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The election is too close to call. There once was a fucker called Al Media pundits prattle inane. Thousands of people, or more I'm saddened, but shall not be bitter, But in suits to discard absentees, It's clear that a blunder was made; The exit polls seldom do lie, From the networks, here's news that will stun: The turmoil reeks of impropriety (Jed Bush - Governor of Florida)
A clearly bemused Anita Hill, The radical feminist, Bella There was a male chauvinist pig, Cynthia McKinney, a politician from Dekalb, "What have I done?", said Christine, (Christine Keeler caused PM J. Profumo to lie to Parliament)
Philanderer Congressman Condit A woman named Dolley cried, "Run! It's a bit of an old sticky wicket, A pollster remarked with a shush, There once was a man named Mondale For thirty-four years I've been married, A lady who's running with Fritz There once was a woman named Gore A flighty young floozie named Bennett, Before Bill arrived at the top, Democracy -- a sham and a bore; Like thunder, when heard from afar, Remember when Indira Gandhi I once plied Indira Ghandi An Attorney-General named Janet The Republicans at a convention, Elizabeth's husband, Old Bob, Elizabeth said with a sob, A Republican named Robert Dole, Folks called Mary Lincoln a shrew, Bill said our taxes must grow When I'm plagued by microscopic bugs. Two women were scratched from the list: Our Congressmen we can't excuse, On this Bible I'm happy to swear When the First Lady whose name was Hillary, Politicians, it seems, always knock There's a note from Dick Morris that's shady. There once was a guy from New York, Al Gore's wife, the proper Miss Tipper, I'm amazed that we haven't heard more As election day nears, comes the push: (George Bush and Geraldine Ferraro)
One wonders how Walter Mondale All you Washington interns take note: A smart pol, whom we'll call Michael Flanigan, "I promise to lower your taxes!", "Don't be silly!" I cry in dismay, The local elections are due ...On issues like poverty, wealth, I guess, then, it's all down to me; Both of our choices do suck, Butthead said, "Bevis, now is our chance! When politicians act like Jesus, The Reps and the Dems raise their voice, A candidate known for his bulsh, So what's with campaigning prose? One ad is which Truth is rejected, If the GOP's message is Dole's, (B and B - Bevis and Butthead)
Candidates engage in speeches, When we asked Mr. Cartwright today I agree, theres too many right wingers, "I'll be glad when we're through this campaign,"
Please postpone the inaugural ball.
Let us pick someone quick;
The suspense makes me sick.
My erection is starting to fall.
--- Mr B
Who lost an election, cried "Foul!"
He wants counts until
He ascends to the hill;
Wish he knew how to throw in the towel.
--- Anon
Two years of presidential campaign,
Now past election date,
Droning lawyer's debate.
We aren't exactly popping champagne
--- Anon
Voted twice on one ballot, for Gore.
These ballots were tossed
And so, their man lost
The battle, if not the whole war.
--- Dr Limerick 05-11-01
To see the vote thrown down the shitter.
(Though I had such high hopes
With Bush on the ropes,
That Gore wouldn't be such a quitter.)
--- Anon
Because Goppers filled in the ID's,
Judges Lewis and Clark
Dismissed and remarked
We read voter intention with ease.
--- Election 2000
The voting machines there in Dade
Were supposed to survive
'Til November 5,
Then see that Dem votes were mislaid.
--- Dr Limerick 09-11-02
And they said Al Gore is our guy.
But who knows for certain
With Floridians 'hind the curtain,
And chad that won't let loose and fly.
--- Anon
Gore has Florida over and done...
Now it's too close to call;
Now George has it all.
Now we haven't a clue who has won!
--- Prof M-G
Unheard of in civilized society.
In state governed by Jed
The numbers ran red,
Like the wine to quench "Dubya's" sobriety.
--- Anon
Eyed pubic hair topping her swill.
"I make you this promise,
If it's one from C. Thomas,
That homeboy be needin' some skill."
--- John D
Can filibuster a capella;
She's begging us still
To deliver her bill --
Or for that matter, any young fella.
