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There once was a king called LB; The great battle was heavy and hot! This bloody Windows Solitaire A desperate VP named Greg, There was a computer that cried, There was a computer that cried "My computer," said Reverend Mercer, A networking team that I know, When he fired John, the big boss let slip I didn't know it would be such a bore The critics may all be discounting For years, Intel has had its way A hacker-turned-pervert named Fisk, There was a young lady named Liz "My PC is a real swearer, yes sir!" Up on Mars is a marvelous cart; There once was a computer owner, There was a computer that cried, The Internet's billions of bytes I e-mailed an over-sized banner An Internet surfer named Fred, Oh, ask not for whom the worm turned, Also the printers of Canon And to think I just met him last week; They say that computers is hot, For years on my keyboard it sat; I fear that my keyboard has ants, Technology's truly come far, (OCR - optical character reader)
There once was a FET named MOS, Your limerick is not under attack, A linguist thought it a farce, If we're wanting to stop AIDS' stampede, My friends have computers, it seems, My brand new PC is a blast; There once was a man named Brister, A BJT modeled by SPICE; He invited her round to his house Street parades, which once honored "square shooters" A computer they built on the cape I really hate this damned machine; Visual computing problems are graphic. There was a computer that cried, Said the vendor to Charlie one day, It has been said: if you have no manners, There is this weird codger named Wooters, The legs of a lady named Ida This posting I just saw today; Vlad
I hope they soon get it fixed; Azul
My computer repairman smokes poppies. There once was a nun from Nantucket, My computer is blazingly fast, I'll berate my fucking speakers There once was an FET named Jay, While sitting at a PC new born, A robot eye linked to the mind There was a computer that cried, There once was an Internet freak, There once was a 486 My monitor -- Noah-old Magnavox -- There once was a technician chap, My computer's got Intel inside, My computer has got MMX, There once was a chip from Intel A computer's insides are complex -- I think I'm just gonna die. It cost me not one single dime,
A wise and just ruler was he.
But in Ultima Seven,
He should be in heaven;
I killed him in Ultima Three.
--- Anon
I just had to connect with each shot!
But then, full of dread,
I found myself dead.
So I put one more coin in the slot...
--- Victoria
Wastes so much more time that I care
To admit to or
(Don't ask my high score)
Discuss with anyone out there.
--- Archie
Asked if he could have at my leg.
I said, "Please be brisk,
It will cost you a disk,
And it better be two thousand meg."
--- Paul Isaacs
"I can think, somehow, deep down inside.
I know it's official;
I have Dell Artificial
Intelligence stamped on my side."
--- Terry Wilson
"My motherboard's given up and died;
Because you sent me a virus
So undesirous
That Bill Gates has gone off to hide."
--- Mike Wilson
"Makes all of my sermons much terser,
But I think, for a preacher,
The device ought to feature
A blesser instead of a cursor."
--- A N Wilkins P8706
Decided the traffic was slow,
And resolved that to boot a
Recalcitrant router,
Would help all the packets to flow.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
A fact which almost made him flip.
To replace him there'd be
Not a standard PC,
But one measly silicon chip.
--- A N Wilkins P9304
Not to have a CD any more.
Not one game
Will call me by name
And the disks fall out on the floor.
--- Anon
My hopes, but I'll soon be amounting
To more than a cabbage,
Said Doctor Charles Babbage;
"Analytical engine, start counting!"
--- Rory Ewins
Until AMD gained its entree.
And if their competition
Hurts profit prediction,
Let the chipmakers fall where they may.
--- Election 2000
Made love to the drive of his disk.
The thing circumsized him,
Which rather surprised him,
He wasn't aware of that risk.
--- Anon
A true photocopying whiz.
She'd copy a pie,
Or a swiss cheese on rye,
And a Pepsi complete with the fizz.
--- Eric Perlin
The priest said to his friend and confessor.
"But to purge it of sin,
I'm resolved to begin
To call the thing's cursor a blessor.
--- A N Wilkins P9304
Like your PC, it's state-of-the-art.
With some software that sucks,
Costing millions of bucks
To see, "Fail, Abort, or Re-start?"
--- John Miller 0036
Who used gunpowder instead of toner.
When he down-loaded,
His printer exploded,
And his mouse pad flew off to Pomona!
--- Anon
"My technical bits have been fried.
I took too many jolts
From too many volts.
(No wonder the bloody thing died.)
--- Alec Kitson
Should enlarge human knowledge, by rights.
'Stead it gives cause to frown
As our people dumb down;
Computers become the bright lights.
--- Loren Fitzhugh
That Randy observed in this manner,
So he said to a chick,
"I've got a neat trick,"
Then he goosed her in front of the scanner.
--- Anon
Took a laptop computer to bed.
But we'll never know why,
For the poor little guy,
Tried to give his hard drive some head.
--- Anon
For my 'puter, its hard drive hath burned.
It took a full week
Of the game, Hide and Seek,
'Fore the 'puter store's profits were earned.
--- Liam na Beag
Should all be destroyed and be spat on.
The just sit there and
Await the commands;
'Stead of ink, they spew out pure venom.
--- Nik Synytskyy
I'm so amazed I can hardly speak.
With such lavish hardware,
I could do naught but stare;
In my mind, havoc he doth wreak.
--- Robyn
So one of them gizmos I got.
Now I play on the keys
With the greatest of ease,
But IBMbarrassed a lot!
--- Norm Storer
It was so under-utilized that
It once suffered depression
For lack of expression;
That humble anonymous @.
