A sex-crazed young housewife in Dunsmier,
To her neighbor said: "Please, do comier."
It's time we did grapple,
Put down that red apple;
Love, I have something much yummier!"
--- Anon

Two ladies, named Vickie and Nance,
Discovered the Pentatette by chance.
So they offered Van Fleet
A subscription complete
As a way to get into his pants.
--- John Van Fleet P9306

Down on your knees sinning curs!
You're here 'til the Big Pussy purrs!
And heaven forbid
You displease me, Tid,
Or out come the TEETH and the SPURS!
--- Anon

Cogito, Ego and Sum
Got Rene and his gal a fine room.
When he sat down to think,
She played with his dink,
And invited him up to her womb.
--- TuttaGioia

Now do you think I am a slut?
What is it with all of this smut?
To get in my pants,
Try using romance,
Or I'll kick your nasty old butt!
--- Carol

Widow (conscious that time's on the wing)
Fortyish, but still game for a fling,
Seeks fun-loving male,
Mature, but not stale,
With a view to the usual thing.
--- Stanley Sharpless

I'd like, John, to feed your addiction;
Alas this ain't fact, only fiction:
Name's Virtual Love,
Find library and shove
Your nose in, then feel pants restriction.

"Halt!", cried Virginia, "Enough!
It's not that your beard is too rough.
Indeed, it's benign
So close up to mine,
But why not attempt the real stuff!"
--- Otto Watteau

Frustrated Sultana Faroukh
Said to Ali the Eunuch, "Now loukh,
While the Sultan's away
And can't foukh me today,
I demand that you give me a soukh."
--- Anon

A fat lazy fellow named Betts,
Upon his fat ass mostly sets.
Along comes a gal
And says, "I'll fuck you, pal."
Says he, "If you'll do the work, let's."
--- L1376

In the pub with this old wife of Bath,
She sat down and doing the math,
She lifted her skirt.
Said, "Don't think me a flirt,
But it's a terribly well-trodden path."
--- Bill Wall

At chit-chat last week with the duchess,
She remarked, "My dear boy, in as much as
His Grace is away,
And it's raining today,
What say we cut up a few touches?"
--- John Ciardi

"When I douse the light," said Miss Dare,
"Get busy and strip yourself bare
And hop into bed."
"What," asked innocent Ted,
"The Hell will we do when we're there?"
--- Grand Prix Lim 181

Big Sally hid out in a thicket.
She's lying in wait for Paul Pickett.
Her face like a raisin;
Her manner quite brazen;
She told Paul just where he should stick it.
--- Marlene Lewis

There was a young woman named Babby
Who would always get nasty and crabby,
If her man said, "Can't do,"
When she asked for a screw,
And that could be your chance -- quien sabe?
--- Isaac Asimov

Lisped a girl friend of dear Leslie Crowther's,
"I'm thick of all groanerth and grouthers;
I want thumb-one funny
To make me feel thunny,
And theckty ath well! Drop your troutherth!"
--- Archie

There was a young woman called Pearl,
Who quite resembled a churl.
When she asked a young man named Tex
Whether he would like to have sex,
"Certainly," quoth he, "Who's the girl?"
--- Anon

Fuck me quick, fuck me deep, fuck me oft;
In the bog, in the bath, in the loft.
Up my arse, up my cunt,
From behind, from in front,
With your best stiffest stand, nothing soft.
--- Archie

A horny young fellow named Price
Was approached by a woman quite nice;
She said "How do you do?
Are you up for a screw?"
So he fucked her without thinking twice.
--- Cap'n Bean

Said Wendy, "I want to be wooed!"
So hoping she'd get in the mood,
I gave her a rose,
But she turned up her nose,
And cried, "Wooed! As in wodgered and scwooed!"
--- Peter Wilkins

When Southern Belles show us their stuff,
And as if we want to play rough,
Us Dixie guys say
Without a delay,
"Yee-haw!" or "Yes Ma'am" or "Sho 'Nuff!"
--- Travis Brasell