--- William F Buckley P8606
Who bought a stuffed bra and a wig,
And started rehearsin',
To be a chairperson,
In case Bella Abzug won big.
--- John Ciardi
Caught much flak for her imbecilic blab.
Her brain sprung a leak,
While trying to seek
Attention. My balls she can grab!
--- Anon
"I've ruined the party machine.
To lie in the nude
Is not very rude,
But to lie in the House is obscene."
--- E O Parrot G2294
Denied it! My word is my bond! It
Turns out he was lying
And now he's denying
He knows where his lover's absconded.
--- Peter Wilkins
Those Limeys are having their fun!
Though my week's washing burns
(As every child learns)
I must try to save Washington.
--- Elaine Watson P9502
The Democratic slate, should you pick it.
A rewarmed new deal!
With real sex appeal!
For they've gotten three boobs on one ticket.
--- Arthur Deex P8409
The election may well be a push;
One highly does rate,
One wins a debate --
For a VP spot each has a Bush.
--- E E Potts P8411
Who needed a person not male.
She must have big tits
To satisfy Fritz --
Not to mention some beaver for sale.
--- Bob Jones P8411
Droned Condidt to Chung, as they parried.
You ask if I'm moral?
Without any quarrel,
'Twas only with Chandra I tarried.
--- Peter Wilkins
Revealed her finances by bits
With indignance abound;
But Zaccaro came 'round;
Maybe Gerry has more "cheek" than tits!
--- LaDonna Jones P8411
Whose husband in bed was a bore.
When asked what position
She wished for coition,
She said, "On the fellow next door."
--- Bob Giandomenico P9103
On checking her cunt's current tenant,
Found the randy old Governor
Was frantically shovenor,
And waiting was half of the Senate.
--- G1741
Hillary Rodham the "Rodham" did drop.
But after the election
Hyphenated name erection
Superceded a housekeeping mop.
--- Thomas G Keller P9507
No-one cares if Dubya beats Gore.
If Hillary wins in NY,
Folks there'd go "Oh my;"
For a senator, they'd now have a whore.
--- Anon
Roars our new Senatorial star --
When she's on the attack
Old Bill just leans back
And lights up his favorite cigar.
--- Rhymewriter
Stopped off at a bar for a brandy?
Her sari was slit
And exposed her left tit,
And the barman yelled, "Jeez, ain't that handy!"
--- Arthur Deex P8112
With champagne on the rocks, laced with brandy.
At first I was wary
Of that slit in her sari,
But it makes foreign relations quite handy.
--- Arthur Deex P8311
Was the first girl AG on the planet.
And excepting for Waco
And when the Boss was a fake-o,
Her facade was the picture of granite.
--- Don Hart
Everyone can feel the high tension.
For Elizabeth Dole
To raise Bob in the poll,
For Bob she forgot to mention.
--- Erin Dowe
Was born with a very short knob.
But with Liz's deft hand,
It could fully expand
Till it looked more like corn on the cob!
--- Stan the Man
"A man dropped his drawers on the job!"
But it wasn't Pres Billy
That flashed his John Willy;
'Twas the knob of her old husband Bob!
--- Stan the Man
This is file whl
Was questioned regarding a poll.
Elizabeth, when asked
Said "His pole is grotesque!",
Because of her humor so droll.
--- Big D
For she bullied the whole White House crew.
Said she, "I give you my pledge,
If he'd married Ann Rutledge,
You'd have Mrs. Douglas to rue!"
--- Elaine Watson P9502
So redistribution can flow.
But Nancy has said it
And we won't forget it;
When dealing with dopes, just say no.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
I am met with amused looks and shrugs,
When I state my position
To any physician,
"Nancy R. told me 'Say NO to drugs'."
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P9710
Miss Adams, Ms. Walters (both hissed):
One'd mothered a bastard --
She'd never be mastered;
The other would never be missed.
--- Laurence Perrine P8411
For morals and trust they abuse.
To get out of this fix
Elect those with no pricks,
So their office they cannot misuse.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1854
I'll hire Ross's stylist for my hair,
And solemnly affirm
That during my term,
At gals with big tits I'll not stare.
