepee
Means nothing to me,
But I'll do it just to be jolly."
--- L0069
A broad whinnied, "Please, must I beg, Man,
Like this for a lay?
I'm willing to pay,
Just to sample the joys of your peg, Man!"
--- Grand Prix Lim 393 0108
Had passions of primitive power--
No masculine lodger
Could possibly dodge her
Demands to embed in her bower.
--- Harold C Bibby
Once dated a dubious old spinster.
So he laundered her clean
In his washing machine,
Where he thoroughly washed out and rinsed her.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024 G1965
I am getting for my impropriety.
All that I ever do
Is what girls ask me to--
I admit I get lots of variety.
--- G0155
To this day, I don't know why.
He is such a gimp
And his dick is so limp;
His features make me want to cry.
--- Rbbrholic
Who said, "Sex has grown very dull, suh,
Yet I'm that much a dope,
If my girl says there's hope,
I don't have the heart to repulse 'er."
--- Isaac Asimov
The bank manager ravished Miss Tankett.
"You'll not get a bill
As I'm taking the pill;
Your deposit, I'll not have to bank it!"
--- Wildman T9712
Who told the clod snodding her snippily,
"That does it for you...
You said one and took two,
But damned if I'll take you on Tripoli.
--- Grand Prix Lim 965
Was had by an old maid for tea.
When she wiggled, he said,
As he patted her head,
"Ah, you're changing the 't' to a 'p'!"
--- L0681
If I can't get some girlie defrocked
While I'm staying away
I might have a wee play
And I don't what to do it half-cocked.
--- Anon
I was fucking a cowgirl named Blanche.
She said, "It's a change
From riding the range,
But I still prefer brandy-and-branch."
--- Victor Gray
And he screwed some disgusting old jane.
She was ugly and smelly,
With an awful pot-belly,
But...well, they were caught in the rain.
--- L0009
Made love to a spinster named Janie.
When his friends said, "Oh dear, ("You can't win:)
She's so old and so queer." (She's ugly as sin.")
He replied, "But the day was so rainy!"
--- Bennet Cerf Coll P9210
Keeps the poor from the jobs that they need?
Having nothing to do,
They incessantly screw
And in consequence rapidly breed.
--- John E Maywood
For whom sex had for years been a rarity.
At an orphanage dinner,
She let six guys in her,
But more from hot pants than real charity.
--- G0650
Spread a maid on the ground to relieve her,
And with helmet intact,
Her crotch he attacked;
'Twas thus that a cleaver met beaver.
--- Albin Chaplin
And I did all I could do to divert her.
But talk wouldn't do.
She wanted to screw.
I gave in. After all, could I hurt her?
--- Isaac Asimov
Took her fourteenth cavaliere servente,
The Duke said, "Old chappy,
I'll keep that quim happy,
If I have to hire nineteen or twenty."
--- L0995
While a maid gave her tale of dejection.
He leaned back with a sigh
As he unzipped his fly,
And he slipped her some love and affection.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024 P8403
Would take on poor cripples and fuck 'em;
And those lame, halt, and blind
And in wheelchairs confined,
If they needed a blow-job, she'd suck 'em.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024 P8511
His dear friend was crushed by a truck.
When he viewed the departed,
He exclaimed as he farted,
"I must give his poor widow a fuck."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2896
Who lay down and lifted her skirts,
And she cried out with clarity,
"This is strictly for charity,
You can give all you have till it hurts."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0779
Was awarded the Kraft-Ebing Trophy.
Thus ten thousand quid,
For what the guy did,
Will be widely considered a low fee.
--- Victor Gray
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