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With kids who are taking Computer, Last year Tim and Joanie went steady, John never comes home to the house. Sighed the nerd, "On-line dating's no bull; Hard disks can be great razz-ma-tazz; Dee and I then got in my jalopy, Your floppy is getting Dee's oft stare, I clearly am not thinking straight, There once was a hacker named Pete, A systems programmer named Sprotic, While Anne tapped on her notebook computer, The computer assisted Miss Kate There was a young girl, a real cracker, A lady programmer from Utah There was this odd programmer guy There one was a ham from Connectic, A spammer who spammed on the net I couldn't be any more terser; In the chaplaincy, some people stay Oh hear the sad words to my song; The old fashioned ways are all wet; That computing is first about coding, There once was a Usenetter named Mark, A girl shared a virtual meal A computer-matched date left young Irv Computers have minds of their own To me, its quite plain to see While in Windows his message was fine, There are many occasions to weep Carole, my lovely betrothed, Posting THAT one was more than a pain Gates demo'd his Win-98, I'm not a believer in fate, That wonderful human, Bill Gates Bill Gates says that he has no edge, He's the titan of software, I've heard, Gates is smart, tempermental, and surly; Bill Gates, you're a wonderful guy; Bill Gates is much richer than I; Hickory Dickery Bill Bill Gates built a very big house; Oh such a reward from the Fates, He earned what he has, if you will, Oh let us sing praise and raise cheers, Remember the savings-loans gents? So now we have our "honest" Feds, Perhaps Bill can say "can't remember", He must then select a cute bitch, Better give Internet to Japan, There is a guy named Bill Gates; Bill Gates is as soft as can be, His date showed disgust for this fare Well, things they just got really GUI, Have you no pity for Gates? To force Microsoft to a SCISSION Bill Gates has erected a guard Bill's software indeed's pretty hard, A fellow named Gates, no carouser, Bill Gates was always quite glad, Microsoft called them all temps, Bill Gates, I've heard, thinks "What monopoly?" asked Mr. Gates. Bill Gates made a billion and said, While his honeymoon jet was aloft, "Young boys -- that's disgusting and rude; Some days, it's my earnest contention,
Both parents will now need a tutor,
Or seem to become
Increasingly dumb,
Instead of appearing astuter.
--- Raymond Winkler P8311
But in the summer she met Freddy.
Fred is a geek;
Has a lucky streak;
And IBM offers already.
--- Lynn Mostafa
"He's working too hard!" cries his spouse.
He toils all night,
'Neath the terminal's light,
With only one hand on the mouse.
--- David Morin et al
Now I use the computer to pull.
Though I'm older, I'm bolder
And smolder to hold her;
My Hard Drive is constantly full."
--- Val Burns P0510Q
They compute and do all that jazz;
Unlike poor Joe Schmo
Who can't come, only go
Because software is all that he has.
--- Ann Gasser P8904
And things got all sticky and sloppy.
Though the pleasure was great,
Dee's disease took my eight
And now it's a 3.5 floppy.
--- Scott
As well as her snickering, coughed glare.
Your hard drive has crashed
And Dee, feelings smashed,
Is left with your outdated software.
--- Travis Brasell
At work, I have stayed much too late.
My head is so sore,
I must sleep before
On my keyboard, I lay down my pate.
--- Sue
Who was judged to be charming and sweet.
He was well-liked by all,
From the great to the small,
And was cool as a penguin in heat.
--- Anon
Found his software intensely erotic.
In jealous distress,
He wiped his OS.
It's possible that he's psychotic.
--- VOL 11
Noting the orthoepy of router, (customary pronunciation)
While no one could doubt her
When she called it a router,
She felt that a router was cuter.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
To find her a husband first rate.
But the programmer wily
Seduced her twice slyly,
Before finding a qualified mate.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0226
Who spent all her time as a hacker!
When her boss found this out,
He did jump, rave and shout.
What else could he do then -- but sack her!
--- Arthur Pattaffy
Fell in love with her handsome computah,
And when hot with desire
Encompassed its wire --
Which speedily rendered her neutah.
--- Hugh Oliver A116B
Who came to this page bye and bye.
He entered a rhyme
And blushed red as wine;
Just goes to show that he's shy.
--- Anon
Whose solder was soft and eutectic.
It started to flow
And as we all know,
That's when it quickly turned hectic!
--- Bill Turner
Was as bad as a spammer could get.
He spammed every group
With insidious poop,
Even me and Hussein and the Pope, yet.
--- John Miller 0002
I showed her my mouse and my cursor.
I bit on her floppy;
She kicked my hard copy;
My 'Lan', I was tempted to curse her.
--- Al Willis
From dawn till the end of the day.
The attraction is clear;
Computers are near,
Not the company, as some people say.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Though I study both hard and long,
I never can see
Till I hit ENTER key,
The thing that I did that was wrong.
--- Michael Donn a
I will not stay with them, you bet!
Why bother to look
It all up in a book?
I can do twice as much on the Net!
--- Tom Marlowe
Is a thought I find simply foreboding.
We should teach them instead
About using their head
Or in 10 years, careers will be folding.
--- Terrance Boult
Whose gender was kept in the dark.
He/She/It said with a nod,
"My ancestors were odd!
Did Noah need two for the ark?"
--- Jim Weaver Collection
With a fellow who wasn't for real,
Sharing virtual laughs
Over GIFs, PIFs and gaffes,
'Til he turned her off, lacking appeal.
--- Anon
Without some of his usual verve.
"For," he told his friend Harry,
"It's just a bit scary
To find out what you really deserve."
--- A N Wilkins P8502
For PC'ers, this widely is known.
