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From the Equinox to Summer Solstice, When in France I cannot parlez vous; There was a young man named Francois I'm taking this working day off This works with the fair of our species, If Dolly would give me assent, Each day when she went to the hollow, I once knew a fellow, a Kosovar, My ranch here has horses and cattle; So he said, "Come with me; let's go nestle I bedded a young virgin bird, "Those are very tight trousers, Miss Pink. A m'sieur from the Bois de Boulogne You sound like you're my kind of gal; A thoughtful young fellow named Brown Oh, my Sweet Thing, just where have you fled? A voluptuous miss of La Jolla There was a shy freshman named Lance I've got my mind set to go dancing I'm sorry to say on this line Said Pete's teacher, "You act like a fool I watched you undress today Good heavens, sweet Ulla Golightly, I don't mean to be so derogative Get your Oomph settled back in that bed! Said Joe of a woman named Alison, There was a young lady of Leek It's time for a cabaret, girls; If you think I'm "lewd" -- stick around, Said a carpenter fellow named Saul, Said old Dick to a quite famous beauty, Sometimes, in your soup, there's a fly, A handsome young fellow called Miles A fantasy of carnal bliss -- My dear Mr Mortimer Law, My dear Mr Mortimer Lee, My dear Mr Mortimer Lie, Andrea's got all the stuff, Said a very attractive young Haitian, A busy old milkman named Haines Joyeux Anniversaire ma cherie; We mix spice with sugar each night; You should be as light as a feather, A mechanic who hailed from Peoria, A British subaltern named Coyne, It's boring to brag, yet I will. It was silly of Milly to leave Said an infamous lecher named Tex He rode the state of Virginia, The coed put on her best form This old fox has found a new ploy; There was a young fellow named Bouch, (wiss - to know)
Two Frenchmen, one a Grand Marquis, My dear, you look simply divine, I've just redone the garage I thought that I felt a slight squeeze, So how does a guy here get laid? On morns that make lesser guys shiver, I guess that it's easy to see, There once was a poor thief named Restal, There's a small devil in me tonight; My doctor has cut out my fags; To a maid who was simply fantastic Said a Washington hostess named Moll, He wanted, but did not want to nag her, Her talents are many and true,
A short time to enjoy this.
I propose a new season
That caters to reason:
All year-long to screw and to kiss.
--- S C Saint
Don't really understand, entre nous.
So when asking a miss
For much more than a kiss,
I get "Avec moi? Coucher? Voulez vous."
--- Richard Robertson P0212
With a very active boudoir.
He did many a wench
Using five words of French:
"Volle vous coucher avec moi?"
--- Chairman Steve
Because of a cold and a cough.
But now I've stopped sniffing;
I'm feeling quite spiffing;
Would anyone care for a boff?
--- Peter Wilkins
Mainly those gorgeous blonde wee shes.
"I'm trying to Major
In Female pleasure;
Would you care to be my new thesis?"
--- Gunjan Saraf
She would please me to my heart's content.
If she'd take off her clothes
And reveal the twin does,
I'd gladly make that big ascent.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
The lady bird watcher I'd follow;
And once, though I'm shy,
I asked her reply,
"Now this, would you take for a swallow?"
--- Anon
Who worked as a lowly police officer.
I asked what to do
With young Mary Lou.
He told me, "You really should boff 'er, Sir."
--- Tiddy Ogg
I know how the livestock will straddle
Each other in heat,
And hang out their meat:
Would Erm like to borrow a saddle?
--- Anon
In the grass underneath the train trestle."
She replied, "Bring a blanket,
Or you might have to wank it.
And that won't be much fun, will it, Cecil."
--- Scott Oliver
But said she, "Please give me your word
You won't steal my hymen
Or squirt any slime in."
I said, "May I burgle a turd?"
--- Anon
Must be hard to get in them, I think."
"It's real easy, you know,
And to be a good Joe,
It is best that you buy me a drink."
