MORE
Nothing gets rubbed in my perm, Past conquests were heard to scream, "Jack!" So I'd wriggle an inch down their furrow, Oh dear, did I reject the wrong Jack? You cannot come here for a grind. Losing all sense of control, You've smothered me with sweet kisses Then put me on my two knees. When you get in that position But when I insert from behind I don't mind getting down on all fours, A secret I've learned from the past, Or maybe a tumbling pad But I think to stop those turning red, My first girl was a terrible grouch, Once Helga was muckin' the stalls, Well, hard luck old son, and best wishes. I walked up behind my sweet lass, "The ceiling needs painting," she said, Face down on the bed she then sings, What's normal is not always clear. It has little to do with the beer, "The mission position I'm quitting," "The position I don't mind at all," She climbed off her lover and said, I once met a lassie named Ruth As a youngster I'd empty my balls There's a ballet school master who knows There was a young girl named LaRue, A girl said to her man named List, A Rice business major named Lee There was a young woman called Nicolla I can quite categorically state That lass of mine's nicely hipped A short-peckered man of Beirut, Perhaps I have mentioned Miss Wade? There was a young midget named Madder I remember the days of my youth He asked for her capitulation This nubile young maiden named Bright There was a young fellow named David, Said Bob, "My young days now seem comical You will read in Professor Schmunk's treatise, A handsome boy left for NY, He got a job dancing in bars, He danced in the lights' incandescence. There's a drop in birth rate in Australia; In Greenland the opposite's true, Is someone expecting a tot? They say that dad has all the fun To pair who had roll on the floor, A childless man took to chasin' Clarissa Jane thought it was fun, Miss Naylor remarked to the sailor, Sex need not be all conversational. A negligent lady named Lyriad, Excuse me for being annoyed, There was a young lady of Ocquerk A remarkable feature has Myrtle, This preganancy's scrambling my brain! Self-perpetuation For the farmer, worked handyman Cotter; This Jilley, she loudly proclaimed In a youth existentially styled, A proper ejaculation The "Pregnant Girl Scout" is fine, (I belonged to troop sixty-nine in Woodland, Calif - McW)
When Roma was told about sex,
'Specially not out of your worm.
How do you doodle
With that little noodle?
I've heard that it's not very firm.
--- Marlene Lewis
When I mounted a rear-end attack.
"Don't get your goo
Near my new hair-do...
Do you know that you're up the wrong crack?..."
--- Jack
Till in the right hole I would burrow.
And ride them some more
Until they were sore.
I may not be huge, but I thorough.
--- Jack
You're on the other side of the track?
Even so I request
A more civil behest
Than "C'mon baby, jump in the sack!"
--- Marilyn
What's required is much more refined.
A 'canoodle' or 'pet'
Is more likely to get
You into myself from behind.
--- Marilyn
On the bed we tumble and roll.
Pleasuring each other,
Trying to smother,
The fire on this hot bed of coals.
--- Anon
And answered all of my wishes.
My flame for you grows
And so does my hose,
At the thought of that pussy, delicious.
--- Anon
(Don't make me beg and say please.)
A little doggie style,
Sure makes me smile,
I see that grin, you agree.
--- Anon
Reminds me of sweet superstition;
That taboo that you
Now ask me to do,
I gladly will, with your permission.
--- Anon
To give you a doggie-type grind,
It's still the same hole
That gets my long pole;
No anal sex is on my mind.
--- Anon
As long as it's not on the floor.
The rug's my concern;
It causes those burns,
And my knees will get red and sore.
--- Anon
That keeps rug burns from happening fast.
Are on sale for sure
At any sports store;
They all sell fine knee pads that last!
--- Anon
Could keep burns from getting bad.
We could do gymnastics
Or fuck til we're spastic;
The best sex may yet to be had!
--- Anon
We'll try something simple instead,
When down on all fours.
So you won't get those sores,
We'll just have to screw in the bed
--- Anon
Which all of my friends will sure vouch.
She was cleaning the oven,
So I tried some lovin',
Then got banished to my lumpy old couch.
--- Atticus
So I on my hands and knees crawls
And peeked up her dress.
Then Oh! What a mess
It made when that bitch smacked my balls.
--- Travis Brasell
But scullery love is delicious,
When you start to flirt,
And hoist up her skirt,
And boff while she's washing the dishes.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Just as she was washing a glass.
When I grabbed her caboose,
Bloody Hell did break loose,
Like shoving worms up a wildcat's ass.
--- Atticus
While lying face up on the bed;
So changing position
To finish coition,
He turned her face downwards instead.
--- Peter Wilkins
"This doggie-style screwing sure stings!"
Asked he, "Dick too big?"
Screamed she, "No you pig!
The mattress doesn't cover the springs!"
--- Travis Brasell
Weird sex was something to fear.
Now I'm no mathematician,
But here's my suspicion:
It's directly proportional to beer.
--- Kristen
For everything's normal in here.
Whoever, however,
Whenever, whatever,
We do it from front and from rear.
--- Peter Wilkins
Said she, "and from now on I'm sitting;
It feels just as fine
If you are supine --
And it won't interfere with my knitting."
--- Ed Potts P8606
He replied, "but it really does gall,
When you ask me, your swain,
To 'please hold the skein.'
While you wind up the yarn on the ball."
--- Ed Potts P8606
"Well, we've bust every spring in the bed.
And as you can see,
We have wrecked the settee,
So let's do it standing instead!
--- Michael Horgan
In a long distance telephone booth.
