MORE
A middle aged lady named Winnie Don't trust all you find on the 'Net, I wondered while reading the test to see There was a young woman from Wirtz, If there's one thing that I always knew, Their quite tongues never protest, There once was this sensible fox The crooner, biographers said, My beautiful feet now I mourn, You've had more luck with their gear Fantastically dressed for a ball, And Prince Charming? He's equally dressed, Moreover, behold what all wore! The tables were loaded with shoes, The Bishop arrived on a sleigh, And he would have both of them swear Now Matthew, you've got a brown shnozz, Please don't classify this rhyme a bore, A gay lost his boots in a game A daft elfin lady complained She has a shoe business, my honey. There once was a man from Peru, A fanciful dresser from Rome Pointy-toed boots are the rage Cowboy boots aren't meant for walking! A cowboy who wore fancy boots There once was a fellow named Oscar, My feet are of such different size, The hot new designer named Sam They feel like your foot's in a vise, One day when I went to the races, Setting out for a late-evening cruise, A gay lost his boots in a game, There was a young schoolboy named Crow In a frock at the Prom, she was queen, My dear Robin Kay, your feet, sweet When nimble young Nicola Knox An uncommon fetish is Sue's; So loose was the wife of young Merritt, There was an Old Man of Wreaking, The shoes of old Eskimo Joe There's a zephyr-like breeze in the trees, Said Lizzie, "My dress has been ripped!" My horse threw two shoes crossing Pikey's There once was a girl named Lou, A pretty young chemist named Fox Whenever I wear my new clogs, As the breeches-buoy swung toward the rocks, I'm mechanically apt myself, toots. Perhaps I should stick to consuming There's nothing so shocking as socks There's a movement afoot to abolish A detective who worked in Toulouse There are so many kinds of shoes, There was a young lady of Stormaway, Si Gardiner missed the pink hues As she drove to the meeting one night, While driving back home the same route, I often seen shoes in the street, Sir Humphrey Willoughby-Cox I once heard the stocking top say, "Don't fret," said the pantie-hose gusset. As I bent down to tie up my shoe, Rimbly, a socksmith from Chad, There was an old man who was sitting An Italian cobbler named Leo
Ate little, and she became skinny.
Wearing a very short dress
She looked a real mess;
She should never be seen in a mini!
--- Arthur Pattaffy
Even though some get your appitite whet.
The dress you see through
Is a hoax and not true.
It caught quite a few people, I bet.
--- Barrie Eksteen
If the Tale of Japan skirts complexity;
If others who read
The actual thread,
Now suffer from fatal perplexity.
--- Fran Morris
Who shortened the hems of her skirts,
Till she got them so high,
That what met the eye,
Was the bottoms of all of her shirts.
--- Lims Unlimited
It's that nothing compares with a shoe.
I have fifty pair;
They're stored everywhere.
A bit greedy, but what can I do?
--- Al Willis
Though their souls are sorely pressed.
Twin brothers they,
Carrying loads all day:
Stand empty when finally at rest.
--- The Limerick Book P8606
Who dressed for convenience, not shocks.
Her jackets, they rule,
And her boots -- they were cool,
But she wore indefensible socks.
--- Virge
Shunned golf shoes, wore sneakers instead.
This fact has good ground,
For his locker, they found,
Held no foot-wear save one Bing-sized Ked.
--- Bob Giandomenico P9602
They're covered with callus and corn.
The Birkenstock fit
Is appalling; I quit,
And into the trash can they've gorn.
--- Anon
Than what I have ever had, I fear:
Plantars warts and bromodrosis, (not in my unabridged)
Ingrown toenail and maduromycosis (foot fungus)
Are the diseases I got from the footwear.
--- Anon
Went Cindy, the best of them all,
With Birkenstock shoes,
Her choice she did choose,
For Charming, she heard, he did call...
