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Our candidates vie in servility A candidate sometimes emotes By promises often grotesque, Once Bryan was chosen to run, It's nice when you hope for the best, I look forward to upcoming race; The candidates early and late "Since the media," said Candidate Crumb, When campaigning, all candidates lie; A new one has entered the race It is not strange that he with his gall, As through the primaries we plod, A political speaker named Hutch The candidate spoke without fail A pig-farmer who lived in Secaucus "Despite my good friend the debunker," There once was a poet from Maine The funniest thing that we've seen In bed, the poor candidate tossed The election's important, I'm told; When the 'pols' are illicitly boffin', "I don't care where they come from," said Routh, It seems the political class When Ericka hears of this folly, Canadian fish, quite sinister, Term limits ain't no panacea; A candidate, once, it was noted, "When I told them," said Candidate Stout, "Windy speeches provide the life serum "After all the wild charges and blames, Those pompous pols play royal rex, Loud cheers for the whole GOP Bob Dole and Jack Kemp won't be beat. Said Kemp to his running mate Dole, Bush Sr may have won without Quayle, though. Working for Bradley is quite a thrill. An election held in the States The debate candidates strolled while talking, Clinton or Dole -- who knows? Bill and Bob stand up, toe to toe; With the choice between Clinton and Dole, There once was a senator called Dole There is something I want to make clear The incumbent is crooked, I know; The U.S. elections? How quaint! The counting last time truly sucks; (2000) By now, I don't care which one wins. With them both, we walk a tight wire, The Dems, by the latest reports, This election is causing me pain; Seems this year I have no real choices There's still time to go to the store The counting most surely was bad, A wanna-be Speaker named Bob They talk with conviction and piety, If a person could possibly mix I
Like Clinton in many respects, We don't know how all this unwinds; He's got dough from his Portugee whore, It's sad that George Bush can't debate; So why are you fussing at me? So why not just send us a note If we did put a girl between Kerry In November the voters will decide You all know ex-President Clinton, Next week we will see the sparks fly
While pretending to heights of humility.
They would jack-off a goat
To garner that vote,
And end up as a public liability.
--- G2730
In language that nobody quotes
And tries to gain favor
With words that none savor;
He loses electoral votes.
--- R J Winkler P8411
Impractical though picturesque,
Some candidates lie
Appearing to try
To make the campaign a burlesque.
--- R J Winkler P8411
He made 600 speeches, while none
Was made by his foe,
And wouldn't you know
That McKinley, who stayed at home, won!
--- A N Wilkins P8411
Though both of your choices have messed
With truth and with morals
And wives who wear florals,
But you have to choose one when you're pressed.
--- Archie
There will be a new dumbness to face.
And I don't care who
I throw dig or two,
It will help keep each in their place.
--- Chris Papa
Argued, should they debate?
Though each one demanded
The other be candid,
They could not agree on a date.
--- Laurence Perrine P8411
"Often garble my speeches, how come,
I wonder, don't they
Misquote me the day
When I manage to say something dumb?"
--- A N Wilkins P8411
To smear their opponents they try.
With no hesitation
They besmirch reputation,
So, why don't the slander laws apply?
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0212
To live in The White House (nice place).
But this one's so lame
(I'll not say his name)
I hardly can keep a straight face.
--- Anon
Won the outlying districts last fall.
His opponents maintain,
For he, in the campaign,
Was out lying, they say, in them all.
--- A N Wilkins P8411
The smiles and the smirks appear odd.
It certainly grates
That most candidates
Project a ral phoney FACADE.
--- Chris Papa
Said, "The audience noises are such,
I can't hear myself speak!"
Said his foe, tongue in cheek,
"Don't worry, you're not missing much!"
--- Observer
Of his record at Princeton and Yale.
But the record he had
Was quite different and bad,
For he really meant prison and jail.
--- Don Moore P0412
Used to run each fourth year for high office;
You'd not then need a lighthouse
To find the old Whitehouse,
But the neighbors sure would have been raucous.
--- J Maynard Kaplan
The candidate told Mr. Bunker,
"I am not by right
A real troglodyte.
I'm merely," he said, "a spelunker."
--- A N Wilkins P8411
Who detested language inane.
Said she, with disdain,
"I fear this campaign
Rhetoric will drive me insane."
--- Lynn Mostafa
Is watching the candidates preen.
To save their own neck,
They're endorsing high tech
Right here in the town of Racine!
--- Neal Wilgus P8507
And considered the race that he'd lost.
He would miss the debates
In all those great states--
But mainly he rued what it cost.
--- Norm Storer P9612
But the candidates all leave me cold.
Though none of them will
Be as evil as Bill,
'Twill still be the "same old same old."
--- John Miller
Till their poles and their poll numbers soften,
Perhaps we can vote
Just like that old quote:
That their 'standings are rising' too often.
--- Stargazer
"Politicians from North or from South.
From States or the city,
It sure is a pity,
They talk from both sides of their mouth!"
--- Clarence E Boyle P8411
Is akin to a fish like a bass;
For boffins have found,
In research quite sound,
That each can talk out of its ass.
--- Tiddy Ogg
She'll catch her a fish and, by golly,
She'll hold to her ear
Its ass and will hear
Hit tunes by the late Buddy Holly.
--- Travis Brasell
Speak through their ass to administer
All the laws of the sea.
It doesn't surprise me --
They learned it from our Prime Minister!
--- Ericka
They're just one more crackpot idea.
Rural mayors and sheriffs
Just cannot be there if
You have to replace them each year.
--- Dr Limerick 01-31-02
Disturbed all the poeple who voted
No end, when he said,
"Do not be misled..."
