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I'm a hardworking airhead from Braintree; Amanda from Dagenham West A pretty young lady named Tess A pretty young lady named Tess There was a young lady of Lynn, There was an old woman of Wymondham My T-shirt was washed yesterday Picking fruit in a dress seems too hard? Young Jenny set out to impress Her nipples were visible too, There was a young girl of Bahari, There was a young lady named Green There was a young lady named Ness For instance a girl in distress There was an old lady of Dillow: A hopeful young woman from Poole But her strategy somehow misfired, A hillbilly maiden named Kress My god! Do you call that a dress? A voluptuous vamp from Van Nuys I'll tell you of Angela Pitt, "Tut! Tut!" said the flapper of Delaware. A Hindu and Bat had a row Two dollies aboard a cruise ship, No tail feathers uropygial This see-through dress that is the rage, My niece is a saucy young devil, There was a naughty girl called Flo So you say that Dave, the old SCUT, On a warm south sea island did Bert A cop grabbed our Bert by the collar, His willie at its full alert, Have mercy, my dear, on poor Bert; With those arms stretching out, he's not groping; All the great gals who get up and dance, A demure little lady named Bridget, A lovely young lady named Beattie Girls' styles cause a strain on mens' eyes, A young Chinese model, May Wong, When the girl went to shul in hot pants, A girl who tests trucks for GM I do believe men should wear skirts. Her miniskirt -- when Mrs. Kimmet The skirts are okay that are mini, Ladies now wear their skirts longer; The skirt thing was butt of good jokes, What I keep in mind, as I coax, In Japan there's a new touch of class, The fashion for men there, perhaps, Oh my goodness, I wouldn't wear 'em! Sometimes designers get scheming, I hate to be just a buttinsky, Touched by your gallant attempt The shapely young lady from Crete Young Debbie makes wonderful cheese Peter, you've been looking peaky; Ethel's dress, which was skimpy and short, Half an inch, half an inch shorter, There was a young girl from near Merton, How I love girls in short pleated skirts! Why leave out those young Catholic flirts, I admit, sir, to doing a few The story above isn't true. The truth of my faith, you can tell If the Catholic school girl's under age, Such a pity to fret about age, I followed the girl with blonde hair,
Got an interesting job 'cause I'm brain-free.
As a job, it did suck
But I came off with luck,
For my dresses were found to be stainfree.
--- Snaggletooth
Wears nothing at all 'neath her vest;
But now she's gone bought
Herself dresses so short,
One can see that she's well underdressed
--- Peter Wilkins
Wore a fancy but flimsy silk dress.
Showed her form when 'twas breezy,
And it sure comes off easy,
With some wine and a kiss and caress.
--- Bob Birch P0207
Got herself in one hell of a mess.
So I helped out this gal,
'Cause I'm that kind of pal,
And I helped her right out of her dress.
--- Bob Birch P0207
Who thought it a terrible sin;
To cover her mini
With such a long pinny,
She bought a new midi in Lynn.
--- Mrs B Sutton
Whose dresses were torn, so she pymondham;
She walked into town
With her hems hanging down,
And the pins scratched her legs and half skymondham.
--- Kate Taylor
(Or maybe last week ...) Anyway,
I'm told that my dress
Though always a mess,
Isn't wrinkled as I am, they say.
--- Anon
Well, you might try for a start
To completely undress
(To relieve your distress).
I'll stand guard if I don't get too hard.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
With a really spectacular dress;
It was split up the front
To show acres of cunt,
And plunged down to her navel no less.
--- Peter Wilkins
(There were cut-outs for poking them through)
And the back wasn't there;
Why she bothered to wear
It, I haven't the foggiest clue.
--- Peter Wilkins
Who was chased on a night that was starry.
She was chased, so she raced,
Tore her gown in her haste,
And cried, "I really must go -- sew sari!"
--- R P M Lehmann
Whose dresses could hardly be seen,
For the threads were so few
That what you could do
Was easily look in between.
