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These new CPU's are some beauts, Here's how it once used to be: I think that I think that I am, There once was a Pentium chip My computer's a Pentium Pro, The Pentium Processor was born, My computer's a Pentium II, I concede my computer now knows Computer biz players are betting, No, while cleaning my desk and redo- Moving boxes filled heavy with books; When it rolled 'cross the room and did crash Had no dough for repairs, was so broke -- I'm writing this verse on a Mac. A Mac is a wonderful tool, Computer, now kindly behave, My eyesight's not good, it is true, With my joystick, I've had some bad luck; Do I yank it too hard when I pull This here joystick has had its last fling; I purchased a "handheld" for workin', Then I downloaded Aitch's coin flipper. I galloped from Aix towards Ghent, I answer, "Of course!" with a frown. A hacker who screwed a mag tape, An AI researcher named Bluth, (Eroticon - ??, Knuth - ??)
Becky's a lady I know, An ancient librarian named Bell A bright young programmer named Howard, I promised an ending: I lied. Computers in school are first rate. There once was a firm out in Strauss Poor Janie, one terrible night, Computing is much like fine art; A kid was a regular log-in A net nerd took hold of his floppy, There was an old man from Cape Verde Bessie hired an innocent young tutor (prize winner in Canterbury Limerick Contest)
There was a young man, Jason Vickery, Said a Comp Science Lecturer, Zhart, From an ancient Egyptian papyrus, I am so damned fed up with spammers; Said a data compressor whose job A software technician from Digital, A digital gourmet of the Ritz I'm smart, I'm a tech-support boy; Although watching TV is no plus, My friend who's a PC technician, I sit here and twiddle my thumbs; An Internet wedding is sweet; A hardware debugger named Court, There once was a techie called Anne The crocuses happily blooming, (Doom is an addictive computer game - McW)
A structured programmer named Drew, Our computer's hijacked by our boys; With Internet porn quite unbarred, He tells us, in story and song, (an example of an excellent flaming - McW)
Is a man to be labeled a louse If a man spends less time with his spouse He was just an AOL lamer, A husband whose wife once was cuter, Melvin, who worshipped the Web, A computer programmer ill lucked, 'Windows' does not make much sense; There once was a coder in Gaul A programmer down in Moline, My grandson's a fine lad of ten,
And they put me way up on you brutes.
Through the beeps and the chimes,
I have crashed several times,
Before your old machine even boots.
--- Tiddy Ogg
While booting, I'd brew me some tea;
Receiving my post,
I'd go and burn toast,
But now my bread's wholly soot free.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Thought a Pentium processor, Sam.
If you take me apart
You will find no Descartes
Because cogito ergo, I'm Sam
--- Larry Dahl
That thought it was perfectly hip,
But with megahertz measured
At speeds highly treasured,
It offered more tease that real strip.
--- Norm Storer P9804
Makes my Amiga really look slow.
But what could be done,
With two clicks or one,
Takes five clicks and two strokes to go.
--- Jordon
For many a nerd with a horn.
His left hand surfs with joy,
On this powerful toy,
Because it computerizes porn.
--- Anon
And does what my XT could do.
But is'nt much faster
At causing disaster,
Such as re-formatting my hard drive in two.
--- Jordon
More each day, for its memory grows.
But I still can't explain
How a silicon brain
Can know that I know that it knows!
--- Larry Dahl
On developments they could be dreading.
It seems Windows XP
Needs beefed-up PC's;
For new sales their appetites whetting.
--- Dr Limerick
ing arrangments of hardware I pu(t)
The most sanctified tower
Of pentium-power
On the edge of my desk, then turned to
--- Anon
Cleared the floor of my study that looks --
Well, 'twas messy indeed.
When the cat 'neath my feet
Made me jump, hit my desk-chair which shook,
--- Anon
'Gainst the desk, the PC. In a flash
The disaster unfold-
Ed to me; couldn't hold
Books and tower. So I was awash...
