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A randy old Russian named Bret, An unprincipled bounder named Chase I know a young girl of La Jolla "When a weirdo in Delhi", said Jackie, A sex-crazy man from Nantucket, The thought of uprooting your fuzz I've had one too many a beer, Come here, let me play with your buns. While strolling along by the Yangtse, Because I am known as a loner, An Inuit lass near The Pole The Reverend Henry Ward Beecher, When a man queried saleslady Shedd An antsy-pants dolly named Annie There was a young stud from Montana A candy store owner named Lutz, "Watch the hen run away from the cock," Brand new and how do you do, then. Dear Jon Jon the (pipe fitters' son), The lisp bothers me, Archie dear. From Bicester I sailed on to Towcester A promiscuous damsel named Carmen, It's simply a wonderful thing From morn till sun sets in the west, His date all aflame with desire, "There's more than one way to get mink, Oh where is my favorite farm boy? A coy Wellesley coed named Lizzy A much older woman named Peggy Two spinsters, Marie and Jean Crocus, I was one of the happy few An amorous maid from Port Jervis "Mount up," said the sweet Ellie-May, Its almost a daily encounter; When Peggy spots a farm boy at school, A lady infused with persistence, There was a young man of Connecticut A young fellow, divinely endowed, An over-sexed young Sandy Hooker Large women, desperate, yell "Glean us! There once was a young girl from France A young lass on a yacht in Glandore, In need of some new satisfaction? There was a young lady of Mass, Said a certain young girl named Suzanne, Said a forward young patient from Madoc, There was a young lady named Rose, Poor Roger the Lodger was sick Close to 'long arse 'long coconus tree, (Melanesian Pidgin English)
A pretty young woman from Devon Young Perkin from Hurricane was jerkin' A "doll" owns the house where I play, There was a young widow named Gormley, On the sofa, with you, my li'l muffin, So sad that you've no one to play A lassie from Taunton (quite bumpy I tried it. By god, she was right! My boss is an amazon girlie Consequences heavily do weigh By his sheep the old farmer did stand, There was an Old Man of the Dee, There once was a young man named Lance, I met a jung frau from Geneva, There once was a maiden disactical, Her name, so she said, was Clarisse; A compromise. You keep young Willie
Asked a girl to ride in a Corvette.
He asked her, "Com-rade,
Would you like to get laid?"
But the girl slapped his face and said "Nyet!"
--- Alexander Baron
Dropped some hints to his love that were base.
His suggestions subliminal
Were so damn close to criminal,
That she slugged him real hard in the face.
--- Armand E Singer 209
Who is suing her former emplolla.
Not knowing a pass meant
A suit for harassment,
He dreamed he could safely enjolla.
--- John P9809
"Propositioned me till I felt wacky,
And insisted we screw
On his bed of nails, too.
I refused, since it would have been tacky."
--- Playboy Mag J F O'Conner
When a chance came his way, then he tuck it.
Until one fateful day,
When a offer quite gay
Was too much, and he told himself, "Fuck it!"
--- Anon
Has made me forget where I was.
But though I'm a drone,
I'll still make you moan,
Then give you one hell of a buzz.
--- Anon
And I've misunderstood you, I fear.
And now you're quite wet,
But please don't forget
That you asked me to come over her.
--- Phil T
If you let me, I'll give you tons
Of attention, yes.
So, please don't confess.
The truth is you only like nuns.
--- Bonnie
I met Mai who asked "Do you fangtse
A night of delight?"
"All right gal, it might
Be better than having a wangtse."
--- Anon
I can't walk around with a boner;
'Cause each gal I pass
Is baring her ass,
Enticing my boner to own her.
--- Anon
Said, "Sweetheart, please fill up my hole.
But before you do,
I am warning you
To warm it up on that hot coal."
--- Anon
Called a girl a most elegant creature.
So she laid on her back
And, exposing her crack,
Said, "Fuck THAT, you old Sunday School Teacher!"
