With a trusty workstation I'd render
An alternative world without gender.
Though I fear that I might
Simulate in the night,
A world that is even less tender.
--- Larry Dahl

To train on the toilet was dull,
So Mom, on new methods, did mull.
Instead of a potty,
She taught the wee totty
To output to slash dev slash null.

(Linux - discard the output)
--- Anon

Eye halve a spell cheque on my pee sea.
It nose a mist ache and lets me see
Weather I'm wrong oar write.
(It works all threw the knight)
Miss steaks? It kin fix them sew easy!
--- Anon

My spelling is reely kwite bad
So a spellcheka i'm so glad i had
But it seams to have gone rong
And Bee four much two long
The air roars will bee dry vin me mad
--- Anon

Microsoft's fortress was sacked,
When Windows and Office were hacked.
Now somebody knows
Developer's codes,
That third-party vendors have lacked.
--- Dr Limerick

When one's mind is too burnt out to code,
It is best that one lightens one's load.
One should do something fun;
One should then, once begun,
Not forget to get back on the road.
--- James Devine

My files are stored down in the crypt,
And down there with Zoe I slipped.
The files were compressed,
As in there we pressed,
But soon I had Zoe unzipped.
--- Anon

And what of the VIRUS, the scare?
Check doctor or check Medicare.
But in cyberspace
A sudden erase,
As you with a mouth open stare.
--- Anon

Oval office actions should call cops,
When boos for sultry ones just hops.
While interns may tire us,
The Monica virus
Is safer: it does just lap tops.
--- Daniel Ford

We can brag how our missiles are smart
Blowing hard installations apart,
But what can inspire us
To fight off a virus,
Where our arsenal's not worth a dog fart?
--- Jim Weaver Collection

When Greg ran for senior class president,
They learned that he set a new precedent;
He rigged the election
Through viral infection;
This program was memory resident.
--- Matthew Montchalin

Can one little kid move the world?
"Beats me," said Cyndy, hair curled.
"The teeters that totter,
If big enough, otter;
But viruses will if they're hurled."
--- Matthew Montchalin

Damn this browser of mine!
I wrote half a dozen just fine
About brothel and bimbo --
They went into limbo,
And I cannot remember one line!
--- John Miller

An ALGOL buff of St Joe
While calling the square dance below,
Said, "For i = 1
Step 1 until done,
While doing the ole Dosey-doe."
--- William J Wilson P0607

\exists a young lady called Carrie (There ...
Who, \for all his attentions, ates ary.
Over chips and a \pi
She says with a \Xi
"I'll be ' \Leftarrow init \vee i marry"

"I'll be dashed if I knit or I marry."
--- Michael Brennan

The world is turning to C.
Though at best, it is taught awkwardly.
But we don't have to mope,
There's a glimmer of hope
In the methods of formality.
--- David Gries

A good saleslady, Lenore,
Enjoys work, but she likes the beach more.
She found a good way
To combine work and play:
She sells C shells by the seashore.
--- Anon

Mathematicians rumble and cuss
About languages like C++.
The semantics are clear
To all programmers here:
The compiler decides it for us.
--- Carla Marceau

The battles of LOTOS and Z
Were as vicious as vicious could be.
But when it got to the point,
The decision was joint;
Fuck it, let's do it in C.
--- Ben Strulo

A dubious boat-builder McKnight
Was the author of maritime blight;
Though his FORTRAN's perverse,
His vessels are worse,
Thus his barque is much worse than his byte.
--- William J Wilson P0607

On programs and coding we've mused,
Often finding assertions confused.
Haskell we've found
Is really quite sound.
Why can't it ever be used?
--- Phil Trinder

When your number's come up and your date
Has a positive sign, don't delay't.
The right shift will Melter (IT term)
Inverted Delta
And let the signed bit propagate. (programming jargon)
--- Jester Jon

You could make your students march,
Through Z's triumphal arch.
But if they must deal
With languages real,
You really should teach them Larch!
--- Jim Horning

In college I learned APL,
A language they told me was swell.
Much time I'd devote
To the programs I wrote;
Now those efforts have all gone to Hell.
--- Sheila B

John's written a program in C,
That outputs limericks, you see;
Computerised wit.
I'll be fucked...'cause it
Composes them better than me!
--- David Miller

What! Me write my limericks in C?
Well, David, you just don't know me!
Even with pluses,
I don't know what the fuss is;
I get along fine with just B! (basic?)
--- John Miller

If you don't like what Gates makes you pay,
Open source codes may yet save the day.
Run apps made for Windows
With the Linux-based Lindows
And help Redmond collapse in decay.
--- Dr Limerick

"I feel, Tom, that Windows is dead.
I think I'll use Linux instead."
Said Mary as she
Sat perched on Tom's knee.
"You mv me," Tom awkwardly said.
--- Ericka

Writing programs in Modula-2
Is the worst possible thing you can do.
The computer compiles
One percent of your files,
Leaving all the debugging to you.
--- Anon

Write scripts for Jim Carrey? Of course!
Good people trust me as their source.
(But please excuse me
Just who in Hell's he?
Do I write it in Pascal...Or Morse?)
--- Anon

Said a distinguished Professor called Hughes
With standard Haskell we can't lose.
And all of his friends
Had debates without ends,
About a language that no one could use.
--- David Wakeling

I bet you thought this gripping tale,
Which moves like a galloping snail,
Would feature at least,
One man and one beast;
This tale just has only one male!
--- Dick Hull

His vet told him without a fuss,
He had long-sight in both eyes and thus
Our chimp did realize
And to this fact got wise --
He could not see...he see plus plus!
--- Dick Hull

