There once was a king called LB;
A wise and just ruler was he.
But in Ultima Seven,
He should be in heaven;
I killed him in Ultima Three.
--- Anon

The great battle was heavy and hot!
I just had to connect with each shot!
But then, full of dread,
I found myself dead.
So I put one more coin in the slot...
--- Victoria

This bloody Windows Solitaire
Wastes so much more time that I care
To admit to or
(Don't ask my high score)
Discuss with anyone out there.
--- Archie

A desperate VP named Greg,
Asked if he could have at my leg.
I said, "Please be brisk,
It will cost you a disk,
And it better be two thousand meg."
--- Paul Isaacs

There was a computer that cried,
"I can think, somehow, deep down inside.
I know it's official;
I have Dell Artificial
Intelligence stamped on my side."
--- Terry Wilson

There was a computer that cried
"My motherboard's given up and died;
Because you sent me a virus
So undesirous
That Bill Gates has gone off to hide."
--- Mike Wilson

"My computer," said Reverend Mercer,
"Makes all of my sermons much terser,
But I think, for a preacher,
The device ought to feature
A blesser instead of a cursor."
--- A N Wilkins P8706

A networking team that I know,
Decided the traffic was slow,
And resolved that to boot a
Recalcitrant router,
Would help all the packets to flow.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

When he fired John, the big boss let slip
A fact which almost made him flip.
To replace him there'd be
Not a standard PC,
But one measly silicon chip.
--- A N Wilkins P9304

I didn't know it would be such a bore
Not to have a CD any more.
Not one game
Will call me by name
And the disks fall out on the floor.
--- Anon

The critics may all be discounting
My hopes, but I'll soon be amounting
To more than a cabbage,
Said Doctor Charles Babbage;
"Analytical engine, start counting!"
--- Rory Ewins

For years, Intel has had its way
Until AMD gained its entree.
And if their competition
Hurts profit prediction,
Let the chipmakers fall where they may.
--- Election 2000

A hacker-turned-pervert named Fisk,
Made love to the drive of his disk.
The thing circumsized him,
Which rather surprised him,
He wasn't aware of that risk.
--- Anon

There was a young lady named Liz
A true photocopying whiz.
She'd copy a pie,
Or a swiss cheese on rye,
And a Pepsi complete with the fizz.
--- Eric Perlin

"My PC is a real swearer, yes sir!"
The priest said to his friend and confessor.
"But to purge it of sin,
I'm resolved to begin
To call the thing's cursor a blessor.
--- A N Wilkins P9304

Up on Mars is a marvelous cart;
Like your PC, it's state-of-the-art.
With some software that sucks,
Costing millions of bucks
To see, "Fail, Abort, or Re-start?"
--- John Miller 0036

There once was a computer owner,
Who used gunpowder instead of toner.
When he down-loaded,
His printer exploded,
And his mouse pad flew off to Pomona!
--- Anon

There was a computer that cried,
"My technical bits have been fried.
I took too many jolts
From too many volts.
(No wonder the bloody thing died.)
--- Alec Kitson

The Internet's billions of bytes
Should enlarge human knowledge, by rights.
'Stead it gives cause to frown
As our people dumb down;
Computers become the bright lights.
--- Loren Fitzhugh

I e-mailed an over-sized banner
That Randy observed in this manner,
So he said to a chick,
"I've got a neat trick,"
Then he goosed her in front of the scanner.
--- Anon

An Internet surfer named Fred,
Took a laptop computer to bed.
But we'll never know why,
For the poor little guy,
Tried to give his hard drive some head.
--- Anon

Oh, ask not for whom the worm turned,
For my 'puter, its hard drive hath burned.
It took a full week
Of the game, Hide and Seek,
'Fore the 'puter store's profits were earned.
--- Liam na Beag

Also the printers of Canon
Should all be destroyed and be spat on.
The just sit there and
Await the commands;
'Stead of ink, they spew out pure venom.
--- Nik Synytskyy

And to think I just met him last week;
I'm so amazed I can hardly speak.
With such lavish hardware,
I could do naught but stare;
In my mind, havoc he doth wreak.
--- Robyn

They say that computers is hot,
So one of them gizmos I got.
Now I play on the keys
With the greatest of ease,
But IBMbarrassed a lot!
--- Norm Storer

For years on my keyboard it sat;
It was so under-utilized that
It once suffered depression
For lack of expression;
That humble anonymous @.
--- Peter Wilkins

I fear that my keyboard has ants,
And I have to admit there's a chance,
That it's due to my eating,
While surfing and reading.
I'll stop that, ere they advance!
--- Anon

Technology's truly come far,
From then, to the time where we are;
Edward Lear would say "Cripe!...
Now you don't have to type --
You just scan with a quick OCR!"

(OCR - optical character reader)
--- Cap'n Bean

There once was a FET named MOS,
In VLSI, she was the boss.
Had an I-V plot,
That made us geeks hot,
And gave her a low power loss!
--- Jim Weaver Collection

Your limerick is not under attack,
But why not invest in a Mac?
They're expensive machines,
You must lay down some greens,
But I'm told that they're harder to hack.
--- James

A linguist thought it a farce,
That memory space was so sparse.
One day he increased it.
Said he as he seized it,
"At last! Enough core for the parse".
--- Anon

If we're wanting to stop AIDS' stampede,
It's PC to compute and proceed
To protect our hard drive
And keep mankind alive.
MSCondom's the softwear we need.
--- Doug Harris

My friends have computers, it seems,
That can't get much done but in teams;
So they tie them together
With a network of tethers,
But they still can't beat my Pick machine.
--- Anon