--- Peter Wilkins
And I have to admit there's a chance,
That it's due to my eating,
While surfing and reading.
I'll stop that, ere they advance!
--- Anon
From then, to the time where we are;
Edward Lear would say "Cripe!...
Now you don't have to type --
You just scan with a quick OCR!"
--- Cap'n Bean
In VLSI, she was the boss.
Had an I-V plot,
That made us geeks hot,
And gave her a low power loss!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
But why not invest in a Mac?
They're expensive machines,
You must lay down some greens,
But I'm told that they're harder to hack.
--- James
That memory space was so sparse.
One day he increased it.
Said he as he seized it,
"At last! Enough core for the parse".
--- Anon
It's PC to compute and proceed
To protect our hard drive
And keep mankind alive.
MSCondom's the softwear we need.
--- Doug Harris
That can't get much done but in teams;
So they tie them together
With a network of tethers,
But they still can't beat my Pick machine.
--- Anon
This is file wqm
It's better by far than the last.
Although it's conductive
To being productive,
Instead I waste time twice as fast.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Who was known as a helluva trickster.
He wore a top hat,
And nothing but that;
Saying, "See? I'm a new type transistor!"
--- Jim Weaver Collection
It is a three-port device,
Base and collector,
Make you respect her,
But it's the emitter that is really nice.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Where he showed her his digital spouse.
He said, "She's a hussy
And although there's no pussy,
She has an exceptional mouse".
--- Anon
And such heroes, brought out fans and rooters.
Those were the times where
Ticker tape filled the air.
Now they'd dodge ancient disks and computers.
--- Loren Fitzhugh
Once got in a terrible scrape:
Midst hooting and tooting
They found it computing
The length and the width of its tape.
--- Lims Unlimited
I wish that they would sell it.
It never does quite what I want,
But only what I tell it.
--- Anon
The superhighway is O.D.ing with traffic.
There's so much to remember,
More disk space by November,
Or else memory that is photographic.
--- John Cahill
"Yes, I'm old, but I still have my pride.
You can put out my lights;
You can say the last rites;
I'm an Osborne; it's time that I died."
--- Alec Kitson
You can have it but not 'til you pay.
So he coughed up the cash,
Then he left in a dash,
As he stylused his Palm V -- Hooray!
--- Caf P9911
Then you have neither printers nor scanners.
But if you need to scan,
As a rule, you still can;
Use some other tools - spanners and fanners.
--- Slava Meskhi P0007
Who sought to build quantum computers.
He's wagered two bits,
He'll prevail without qubits,
But he finds he has many disputers.
--- Jonathan P Dowling
Were quite a potential divider,
But she thought it much cuter
To act as computer
And have rigid digits inside her.
--- G2603
Malhereusement is two days away
This server's gone dead;
There's naught in that head.
Mere silence and chaos holds sway.
--- Vlad
Problem servers are really a witch.
I would like to read more
Of what you have in store.
I'm sure that the group you enrich.
--- Azul
His works of art could be called "sloppies."
My blouse he did frisk,
Exposed his hard disk,
"Here's my Wang -- show me your floppies!"
--- Jane D Hughes P9208
Hid skimmed alms for more RAM in a bucket.
Prayed while down on her knees,
"Can't these SIMMs grow on trees?
No more theft - make that tree - then I'll pluck it!"
--- Anon z
Obsolescence a thing of the past.
Till it froze on a game,
And I found that the blame
Was a sound-card rated dead-last.
--- Jordon
That stink even more than my sneakers.
While playing a sound,
If cranked up real loud,
Turn into some big-assed ear-kickers.
--- Nik Synytskyy
He had only one thing to say:
"Just bias my gate,
It feels really great,
You can turn me on and off all day."
--- Jim Weaver Collection
And growing yourself a big horn,
No work will get done
While your having great fun,
'Cause it's much quicker downloading porn.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Is promising sight to the blind.
But at such low-res,
The pics in their heads,
All look like ZX-80 designed.
--- Jarmo
"What I'd give for a digital bride.
She'd be IBM brainy
And rather main-framey;
That lovely gal right by my side."
--- Paul Mitchell
Who gave his modem a tweak.
His V.34
Shot out of the door,
Just missing a priceless antique.
--- Anon
That featured some frustrating tricks.
It's long bootup foreplay
Would last past a whore-lay,
And then it would laugh at your clicks.
--- Norm Storer P9804
Some shit and some glass in a box.
It makes a BUZZ sound,
Zaps all folk around,
And ticks like a truckload of clocks.
--- Nik Synytskyy
Who forgot to use a ground strap.
His driver card blew,
Along with the CPU,
And his sound-blaster card uttered - ZAP!
--- Anon
But my boss is going to have my hide.
What I said that would work
Like simple clock-work,
Is now almost five months behind.
--- Jordon
But I think it has way too much flex.
'Cause the hard drive it choked
And the CPU smoked.
Now it's as good as a 286.
--- Jordon
Whose floating point unit was Hell.
With every division
It lost some precision,
And for products, nobody could tell.
--- John Torben et al
Electronic quads, abs, and pecs.
But none of it's numb,
So the P.C. can come
(With Intel Inside, it likes sex).
--- Norm Storer P9804
10 million transistors, Oh my!
With the Pentium now smaller
Than a new silver dollar.
Hey, its called VLSI.
--- Anon
But I've now got old programs to chime
At Megahertz 800,
So now, if you've wondered,
I'm only one year behind time.
--- Tiddy Ogg
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