--- William K Alsop P8809
Who bought a most outlandish dress.
She wore it to the ball,
But as she reached the hall,
Some straps snapped: she was in distress!
--- Arthur Pattaffy
With an unwilling zip in her dress:
My reaction is quick
At helping that chick;
What ensues usually is a mess!
--- Anon
Her skirts had a tendency to billow.
On day in the street,
Lifted off her feet
By the wind, and dropped in a willow.
--- Nithene
Made herself a new dress from some wool.
When viewed from the back,
She looked like a sack;
From the front she looked like "three bags full".
--- Mary Danby Armada 1
When they saw how she was attired.
Her tactics were hurt
By a very short skirt,
And the tight sweater they all admired.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Remarked to her mother, "I guess
From the way all the yokels
Adjust their bifocals,
It's time that you bought me a dress."
--- Lims Unlimited
The material couldn't be less!
What there is, is so thin
And transparent; it's sin-
Ful and causing me trouser distress.
--- Peter Wilkins
Thinks dresses impress all the guys;
When she's buying a gown,
She'll give a faint frown,
"I'll have to try this on for sighs."
--- Norm Storer P9207
Who wears a wool dress, badly knit.
The more that she travels,
The more it unravels.
And now, with the boys, she's a hit.
--- Tiddy Ogg
"Stop stewing about what the hell I wear
Or I'll start in to dress
So they won't have to guess
To know what I next to my elbow wear."
--- The Glimerick Book P9002
As to who owned some clothing somehow.
A continuing rift
About who owned the gift;
We will never know whose sari now.
--- Tom Patton P0800
Men found mighty easy to trip.
But their seual excesses
So wrinkled their dresses,
That the next time they're planning to strip.
--- G0757
Or other uproar coccygeal
Need be further proffered,
For all we have offered
Does seem as aligned syzygial.
--- Daniel Ford
Is not good for me at my age.
When tempted to feel,
To see if they're real,
My wife says, "Get back in your cage!"
--- Barrie Eksteen
Tormenting her poor boyfriend Neville.
She's a proper young flirt
With the hem of her skirt
Only two inches below "C" level!
--- Percy Longprong
Who wanted her knickers to show.
So she wore a skirt
As short as a shirt,
And kept on bending over low.
--- Anon
Finds his tiny heaven in butt?
Perhaps the follies,
How he gets his jollies,
Will lead him to unravel King Tut.
--- Sheryl A Lemma
Watch the gals dance to drums, in grass skirts.
He tried to reach out
And was acting the lout,
At the sight of bare boobies, so pert!
--- Azul
And at him he started to holler,
In tones very loud:
"That, man, ain't allowed,
Unless first you pay her a dollar."
--- Anon
Was a tiny pint-sized little squirt.
When the native girls sassed
That his pole was half-mast,
They could actually see it invert.
--- Anon
Long times without romance will hurt.
When mammary treasures
Sway 'round, promise pleasures;
He'll dream 'bout what's under her skirt!
--- Anon
This is file vnm
Supplication's more like it; he's hoping
For some South Seas romance
'Neath grass skirts, not for pants!
For poor Bert, for a long time's been moping!
--- Anon
Show themselves when the gents they entrance;
Whether strip-tease or hula,
They'll make mucho moola,
By seeming to promise romance!
--- Anon
At the ball had two reasons to fidget.
Her gown was hoop-skirted,
And she'd seen a perverted
And pogo stick carrying midget.
--- Don Moore P0207
Wore a hula skirt home from Tahiti.
Customs had to remove it
Before they'd approve it,
Which caused quite a rash of graffiti.
--- Robust Ribald Rude P9703
As skirts now are well up the thighs.
It may cause a thrill
As the mini cake frill;
Like hot air it continues to rise.
--- Arthur Pattaffy
Wore a leather skirt which was all wrong.
I am afraid it revealed
That which should stay concealed.
Critics said, "It's no skirt, it's a thong!"
--- Arthur Pattaffy
The rabbis locked shocked and askance.