This is file wqm

My brand new PC is a blast;
It's better by far than the last.
Although it's conductive
To being productive,
Instead I waste time twice as fast.
--- Tiddy Ogg

There once was a man named Brister,
Who was known as a helluva trickster.
He wore a top hat,
And nothing but that;
Saying, "See? I'm a new type transistor!"
--- Jim Weaver Collection

A BJT modeled by SPICE;
It is a three-port device,
Base and collector,
Make you respect her,
But it's the emitter that is really nice.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

He invited her round to his house
Where he showed her his digital spouse.
He said, "She's a hussy
And although there's no pussy,
She has an exceptional mouse".
--- Anon

Street parades, which once honored "square shooters"
And such heroes, brought out fans and rooters.
Those were the times where
Ticker tape filled the air.
Now they'd dodge ancient disks and computers.
--- Loren Fitzhugh

A computer they built on the cape
Once got in a terrible scrape:
Midst hooting and tooting
They found it computing
The length and the width of its tape.
--- Lims Unlimited

I really hate this damned machine;
I wish that they would sell it.
It never does quite what I want,
But only what I tell it.

--- Anon

Visual computing problems are graphic.
The superhighway is with traffic.
There's so much to remember,
More disk space by November,
Or else memory that is photographic.
--- John Cahill

There was a computer that cried,
"Yes, I'm old, but I still have my pride.
You can put out my lights;
You can say the last rites;
I'm an Osborne; it's time that I died."
--- Alec Kitson

Said the vendor to Charlie one day,
You can have it but not 'til you pay.
So he coughed up the cash,
Then he left in a dash,
As he stylused his Palm V -- Hooray!
--- Caf P9911

It has been said: if you have no manners,
Then you have neither printers nor scanners.
But if you need to scan,
As a rule, you still can;
Use some other tools - spanners and fanners.
--- Slava Meskhi P0007

There is this weird codger named Wooters,
Who sought to build quantum computers.
He's wagered two bits,
He'll prevail without qubits,
But he finds he has many disputers.
--- Jonathan P Dowling

The legs of a lady named Ida
Were quite a potential divider,
But she thought it much cuter
To act as computer
And have rigid digits inside her.
--- G2603

This posting I just saw today;
Malhereusement is two days away
This server's gone dead;
There's naught in that head.
Mere silence and chaos holds sway.

--- Vlad

I hope they soon get it fixed;
Problem servers are really a witch.
I would like to read more
Of what you have in store.
I'm sure that the group you enrich.

--- Azul

My computer repairman smokes poppies.
His works of art could be called "sloppies."
My blouse he did frisk,
Exposed his hard disk,
"Here's my Wang -- show me your floppies!"
--- Jane D Hughes P9208

There once was a nun from Nantucket,
Hid skimmed alms for more RAM in a bucket.
Prayed while down on her knees,
"Can't these SIMMs grow on trees?
No more theft - make that tree - then I'll pluck it!"
--- Anon z

My computer is blazingly fast,
Obsolescence a thing of the past.
Till it froze on a game,
And I found that the blame
Was a sound-card rated dead-last.
--- Jordon

I'll berate my fucking speakers
That stink even more than my sneakers.
While playing a sound,
If cranked up real loud,
Turn into some big-assed ear-kickers.
--- Nik Synytskyy

There once was an FET named Jay,
He had only one thing to say:
"Just bias my gate,
It feels really great,
You can turn me on and off all day."
--- Jim Weaver Collection

While sitting at a PC new born,
And growing yourself a big horn,
No work will get done
While your having great fun,
'Cause it's much quicker downloading porn.
--- Tiddy Ogg

A robot eye linked to the mind
Is promising sight to the blind.
But at such low-res,
The pics in their heads,
All look like ZX-80 designed.
--- Jarmo

There was a computer that cried,
"What I'd give for a digital bride.
She'd be IBM brainy
And rather main-framey;
That lovely gal right by my side."
--- Paul Mitchell

There once was an Internet freak,
Who gave his modem a tweak.
His V.34
Shot out of the door,
Just missing a priceless antique.
--- Anon

There once was a 486
That featured some frustrating tricks.
It's long bootup foreplay
Would last past a whore-lay,
And then it would laugh at your clicks.
--- Norm Storer P9804

My monitor -- Noah-old Magnavox --
Some shit and some glass in a box.
It makes a BUZZ sound,
Zaps all folk around,
And ticks like a truckload of clocks.
--- Nik Synytskyy

There once was a technician chap,
Who forgot to use a ground strap.
His driver card blew,
Along with the CPU,
And his sound-blaster card uttered - ZAP!
--- Anon

My computer's got Intel inside,
But my boss is going to have my hide.
What I said that would work
Like simple clock-work,
Is now almost five months behind.
--- Jordon

My computer has got MMX,
But I think it has way too much flex.
'Cause the hard drive it choked
And the CPU smoked.
Now it's as good as a 286.
--- Jordon

There once was a chip from Intel
Whose floating point unit was Hell.
With every division
It lost some precision,
And for products, nobody could tell.
--- John Torben et al

A computer's insides are complex --
Electronic quads, abs, and pecs.
But none of it's numb,
So the P.C. can come
(With Intel Inside, it likes sex).
--- Norm Storer P9804

I think I'm just gonna die.
10 million transistors, Oh my!
With the Pentium now smaller
Than a new silver dollar.
Hey, its called VLSI.
--- Anon

It cost me not one single dime,
But I've now got old programs to chime
At Megahertz 800,
So now, if you've wondered,
I'm only one year behind time.
--- Tiddy Ogg