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Does life begin at conception, But I now think, the older I've grown, Five minutes pleasure for twenty years pain, Resulting from one single boff, There once was a woman named Stone, I went to the doctors today, Anonymous corporate donors A dashing young swain name of Rhett We tried in a tent once before; Said old dad to his quite pregnant daughter, Deep in labor the B.V.M. hissed, (B.V.M. = ??)
There was a young lady from Philly, Sex courses are not very bright -- A pregnant young lady named Blake There was a young man from West Cork Clarissa Jane thought it was cool There was a young man from Sioux Falls, A view of the mass population "My dear unwed mother," said Clancy, Ah me! See the wages of lust; We know of this thing called male shrinkage; There was a young girl from Alaska, It may start with a swift introduction, There once was a woman so avid, Clarissa Jane thought it was droll He enticed her capitulation Man stands on his very last leg An Irishman name of O'Rourke, There was a young lady of York A female lion tamer of York, Our son went to school just a boy; In poverty folks with brains numb I'd love to travel back in time, A voluptuous woman named Peggy, Now Peggy is heaving great sighs. He'd better just weld shut their zips When Pa gets through, those guys will wail! The government pushes P.C. After Mary gave in to her guy, A young lady sailed on a world cruise. I think I just felt a small flutter. One and one make two, A Queen of the Welfare once said, It seems I impregnated Marge, Fantastically beautiful Jan To her lover said pretty young Julie, A young superman of Westphalia "Responsible men." There's a joke. I know a young lady in Lilloet, A daughter told dad she was ruing There was a young maid from New York, Watch out! dear girls, for among A bastard who came from Alberter A man of few wants, Sailor Joad, Blushed the young virgin ruler of France, Nearly nine months along with her load, As a result of wild IMBIBITION, After Joe shot his wad into Ann, Maggie once had a fling with young Davey A silver tongued Judas Escariot When Fay missed her last menstruation, A penitent rounder named Birch Johnny used to drive a big truck; There was a young man from Purdue She thought the world greatly unjust, There was a young lass from Verdun
A result of penile erection,
Or at 38 weeks
When with squeals and with squeaks,
The babe leaves it cosy protection.
--- Jayne
That it starts when the kids have left home.
You can now shout with glee,
At last you are free
And start having a life of your own.
--- Tiddy Ogg
I must be mad to go through that again!
From terrible twos
To teenager blues,
Don't mention birth when I scream, swear, and strain.
--- Tiddy Ogg
For years now my arse I've worked off.
For thanks from them many?
There weren't even any!
My brain it is now going soft.
--- Archie
To whom I was giving the bone.
She looked up and smiled,
And said "I'm with child."
And from then on I left her alone.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Feeling ill in a peculiar way,
With pee that was mine,
I saw that blue line,
So I'm having a kid late in May....
--- Anon
Provisioning newborn's new owners,
With a lifetime supply
Of kids diapers piled high,
Are a godsend to multiple cloners!
--- Prof M-G TP9901
Felt more than a twinge of regret
When his truelove, Miss Nelly,
Pointed twice to her belly
And showed him her new bassinet.
--- Armand E Singer 224
We firmly zipped up our front door.
Sweet lovin' we made,
In the warm summer shade;
Nine months later a daughter I bore.
--- Jayne
Who denied she'd forgot what he'd taught her,
"The putative menaces
Of parthenogenisis
Is a notion that just won't hold water."
--- Armand E Singer 202
"Don't come near me, Joe! I'll break your wrist!
You were too cheap to spare
Bucks for pre-natal care --
Now, no room reservations! I'm pissed!"
--- Robin K Willoughby P9001
Who thought contraception was silly,
Till my cousin Billy
With willy did dilly;
She's now a brood mare, not a filly.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Sperm and egg are shown as they unite.
There's no fondling of tit,
Nor licking of clit,
And no word of orgasmic delight.
--- Al Chaplin P9410
Was certain she made no mistake.
"I held on to his clinger
While he stuck in his finger,
At least while I lay there awake."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1404
Whose Dad made a fortune in pork.
Last Sunday at three,
He was married to me --
Because we're expecting the stork!
--- Linda Marsh Coll
That time that we hid after school.
But my toy did its chore
And built one babe more.
Now she knows why we call it a "tool".
--- John Miller
An expert with all the bird calls.
Till he made like a stork
With a gal from New York;
Now he paces the hospital halls.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Can never be cause for elation.
One can think of no cure
Unless everyone's pure,
And stops all the damned copulation.
--- Warrick Elrod
"Met a bounder who tickled her fancy.
Her fancy thus tickled
Caused prickles: thus prickled--
Well, you know the rest. Life is chancy."
--- John Ciardi
They'd not with protection fussed.
Result of their game,
To give tyke Pa's name.
A quick wedding became a must.
--- Chris Papa
I, for one, think there is no linkage.
If given a chance,
Sans Eskimo pants,
Impregnates his wife in a winkage.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Who'd do anything that you'd ask her.
She'd go out in the woods
And deliver the goods,
And be ready again nine months after.
--- G1632
Followed next by a gentle seduction.
Then, unless here the tactics
Involve prophylactics,
The result may well be reproduction.
--- Anon
To make love was always her habit.
Though her husband's a goon,
She likes so much to spoon;
Perhaps that's the reason she's gravid.
--- P Chernoff
When I poked something into her hole.
Now I'm on the run,
'Cause her dad's got a gun,
With a very quick wedding his goal.
--- John Miller
For an act of copulation.
She should have said maybe;
Now she'll have a baby,
And increase the population.
--- Dick Ford
And with atom bomb makers does beg.