--- Anon
Almost slept with the 'puter-shop bloke!
(Fortune saved me from - YUKK!-
This most terrible fuck,
But the cyberless time did provoke...)
--- Anon
These Apple-made boards make me gack!
It crashes to pieces
If somebody sneezes,
And you can't get that lost data back!
--- ROE
But you need to remember this rule:
"An Apple a day
Keeps the data away."
(I think I was taught this in school.)
--- Peter Wilkins
Because I'm the boss, you're the slave.
New computer or not,
I'll give you the chop,
If you Quit when I've told you to Save.
--- John Pickersgill
But I'm SURE I pressed S, and not Q.
Don't sit there and blink
Just so I will think
It was me, IT WAS NOT -- IT WAS YOU!
--- John Pickersgill
Here's the second one I've had to chuck.
Do I grip it too tight?
Is this tugging all right?
Can I jerk it, just like a young buck?
--- Allen Wolverton
Back and forth, side-to-side on a roll?
Does it get too much whip
In my hot clammy grip?
The abuse must have taken its toll.
--- Allen Wolverton
It will no longer stand like a king.
Look here! See it dangle
At a most awkward angle,
And the FIRE button won't harm a thing.
--- Allen Wolverton
But soon left my co-workers smirkin'.
For I always thought
The Palm Pilot I bought
Was hardware for jerkin' your gherkin.
--- Irish
I know I should try to be hipper,
But I couldn't pry
The disk from my fly;
The file said to use my un-zipper!
--- Irish
But forgot why the hell I was sent.
So I slammed on the brakes,
And I galloped to Aix,
Back the way I originally went.
--- Peter Wilkins
"You carried some news from that town!"
And the reason, of course
Why you used a horse:
That day your damn server was down!"
--- John Miller
Was caught and convicted of rape.
To jail, he did go,
From which, to his woe,
He couldn't get out with
--- Anon
Wrote, to find out the sexual truth,
Eroticon VI,
Which he taught certain tricks
Which I'm sure can't be found in Knuth.
--- Anon
A computer whiz, quite on the go;
Information's a breeze,
When hitting the keys,
For she's the best hacker I know.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Was wicked and then went to Hell.
His mind was encumbered
With decimal numbers,
His body wracked with U.R.L.'s
--- Steven P Masticola
At ten years old was highly powered,
He was brought up on bytes,
Ignored his class fights,
But at twenty his vision had soured!
--- Arthur Pattaffy
I can't even say that I tried.
I programmed all day
In my usual way,
And now my poor brain has been fried
--- Anon
There's agreement by every classmate.
One summed it up well,
And wrote, "I excell;
Computurs, I thenk, is reel grate."
--- Al Willis TP9806
Paid a bounty for each bug you'd douse.
A coder named Stan
Saw a flaw in their plan
And coded himself a new house.
--- Kevin Barnes
As her disk space became much too tight;
Accidentally slipped
Into recursive ZIP;
Got compressed down into just one byte!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
This is file wpm
They're basics to master to start.
But stifling demands
On creative hands
Cool the fire that burns in their heart.
--- Terrance Boult
To a zoo board in South Copenhagen.
While it gave him some thrills,
The telephone bills
Made his folks throw him out on his noggin.
--- Actaeon
And held down the button marked "Copy."
He tapped "Maximize"
To increase its size,
But "Paste" got him sticky and sloppy.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Whose young children called him a nerd
For eschewing TV
And saying with glee,
Couch potatoes are really absurd.
--- Harry Rubin P9211
To teach her to use the computer;
She tried the time-share
And stroked his software,
But he just couldn't input to suit her.
--- Harry Yates P8512
Who worshipped A. Jackson (Old Hickory).
But his face looked quite ill
On the twenty-buck bill,
Where he placed it with computer trickery.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Explaining the programmer's art,
"When the job is complete,
Ctrl-Alt-Delete
Will boot you right back at the start.