A man who was out with his Liz,
Said, "Baby, let's get down to biz."
Said she, "That cain't be,
Less you'se stronger'n me,
But, honey, I reckon you is."
--- L0875

Pierre please light my fire with play;
I'd love to be kindled today.
I'm not really neurotic,
But please get erotic,
'Cause I'm not in a good mood today.
--- Anon

Dear Kitten, why a bad mood?
Here let me get you some food;
A late breakfast in bed.
Just relax, rest your head;
Let's see if we can make you feel good.
--- Anon

Perhaps a massage is in order,
So as soon as you're ready roll over.
If too hard I press,
Just tell me, "Less!"
I will start with your neck and sholders.
--- Anon

Kitten, you're all tied in knots!
Massages, you will need lots.
When I'm finished today,
I want you to stay
Here in bed, while I wash dishes and pots.
--- Anon

I've started a hot bath for you,
To get in as soon as I'm through.
I'll bring cold water, and tea
To the bath, just for thee.
There's nothing that I will not do
--- Anon

In you go, now I'll do the dishes
And see to each of your wishes
Just call if you need
Anything indeed,
For dinner, I'll make something delicious...
--- Anon

"Ah Jeeves," quoth that ass Bertie Wooster,
"Dear Jane don't come round like she used ter."
"Sir, if you recall,
She was not pleased at all,
At your party - she said you abused 'er."
--- Anon

"Abused her? No, Jeeves. Though I goosed 'er,
Abuse I cannot be accused o'.
'Twas she abused me,
Claimed me queer as can be,
'Cause her offer of sex, I refused 'er."
--- Anon

To buxom ladies, and old lush named Serge
Has become a most terrible scourge.
Pinching bottoms and top,
Day and night, and won't stop,
For he claims it's a biological urge.
--- Cyd

One night a big gal, name of Dee,
Said, "Why don't you come home with me?"
Replied Serge with a shiver,
Now I'm all aquiver,
But I use that part only to pee.
--- Cyd

If I give your phallus a push,
By using pink dye on my bush,
Would you then allow
Me to tease your plow,
With my tender, pink little tush?
--- Anon

This is file xhl

Your offer has forced a rethink,
And done made me spill all my drink.
Just come sit on my knee
And I'm sure you'll agree,
That my phallus feels lovely in pink.
--- Anon

I stared at him with a lewd leer,
Said "Hey, baby, come over here!
Your muscles are nice.
I'm ready for vice!"
He passed out and fell on his rear.
--- Anon

I took pity on the poor guy
And got him right inside to my
Most comfortable bed.
But he woke and fled,
While claiming he was awfully shy.
--- Anon

I'll be back down your way before long,
To give a few licks to your dong.
If you will provide
A nice bare back ride,
While singing an old cowboy song.
--- Anon

Ol' Renegade always rides bare,
Not one stitch of tack does he wear;
In order to ride him,
You must stay astride him,
By locking your legs...if you dare!
--- Anon

Down in this canyon so low,
The hard things of life don't come slow;
It rises to gush
White rapids that rush;
My danged old head throbs from the flow!"
--- Anon

Ol' Renegade? He is a ripper,
A bucker, a twister, and dipper;
A stud, a big stallion,
A feisty rapscallion
Corralled behind my bulging zipper.
--- Anon

There's more to this life, sure enough,
Than merely libidinous stuff;
There's beer and Bordeaux
And - er - "Katie! Hello!
Yes, I'd sure like a peek at your muff!"
--- Anon

Why, dammit; that Katie's a tease;
She promised that if I said "Please",
She'd lift up her dress
And allow me to mess
With - "Just these," she said, baring her knees.
--- Anon

Now knees don't quite do it for me,
'Less the target above I can see.
And the aim of the fumble
Is maybe a tumble,
Well leastwise, eventually.
--- Anon

