In the cloakroom said Gingrich to Dole,
"That old war wound sure took its toll.
The bodily harm
That the Krauts did your arm,
Makes it useless for flogging your pole!"
--- Blackbody

To Newt, Old Bob did relate,
"There's other ways to masturbate--
Now every night,
Instead of the right,
I just fuck the left, which is great!"
--- Blackbody

Politicians are seldom true friends,
Ways and means justifying bad ends;
Both parties at fault,
A joint fiscal assault,
And self interest a rare one transcends.
--- Joel D Ash P0409

Our Congress, apparently blind,
Was arrested and roundly maligned
For its vow to stick to it
Although we exchew it;
That contract that nobody signed.

(Republicans contract with America in 1992)
--- Cyber Geezer

It's never too smart to make bets upon
Base closings proposed by the Pentagon.
On the left and the right,
Your Congressman might
Have the clout to protect your white mastodon.
--- Bob Birch

The amendments each Congressman cites
Are enshrined in the famed Bill of Rights;
To preserve a free press,
Enjoy legal redress,
And to bear arms in case there are fights.
--- David Morin

Our Congress meets daily because
We live in a land full of flaws,
And they rattle and prate
In a lengthly debate
And their blunders become our new laws.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2439

The fellow in charge of the budget
Was arrested for plotting to fudge it.
He happened to think,
Since a budget's just ink,
If you wanted to fudge it, just smudge it.
--- Anon

McCain's campaign finance reform
Is not premature or stillborn.
Now votes he can muster
To break filibuster,
If he strikes while the iron is warm.
--- Dr Limerick

There once was a clever CHLOCHARD,
Who wanted his own chauffered car.
He gave up his trade,
Was Congressman made,
And with campaign funds has gone far.
--- Chris Papa

Politicians do work to impress;
Excess of slyness they possess;
Less talking, more doing,
Less blatant vote wooing,
Just clean up the job that's a mess.
--- Joel D Ash P0409

I don't think Bill's bill is worth beans,
To circumvent the data this stuff gleans.
My hope for you is sinkin';
If you are not thinkin'
He does not want to get in your genes.
--- David A Brooks Q

We've heard the unending cry and hue;
The list of speakers just grew and grew.
But those gone before,
Don't include Clinton-Gore.
Bill left learning it's not "Blow-Job U".
--- David A Brooks Q

Don't you think it's a little ironic
That the House is dispensing this tonic.
While baseball avoids
The cure for its 'roids, (steroids)
Flaming assholes in Congress are chronic.
--- Limerick Savant

To Congress, itself does ensconce
To study in depth a response
For a nation that's ill,
But they dip in the till,
While the President beats on his schwantz.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024 P9811

The committee on porn hopes to stem
The deluge of smut and condemn
Its sale by the armful
And its reading as harmful
To all persons except, of course, them.
--- A N Wilkins P8607

Is Congress just yanking our chain?
Are they feeling your IRS pain?
Sure, they're gonna fix it!
Let's make 'em deep six it,
Somewhere between Hell and Bahrain!
--- Anon

Our government sure is a mess
The congress sucks, I confess
With all of their clout
They flounder about
And prattle about to the press.
--- Anon

An ally approaches this mess
In hope of finding redress.
But our congress is lazy
And their memory hazy.
Did 500 appear? No! quite less.
--- Anon

When Keaton attempted to fluster
Some congressional pages who cluster
Around wisecracking wags,
By calling them fags,
They gave him a long filibuster.

