The housewife her duty does shirk
As she jumps into bed with a smirk
And she shows her crevasse,
But she parcels her ass,
In return for some specified work.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0329

A man about town with a flair,
Used to date all the homeless girls there.
His idea's not complex,
Just that right after sex,
He could drop these broads off anywhere.
--- Don Moore P0401

Now that I have your full attention,
I still am hesitant to mention
Your fly is undone,
But, today at one,
The doc told me "reduce your tension."
--- Anon

I don't think that fondling your thigh
Would put such a glint in your eye.
And as for your tension,
It comes from abstention --
Thought you were a more active guy!
--- Anon

Of all beasts of land, air, and sea,
Man behaves the most curiously.
For no other creature
Possesses this feature:
Loving "A" while thinking of "B."
--- Bob Giandomenico P9102

I love you dear, honest I do,
But your Mum is a much better screw.
If you miss me tonight,
When you turn out the light,
I'll be giving you mother her due.
--- Anon

A prissy young hussy named Pru
Confided, "It may well be true
That I seem to be rigid,
And, yes, even frigid--
But really, I'd rather ske-rue."
--- Norm Storer

A young public steno from Surrey,
Did her work well with never a worry.
Though her clients were myriad
She did not miss a period,
For she never did things in a hurry.
--- John Ciardi

A gentleman shouldn't bring haste for it.
He must see that the lady is paced for it.
He must kindle the fire,
Raise it carefully higher,
Producing a connoisseur's taste for it.
--- Isaac Asimov

There was a young man of Natal,
Who was having a Hottentot gal.
She said, "Oh, you sluggard!"
He said, "You be buggared!
I like to fuck slow, and I shall."

(Published 1879)
--- Norman Douglas L0073

Said a sweet little damsel, "I blush,
At requesting you, sir, not to rush.
Before pounding the meat
In a blazing white heat,
Why not finger the soft underbrush."
--- Isaac Asimov

I like a man with a slow hand,
Whose mere touch sends me to dreamland.
I'd rather no speed
For this private deed;
On that point, I'm taking command.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

There once was a nympho named Carrie,
Who screwed every Tom, Dick, and Harry.
But she later confessed
That Harry was best,
'Cause Tom and Dick turned out to be fairies.
--- Laurence Craft

A fine lassie from old Edinborough,
Once was screwed in a freshly turned furrow.
To encourage fertility,
With all her ability,
She tried hard as she could to be thorough.
--- Isaac Asimov

There was an old fellow named Wills
Who dear wife had so many ills,
That he nearly had fits.
Till he turned to his wits
And he fucked between fevers and chills.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2931

There was a sly wily Berliner,
Renowned as a secretive sinner.
So sly, elementary,
And phased was his entry,
No fraulein detected him in her.
--- David Alan Brooks Q

While sailing his ship, Duke O'Malley
Hurt his back when he fell in the galley.
But he got along fine
With his old concubine,
With a push and a shove from his valet.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0284

Can they str ((( e ))) tch to accommodate T H I S?
(I'm incredibly tense from your kiss.)
Now I promise, you know,
That I'll do it r e a l s l o w,
Till you're practically fainting with bliss.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

There was a young lady named Dee
Who wanted the late show to see.
But her husband, though blind,
Just had sex on his mind,
So she fucked him while watching TV.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0678

A cocksman from Kalamazoo
Discovered a halavascroo.
"She's so good," he declared,
"She should really be shared!"
So he let his best palavatoo!
--- Norm Storer

Well maybe you're looking for me;
I'm right here behind a palm tree.
I'm looking for you,
'Cause I need a good screw,
And honey for you it's all free!
--- Anon

Speak kindly to women in pain,
For they are the ones who have lain
With you while you humped
Their asses and pumped
Hot jism again and again.
--- Anon

There was a young lady named Meg,
Who liked sitting on a boys peg.
Said she, "I don't mind.
I like to be kind.
And I hate to see young fellows beg."
--- John Ciardi

There was a young man of St. Kitt,
Who was screwing a spinster, but quit.
Said she, "Don't be scary
It's only my cherry,"
But he said, "It feels more like a pit."
--- L0891A

Should a fellow discover some night,
A girl's body in bed, it's all right.
He should think it's good luck,
And accept the free fuck.
He will bugger her too, if he's bright.
--- L0495

From the Fed we all get a shag nor
Do they care if we're on the rag more.
Do I mind some fucking?
When you're double-clucking,
A case of tail dogging the Wagner?