This is file wmm

He began creating loops that swing
And nested ones ready to take wing.
His programs were all bright;
You always felt they might,
Have been created in the spring.
--- Dick Hull

He wrote neat programs by the heap;
Just one thing that troubled him deep:
A thought that made him sigh;
Whatever he did try,
Java upset his rhythm of sleep.
--- Dick Hull

Oh God, how ever could this be...
Would he still lose to humanity?
He dropped each of his dates,
Took training from Bill Gates,
But Java was not his cup of tea!
--- Dick Hull

He consulted experts through the mail;
He was determined not to fail.
Alas, he had no chance
To make this advance,
'Cause this is a human written tale.
--- Dick Hull

I don't want to give you all a fright,
But this tale is true, no verses light
If no plus (in it) you see,
Be my guest, feel free
To hold Control, Alter and Delite!
--- Dick Hull

A very intelligent turtle,
Found programming UNIX a hurdle.
The system, you see,
Ran as slow as did he,
And that's not saying much for the turtle.
--- Anon

There was a poor student called Tony;
Underpaid, overdrawn, he was stony. (Limey for broke?)
Then he learned Unix codes;
Now he earns loads and loads,
As a technical whiz at Marconi.
--- Chris Young

I struggled with For Loops and While
Loops converting a CSV file
Using cut, paste and head,
-10, awk and sed,
Plus utilities equally vile.
--- Anon

Oh how I hate Windows ME; (millennium edition)
I'd piss on the authors for free.
This huge pile of shits
Is giving me fits.
Why I changed is way beyond me.
--- Squat

A sprightly young fellow from Bree,
Wrote a good specification in Z.
"It's all in my head,
But it's right," so he said.
So he coded it up correctly.
--- James A. Foster

A Yank formalist rose from bed,
To specify programs in Z.
"Programming," quoth he,
"Is for fellows from Bree,
Who must work for their daily bread."
--- Jim Weaver Collection

There was an old fellow named Hoare,
Who thought writing programs a bore.
Then someone said
"Why not substitute Z?
Perhaps 'twill be less of a chore."
--- Ben Strulo

There was a young fellow named Dilla,
Who claimed his Z book was a thrilla.
As a matter of fact,
Standard syntax it lacked,
And a dialect not quite vanilla.
--- Ben Strulo

A thesis on matters semantic,
Drove a whole lot of programmers frantic.
Understanding Z(ed),
A misnomer, 'tis said,
Reviled on both sides of the Atlantic.
--- Ben Strulo

Americans talk differently
From the folks in the mother country.
Formal methods are wed
In Great Britain to Z(ed),
But Americans all call it Z(ee).
--- Carla Marceau

A Greek shopper happened to see,
A book with the title of 'Z'.
"These equations", he said,
"Are over my head.
The movie seemed clearer to me!"

(Z was also a movie made in Greece.)
--- Jim Horning

A language whose trademark is Z(ed),
Where programs and math can be wed,
Users detail each state,
Showing how states relate,
Yeilding specs that can never be read.
--- David Parnas

An American programmer said,
"I view specifications with dread.
I can program in C,
VDM, Ada, or Z,
But I cannot program in Zed.
--- Jim Horning

A promising logician called Fred
Fell in love with a language called Z(ed),
But luckily his friend
Said, "No! This must end!"
And packed him off promptly to bed.
--- Ben Strulo

A young man awake in his bed,
Had lewd thoughts bizarre in his head.
"If I can't make it normal,
I'll make it all formal,
And express the whole damn thing in Z(ed)."
--- Tom Marlowe

At the Irish School of VDM,
They do it because of tedium, (TDM)
But if they tried Z
It would go to their head;
There seems to be no happy medium. (meDM)
--- Jonathan Bowen

Regards Microsoft 98,
The best thing to do is to wait
Until 99,
And have some more wine.
At New Years you'll be out of date.
--- Anon

My DOS/Win dot 3 worked just fine,
But a new LapTop I'd find
About 19-96;
A horrible fix
Ensnared me in a bad bind.
--- Anon

The ThinkPad and Windows were wed
In the factory, in the same bed.
They shipped 95
To keep it alive;
An upgrade to 98's dead.
--- Anon

98 was very much worse;
I should have known it, of course.
It choked very hard
When I tried a sound card;
All I could do was to curse.
--- Anon

The most outrageous abuse,
When Netscape I tried to use.
Explorer stomped in;
GPF'd it like sin;
Unplug it was all I could douche.
--- Anon

My times not worth much anymore;
I'm just an old Professor.
With me it's my health,
Compared to his wealth;
His geek thugs are what I deplore.
--- Anon

When at the young age 23,
Keats got a bad case of TB.
He wrote some lines
That helped me define
What Bill Gates has taken from me.
--- Anon

I have tried to put it in rhyme.
Think about it in your spare time.
And then you will see
What my time's worth to me;
To take it away was a crime.
--- Anon

Standard Oil, ATT, Microsoft,
Do run against the trust busters oft,
Because they're successful,
Make money (a mess full)
Government wants their hats to be doffed.
--- Daniel Ford

In Microsoft Windows XP,
There's a flaw in the security;
They made it so stable,
That hackers are able
To go in the front door with no key.
--- Dr Limerick 12-20-01

There once was a computer nerd
Who discovered a fact quite absurd.
His poor hair had turned white
While installing, all night,
MS Windows -- that big software turd.
--- Anon

My computer is top of the line,
And software runs just fine.
But Win 95
Cannot stay alive,
Without a beep and a whine.
--- Jordon