Then something unfit to be quoted.
--- R J Winkler P8411
"That I never had paid any lout
For a vote in my life,
Everyone but my wife
Stood up and then promptly walked out."
--- A N Wilkins P8411
Of campaigns, and the faithful all cheer 'em,
Though they're frequently quoted,"
The candidate noted,
"When I make 'em, I don't have to hear 'em.
--- A N Wilkins P8411
When it's over," declared Mr. James,
"The fellow who wins
Won't, despite all his sins,
Be as bad as the other guy claims."
--- A N Wilkins P8411
And slaver for SUB ROSA sex,
With those recent born,
Who prove to be thorn
And turn long careers into wrecks.
--- Chris Papa
Rang out for Dole's choice for V.P.
The American dream
Will be safe with this team.
Renewed hope for the "Land of the Free!"
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Their trumpet will not sound retreat.
In the front you will find them
With the whole team behind them.
Democrats will be knocked off their feet!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
This is file wgl
"Look where we are in this poll!
With three days to go,
We're behind Ross Perot!
I feel like such an asshole!"
--- Jim Weaver Collection
We can't rule out the effect of Perot.
Double digits for Ross,
Gave George Senior the toss,
And of course Bill worked crowds like a pro.
--- Phil Kinay
But, please, don't let yourself get ill.
Parting with his own wealth
To cover his worker's health,
Proved too much for old "dollar Bill".
--- David A Brooks Q
Was to decide political fates.
But outside the U. S.
No-one could care less,
For Bush, or for Gore, or their mates.
--- Anon
A technique to score style points while walking.
But when Bob's turn came, Bill
Did not try to stand still.
It sure looke like a clear case of stalking.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Both are really big foes!
Just make your selection --
Neither's perfection --
Or try your luck with Perot.
--- Lem R Ick
Slinging mud at each other, real slow.
By the time the dirt clears,
It confirms your worst fears --
The man looking good is Perot.
--- Don Daniels
I find not a gap but a hole.
At least Clinton has humor,
While Dole is a gloomer.
Let's see what it does at the poll.
--- Kathi Webster
Who hadn't much mirth in his soul.
But he's anxious to win
So he'd best learn to grin
Or he'll lose to Perot at the poll.
--- Mesterton-Gibbons
As the Clinton-Dole contest draws near:
When Bill battles the Lion,
Clinton's fur will be flyin',
It's the bite, not the roar, Bill should fear!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
The Republican platform's all show.
Maybe Dole's not so quick,
But Slick Willy's too slick,
And I can't waste my vote on Perot!
--- John Miller
All connections to reason is faint.
And as for debate,
'Twas all second-rate,
'Cause Lincoln and Douglas they ain't!
--- John Miller
It had the Dems muttering fucks,
'Cause Bush didn't win.
He only got in
By slipping somebody some bucks.
--- SFA
Each comes with his own set of sins.
This one is a nerd.
That one is a turd.
Don't like the way either one grins.
--- Anon
On which of these bozos to hire.
I'll vote for the dummy.
Gore makes me feel rummy;
I never could stomach a liar.
--- Anon
Will quickly resort to the courts,
If in case they should lose.
I guess in their shoes,
Even Commies would be lousy sports.
--- SFA
Voting I might have to abstain.
Al Gore's views spin
To political wind,
And Bush makes me wish for McCain!
--- Christopher Anton
'Mongst candidates clamoring voices.
We've a Clintonesque lackey
And a Texan, quite tacky,
Spewing standard political noises.
--- Christopher Anton
To get gifts for my buddy, Al Gore.
Though a few days remain,
If we count them again,
I'm sure that we'll turn up some more.
--- Anon
But I was taught as a lad:
If the ump says "You're out!"
It's no good to pout,
Just hang in there like a good chad.
--- John Miller
Addressed the liberal mob:
He said, "You will fry
Deep in Hell when you die,
Than he screwed himself out of a job.
--- Nancy Cahill
To hide oh so much impropriety.
Whichever one gets in,
As said Solzenytzyn,
It's a boil on the ass of society.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Two candidates, then it would fix
The unfortunate trend
Of Dubya to spend,
And Dean's socialist health plan to nix.
--- Tomer Shiran
Both lie and have many defects. (Bush and Kerry, 2004)
But you can be sure
Though neither is pure,
Neither's as much oversexed.
--- John Miller
They both seek to influence our minds.
Sure, though each one will bring us,
Bush has blood on his fingers
And Kerry's show red stuff from Heinz.
--- Dirruk
And the White House would be a nice score.
But the "Curse of Bambino,"
Plus the fact he needs "Beano",
Means he'll lose like the Bosox of yore.
--- Ward Hardman
Dissent is his well known pet hate.
He gets really mad,
When his arguments bad
Are destroyed by the best candidate.
--- Robin T Cox
This group has been lame, I'll agree.
But what should I do
When the only damn screw,
I expect is from Bush or Kerry.
--- John Miller
Of your love-life with sheep, cow and goat.
Or how about a whirl
With a lovely young girl?
(A live one might be quite remote.)
--- John Miller
And Bush when she still had a cherry
And they had a chance
To get into her pants,
Would the fur fly with Laura and Terry?
--- John Miller
And the winners will swell up with pride.
But they won't know for sure
If their instincts were pure,
And the President's Jekyll or Hyde.
--- Tom Patton P0408
And how by the lust he was bitten.
Now he's pushing for Clark,
But he's in the dark.
In the White House Dean will be sittin'.
--- Anon
As we pick who can tell the best lie.
Won't it be a grand scene
After this Halloween
When the whole mess ends up in a tie?
--- John Miller
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