A homely old spinster of France,
Who all the men looked on askance,
Threw her skirt overhead
And jumped into bed,
Saying, "Now I've at least half a chance."
--- L0834

"It's no good," said Lady Maud Hoare,
"I can't concentrate any more.
I'm all in a sweat,
And the sheets are quite wet,
And just look! It's a quarter to four!"
--- L0099

A middle-aged lady named Brewer,
Used to ask all the fellows to screw her.
A favor of sorts,
But the number of sports,
Who were willing grew fewer and fewer
--- John Ciardi

There was an old spinster of Tyre,
Who bellowed, "My cunt is on fire!"
So a fireman was found,
Brought his engine around,
And extinguished her burning desire.
--- L0902

An old turkey plucker from Perth
Related his tales with mirth.
"I have plucked them all!
The large and the small --
And some ladies, for what it is worth."
--- Anon

They've done a definitive study
On why love is getting so muddy.
It seems that we guys
Now only have eyes
For something we call a "fuck buddy."
--- SFA

Up here in my opulent mansion,
I wrestle with limerick scansion.
I'm hoping the maid
Will come to my aid
And give me a phallic expansion.
--- SFA

This is file xgm

Since your interest now is phallic,
I hope that your housemaid is Gallic.
Just prove you're flesh and blood
And her deep recess flood;
Much better than something metallic.
--- Ward Hardman

She rarely has time for my meat;
With servants I have to compete.
One day, from her fuzz
I heard a loud buzz,
And mowing her lawn I found Pete. (Wilkins)
--- SFA

A fund-raising man of Utrecht
Solicited clients select.
"Would you give, Mr. Hayward,
To the girls who are wayward?"
He replied, "I have given direct."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2353a

A charitable lady named Wertz
Exclaimed as she lifted her skirts,
"The United Foundation
Is a poor imitation
Of the way that I give till it hurts."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0778

There was a young lady named Anna,
With a face like a purple banana.
Screwed again and again,
She would faint from the strain,
And the fellow on top had to fan 'er.
--- P8208

A generous damsel named Marge,
When she spied one delightfully large,
Would kick up her heels,
And spurning all deals,
Take care of the thing without charge.
--- Isaac Asimov

An affectionate girl of Arcadia,
To her fellow said, "What can I sadia?
That casual lay
Was simply my way
Of a pleasant hello and good dadia."
--- Keith MacMillan 31b

There was a young woman of Geneva,
Whose life was all joie de vivre.
When she grew too old to joie,
She employed a young boy,
To restore the joie to her vivre.
--- L1704

There once was a fellow named Finster,
Who lived in the town of Westminster.
He was lonely indeed,
And in terrible need,
So he balled an old homely spinster.
--- Bob Birch P9804

There was a young dolly named Molly
Who thought that to frig was folly.
Said she, "Your peepee
Means nothing to me,
But I'll do it just to be jolly."
--- L0069

To a diffident fellow named Legman,
A broad whinnied, "Please, must I beg, Man,
Like this for a lay?
I'm willing to pay,
Just to sample the joys of your peg, Man!"
--- Grand Prix Lim 393 0108

A landlady living in Gower,
Had passions of primitive power--
No masculine lodger
Could possibly dodge her
Demands to embed in her bower.
--- Harold C Bibby

