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Bill Gates sees atop of his list, a Avoid all the spyware, there, mista, Late for work? No sex? Blame Bill Gates! There was an old hacker named Jay, A newsgroup nerd hankered for tail, If life for you isn't too sweet, A programming genius named Hugh An expiring programmer of Devon If you like your computer computable, Eight bits or two nibbles, a byte... A website designer named Keith If your system won't recognize CANCEL, A programmer from the town of Dunkirk, A harried young coder of Erse Cyclic Redundancy Checks As prose it's a good piece of work; Your zip file I'll leave well alone Or are you like me and write specs So early and often's the mode My eyesight is failing, and now Disassembling your code, I concede I have an employer named Floss, There was a young man who said: "Hey! The government's well-known conniptions In the old days, you'd get free updates; I used to use Netscape Communicator; There is now no need to be sore; A most useful word is append; A programming genius named Heap There was a programmer in Bath, When a program you're starting to write, A lady of appetites strong That Google search engine's "da bomb"; Let me get straight to the point; A computer could give me the power Life isn't a field of fresh clover, This Information Technology They cannibalize the OS; It wants all my files on the server. I fought for the use of Excel; I purchased some software for me; I hide docs and files on my hard drives From my PC there came a strange odor, A demented programmer named Zachary The suspect was using encryption Wailed a CE down in Eau Claire, A topless Floridian female Software written by me and my peers, Now computers find fellows a mate, There was a young fellow named Moss, I'm working for outrageous pay On my high resolution display, Is Netscape the ultimate browser? (Doogie Howser - MD: TV sitcom '90's)
Where is Netscape with its magical powers? There was a young man who sent e-mails Let's all shed a tear at the fate My buddy, a regular he-male, Don't fall into Microsoft's trap, There once was a horrid tech lead, Sure, send me your code for a crack A functional programmer in bed At Nijmegen, Aachen, and Kiel Functional Programmers did well A promise of lazy reduction A computer who thought he was bright, A risque young typist said, "Friend, Logged onto the computer one night.
Way to glom, hand over fist, a
Trainload of cash,
As he spies from his sash
Through Windows, a somewhat blurred Vista.
And malware DLed by your sista.
If trojans and virus
Ain't very desirous,
To MS say, Hasta la vista.
One person the whole world hates.
But, like doggies in collars,
They still give their dollars
To the richest dude in the U. States.
--- Anon
Used to play with his PC all day.
Till his 5-inch floppy,
Spit out data all sloppy,
"Parity odd now. Still want to play (Yea/nay) ?"
--- Jim
The computer store clerk had for sale.
But on her laptop,
His drive was a flop.
So she said, "abort, retry, or fail?"
--- Bruce Thompson
And problems have fair got you beat,
Then type out a list,
With a flick of the wrist:
Select all, and then hit delete.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Said, "I really must see if it's true."
So he wrote a routine
To ask "What's it all mean?"
But the answer was still '42'.
--- R Humphries
Exhorted his circle of seven,
"Forego all your fear
And be of good cheer,
I'll be assembled again up in heaven."
--- William J Wilson P0607
Never download a file executable.
You'll surely regret
Any virus you get;
You're lucky your booter's still bootable.
--- Anon
It's like lunch. Hey that works! Well, it might.
But bytes by the bunch,
Make words. If that's lunch,
Then machines eat their words, ain't that right?
--- Victoria
Found Netscape was giving him grief.
He was getting nowhere
So he cried in despair:
"I hate all those byte without teeth!"
--- Chris Young
It will go down as quick as your pants'll.
A four syllable rhyme
Can encore any time,
And stay fresher than hot new romance'll.
--- Anon
Would work with a most evil smirk.
Thought he "Buyer Beware!
If you use my software,
Because in it a virus will lurk."
--- Roger Morris
Could never decide which was worse:
To blame the machine,
To stamp and to scream,
Or to endlessly loop and recurse.
--- William J Wilson P0607
Are intended to faze and perplex.
But John, my dear friend
I feel sure that you penned
This because of that alien sex.
--- Anon
And there's much, I admit, made me smirk.
But those database blocks
Are like pairs of old socks,
If you lose 'em they'll drive you berserk.
--- Anon
'Cause I don't want my database blown,
By selective extraction
Of blocks out of action,
With bad CRC's never shown.
--- Anon
On the back of your hand to perplex
All your clients, dear John,
So that after they're gone
They can't blame you for database wrecks?
--- Anon
For timely and functional code,
And although Yahoeuvre
Won't hang in the Louvre,
I think it deserves this here ode.
--- Anon
My spellchecker's broken, so how
To avoid such mistakes?
My little heart breaks,
For lim critics all having a cow.
--- Anon
May reduce its good WARP factor speed.
But that bug you can fix
With your programming tricks,
And then Jack will be happy indeed!
--- Anon
Who swears there is nothing like DOS.
Is your OS is GUI,
She will always say "Phooey!
Any window is nothing but dross."
--- Roger Morris
Some e-mail adresses don't say
What country they're from;
They just say .com,
While others say co.uk."
--- Richard Long
About dangers of e-mail encryption
Were quite premature;
Now the Feds can procure
A stroke-by-stroke keyboard transcription.
--- Dr Limerick 11-23-01
Now they don't even offer rebates.
For bucks One hundred nine,
I can get screwed just fine,
Without any help from Bill Gates.
--- John Miller
I was happy and wanted no more.
But thanks to Bill Gates
And Win 98,
I must browse with Explorer 4.
--- Puff Adder
Your Netscape will work like before.