--- Anon
Much better than all of the rest,
With long flowing locks,
He wore Birkenstocks,
And danced with only the best.
--- Anon
Extravagant silks and much more,
Tuxedos and suits,
High Birkenstock boots,
The kinds that great princes adore!
--- Anon
For princes and barons with clues,
For queens and great kings,
Who wore diamond rings
Who loved their great Birkenstock shoes.
--- Anon
And came in without a delay.
For angels foretold
How Charming would hold
That Cindy and have her today.
--- Anon
To marry together and share,
And live their whole life
As husband and wife,
In Birkenstocks, best of shoeware.
--- Anon
From praising these overpriced Shozz.
The name Birkenstock
Gave me a big shock;
We don't have that kind here in Oz!
--- Anon
As thoughts return to days of yore.
Words do change, come and go,
But in memory's glow
Weren't booties* what babies once wore?
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0506
Of soccer (and futbol's the same).
He had bared both his feet
For relief from the heat;
Thos pecs, shorts and thighs were to blame!
--- Wasi
Of pains in her groin when it rained.
A carpenter friend
Brought her plight to an end
When the tops of her storm boots he planed.
--- Bob Giandomenico P9003A
She takes in just oodles of money.
She sells pretty shoes,
No one can refuse,
And at night she cavorts like a bunny.
--- Al Willis
Who liked to make love to his shoe.
He said with a hoot,
(As he came in his boot)
"Tomorrow I'll try a size two!"
--- Mustard P
Wore socks that caused people to groan.
On red and one blue,
Each bright in its hue,
And a pair he had like it at home.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2773
For galloping over the sage,
Or dancing or walking
Or sitting or talking...
And boots don't wear out, they just age.
--- Cow Sheep Petersen Rhodes
They're just for standin' there talking,
Or used when they ride
To keep feet inside
The stirrup, when cows they are stalking.
--- Anon
Went calling one night on his toots.
But his high heels and all
Made him stretch up too tall;
They had to sit down to rub snoots!
--- S Omar Barker P0209
Who had slept in many a box car.
He feared not anthrax,
Or such fearsome attacks,
For 'twas less dangerous than his socks are.
--- Phil T
The difference made problems arise.
There's no single pair
That will fit, so I wear
A pair which two half pairs comprise.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Designs shoes in which ladies cram
Their insteps and toes
In ultra-sheer hose
And cost THREE hundred dollars a gam
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0401
But they make ladies' figures look nice.
They tilt a girl's mass
To display tits and ass,
So maybe they ARE worth the price.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0401
I discovered a knot in my laces.
But when I found out,
It was too late to shout,
And I fell down the steps on my faces.
--- Anon
I put down my bottle of buise
And started to go,
When my feet told me NO!
(I'd forgotten to put on my shuise.)
--- Norm Storer
And everyone said, "It's a shame."
The faggot was bootless;
The boots were quite fruitless,
So he borrowed some shoes from a dame!
--- Al Willis
This is file vmm
who complained of a pain in his toe.
Said his doctor, "Quite simple;
Not a corn, not a pimple--
You're wearing your garters too low!"
--- Mary Danby Armada 1
(Don't think competition's not keen)
She was rated a ten
By the erudite men,
Though they censured her stockings of green.
--- VOL 5
Smell swell, they don't stink 'cause you're neat.
The trouble with heels
Is that they leave weals
When you kick someone in the seat!
--- Sam Shaffe P8802
Was climbing about on some rocks,
Warned her friend, "If you chose,
To take off your shoes,
You'll get great big holes in your socks."
--- Funfax Limericks
She makes use of her lickerish cooze;
With her damp underclothes,
She shines up the toes
Of her black-patent, spiky-heeled shoes.
--- Robin K Willoughby P8710
He felt he no longer could bear it.
As he picked up her slipper,
He remarked not too chipper,
"This old shoe, if it fits, I will wear it."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0543
Whose shoes made a horrible creaking;
But they said, "Tell us whether
You're into black leather,
Or are you the kind who likes streaking?"