(Buster Keaton - get it?)
--- Hugh Clary

To Washington went Miss Latrobe,
And by Congress was asked to disrobe.
By Congress respected,
She there was subjected
To a thorough Congressional Probe.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2153

There's a staffer with opulent globes,
Whom a Congressman lewdly disrobes.
It's a question of lust
With political thrust,
Since in Congress, a Congressman probes.
--- Playboy Mag Jim Weaver

Hear the tale of our Congressman Demming,
Who is mindless, it seems, like a lemming;
For he cannot say yea,
And he cannot say nay,
So he spends his life hawing and hemming.
--- J Maynard Kaplan

The congressman is quite the wag,
When the President, he did tag.
I don't know about you
But to me it rings true.
He certainly is a scumbag.
--- Puff Adder

Said an unwed congresswoman named Wilde
"I'm not upset at being defiled.
My opponent's attacks
Are no match for my tax
Plans. But what shall I do with my child?"
--- Big Little Playboy Lims

I've worked in the state loony-bin,
The patients agree, with a grin --
If we look in D.C.,
It's plain as can be;
There are more crazies outside than in!
--- Jim Weaver Collection

A Congressman quite dull and dim,
Took bribes with greedy ways grim,
But he kept the roads paved,
And so his skin was saved.
Local yokels would never OUST him.
--- Chris Papa

A lame-duck coward named Exon,
Crusaded to censor all sexin'.
The son-of-a-bitch
Should be dragged through a ditch,
While chained to the butt of a Texan.

(Exon is a senator from somewhere)
--- Lloyd Rawley

Because of the obvious dearth
Of intelligent life here on Earth,
Congressional nuts
Make deep budget cuts
In projects that have any worth.
--- Kevin Kirby

Dan Burton, he stands for the Right,
But often confused day with the night.
With Congressional immunity,
He speaks with impunity,
And thus sullies Justice with blight.
--- Amador

I would say of Indiana's Dan Burton
That he is the one who is hurtin'.
The poor man does need
To learn how to read
And to parse English syntax, that's certain.
--- JRW

David Duke's reputation's replete
With rumors of feats indiscrete.
But they've got the wrong man--
He's not 'Head Of The Klan'.
It was 'Wizard Under The Sheet.'
--- Arthur Deex P9112a

Dick Gephardt will say anything
In his quest for the Whitehouse brass ring;
Put him out to pasture,
The better, the faster,
And find a new Speaker next spring.
--- Dr Limerick

This is file vvl

If in Congress a Congressman rigs
A system, wherein, just like pigs,
At the trough his help feeds
And he skims the proceeds,
Then it seems that his own grave he Diggs.

(must be a personal reference)
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2771

From the voters to their legislation:
"Desist and just govern the nation.
It's not your commission
To elicit contrition.
You're agenda is dip defecation!"
--- Conch a

We send them to Congress with cheers,
Then hope our pet project appears.
But you can't please them all
In that great learned hall.
So we'll try once again in two years.
--- Gifford Wherry

A Senator named Big George Custer
Was into a long filibuster,
During which he drank tea,
And at length had to pee,
And that put an end to his bluster.
--- Warrick Elrod

There was a young congress man Condit,
Whose girlfriend became quite despondent.
She said, "Divorce your wife!"
He said, "Not on your life!"
And now bail, he may soon have to bond it.

(Condit was having an affair with missing intern)
--- Anon

The Republican Party of Texas
Socked the Dems in their solar plexus;
Redistricting clever
Means the Dems will never
Have a place where the voters elect us.
--- Dr Limerick 11-15-01

But the Federal Court of Appeals
Responding to Democrats' squeals,
Said, "We hereby do stop
This attempt by the GOP
To take over the whole commonweal!"
--- Dr Limerick 11-15-01

Congressman Blagojevich
Is getting exceedingly rich.
From his lawyer days, he's
Got contingency fees --
So it's all, every dime, quite legit.
--- Dr Limerick 02-27-02

Father Flanagan giggled with joy,
As he chose unctions they would employ.
"It's not all that messy,
Newt, just check with Jesse.
And there's no such thing as a bad boy."

