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Scary choices, on that you can bank. A toreador, we just read, Politicians all strive to look good, Politicians are masters of guile, When a congressman, aiding a firm, Now Reagan was dumb, the old coot, On her head liberals paced a large bounty, Al Gore is the next in the line; You can pine for old Newt, you can cry; There once was a man named Newt; Nancy Reagan and Gingrich once sat My friends, it would be a great hoot President Newt? Bite your tongue. I don't know what else Newt can do In their drive to get Gingrich "adjourned", The two bumpkins from Florida knew Democrats are still pitching a fit; Democrats suffer pain quite acute But instead of the praise that they sought, There was a house speaker named Newt, Some good and bad news on Gingrich: If from welfare we all should wean, There once was a fellow named Newtie, Newt's fine but needs milk of magnesia; The way to handle old Newt A moron who calls himself Newt, David Bonior won't be happy 'til Speaker Gingrich admits he was lax I saw Newt on TV today; You can't say that fascism's dead Newt has a plan with potential. True believers may read this and flinch, Newt Gingrich faced charges anew, Mrs Gingrich's baby was cute. Our Senate Majority, Newt, If you study the silver-haired Newt, A puddle of butter, named Newt, A cuddle of butter, named Newty, That Newt who lives down on the floor, Newt Gingrich, the head of the House, Well, Newt, his book, and his bucks, Democrats have new reason to groan. Foes have tried to force Newt to resign, And so why are the democrats sour? Democrats tried to cause a delay Many wolves in the pack will regret it, Bonior buzzed around Newt like a fly Democrats want to give Newt the boot I don't think that I'd vote for Newt; Newt Gingrich went after Jim Wright, Newt's pecker has never been vaunted, I don't like Newt one bit; Old Newt and his GOP geezers What amphibian art thou, O Newt? A TROGLODYTE ain't very cute, (Newt Gingrich - Speaker of the House, U.S Congress)
Ambitious, conservative Newt, Now Senator, you passed the bar; While the bill was debated, Miss Snyder, There was an old fellow named Bennet; The Republican leader, Bill Frist, The Senate's new honcho, Bill Frist, There's an anthropoid consul called Bennet, In his speeches, a senator girds "Where's my rubbers?" cried Phog with a roar. Said the page at the Senator's door, "Holy Jesus!" cried Phog, "something's tore.
To not face them, your lord you can thank.
Would you rather be stuck
On a bridge in Ted's truck
Or a closet with congressman Frank.
--- Jim Weaver Collection a
Is tired of the life he has led;
Says it was too full
Of throwing the bull,
Now he'll run for congress instead.
--- Evelyn Bogen P9406
Not doing the things that they should;
Could they try not to lie?
And not alibi why.
I imply, not in all likelihood.
--- Joel D Ash P0409
Glad-handing and quick with a smile;
They pat on the back,
Just before they attack,
Awful actions they can reconcile.
--- Joel D Ash P0409
Was arrested, it made his peers squirm.
To encourage repentance,
His appropriate sentence
Was to serve an unlimited term.
--- Cyber Geezer
And Carter was much more astute.
Bush was a crook,
And Bill is a schnook,
But I'll take all of them over Newt!
--- Kaylin Brandon
But she stood tall and straight like a Mountie.
Mother Gingrich we need;
We'll let her cast the lead,
For the Bitches of Madison County.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
After Clinton he will be just fine.
But pardon my dreaming,
The thought has me beaming;
For President Newt I will pine.
--- Mike Hunter
You can rant, even rail to the sky.
The only way Newt
Will gain a salute?
If he causes old Al Gore to die.
--- Frank Fazed
The dems thought him quite the galoot.
He'll run in '08;
The dems love to hate
A man who might give them the boot.
--- Bill
In their Medicine Show on the Platte.
Swearing it was the truth,
Their Snake Oil, 90 Proof,
Contained Eye of Newt, Wing of Olde Bat.
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P9807
If we could give Slick Bill the boot.
Then we could call
To the king of them all;
Just imagine -- President Newt!
--- Mike Hunter
A fan of his I am not among.
Those who think he's
Just the bees knees,
The S.O.B.'s more like a bung.
--- Arden
To appease David Bonior and crew.
The Newt's debt will be paid,
Bonior's hate won't be swayed.
Is a trip to the shrink overdue?
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Democrats don't care what laws are spurned.
The stakes must be high
To risk all on one guy.
Their own hides are at risk to get burned.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Cell-phone taping they did, was taboo.
Sensing great opportunity,
They first sought immunity,
And expected applause for their coup.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Their anger at Gingrich won't quit.
They will bitch, moan, and cry
Till their tear ducts run dry,
And they learn to stop picking at nits.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Since Bob Dole loaned Newt Gingrich the loot.
Their objective, long-term,
Was to make Gingrich squirm,
While they plotted his push down the chute.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Someone squealed, told the press, they were caught.
They should have known
They'd be standing alone
If the scab got ripped off of the plot.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Whose contract now seems to be moot.
The contract was lean;
In fact is was mean;
Let's hope Georgia gives Newt the boot.
--- Harold Heidler
The good -- he's been caught in things which
Will lay him quite low.
The bad -- we now know,
His mom's reason for saying "that bitch."
--- Jim Weaver Collection
To you, my friend, it does seem mean.
Then yes, Newt is callus,
But at least his phallus
Is not widely known or oft seen.
--- Mike H
A Georgian Republican cutie.
His contract fell flat
And because of that,
His party is now in deep doody.
--- Nance Cahill
Feels faint as if from anesthesia.
How does he plan to pay?
Hire a gardener today,
One who's coming here from Indonesia.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Is to take careful aim when you shoot
Right 'tween the eyes
With those chocolate cream pies.