But it isn't the fission
Which will cause abolition,
It's the fusion of sperm with the egg.
--- Albin Chaplin
Who hailed from the county of Cork,
Swore that though he was wild,
He was without child
'Cause he thought kids were brought by the stork.
--- Laurence U
Whose body had plenty of torque,
And callers galore
Were seen at her door,
Including the bothersome stork.
--- William K Alsop P9202
Would tackle a lion with a fork,
And she held them at bay,
Without fear or dismay,
But she never could hold off the stork.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1424
His teacher, her looks were so coy.
Nine months later a man,
He needs a health plan.
It's left me to take care of this 'joy'.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Exist in the depths of the slum.
There they increase like vermin
And cannot determine
From where in the fuck babies come.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2213a
To visit the birth that was mine.
I would just love to see
The emergance of me;
Was the star in the sky a good sign?
--- Anon
This is file wwl
Described by most men as 'way leggy'.
Got preggers, they say,
When men looked her way,
'Cause Peggy proved to be too eggy.
--- Marlene Lewis
Her Pa is out chasing those guys.
He runs around town
And swears up and down,
He'll catch them and poke out their eyes.
--- Travis Brasell
And staple closed their sexy lips.
'Cause he'll surely find
They can screw when blind --
Imagine a total eclipse.
--- Marlene Lewis
They're all bound to end up in jail.
Because of their vision
And a bad decision,
Those guys, when they screw, will need Braille!
--- Travis Brasell
It makes little sense though to me.
Since teaching safe sex,
Just made things more complex;
We tripled in our pregnancies.
--- Paul Franklin
There was no way to detoxify.
So her clothes got too tight;
That's what comes from the bite,
Of that feared trouser snake with one eye.
--- Bob Aldrich P0512Q
She was sure she had nothing to lose.
Then came an old seaman
Who left all his seman;
Now she's have her babies by two's.
--- Tom Patton P9710
You'll think I'm a bit of a nutter.
I think the twins moved
(It hasn't been proved)
My legs they have all turned to butter.
--- Archie
But if one and one should marry,
Isn't it queer
Within a year
There's two and one to carry.
--- Anon
"It's this talk of abortion I dread.
My children, some twenty,
Are my horn of plenty,
While I stay out of wedlock in bed."
--- Martin Wellborn P8910
So I do rather feel, by and large,
Some dough ought to be tendered
For services rendered,
But I can't quite decide what to charge.
--- Anon G1687A
Went in search of the handsomest man,
In hopes that they two
Could woo and then screw --
And that's how her family began.
--- Norm Storer P0012
"I don't want to alarm you unduly.
I don't intend blame
And yet, all the same,
You've produced a small pregnancy. Truly!"
--- Isaac Asimov
Shocked the gals with his twin genitalia.
Today pregnant twins
Both carry his sins...
Which is why he's in Darwin, Australia!
--- Grand Prix Lim 284
Responsible until they poke.
Then, "Hey, it ain't me!
I'm seedless and free!
I'm certain my testes are broke."
--- Marlene Lewis
Who's expecting a change in her silhouette
Her beau's run away
So she cries night and day
And the tears that she sheds make her pillow wet.
--- John E Mayhood P0010
The time she and her friend spent screwing.
The boy disappeared.
She's pregnant as feared;
An example of a sad doing.
--- Tom Patton
Who dates a sailor from Cork.
When he went back to sea,
She cried "Woe is me!
I fear I have dated the stork!"
--- Rambling Rose
The guys, some with FACILE tongue,
Who, given the chance,
Will get in your pants,
Then leave you asea with new young.
--- Chris Papa
Said "My daddy is wanted for murder.
Nor did he bother
To tell my poor mother,
After nooky that he would desert her."
--- Sherm Brucker
Residing in no fixed abode,
In town he would court,
A girl in each port,
On leaving, he left them his load.
--- Armand Singer
"I have sinned for I sought out romance;
Someone's gotten me pregnant,
Your impulsive queen regnant;
I recall that the fellow wears pants."
--- Armand Singer
Little Bertha, about to explode,
Cried, "They say it is sex
Brings about these effects,
Which I wouldn't have did if I'd knowed!"
--- Grand Prix Lim 919 G1681a
She lost her virgin inhibition.
Nine long months later,
She proved to be "mater,"
And single! Unenvied position.
--- Barb
She thought she'd douched out in the can.
But she missed by a myriad
And is now past her period,
And old Joe's on his way to Japan.
--- G1633
Who filled up her snatch with his gravy.
Though his meat was well-done,
He left her with a bun
In the oven and scrammed for the Navy.
--- John Miller 0317c
Wooed plain virgin Jane in his chariot.
But when he'd defiled
And got her with child,
He said "I'll be hanged if I'll marry it!"
--- Anon
'Twas a highly unpleasant sensation.
And it's getting me down,
I'll not only leave town,
But the county, the state and the nation!
--- G1689
Swore loudly he'd never besmirch
His girlfriend's good name,
And yet, all the same,
He left her enceint at the church.
--- Armand E Singer 648
With the ladies, he had all the luck.
But when Cindy Lou
Got pregnant with two,
He ran off shouting "What the fuck!"
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Who betrothed was long overdue.
He assured her "No matter,
We'll wed when you're fatter."
Then caught the next plane to Peru.
--- Anon
For just having shared lover's trust.
She'd new babe to rear
With him nowhere near;
MEMENTO of night of great lust.
--- Chris Papa
Who had in her oven, a bun.
The laddie wot dun
He took off at a run;
Now she's hiring a man with a gun.
--- Anon
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