--- L1373
As to whether a fully made bed
Had springs that were quiet,
She answered, "Just try it!"
As she pulled down the blankets and spread.
--- Playboy Mag J F O'Conner
Remarked as Dan pinched her trim fanny,
"I've been thinking all day,
What a day for a lay,
So your timing is nigh to uncanny!"
--- Grand Prix Lim 410
Met a fellow inside a cabana.
To set him at ease,
He said, "If you please,
I'd be glad, sir, to peel your banana."
--- Limericks Naughty & Gay
Had hired a young fellow named Butts.
A woman named Mandy,
Said, "Show me your candy,
And then I will look at your nuts."
--- Bob Birch P0302
Averred Joe, "Does it give you a shock?"
Simpered Nan to her man,
"It's a hellish fine plan...
I wish you'd chase ME 'round the block!"
--- Grand Prix Lim 481
Join in and have fun with you, then.
Dicks not all that long;
I don't wear a thong;
Am I not too kinky to chew, then?
--- Anon
Come clean out my pipes, will ya, Hon?
I'll turn on the spigot,
Of your sticky wicket,
And make all your love juices run.
--- Anon
That spitting does not bring me cheer.
I've not seen you "limp"
Nor are you a shrimp.
Be quiet and come over here.
--- Q
By means of canal-boat and cowcester, (coster)
And who should I meet
On the tow-path but sweet
Cousin Fifi demanding I rowcester.
--- Anon
When drinking, made eyes at the barmen,
And the busboys and waiters,
At the special blue-platers,
At (in short) all the near and the far men.
--- Isaac Asimov
When a girl sashays by with a swing.
And it's better if she
Comes right up to me,
And hints at a fanciful fling.
--- Norm Storer P9912
Would someone like to fondle my chest,
Make flooded my undie,
And swollen my kitty,
Endless screwing would no doubt be best!
--- Anon
Told the fireman what she'd require:
At the firemen's ball,
Her ashes he'd haul,
And a hose, please, that reaches the fire.
--- Irish
And if, for one moment, you think
You'd give one away
In exchange for a lay,
I'll whip off my pants in a wink!"
--- Grand Prix Lim 770
That sweet one, my own little toy?
If you've a minute free,
You can download from me,
I've one file I think you'd enjoy.
--- Anon
Purred, "The thought of it just makes me dizzy.
It's immoral. It's vice.
It's not at all nice.
But as long as you want it, get busy!"
--- Larry Wilde
Had a great set of tits and was leggy.
She loved younger guys;
She would look in their eyes,
And say, "To screw me you must beg me!"
--- Richard Long
Decided to use hocus pocus
To kindle the lust
Of photographer Just-
In: "Please, Holy Lord, let him focus!"
--- Tiddy Ogg
Who stood at the end of the queue.
Then guess what? Said Anna:
"I love your banana.
Let's go upstairs and have a nice screw".
--- Anon
Announced to me, "I'm at your service!"
I looked up the word
I thought I had heard,
And ever since then I've been nervous.
--- Lims Unlimited
"I think we'll forego the foreplay.
Because my last guy
Left me high and dry,
By chucking his wad in the hay.
--- SFA
This is file xil
A fat woman asks me to mount her.
I tell her, "I can't,
But go see Melvin Fant;
A cheap taxidermist discounter.
--- Travis Brasell
In the corridor, loping his mule,
She raises her dress,
And you will never guess
What she tells him to do with his tool.
--- Larry Wilde
Encountered from men much resistance.
Though she raised up her dress
To invite a caress,
Not a finger was raised in assistance.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1377
Who tore off a young woman's petticoat.
Said she, with a grin,
"You will have to get in,
For to do nothing more isn't etiquette."
--- Isaac Asimov
Once said, very haughty and proud,
When a girl much too free,
Placed her hand on his knee,
"That isn't my knee, Miss McCloud."
--- Isaac Asimov A
Says life has up and forsook 'er...
At an orgy affair,
She propositions all there,
And not a damn fellow there took 'er...