Windows is such a joke,
Gates' license we'll revoke,
'Cause Macintosh seeds have been sown!
--- Anon
The poor man in Kent must be
A Microsoft user
A natural loser
Using Windows 95 or NT
--- Anon
'till he sent it along down the line.
It got lost in the Sun
(and that wasn't much fun;
the MX was all in a Bind).
--- Anon
In this trip to the ultimate leap.
My tears are untrussed
For I see that I've just
Wiped a file I intended to keep.
--- VOL 10
A particular habit of mine loathed.
I'd awake late at night,
And strange verse I would write,
As I sit at the 'puter unclothed.
--- T9712
And I often took Gate's name in vain
After every foul crash.
(Hey - who can I bash
After Micro$soft's sundered in twain?)
--- Anon
At a lucheon for dollars a plate.
But his new system crashed
And old Billy got bashed,
By his audience, unfed and irate.
--- Ystap TP9804
But if Gates were to reincarnate,
He'd return as a nun,
Attila the Hun,
Or perhaps Alexander the Great!
--- Anon T9710
This is file wom
Reviewed his incredible rates.
He chortled with glee,
Oh say, don't you see
I've a product they love to hate.
--- SlvrBear
His system is merely a wedge,
To make your PC
Jump up and say "Whee!"
IE is the "fix", that's his pledge.
--- Ystap
Though he looks pretty much like a nerd.
"Where do you want to go?"
Microsoft wants to know,
Which is what Bill is asked when chauffeured.
--- Larry Hollister
To outfox him, you'd better start early.
He's ensured his survival,
Destroying each rival,
But the Gates he won't get past are Pearly.
--- Larry Hollister a
Your money could reach to the sky;
Give me some cash,
Or your stocks will go crash,
And you kiss your sweet ass goodbye.
--- John Miller's daughter
There's not much that his money can't buy.
But his wealth can't prevent
An attacker hell-bent
On assaulting his face with a pie.
--- Larry Hollister
Wants to be King of the Hill;
To be the main one
Of the browsers we run...
(Can he really get richer STILL!)
--- PJ T9710
He loved it but not so his spouse.
"It's huge and it's drafty
And you have to be crafty
When you spend all day strapped to a mouse."
--- Jim Weaver Collection a
That someone as smart as Bill Gates,
Who can have it all,
Hears from people small,
Whom I would consider ingrates.
--- Chris Papa
With bold entrepenurial skill,
But like ATT,
Some folks hate to see;
If it's big, they've just got to kill.
--- Chris Papa
For athletes that chew off their ears,
Or lawyers who see,
Great wealth, OJ free,
Living on lies and folks fears.
--- Chris Papa
Where are all their punishments?
The same crew abroad
Take Asia to fraud;
The poor get to pay all the rents.
--- Chris Papa
Who sleep with such crooks in their beds,
Going after Bill,
The ploy, a good shill.
They'll wear the "white hats" on their heads.
--- Chris Papa
And apologize ere they dismember,
Or fine tune a poll,
By taking on role,
And get a new dog in December.
--- Chris Papa
The canine type, of course, the which
Will need a name new,
Then like me and you,
Call her "Dolly", after aunt rich.
--- Chris Papa
Then grovel as best as you can.
When our wealth is gone,
The sun will shine on,
Success for the new Asian man!
--- Chris Papa
When a girl from Seattle he dates,
He shows her the Needle,
(His name for the tweedle)
It's micro but such are the Fates.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Like oven warmed cheese -- let's say Brie.
He said, "Please don't stare!
Like it's not an Altair!"
And Paul Allen is softer than me!"
--- Jim Weaver Collection
And replied, "DOS is too much to bear.
Windows we need
If we must do the deed.
Please let me get out for some air!"
--- Jim Weaver Collection
And before you all could say phooey.
No matter what you think
Of Gates and his dink,
You have to admit he is chewy.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
He who judge Jackson berates.
Bill swears he is innocent
But Jackson is vehement,
'Cause Windows monopoly he hates.
--- Roger Morris
Has long been Justice's vision,
In nailing Bill Gates
And his billionaire mates,
But mostly they're met with derision.
--- Eric Seaberg
To see that all cross-links are barred.
But I'd sure like a whack
At that cute little Mac --
And to prove it, my C: drive is hard.
--- Norm Storer P9804
Full of bloatware and bugs by the yard.
But if I were Bill Gates,
I'd ignore you ingrates
And my lims would get royal regard.
--- Anon
Indicted because of his browser,
Cried: "Reno at Justice
Is trying to bust us;
Just what did we do to arouse her?"
--- Cyber Geezer
When a googolplex of money he had.
But when NASDAQ it dropped,
His big bubble popped,
And the billion that left seemed too bad.
--- Larry
In a crude and transparent attempt
To reap their production,
But give them no options,
And from benifits keep them exempt.
--- Election 2000
Of a new software package and winks.
Now you can smell on the Net
But you can't do it yet
'Cause you have to buy Microsoft Stinks.
--- Anon
"I intend to establish the rates
For all commerce and fun
That is under the sun,
But just in contiguous states."
--- Cyber Geezer
"I believe it is high time I wed."
When he climbed in the sack
His new bride made this crack,
"We need hardware, not software in bed."
--- Don Moore P2006
Gates's clothing he decided to doff.
Said Melinda to he
"Only now do I see
Why your company's called Micro Soft."
--- Anon
I'll report you for being so lewd.
What's your name?" "William Gates."
"And your friend?" "Master Bates.
Now stop staring through Windows, you prude."
--- Peter Wilkins
To write to Bill Gates and just mention
That Windows, it seems,
Was hatched as bad dreams,
Made like a Rube Goldberg invention.
--- Chris Papa
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