--- Harry Rubin P9301a
Ordered agents to hold their artillery.
They tried other ways,
But started a blaze,
So she punished them all in the pillory.
--- Anon
Sex, alcohol, drugs, and rock.
But tobacco is fine,
And so's beer and wine,
And they'll rock any gal who likes cock!
--- Blowcephus T9801
"Just arrived is a Diamond Jim Brady.
But our rooms are all filled
With the customers billed.
Do you think you can spare the First Lady?"
--- David Finely P9704
Who had an eraser-sized dork.
With penis erected,
When he got elected,
A whore sucked his dork for some pork.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Eschews talk that to some may be hipper.
Terms that are lewd
Should not be valued,
Lest our youth be induced to unzipper.
--- Thomas G Keller P9508 a
From the Mrs. V.P., Tipper Gore,
Who never was able
To put on the label
A code to make album sales soar.
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P9508
They exhort us to get off our tush,
But I say, what the hey,
Why vote; either way
We've got a vice-president "Bush."
--- Robin K Willoughby P8411
Could be caused so severely to fail.
It could be that Gerry
Was reputed to carry
Crushed orchids around in a pail!
--- C R Openshaw P8501
Steer clear of political goats.
They reject ties that bind
All they want is to find
A recepticle for their wild oats.
--- Betty Ann Cansano
Was elected to office, then ran again;
But the second time 'round,
He was quickly uncrowned,
On account of a first term shenanigan.
--- J Maynard Kaplan
The candidate poetically waxes,
"I'll do that for you,
I won't rest till I do,"
But once elected, all he does is relaxes.
--- Pamela Cohen
"You know that it can't be this way!
When speaking of taxes,
He never relaxes;
He'll screw you some more every day!"
--- Pamela Cohen
And I'll vote for the councillor who
Is least likely to lie;
But that's pie in the sky
For they all talk a load of old poo...
--- Brian Belge
Education and National Health.
If they promise no rises
In tax, no surprises;
They then introduce them by stealth.
--- Brian Belge
And my pledge is that beer shall be free
Of all taxes and duties
And served by young beauties,
Whose cups runneth over. Yippee!
--- Brian Belge
We're up to our ass in this muck.
It's Dole or Clinton,
Arrange a SIT-IN,
Because some of us do give a fuck.
--- Mindy & Richalyn
Let's appeal to our constituents!
GOP's leading five
Ate each other alive,
And Slick Willie can't keep up his pants!"
--- William N Nesbit P9604
They sneakily try to deceive us.
Two who play this role
Are Clinton and Dole,
Or should I say Butthead and Bevis?
--- Tom Patton P9604
Praising nominees, and rejoice.
But 'twixt Bevis and Butthead,
Who's the real nut-head?
Or is "None Of Above" the best choice?
--- Stu Lucas P9604
Gave a speech so incredibly fulsh,
That I give you my word,
The like's not been heard,
Since Harding, or maybe Cal Culsh.
--- John Ciardi
So boring and far too verbose.
A GMO lim? (what's GMO? - McW)
I think not, you're dim.
Go stuff TNT up your nose.
--- Anon
Begins with "If I am elected..."
And two times as bad
As even this ad,
Begins with "If I'm RE-elected."
--- Irving Superior P9709
And the Dems push their socialist goals,
Will the B and B pair
Get a huge write-in share?
Will M. Mouse beat them out at the polls?
--- Stu Lucas P9604
Far beyond where their mind reaches.
The message they GARBLE,
With tongues of marble,
Applauded by party-hack leeches.
--- Chris Papa
If he'd seek a house seat -- yea or nay?
He said, " I'll have none
Of political fun;
Nominated, I'll run -- far away!"
--- Robin K Willoughby P8411
And boy they come up with some zingers.
Hypocritcal pervs
With a shitload of nerves,
To be pointing their own smelly fingers.
--- Anon
Said the candidate wading through rain.
"I wear out my shoes
Trying hard not to lose.
It's like boot camp, and sure is a pain."
--- Laurence Perrine P8411
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