The elders, in turn,
This new fashion did spurn;
The students thought she's worth a glance.
--- Arthur Pattaffy
Wears skirts with a very short hem.
When under the hood,
You get quite a good
Look at her juicy young quim.
--- Anon
Avoid all those left and right hurts.
There's plenty of room
For any size plume,
That rises up because you're flirts!
--- Marlene
Told her husband she thought she might trim it,
What did the guy say?
He replied to her, "Hey,
Remember the thigh is the limit."
--- A N Wilkins P8508
Except on a woman who's skinny,
Or on one who is plump
With a sizeable rump,
Or on chieftains of Western New Guinea.
--- Limber Limericks
I usually control that old conger.
But mini clad teasers,
Bent over the freezers,
Have too much effect on my donger.
--- Anon
And though 'twas revealed as a hoax,
Is that reason to
Withold them from view?
Not share them with some other folks?
--- Fran Morris
Is the laughter such humor evokes.
So the joke was on us,
So why make a fuss,
When such great wit such laughter evokes.
--- Fran Morris
That's seen on some sweet demure lass,
That's painted on tush,
(In front there's a bush,)
It's arty trompe l'oeil "piece of ass."
--- Chris Papa
Is similar art in their laps.
And the shocking view
Of pants that look through,
On manly transparent jock straps.
--- Chris Papa
Not even if I'm part of a harem!
The idea is half-baked,
To want to look naked!
Sometimes fashion for women just scare 'em.
--- Barb
Their fashions will set women dreaming!
Let me tell you, honey,
They won't get my money!
It gives "cover your ass" a new meaning.
--- Barb
But like some strange chords from Stravinsky,
That hoax phoney is
Disharmonious.
(Looks better on Natasha Kinsky.
--- Daniel Ford
Regarding Dan's choice to exempt
From sensitive eyes,
Those clever replies,
Lest risking the readers' contempt.
--- Fran Morris
Wore a very short skirt on the street.
When she wiggled her rear,
The boys would all cheer
And when she bent down, what a treat!
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0306
At the dairy and has wonderful knees.
But I can't fail to see
That twixt hemline and knee,
There's an eighteen inch gap; what a tease!
--- Peter Wilkins
Chasing those sheep's really freaky.
But now you can flirt
With young Debbie's short skirt;
The view from the rear is quite cheeky.
--- Tony Burrell
Didn't come down as far as it ought.
'Twixt her skirt and her stocking,
The distance was shocking,
And drove her poor boyfriends distraught.
--- P9005
Skirts the same for the mother and daughter.
When the wind blows
Each one of them shows,
Half an inch more than they oughter.
--- P9005
Who had such a very short skirt on,
That the curate said: "Dear,
You look very queer,
Have you really a skirt or a shirt on?"
--- Myler Magrath
(Excluding young Catholic school flirts);
When their legs sread out wide,
Up and down my hands slide,
And they squeal even though nothin' hurts!
--- Allen Wolverton
If their boobies can fill out their shirts.
While their tight little buns,
Like bustles on nuns,
Make a hand-hold for Protestant squirts?
--- John Miller
On the grass in the damp and the dew.
But the best in a dress
Left a mess, I confess,
Of my goo in full view on a pew.
--- John Miller
No Catholic girl has to rue
A Protestant spree
With little old me,
Since I'm really an Orthodox Jew.
--- John Miller
By the way I research, where I dwell,
The direction of Mecca
While stroking my pecka
And leading you limmers to Hell.
--- John Miller
Best beware of the Irish cop's rage;
If he finds her plaid thong,
He will shrink-wrap your dong;
And with Bubba you'll share a small cage.
--- Allen Wolverton
When a girl's reached that simmering stage.
But no matter how bold
She is, I'm too old
In such vigorous sports to engage.
--- John Miller
She walked like she hadn't a care.
Her skirt swung side to side;
Her contours couldn't hide
That she felt she had something to share!
--- Arthur Pattaffy
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