--- Albin Chaplin a
Put on some fresh eau de cologne,
Then asked a jeune fille
Just what was her fee,
If he were by Mimi to be blowgne.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
As busy as Erie Canal.
What's more, you're a deal
(Can't resist a free meal).
May I come graze your high chaparral?
--- Anon
Spread sawdust on Main Street in town.
To his girl he said, "Dear,
You have nothing to fear;
We'll have fun when the chips are all down."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2477
Come on back, love, there's nothing to dread;
We'll exchange body heat;
And I'll stroke you so sweet;
In the dark, love, your eyes will glow red!
--- Anon
Once complained to her lad, "I adore 'ya,
Yet you never drop in."
He replied with a grin,
"Come around to my place and I'll show 'ya."
--- Keith MacMillan A020C
Who asked the school queen for a dance.
He got so excited
When she said, "Delighted!"
He started to come in his pants.
--- David Miller
And dining followed by romancing.
And I'm asking now
If my favorite gal
Wants to join me or skip to depantsing.
--- Anon
My only number's sixty nine.
But if some sweet pea
Cares to do it with me,
Then all I can say is, "That's fine!"
--- Anon
To sit there manhandling your tool...
As my favorite student
Would it be imprudent
To substitute me after school?"
--- Grand Prix Lim 698
And I knew for a fact I'm not gay.
But I said "What the hell!"
And if you don't tell,
I promise to do what you say!
--- Anon
I dream of your nakedness nightly
And wake up to find
I'm more likely inclined
To invite you to play impolitely.
--- Anon
When it is your rightful prerogative
To pose your curiosity
With eloquent velocity;
It's an easily answered interogative!
--- Anon
And I'll prove to you romance ain't dead!
Your bod I'll seduce
Every which way but loose,
'Til you don't know your tail from your head!
--- Anon
"That's a lady with whom I would dally, son.
For her body, you see,
Is indubitably
Where I'd like to deposit my phallus on."
--- Isaac Asimov
Who had fifty proposals a week.
Though she never grew tired
Of being admired,
She was often too sleepy to speak.
--- Randall Davies P0001
Get your kit off and show us your curls.
Come and sit on our knees;
Give us guys a real squeeze;
And you'll find what you're wanting, unfurls.
--- Anon
And plant your feet firm on the ground;
'Cause honey, what's coming
Will have your ears humming,
With stuff that will heat up your mound!
--- Anon
To a girl he met, "Give you a call?"
(But he thought, "I need more;
Wanna nail to the core;
When I join her, I'll give her my awl.")
--- Val Burns P0512Q
"I think that it's my bounden duty
To give you the measure
Of my tip for your pleasure,
And by tip I don't mean a gratuity."
--- Archie
And everything seems all awry.
But give me a chance --
Your pants'll soon dance,
And the twinkle return to your eye.
--- Anon
Used to help pretty girls over stiles.
Once over the top
One or two used to stop,
But the rest kept on going for Miles.
--- Michael Palin
This is file xgl
A whole year to screw and to kiss!
Instead of just Spring,
A year-long fling,
The ideas's too perfect to miss!
--- Kaylin Brandon
I respect your "pure passion" for moi
I honor your chart
Of the state of your heart"
But why is your hand in my bra?
--- Arthur Deex P0304
I respect your "pure passion" for me.
I honor your chart
Of the state of your heart;
But why is your hand on my knee?
--- Laurence Perrine P0304
I respect your "pure passion," for I
Surely honor your chart
Of the state of your heart,
But why is your hand on my thigh?
--- Arthur Deex P0304
So candidly, I called her bluff.
But she wasn't bluffing,
And soon I was stuffing
And huffing and buffing her muff.
--- H Welchel
"Please begin with a gentle palpation.
If you do as I say,
In the way of sex play,
Why, who knows, there may be fornication."
--- Isaac Asimov
Delivered to old spinster Baynes.