(Newt Gingrich and Jesse Helms - political assholes - McW)
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P9504

A curious fellow named Burkes,
Who watched to see how Congress works,
Saw ill-fitting parts
And their fits and their starts,
Concluding we're governed by jerks.
--- Cyber Geezer

Our Energy Plan has been planned
To work on supply and demand.
The sheiks supply crude,
At the pump we get screwed,
While Congressmen hold out their hand.
--- Martin Wellborn P0508

The House and the Senate are packed
With horny old men chasing crack.
While some like the tresses
Of ladies in dresses,
A few like the hole in the back.
--- Terry Lynn

They all seem to live in glass houses
And they're roaring right now just like mouses.
They're all throwing rocks
While pulling their cocks,
'Cause the antics of Clinton arouses.
--- Terry Lynn

News from the scientific community:
Rising temperatures in Washington, D.C.
It's not global warming,
But hot gases forming
From congressional fights on TV.
--- Lynn Mostafa

Said lecherous Senator Beecham,
"When I've need for girls, I beseech 'em;
Should they not see the light
Or ignore my sad plight,
There's always the threat to impeach 'em.
--- Armand E Singer 573

Elected to Congress, we learn
Of privilege when we adjourn.
This helps us enjoy
Each girl and each boy,
Seducing each intern in turn.
--- Nick

The lawmakers started reviewing
The laws that related to screwing.
They have lifted the lid
From what blackets had hid;
It's now legal to do what you're doing.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2768a

That wicked endeavor, JIM CROW,
Was practiced, as far as I know,
With an unjust hand
Across our great land,
Not just in the South down below.
--- Chris Papa

Remember the movie, Dumbo?
Tolerance was its theme, you know.
But the crows who sang
With a southern twang,
Gave a boost to the cause of JIM CROW.
--- Norm

Unfair discrimination, JIM CROW,
Was applied to those we called negro,
But scales from our eyes
Fell off. We're more wise,
Now we've added groups from Mexico.

(And far east, central America, and indians)
--- Daniel Ford

I remember being told, to look
At politicians, either liars or crooks
Since no other kind,
Can come to mind,
Only these types, must write our books.
--- Anon

To distinguish these two, I asked
A question of present and past
"A crook were you ever?
The answer "No, never."
And I'd know he's a liar, that fast.
--- Anon

The Congress itself does esconce
To study in depth a response
For a nation that's ill,
But they dip in the till
While the President beats on his schwantz.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

Politicians can seek to divert,
Major effort to mask piles of dirt;
Expert use of thick smoke,
Mirrors worn like a cloak,
Rule of law that they often pervert.
--- Joel D Ash P0409

Sunk deep in corrupt fetid fen,
Are bunch that are called "Congressmen".
Pork-barrel, kick-backs,
PAC money in sacks,
All found in iniquity's den.
--- John Miller

Pork-barreling and log-rolling,
Beat voters of Nation polling.
Make us pay through the nose,
While lawmakers, selves are extolling.
--- Larry

Representative Scotty McGinnis sent
A proposal he thinks will help innocent
Interns of D.C.
Preserve their chastity;
Helpful, if e'er a virgin is sent.
--- Dr Limerick

A cyberspace junkie named John
Developed the ultimate con:
"If I get them to pay
To take my survey,
I can run for the seat of Exon."
--- Jim Weaver Collection

One year ago, Senator Jeffords,
His GOP ties neatly severed;
This act of courage
Did much to discourage
Bush's rifle the Treasury effort.
--- Dr Limerick 05-24-02

The Senators, eager to go
To Medicare drugs, "just said no;"
But don't get hysteric,
They did help generics
More quickly to get in the flow.
--- Dr Limerick

When idiots by chance have been bred,
They need to be cared for and fed.
Though asylums are there,
It costs money for care,
So we send them to Congress instead.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2465

Said my congressman, "Sure, I agree
In free speech, constitutionally.
But I still exercise
Faith in free enterprise,
So my speeches demand a large fee."
--- William N Nesbit P9703

"The brain," said psychiatrist Knight,
"Is the seat of orgasmic delight.
Which is why politicians
Have nocturnal emissions
As their nonsense they stand to recite."
--- Al Chaplin P9410

If our congress seems addelpated,
Passing laws that are logic attenuated.
Know that ability
Is based on senility,
With committee heads SUPERANNUATED.
--- J'Carlin