Kill him with food, the galoot!
--- Arden
With every point obviously moot,
Like a dog to be trained
On a rug freshly stained,
Needs a rap with a boot on the snoot.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Speaker Gingrich is gone from the hill.
Bonior leads the attack
Of the Democrats pack
From the top of their liberal molehill.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Checking legal forms dealing with tax.
But Bonior's made him a decoy
To draw fire from his own boy,
And let heat dissipate from Bill's tracks.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Is there nothing that gasbag won't say?
His anal retentions
Have reached new dimensions.
He'll go off like a turd-bomb some day.
--- MrMalo
In Congress, old Newt is the head.
He abuses the House
Like a substitute spouse,
'Cause nothing arises in bed.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
He hopes to prove Bill non-essential.
For if Clinton must go
On a federal furlough,
Then Newt can appear presidential.
--- Larry Dahl
But he'll not even do in a pinch.
Disputatious and snide,
I predict next Yuletide,
He'll steal Christmas, mean old Nuke Gingrinch.
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P9504
As he parried the Democratic crew.
With his skillful defense,
He proclaimed innocence:
"No, I am not a crook number two."
--- Al Chaplin P9702
This is file vul
"I know," she said, "let's call him Newt."
Back then, just a leaker,
But now he's The Speaker.
Must he always wear the same suit?
--- Ogden Nield
Has a mom who's a bit of a coot.
While he tells Congress lies,
Her jaw flaps and flies
On national TV, to boot.
--- Anon
You will find he thinks orphans are cute.
He's especially bold
When attacking the old,
For he's blind, deaf, and dumb, but not mute.
--- Larry Dahl
Had always been judged as a fruit.
But then he gained power,
Perfected his glower,
The fruit now is snooty, to boot.
--- Pope
Had always been judged kind of fruity.
But then he gained power,
Perfected his glower
In a table-turn yuk, way too hooty.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Was arrested, and tossed out the door.
He deserved swift disposal
For his modest proposal:
To host a Friar's Roast of the Poor.
--- Cyber Geezer
Once fell in love with my spouse.
"I'll divorce you!", I screamed,
"If you dare touch his thing!"
She said, "Don't worry, its as small as a mouse."
--- Anon
And the southern-bred pigs that he fucks,
Went to Capitol Hill
To loll in the swill,
And he says that its Clinton who sucks!
--- Anon
One more scheme to "get Newt" has been blown.
Tapes of a phone call
Will lead to the downfall
Of Jim M. and he won't be alone.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
But they can't seem to sever his spine.
Until a Democrat's there
In the House Speaker's chair,
Democrats will do nothing but whine.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
That's not hard. They've lost most of their power.
To get some of it back,
They must give Newt the sack
Or turn him into a political wallflower.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
In electing a Speaker today.
But their tactics all failed
And Newt Gingrich prefailed.
Democrats got their butts kicked today.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
As their own ethics have little credit.
Before casting a stone
They should look to their own.
My advice to the Speaker? Don't sweat it!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
As he tried to find dirt on the guy.
But his quest was a bust,
'Cause he found only dust,
And Newt still has his piece of the pie.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
So the trumped up an ethics dispute.
Bonior and his pack
Are on the attack,
As they yip and they howl in pursuit.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Because of the wig, he's hirsute.
He'd cut all the funds,
And starve all the nuns.
His compassion is rather minute.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
And poor Jim's career it took flight.
Then Newt crossed the line
And paid a big fine;
Which proves that Newt wasn't too bright.
--- Gifford Wherry
And thank Heavens, he doesn't just flaunt it.
'Cause seeing it sprout
From that big ugly lout,
Who in the hell would want it?
--- MrMalo
He's always throwing a hissy fit.
Maybe bias blinds me,
But that asshole reminds me
Of something Rush Limbaugh might shit.
--- MrMalo
Ain't known to be woman-pleasers.
They moralize smugly;
They're mean and they're ugly,
And they can't take a leek without tweezers.
--- MrMalo
You devoured the old Speaker's repute,
Yet you act so surprised
To get cannibalized,
When you fail to deliver the loot!
--- Prof M-G
Equates with some sort of a brute.
To Democrat band,
All over the land,
'Tis title well suited to Newt.
--- Chris Papa
Republican-leading galoot,
Congressional resident,
Wants to be President.
Isn't the image a hoot?
--- Cyber Geezer
You know why those words go too far.
No phrase in the book
Can MAKE you a crook,
Because, dear, you already are!
--- John Miller
Had a Senator thrusting inside her.
To a knock on the door,
She replied from the floor,
"Go away - I'm attached to a rider."
--- Playboy Mag J F O'Conner
They made him the head of the Senate.
On proposed legislation
Which was good for our nation,
He made sure all the votes were agin' it.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2444
On prosecutor's short list;
In his so-called blind trust,
He found trading a must.
Dr Frist has a very tight fist.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun
Will be quite sure to add a new twist
To all our health concerns,
By invoking new spurns
And with the AMA, keep his tryst.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0302
With the jowl of a jackass or gennet,
He must muzzle or mask it
In a waste paper basket,
When he rises to bray in the Senate.
--- James Joyce P9007
His ideas with delicate words,
For when handled as art,
They're as light as a fart;
Given substance, we'd spot them as turds.
--- Pat Byrnes
"The junk here could suck up a store!
Can't you half-witted shits
Lay your hands on those kits--
Those French ticklers I bought for Miss Shore?"
--- G0733
"They want you at once on the floor."
"You damn whey-faced shit,
Go say I can't quit;
Just tell them I'm fucking my whore!"
--- G0734
Here's a mishap I greatly deplore.
Three cheers for motherhood!
And all of that other crud--
I've just shot my bolt in Miss Shore!"
--- G0735
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