She asked, "Have you the time?"
He said, "Yes, but it's prime,
So you'll have to hold on to the reins."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0186
Come and sit on my knee aujourd 'hui.
You're a spirited wench;
Let me teach you some french;
C'est le langue pour l'amour, you'll agree.
--- Anon
It's become my one true delight.
So bare that spice box
And prepare for some stalks
From my sugar cane, in you so right!
--- Anon
Breaking free from the tie of the tether,
And journey with me
To bountiful glee,
As we're joined by our passion together.
--- Anon
To his girl said, "I fondly adoria.
Could you lower your pants,
'Cause I'd relish the chance
Just to measure the depth and the boria."
--- Keith MacMillan A045B
Hurrahed! and laid claim to her loin.
Quoth he: "I shall scutch ya
Ways the Kama Sutra
Never dreamed that two lovers could join."
--- Jim Weaver Collection
My tool has the greatest of skill!
Right now it's turned on,
So why not lay prone,
And I'll ream your hole with my drill.
--- Anon
Just because of a question by Steve.
All he said was, "I say
By the way, do you lay?
If you do, let's play Adam and Eve."
--- Grand Prix Lim 894
As he first spied a cute little Mex:
"I suspect a low I.Q.
But I hope this will strike you:
I can offer a lifetime of sex."
--- Armand E Singer 154
Which is very far from Gdinya.
He picked up a girl
Who he took for a whirl,
And when done, said "I'd like to get in ya."
--- Jim Weaver Collection
When serving champagne in the dorm.
She asked a lad, "Chuck,
Would you like some Cold Duck?"
He said, "No, just some pussy that's warm."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2055
I can act as your little drummerboy.
Beat a roll on soft skin,
Till you girls let me in,
Then I promise you heavenly joy.
--- Dirruk
Who inveigled a girl to a couch.
He said, "Pretty young miss,
I will take you, I wiss,
Horizontally, vertically, crouch."
--- L1643
Asked permission for debauchery.
When granted a chance
To get into some pants,
They asked very politely, "Mais oui?"
--- Loren Fitzhigh P0605
And I know that we'll get along fine,
For making ends meet
Will be such a treat,
When one end is yours, and one mine.
--- Michael Horgan
In green shades of camouflage;
I've rigged up a head,
And a king sized bed,
And a table for your massage.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
More than just one inch above my knees.
Archie, you're misbehavin'.
Must be you're feeling brave 'n
Want something 'thout say'n "May I please?"
--- Jim Weaver Collection
I'm not here for chicks who get paid.
I want it for free.
And only for me.
But maybe we'll work out a trade.
--- Anon
The milkman set hearts all a-quiver.
When whistling he said,
"Girls, stay right in bed,
'Cause it's not only milk I deliver."
--- Val Burns P0608
That you're just as horny as me.
Just hold on a bit
And I'll soon be fit
For business that some call monk-ey.
--- Anon
Who longed for young virgins, type Vestal.
If they're long in the leg,
He'd be quite keen to beg
For them to be mortar to his pestle.
--- Anon
I'm up, looking for a good fight.
Would you like to tussle
With a little pink muscle?
Come on be my first acolyte.
--- Anon
(The ones that you smoke, you crude wags)
To hide the effects,
I've taken up sex;
So let's have some hot sweaty shags!
--- Archie
I said, "You must do something drastic:
If you take off your buckles
And heavy brass knuckles,
I think you will be more elastic."
--- Limber Limericks
To a subclerk she passed in the hall,
"Once his Excellency goes,
I should like to propose,
That we not stand on strict protocol."
--- John Ciardi
So he made his proposition with a swagger:
"In your sheath I'll place sword,"
But she answered, quite bored,
"That thing is not a sword. It's a dagger."
--- Parker Waterman P0111
But lately she's been feeling blue.
If she took me to bed
She could feel me instead;
That performance is long overdue.
--- Anon
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