Now I know the perfection
Of an ideal connection,
Even if somewhat uncouth.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
In girls standing upright in halls.
Now the ladies instead
Want to have it in bed,
So I've little to hold against walls.
--- Anon
How to keep all his girls on their toes.
He makes love standing tall,
By the bar on the wall.
When they stand on their toes, in it goes.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0605
Who thought it great fun just to screw.
She was never particular
And performed perpendicular--
An art known to only a few.
--- G0634
A chance should not ever be missed.
He stopped at the landing
And had her while standing.
She declared is resembled the twist.
--- Albin Chaplin
Said to Ned as she leaned 'gainst a tree,
"I'd be much more at home
If my stance were more prone,
Than this ungainly role of standee."
--- Arthur Deex P0112
Who said, "I prefer perpendicolla;
But If what you want'll
Be best horizontal,
I'm really not all that particolla."
--- Jim Weaver Collection
That the towel bars in washrooms are great.
They're padded just right,
And they're just the right height
To grab onto while boffing your date.
--- Anon
This is file wxl
And myself, I may say, good equiped.
But each time we do it standing
I make a hard landing;
Is it on the wet floor that I slipped?
--- Anon
To get a good fuck was hard put.
So he tried to screw standing
But he found it demanding,
And he splattered his load on his foot.
--- Albin Chaplin
A most reprehensible jade.
It's stuck in her head
She'll get knocked up in bed,
So demands to stand up to be laid.
--- Grand Prix Lim 32 G0254
Whose girl was as tall as a ladder.
When he stood on his toes
Her cunt came to his nose,
So he stood on his shoulders and had her.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0728
When influenced by gin and vermouth.
Very much thinner,
I was a sinner,
Making love in a telephone booth.
--- Tom Patton P9607
To join him in wild copulation.
She should have said maybe;
Now she'll have a baby,
And add to the whole population.
--- Dick Ford
Got in bed with some guy late one night.
By the coming of dawn
She was bearing his spawn --
Really not an unusual plight.
--- Armand E Singer 134
Remarkably badly behaved.
His manners with ladies
Were imported from Hades,
And he left every one of them gravid.
--- Isaac Asimov
And they certainly weren't economical!
Each time I got plastered
I'd father a bastard...
And their cost proved to be astronomical.
--- Grand Prix Lim 663
In the words of the famous Epicetus,
The curious lore
That young girls by the score
Are afflicted with athlete's foetus.
--- W S Baring-Gold
Participle dangling from his fly.
Met a girl named "E".
"I must," thought he,
"Make sure that E comes after I."
--- Anon
In an abbrev. costume with stars.
"You'll never go wrong
If you wear a dipthong."
Was tattooed on all his cigars.
--- Anon
Impressing E with tumescence.
After just one date,
Her period was late,
Leaving them with an unending sentence.
--- Anon
The program to reverse it's a failure.
Health minister decreed
Australians don't breed;
In Australia a failure of genitalia.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0512Q
For the reason we all know the clue.
It's frigid outside;
From the cold they must hide,
So the people just stay home and screw.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0512Q
About this I know quite a lot.
I have two of my own
And they are only half grown,
So we still talk of boogers and snot.
--- Jules
Of putting in oven the bun.
But let me tell you
This just is not true;
Below him lies the real guilty one.
--- Barrie Eksteen
Rewards are a mixed bag, galore.
As soon as they're weaned,
Unhappily teened,
One wonders what it's really for!
--- Chris Papa
A curvy young girl with elation.
She asked him, "Why me?"
He replied full of glee,
"You were built for the birth of a nation."
--- S B Herring
That morning we spent in the sun.
The condom I wore
Was weak and it tore;
Now her oven is stuffed with a bun.
--- John Miller
"After four days of lays you look paler."
Four days shakes and shocks,
Rocked Block Island for blocks,
While the sailor hot knocked up Miss Naylor.
--- Grand Prix Lim 367
Without talking, it's still inspirational.
But mind you're not burned,
For many have learned,
The act can be baby-creational.
--- Isaac Asimov
Had talents so diverse and myriad,
But she will be a momma,
For mistakes she made, [comma]
And she says it's the end of her. [period]
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1415
But Mr. with Ms. really toyed.
So you should share
In the giving of care
Of your little girled and boyed.
--- John Miller
Whose menses were steady as clockwork.
But they failed to appear
For nearly a year,
On account of some young fellow's cockwork.
--- G1699
A retractable tail like a turtle.
But though she has never
Been called cute or clever,
She annually proves to be fertile.
--- Anon
And filling my mind with disdain.
I'm becoming forgetful,
It's making me fretful,
Now what was I doing again?
--- Anon
Is not an avocation;
At least to me,
It seems to be
A full-time occupation.
--- Lims Unlimited
He dug a new well to get water.
He hauled in the hay,
Got the chickens to lay,
And the bleeding he stopped in his daughter.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2002
That she was set up by some dame
Who didn't like Willie,
And this was all silly,
But it was his seed she maintained.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
I find myself often beguiled
By asking why Father
Had gone to the bother
Of getting my mother with child.
--- Norm Storer P9812
Requires an equalization
Of vaginal suction
With testicular fucktion,
Resulting in maternization.
--- Anon
Though some think her quite out of line.
The fruit of her womb
Is starting to bloom--
She's the Virgin of Troop Sixty-Nine.
--- G1658
She said "Mamma, it's so complex!
You and dad had to go
Through this trouble, you know,
And I am just the side effect!"
--- Jim Weaver Collection
MORE