Running Win 98
And Netscape works great,
And I don't have to use IE4!
--- Frito Bandito
It means to add on at the end.
When e-mailing friends,
As each message ends,
I append my dot-sig, then click "Send."
--- Mimi
Had trouble in getting to sleep.
So he made his lambs troup
Through a huge FOR-NEXT loop:
FOR 1 TO 10000: NEXT sheep.
--- John Miles
Who gave up formal methods in wrath.
"I swear that I knew
What my programs should do,
But you can't write a 'goto' in math."
--- Carla Marceau
To prevent it from turning out shite,
Eliminate dreck,
By writing a spec,
And then it will be all right.
--- Ben Strulo
Believed formal methods were wrong,
Till specified actions
Released chain reactions
Concurrent, ecstatic, and long.
--- Chris Holt
The best in the world of dot.com.
You want information
For edification?
You'll find it with speed and aplomb.
--- Randog
This is file wnm
I hate MS Powerpoint.
The darn thing won't print,
Won't give you a hint;
It's worse than a pain in the joint.
--- Nik Synytskyy
To graphically morph Hoover Tower
So from all points of sight
It leans left and not right,
So beneath it Republicans cower.
--- Anon
So theres no need to go supernova
At lifes twists, day by day
On the info highway,
More than likely you'll just get run over.
--- Anon
Sounds rather pretentious, you see.
They think they are IT.
I think they are shit.
They made my computer hate me.
--- Marlene
Win-95's not good at best.
Explorer they hid,
On games put a lid,
The whole system is just a mess.
--- Marlene
It's using this profile observer.
They lose my damn files.
They they are all smiles.
"The system works!" It claims with fervor.
--- Marlene
The Win-Quatro-Pro is just Hell!
The "Cutting Edge" they say
Is where it is today,
Just before they drop the bombshell.
--- Marlene
Just using it has set me free.
I get my work done;
It's so much more fun
Than fighting with that damned IT!
--- Marlene
And I have some private li'l archives.
I purchased some disks,
Avoiding the risks
Of discovery when IT arrives.
--- Marlene
Burning plastic and fast melting solder;
Then came smoke, putrid green,
And I saw on the screen
Microsoft Internet Exploder.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Wrote code to write novels like Thackeray.
It boiled lots of pots
Of characters and plots,
But it was all done with trickery and hackery.
--- Susan Addington
So the G-men got a warrant for fixin'
A "keyboard-sniff yoke"
To report all his strokes,
And help to secure a conviction.
--- Dr Limerick 01-04-02
"This Kludge I can never repair.
Its mean time to fail
Is of little avail,
Since it's less than its time to repair."
--- William J Wilson P0607
Once jilted an AT@T male.
Of vengeance disirous,
He made her a virus,
And fully exposed her by e-mail!
--- Prof M-G
Wasn't written to last years and years.
Now they pay us big bucks
Fixing software that sucks,
While soothing big management's fears.
--- John Miller
McLuhanish digital fate.
When a child comes to pass,
He's tattooed on his ass,
"Do Not Staple, Bend, Fold, Mutilate."
--- Anon
Said to greatly minimise loss,
Back up all you write;
Run chkdsk every night,
And save files when you exit from DOS.
--- Alexander Baron
Because of the damn y2k.
I'm saving up plentium,
And come the millenium,
I plan to just piss it away.
--- Anon
My computer turns work into play.
I catch politicians
In awkward positions,
And morph their excuses away.
--- Larry Dahl
Are there two legs in every trouser?
Nothing can compare
With a browser so rare,
So believe me or go ask Doc Howser!
--- Lisa
You could browse on the Internet for hours.
Now with IE four-o, (Microsofts Internet Explorer)
It's so maddenly slow,
When I download, I head for the showers!
--- Ystap TP9802
To various dubious females.
When asked what they said,
He just shook his head;
"I'd rather not go into details."
--- Richard Long
Of the poor CS student from State. (CS - computer science)
His recursive routines
Never ended it seems,
'Cause they just wouldn't (re-(re-(re-(re-... (reiterate)
--- Jim Hursey
Announced he would send me an e-mail.
He was good as his word
But I felt so absurd --
I thought he was sending a female.
--- John E Maywood
When they say, it's a true killer app.
It might well excel,
But the outlook ain't swell;
The word on the street is it's crap.
--- Anon
Who coded at fabulous speed.
But his code was so poor,
They showed him the door.
Not more but better we need!
--- Kevin Barnes
Of stuff made for Radio Shack
Or TI or Adam.
Us guys who once had 'em
For a fee can send source listings back.
--- Anon
Regarded I/O with great dread.
'Use monads', you say --
But I think, "No way.
They make steam come out of my head."
--- Simon P Jones
They argue about look and feel.
But at Glasgow and York
They pull out the cork
And monitor programs with zeal.
--- Chris Clack
Discussing work at IFL.
Though they value it high,
The Devil brought by
Assignments and goto's from Hell.
--- Marco Pil
Is fraught with a purist seduction.
For the size of the graph
Would make von Neuman laugh,
While the Ram makers all boost production.
--- Greg Michaelson
Ray-traced a companion one night.
The result, so it seems,
Was the girl of his dreams,
Now nothing he does is quite right.
--- Larry Dahl
I'm keyed up, so let's SHIFT from pretend.
I sure do not lack the SPACE
To CNTRL my BACKSPACE,
So insert your TAB in my END.
--- Anon
Turned out I was in for a fright.
When I read all the news,
I was given some views
Of some cows on a screen. Goodnight!
--- Anon
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