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With a trusty workstation I'd render To train on the toilet was dull, (Linux - discard the output)
Eye halve a spell cheque on my pee sea. My spelling is reely kwite bad Microsoft's fortress was sacked, When one's mind is too burnt out to code, My files are stored down in the crypt, And what of the VIRUS, the scare? Oval office actions should call cops, We can brag how our missiles are smart When Greg ran for senior class president, Can one little kid move the world? Damn this browser of mine! An ALGOL buff of St Joe \exists a young lady called Carrie (There ... "I'll be dashed if I knit or I marry."
The world is turning to C. A good saleslady, Lenore, Mathematicians rumble and cuss The battles of LOTOS and Z A dubious boat-builder McKnight On programs and coding we've mused, When your number's come up and your date You could make your students march, In college I learned APL, John's written a program in C, What! Me write my limericks in C? If you don't like what Gates makes you pay, "I feel, Tom, that Windows is dead. Writing programs in Modula-2 Write scripts for Jim Carrey? Of course! Said a distinguished Professor called Hughes I bet you thought this gripping tale, His vet told him without a fuss, He began creating loops that swing He wrote neat programs by the heap; Oh God, how ever could this be... He consulted experts through the mail; I don't want to give you all a fright, A very intelligent turtle, There was a poor student called Tony; I struggled with For Loops and While Oh how I hate Windows ME; (millennium edition) A sprightly young fellow from Bree, A Yank formalist rose from bed, There was an old fellow named Hoare, There was a young fellow named Dilla, A thesis on matters semantic, Americans talk differently A Greek shopper happened to see, (Z was also a movie made in Greece.)
A language whose trademark is Z(ed), An American programmer said, A promising logician called Fred A young man awake in his bed, At the Irish School of VDM, Regards Microsoft 98, My DOS/Win dot 3 worked just fine, The ThinkPad and Windows were wed 98 was very much worse; The most outrageous abuse, My times not worth much anymore; When at the young age 23, I have tried to put it in rhyme. Standard Oil, ATT, Microsoft, In Microsoft Windows XP, There once was a computer nerd My computer is top of the line,
An alternative world without gender.
Though I fear that I might
Simulate in the night,
A world that is even less tender.
--- Larry Dahl
So Mom, on new methods, did mull.
Instead of a potty,
She taught the wee totty
To output to slash dev slash null.
--- Anon
It nose a mist ache and lets me see
Weather I'm wrong oar write.
(It works all threw the knight)
Miss steaks? It kin fix them sew easy!
--- Anon
So a spellcheka i'm so glad i had
But it seams to have gone rong
And Bee four much two long
The air roars will bee dry vin me mad
--- Anon
When Windows and Office were hacked.
Now somebody knows
Developer's codes,
That third-party vendors have lacked.
--- Dr Limerick
It is best that one lightens one's load.
One should do something fun;
One should then, once begun,
Not forget to get back on the road.
--- James Devine
And down there with Zoe I slipped.
The files were compressed,
As in there we pressed,
But soon I had Zoe unzipped.
--- Anon
Check doctor or check Medicare.
But in cyberspace
A sudden erase,
As you with a mouth open stare.
--- Anon
When boos for sultry ones just hops.
While interns may tire us,
The Monica virus
Is safer: it does just lap tops.
--- Daniel Ford
Blowing hard installations apart,
But what can inspire us
To fight off a virus,
Where our arsenal's not worth a dog fart?
--- Jim Weaver Collection
They learned that he set a new precedent;
He rigged the election
Through viral infection;
This program was memory resident.
--- Matthew Montchalin
"Beats me," said Cyndy, hair curled.
"The teeters that totter,
If big enough, otter;
But viruses will if they're hurled."
--- Matthew Montchalin
I wrote half a dozen just fine
About brothel and bimbo --
They went into limbo,
And I cannot remember one line!
--- John Miller
While calling the square dance below,
Said, "For i = 1
Step 1 until done,
While doing the ole Dosey-doe."
--- William J Wilson P0607
Who, \for all his attentions, ates ary.
Over chips and a \pi
She says with a \Xi
"I'll be ' \Leftarrow init \vee i marry"
--- Michael Brennan
Though at best, it is taught awkwardly.
But we don't have to mope,
There's a glimmer of hope
In the methods of formality.
--- David Gries
Enjoys work, but she likes the beach more.
She found a good way
To combine work and play:
She sells C shells by the seashore.
--- Anon
About languages like C++.
The semantics are clear
To all programmers here:
The compiler decides it for us.
--- Carla Marceau
Were as vicious as vicious could be.
But when it got to the point,
The decision was joint;
Fuck it, let's do it in C.
--- Ben Strulo
Was the author of maritime blight;
Though his FORTRAN's perverse,
His vessels are worse,
Thus his barque is much worse than his byte.
--- William J Wilson P0607
Often finding assertions confused.
Haskell we've found
Is really quite sound.
Why can't it ever be used?
--- Phil Trinder
Has a positive sign, don't delay't.
The right shift will Melter (IT term)
Inverted Delta
And let the signed bit propagate. (programming jargon)
--- Jester Jon
Through Z's triumphal arch.
But if they must deal
With languages real,
You really should teach them Larch!
--- Jim Horning
A language they told me was swell.
Much time I'd devote
To the programs I wrote;
Now those efforts have all gone to Hell.
--- Sheila B
That outputs limericks, you see;
Computerised wit.
I'll be fucked...'cause it
Composes them better than me!
--- David Miller
Well, David, you just don't know me!