A fastidious old man of Westminster,
Once dated a dubious old spinster.
So he laundered her clean
In his washing machine,
Where he thoroughly washed out and rinsed her.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024 G1965

I dislike all this crude notoriety
I am getting for my impropriety.
All that I ever do
Is what girls ask me to--
I admit I get lots of variety.
--- G0155

I think I once fucked that guy;
To this day, I don't know why.
He is such a gimp
And his dick is so limp;
His features make me want to cry.
--- Rbbrholic

There was a young fellow of Tulsa,
Who said, "Sex has grown very dull, suh,
Yet I'm that much a dope,
If my girl says there's hope,
I don't have the heart to repulse 'er."
--- Isaac Asimov

While cuddled up under the blanket,
The bank manager ravished Miss Tankett.
"You'll not get a bill
As I'm taking the pill;
Your deposit, I'll not have to bank it!"
--- Wildman T9712

There was an art tart in Gallipoli
Who told the clod snodding her snippily,
"That does it for you...
You said one and took two,
But damned if I'll take you on Tripoli.
--- Grand Prix Lim 965

A tourist who stopped at Capri,
Was had by an old maid for tea.
When she wiggled, he said,
As he patted her head,
"Ah, you're changing the 't' to a 'p'!"
--- L0681

Good heavens, I hope you're not shocked!
If I can't get some girlie defrocked
While I'm staying away
I might have a wee play
And I don't what to do it half-cocked.
--- Anon

Meanwhile, back at the ranch,
I was fucking a cowgirl named Blanche.
She said, "It's a change
From riding the range,
But I still prefer brandy-and-branch."
--- Victor Gray

There was a young fellow named Blaine,
And he screwed some disgusting old jane.
She was ugly and smelly,
With an awful pot-belly,
But...well, they were caught in the rain.
--- L0009

A reckless young man from Fort Blaney,
Made love to a spinster named Janie.
When his friends said, "Oh dear, ("You can't win:)
She's so old and so queer." (She's ugly as sin.")
He replied, "But the day was so rainy!"
--- Bennet Cerf Coll P9210

Can it be that some other mens' greed
Keeps the poor from the jobs that they need?
Having nothing to do,
They incessantly screw
And in consequence rapidly breed.
--- John E Maywood

There was a young girl named McGarrity,
For whom sex had for years been a rarity.
At an orphanage dinner,
She let six guys in her,
But more from hot pants than real charity.
--- G0650

A knight in full armor, Sir Cleaver,
Spread a maid on the ground to relieve her,
And with helmet intact,
Her crotch he attacked;
'Twas thus that a cleaver met beaver.
--- Albin Chaplin

I met a young lass named Roberta,
And I did all I could do to divert her.
But talk wouldn't do.
She wanted to screw.
I gave in. After all, could I hurt her?
--- Isaac Asimov

When the Duchess of Bagliofuente
Took her fourteenth cavaliere servente,
The Duke said, "Old chappy,
I'll keep that quim happy,
If I have to hire nineteen or twenty."
--- L0995

The psychiatrist heard with reflection
While a maid gave her tale of dejection.
He leaned back with a sigh
As he unzipped his fly,
And he slipped her some love and affection.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024 P8403

A soft-hearted whore named Miss Tuckem
Would take on poor cripples and fuck 'em;
And those lame, halt, and blind
And in wheelchairs confined,
If they needed a blow-job, she'd suck 'em.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024 P8511

Poor Charlie was struck with bad luck;
His dear friend was crushed by a truck.
When he viewed the departed,
He exclaimed as he farted,
"I must give his poor widow a fuck."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2896

There was a young lady named Wertz
Who lay down and lifted her skirts,
And she cried out with clarity,
"This is strictly for charity,
You can give all you have till it hurts."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0779

The first chap to fuck little Sophie
Was awarded the Kraft-Ebing Trophy.
Thus ten thousand quid,
For what the guy did,
Will be widely considered a low fee.
--- Victor Gray