But nevertheless as I brooded
On thoughts of her muff, I concluded
That knees were a start
And with luck I might part
'Em and find her sweet pussy denuded.
--- Anon

So thinking such thoughts I caressed
Them, in hopes she'd get further undressed;
But in minutes or so
She said, "Sorry. Must go,"
Leaving percy a trifle distressed.
--- Anon

Care for some practice with me?
I'm horny as hell now, you see.
Your flute I will play,
By night and by day.
What are we making? Whoopee!
--- Arden

My ex did not handle it well;
He'd soften and fall; it was hell.
So I seek sheer perfection;
Fucking all whose erection
Seeks home in my wide open well.
--- Sister Pooh

The girlies are called meter maids,
I knew one, called Julie Kincaid.
She gave you the choice,
In her gruff manly voice:
"I either get paid or get laid."
--- Anon

She looked like the back of a horse,
So everyone paid up of course,
Get sucked 'neath her dress,
You'd best tap SOS
With your feet on the hooter in morse.
--- Anon

A horny young man from Des Moines
Felt a fire light up in his loin,
When a darling named Carol
Ripped off her apparel,
And leaped naked unto his groin!!
--- Anon

That horny young man from Des Moines?
He's got a pain in his groin
Carol fucked him for hours
And they came in showers.
I wonder if he'll ever loin.
--- Anon

How to keep her from wearing him out
Or if they'll continue to bout,
And have long sex fests
That she loves the best,
And if pains will cause him to pout.
--- Anon

But I think that the soreness subsides
Each time as into her he slides.
She's got his medicine
As his come jettisons,
Massaging it in as she rides!
--- Anon

I'm feeling quite randy tonight --
I'm craving some carnal delight!
My muff is all primed
With incendiary slime...
Would somebody give me a light?
--- ROE

Not a light, but I do have a torch
That will only heat up and not scorch.
Quite soon your hot slime
Will make you feel sublime;
Be discreet and use the back porch.
--- S C Saint

That sounds like a hot toxic muff,
With that incendiary stuff.
Be careful tonight.
Best use a flashlight,
Else you might explode in a puff.
--- Frank Fazed

Did I hear someone mention back porch?
I'll attend with my gun to debauch.
Advice poppa gave:
"When you enter bear's cave,
Don't forget to take both gun and torch."
--- Jack

A stunt I would humbly propose:
I'll poke it clear up to your nose.
I'll snuff out your muff
With hot-lava stuff,
And burn out your brain with the floes.
--- H Welchel

I lie here now in panting glee;
I took your advice precisely, you see.
Now my sinus is clear
And the glow in my ear
Is what's left of my hot lava spree!
--- ROE

I'll lick you ear gently, dear ROE,
And taste of your lava some mo.
Flows into the sea,
Cuddling its warm after-glow.
--- H Welchel

While checking you out -- taking stock --
I see that you're hard as a rock.
Let's have some bed sport
Just pull into port.
Put your rocket into my space dock.
--- Anon

So she's offering you her hot crotch
And her beaver she wants you to touch.
I speak for us all,
Lad's both short and tall,
When I say "Can we all just please watch?"
--- Anon

You may watch your manners, I'd say
Or with that weird gal, you may play.
I ain't got a rocket
All I've got's a socket
And my barn door don't swing her way.
--- Anon

"Whistle, and you'll get a cow."
"But mother, I just don't know how."
She puffed and she blew,
But no note came through,
Not even a noise like a sow.
--- Anon

"Whistle, and you'll have a man.
That handsome young farmer called Dan."
With lips pursed, brows knitted,
Sweet sounds she emitted.
"Oh mother, just listen; I can!"
--- Anon

"Whistle, and you'll have a sheep."
"But mother, I can't make a cheep.
I do try my best
At this terrible test,
But oh, I must fail and just weep."
--- Anon

It took me, dear sir, 'bout an hour;
The time that it takes to deflower
Nine ewes and a goat,
So come grab my choat,
And I'll give you a lovely cream shower.
--- Anon