--- Grand Prix Lim 356
If you've anything close to a penis."
Alas, some men come
With broom, bottle, or thumb,
So these females aren't always the cleanest.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Who liked to pull down young men's pants.
She stripped and she teased them;
She knew how to please them,
And 'not' with a song and a dance.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
So tired she could do it no more.
"But I'm willing to try,
So where shall I lie?
On the deck, on the sail, or the floor?"
--- Linda Marsh Coll
Looking for hot, horny action?
Just come, drop on by,
With an open fly;
One peek, and your meat you'll be scratchin'.
--- Anon
Rather lacking, we all thought, in class.
She would stroll Boston Common,
And whenever she saw men,
She'd whimper, "Please, sir, make a pass."
--- John Ciardi
"Now John, here's a marvelous plan.
I'll pretend that I'll flee
But you catch me, you see,
Then you'll screw me as much as you can."
--- Isaac Asimov
To her G.P. "You've got quite a way, doc.
And if able you are
Then I might go so far
As to say, doc, you may, doc, me lay, doc."
--- Hugh Oliver 54b
Who liked to slip out of her clothes
When men came to call.
"You are welcome to all,"
She would say, striking pose after pose.
--- John Ciardi
With the measles. His landlady Nic-
Ola showed him her snatch
And said, "If you must scratch,
Practice here, will you, not on your prick."
--- Anon
One fellow mary come up 'long me,
Si' down 'long grass,
Igot big fellow arse,
Italk ilike push-push 'long me.
--- L0519
Was anxious to get up to heaven,
So she said, "In my dell,
Put the devil in hell!"
And I did so from five until seven.
--- Alsops Foibles
His gherkin over pics of Jane Birkin.
His girlfriend said "Perkin,
Quit workin' your gherkin;
For Birkin, come here, put your dirk in."
--- Anon
And said this, just the other day,
"That big thing of yours
Will break all my doors,
So put it right here. That's the way!"
--- Anon
Who approached a young man quite inform'ly,
And asked to be screwed.
"Please do not think me rude,"
She explained, "I do not do this norm'ly."
--- John Ciardi
We've smootched 'til we're huffin' and puffin';
C'mon, drop your britches;
I know where it itches;
Let's sooth it with sweet scruffy lovin'.
--- Anon
Adult games all night and all day.
Invite me on over
For a roll in the clover,
And we'll both peak out 'long the way.
--- Anon
In all the right places) said scrumpy
Had just the right zing
To put spring in my thing,
And she offered me rumpy and pumpy.
--- Peter Wilkins
She was squealing in utter delight,
As she sat on my thing
And proceeded to bring
Us to heaven that Saturday night.
--- Peter Wilkins
With red hair, tight and all curly.
I jump at her shout
And get my penis out;
Talk about knocking off early!
--- Steve Hocking
Upon my mind here today --
Perhaps I should ask
"You UP to the task?"
Please, sir, will you share my duvet?
--- Anon
And he held his erection so grand.
Said the milkmaid discreet
With her pants at her feet,
"I can beat what you hold in your hand."
--- Albin Chaplin
Who was sadly annoyed by a she:
When she said, "May I love it?"
He replied, "You can shove it,
If only you'll sit on my knee."
--- Edwardian Leer 069
At his dictionary he never would glance.
Said a smart little lass,
With a great little ass,
"Spell 'lingerie' to get into my pants."
--- Laura S Baxter
And asked her if she would relieve a
Stiff throb to my gland.
She said, "Not by hand;
You'd best stick that thing in my beava."
--- Tiddy Ogg
In appearance -- well, somewhat stalactical,
Who said to her steady,
"I'm willing and ready" --
I leave it to you, was it tactical?
--- Princeton Tiger P0007
Her mound was a soft golden fleece.
As she lay there in bed,
It was then that she said,
"Would you boys like to tear off a piece?"
--- Al Willis P9708
And I'll keep Veronica chilly.
For occasional fun days
But maybe on Sundays,
You might like to tickle me silly.
--- Anon
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