--- Anon
A professor translated a virus.
It was rather terrific
For an old hierogllyphic:
His computer was cursed by Osiris.
--- Cyber Geezer
My mailbox is full of their yammers.
I think if they're caught,
Their punishment ought
To be smashing their 'puters with hammers.
--- Cheryl
With the Library of Congress played hob.
"I've reduced all of it
Down to one bit,
Which I carry around on my fob."
--- William J Wilson P0607
Had hardware extremely prodigical.
It's rumored, I hear,
That when he was near,
He made the ladies all flustered and fidgital.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Said, "My new menu will give them fits.
Card Jam and Tape Punch,
Lime Slices to munch,
Gibson Mix and Binary Bits."
--- William J Wilson P0607
My kung-fu is kosher, not goy.
And though it's not sacred,
I troubleshoot naked,
Which is risky for corporate employ.
--- Anon
At the people who do it, don't fuss.
We never should berate a
Complete couch potato,
Especially net nerds like us.
--- Cyber Geezer
Was arrested for his bad decision.
On the councilman's Mac
He stupidly tacked
On a DOS 6.02 partition!
--- Niall Gillett
This download's so long, I'm near numb.
Oh when will it end;
I thought Netscape a friend;
Twiddle deedo, twiddle dido, twiddle dum.
--- Sahollar TP9804
It's cheap, easy, fast, and complete.
Of course, if divorce,
Becomes par for the course,
Just pull up the file -- hit delete!
--- Travis Brasell
Shoved his tool in an Ethernet port.
But its buffer array
Only handled 1K,
So the port's driver cut it off short.
--- Anon
Who said "I've a brilliant plan.
Stick something obscene
At the foot of your screen
And pretend your computer's a man."
--- Chris Young
Auger that springtime is looming.
While Pan capers and pipes,
Those computer types
Remain in their caves network Dooming.
--- Stiffy Joe
Was intensely turned on by "goto".
When he saw it in code,
He'd shoot off his load.
It's a good thing his shop used so few.
--- Anon
It replaces all their standard toys.
Eating, sleeping, TV,
Are numbers one to three;
I'll admit it is handled with poise.
--- Arthur Pattaffy
My teenager's PC has starred
Such bosomy queens
That he's come in his jeans --
No wonder his C-drive is hard!
--- Norm Storer P9806
Of his talent and overworked dong.
But the women he'll bed
And want to be wed,
Don't want to be wed to Joe Long.
--- Stephanie Smilay
If he spends much less time with his spouse?
Does he have a defense
For the joy so intense,
That keeps him busy clicking his mouse?
--- Anon
Than he does with a clickable mouse,
Then he's addicted to 'puters
Or to pictures of hooters,
And he's lucky to stay in the house.
--- Anon
Trying hardest to become a flamer.
With keyboard in hand,
He took on the land.
Then his mom killed him, ya' blame her?
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Was arrested for trashing her 'puter.
His logic was right,
For night after night
It turned him into a neuter.
--- Judith Wagner
Was a nebbish -- his friends called him "Neb!"
One day cast his eyes here
And won the first prize here!
Now Melvin's become a celeb!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
By computer made plans to get fucked.
With his program perverted,
His prick he inserted
Then missed Enter and hit the Destruct.
--- Albin Chaplin
Their utility is all just pretense.
And I don't give a toss
About MS DOS,
I'd rather have paper and pense.
--- Emmanuel Lamprecht
Who never used comments at all.
Friends took him to swim
In the rivers deep end,
And left him there chained, to a ball.
--- Kevin Barnes
Said, "I'm a match for any machine.
My secret's aversion
To loops and recursion,
Just acres of inline routine.
--- William J Wilson P0607
Since birth, on computers he's been;
With PC's he's magic,
Although it was tragic
When "Grandpa," he asked, "What's a pen?"
--- Travis Brasell
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