Even with pluses,
I don't know what the fuss is;
I get along fine with just B! (basic?)
--- John Miller
Open source codes may yet save the day.
Run apps made for Windows
With the Linux-based Lindows
And help Redmond collapse in decay.
--- Dr Limerick
I think I'll use Linux instead."
Said Mary as she
Sat perched on Tom's knee.
"You mv me," Tom awkwardly said.
--- Ericka
Is the worst possible thing you can do.
The computer compiles
One percent of your files,
Leaving all the debugging to you.
--- Anon
Good people trust me as their source.
(But please excuse me
Just who in Hell's he?
Do I write it in Pascal...Or Morse?)
--- Anon
With standard Haskell we can't lose.
And all of his friends
Had debates without ends,
About a language that no one could use.
--- David Wakeling
Which moves like a galloping snail,
Would feature at least,
One man and one beast;
This tale just has only one male!
--- Dick Hull
He had long-sight in both eyes and thus
Our chimp did realize
And to this fact got wise --
He could not see...he see plus plus!
--- Dick Hull
This is file wmm
And nested ones ready to take wing.
His programs were all bright;
You always felt they might,
Have been created in the spring.
--- Dick Hull
Just one thing that troubled him deep:
A thought that made him sigh;
Whatever he did try,
Java upset his rhythm of sleep.
--- Dick Hull
Would he still lose to humanity?
He dropped each of his dates,
Took training from Bill Gates,
But Java was not his cup of tea!
--- Dick Hull
He was determined not to fail.
Alas, he had no chance
To make this advance,
'Cause this is a human written tale.
--- Dick Hull
But this tale is true, no verses light
If no plus (in it) you see,
Be my guest, feel free
To hold Control, Alter and Delite!
--- Dick Hull
Found programming UNIX a hurdle.
The system, you see,
Ran as slow as did he,
And that's not saying much for the turtle.
--- Anon
Underpaid, overdrawn, he was stony. (Limey for broke?)
Then he learned Unix codes;
Now he earns loads and loads,
As a technical whiz at Marconi.
--- Chris Young
Loops converting a CSV file
Using cut, paste and head,
-10, awk and sed,
Plus utilities equally vile.
--- Anon
I'd piss on the authors for free.
This huge pile of shits
Is giving me fits.
Why I changed is way beyond me.
--- Squat
Wrote a good specification in Z.
"It's all in my head,
But it's right," so he said.
So he coded it up correctly.
--- James A. Foster
To specify programs in Z.
"Programming," quoth he,
"Is for fellows from Bree,
Who must work for their daily bread."
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Who thought writing programs a bore.
Then someone said
"Why not substitute Z?
Perhaps 'twill be less of a chore."
--- Ben Strulo
Who claimed his Z book was a thrilla.
As a matter of fact,
Standard syntax it lacked,
And a dialect not quite vanilla.
--- Ben Strulo
Drove a whole lot of programmers frantic.
Understanding Z(ed),
A misnomer, 'tis said,
Reviled on both sides of the Atlantic.
--- Ben Strulo
From the folks in the mother country.
Formal methods are wed
In Great Britain to Z(ed),
But Americans all call it Z(ee).
--- Carla Marceau
A book with the title of 'Z'.
"These equations", he said,
"Are over my head.
The movie seemed clearer to me!"
--- Jim Horning
Where programs and math can be wed,
Users detail each state,
Showing how states relate,
Yeilding specs that can never be read.
--- David Parnas
"I view specifications with dread.
I can program in C,
VDM, Ada, or Z,
But I cannot program in Zed.
--- Jim Horning
Fell in love with a language called Z(ed),
But luckily his friend
Said, "No! This must end!"
And packed him off promptly to bed.
--- Ben Strulo
Had lewd thoughts bizarre in his head.
"If I can't make it normal,
I'll make it all formal,
And express the whole damn thing in Z(ed)."
--- Tom Marlowe
They do it because of tedium, (TDM)
But if they tried Z
It would go to their head;
There seems to be no happy medium. (meDM)
--- Jonathan Bowen
The best thing to do is to wait
Until 99,
And have some more wine.
At New Years you'll be out of date.
--- Anon
But a new LapTop I'd find
About 19-96;
A horrible fix
Ensnared me in a bad bind.
--- Anon
In the factory, in the same bed.
They shipped 95
To keep it alive;
An upgrade to 98's dead.
--- Anon
I should have known it, of course.
It choked very hard
When I tried a sound card;
All I could do was to curse.
--- Anon
When Netscape I tried to use.
Explorer stomped in;
GPF'd it like sin;
Unplug it was all I could douche.
--- Anon
I'm just an old Professor.
With me it's my health,
Compared to his wealth;
His geek thugs are what I deplore.
--- Anon
Keats got a bad case of TB.
He wrote some lines
That helped me define
What Bill Gates has taken from me.
--- Anon
Think about it in your spare time.
And then you will see
What my time's worth to me;
To take it away was a crime.
--- Anon
Do run against the trust busters oft,
Because they're successful,
Make money (a mess full)
Government wants their hats to be doffed.
--- Daniel Ford
There's a flaw in the security;
They made it so stable,
That hackers are able
To go in the front door with no key.
--- Dr Limerick 12-20-01
Who discovered a fact quite absurd.
His poor hair had turned white
While installing, all night,
MS Windows -- that big software turd.
--- Anon
And software runs just fine.
But Win 95
Cannot stay alive,
Without a beep and a whine.
--- Jordon
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