--- Edwardian Leer 019
Fell apart as he walked in the snow.
"Have you needle and thread?"
I enquired, but he said,
"No, igloo them not sew them, you know."
--- Peter Wilkins
As I slip on my 42C's.
(You may jeer, I don't mind
But in Rome you will find,
It's the size of my shoes, if you please.)
--- Anon
Said Buford, "I'm sorry. I slipped
While climbing atop."
"Well, next time I'll stop
You from wearing your spurs," Lizzie quipped.
--- Observer
Creek. Thankfully, blacksmithy Mikey's
Shop had some to spare:
"What size does he wear?"
Asked Mikey, "I only sell Nikes."
--- Anon
Who had but only one shoe.
When asked, "Where's the other?"
She replied, "On my brother,
And he only has but one, too."
--- VOL 7
Wore nothing beneath her white smocks.
So the boys in her section
Took up a collection,
And went out to buy her some socks.
--- Alex Heydon P0406
I'm followed by frisky young dogs.
One started to beg,
Then he lifted his leg
And dampened the hem of my togs.
--- Bill Wall
Its occupant cried, "Save my socks!
I could not bear the loss
For with scarlet silk floss,
My momma has embroidered their clocks."
--- Edward Gorey
I've constructed some seven league boots --
An invention that begs
For 3.5 league legs,
Or a terrible groin pain up-shoots.
--- Lucy
And stop on inventiveness pluming.
Myself, I'm ahead
Of my time, it's been said.
Other say that I need padded-rooming.
--- Lucy
Worn by shepherds while tending their flocks.
Soiled by six weeks of lunches
And stuff that my hunch is,
Got spilled when they got off their rocks.
--- Anon
Manufacture of orange shoe polish;
A new version of mango,
Which is made in Durango,
Does away with appearance bucolish.
--- J Maynard Kaplan
Never changed his old socks or his shoes.
There was poor ventilation
At the police station,
So when he went out he left clues.
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada
From which we are then forced to choose.
Some are black, some are blue;
In many sizes too.
All this serves only to confuse.
--- William K Alsop Jr
Who by walking, her shoes had all worn away.
She said, "I won't mind
If only I find
That it's taken that horrible corn away."
--- Anon
Of occasional toes he would lose,
But he still never thought to
Resolve that he ought to
Start cutting his long-wearing shoes.
--- David A Brooks Q
One lone shoe appeared off her right.
Then a couple blocks more,
Saw a shoe to the fore.
Seemed a match -- must be losing her sight.
--- Hilde na Beag
She stopped twice to relieve her doubt.
The shoes matched -- were a pair,
And a size she could wear.
She smiled as she wore them about.
--- Hilde na Beag
Discarded in both cold and heat.
Which means that out there
In public somewhere,
Some fool's running 'round with bare feet.
--- Observer
Delighted in hunting the fox.
But the hounds at the meet
Could only scent feet,
Because of his smelly old socks.
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada
To pantie-hose as they both lay
In the laundry bin: "I
Climb right up her thigh.
So near and yet so far away."
--- Tiddy Ogg
"Though pussy's nice, dont make a fuss. It
Ain't all so fair.
An asshole's up there,
And gee, when it farts, how I cuss it."
--- Tiddy Ogg
As I find that I often must do,
I found one sock black --
Alas and alack!
'Cause the other sock surely was blue!
--- Anon
Was caught up in a new fad.
To wear socks on your head
Or your mum will drop dead.
To me this is crazy and sad.
--- Anon
Beneath the Acropolis, knitting.
He knitted a sock,
And a scarf and a smock,
Then he tried them all on in one fitting.
--- Anon
Had three customers waiting in Rio;
He held up two shoes,
"Signori...is whose?"
Three loud voices then sang "Sole Mio."
--- J Maynard Kaplan
MORE