A middle aged lady named Winnie
Ate little, and she became skinny.
Wearing a very short dress
She looked a real mess;
She should never be seen in a mini!
--- Arthur Pattaffy

Don't trust all you find on the 'Net,
Even though some get your appitite whet.
The dress you see through
Is a hoax and not true.
It caught quite a few people, I bet.
--- Barrie Eksteen

I wondered while reading the test to see
If the Tale of Japan skirts complexity;
If others who read
The actual thread,
Now suffer from fatal perplexity.
--- Fran Morris

There was a young woman from Wirtz,
Who shortened the hems of her skirts,
Till she got them so high,
That what met the eye,
Was the bottoms of all of her shirts.
--- Lims Unlimited

If there's one thing that I always knew,
It's that nothing compares with a shoe.
I have fifty pair;
They're stored everywhere.
A bit greedy, but what can I do?
--- Al Willis

Their quite tongues never protest,
Though their souls are sorely pressed.
Twin brothers they,
Carrying loads all day:
Stand empty when finally at rest.
--- The Limerick Book P8606

There once was this sensible fox
Who dressed for convenience, not shocks.
Her jackets, they rule,
And her boots -- they were cool,
But she wore indefensible socks.
--- Virge

The crooner, biographers said,
Shunned golf shoes, wore sneakers instead.
This fact has good ground,
For his locker, they found,
Held no foot-wear save one Bing-sized Ked.
--- Bob Giandomenico P9602

My beautiful feet now I mourn,
They're covered with callus and corn.
The Birkenstock fit
Is appalling; I quit,
And into the trash can they've gorn.
--- Anon

You've had more luck with their gear
Than what I have ever had, I fear:
Plantars warts and bromodrosis, (not in my unabridged)
Ingrown toenail and maduromycosis (foot fungus)
Are the diseases I got from the footwear.
--- Anon

Fantastically dressed for a ball,
Went Cindy, the best of them all,
With Birkenstock shoes,
Her choice she did choose,
For Charming, she heard, he did call...
--- Anon

And Prince Charming? He's equally dressed,
Much better than all of the rest,
With long flowing locks,
He wore Birkenstocks,
And danced with only the best.
--- Anon

Moreover, behold what all wore!
Extravagant silks and much more,
Tuxedos and suits,
High Birkenstock boots,
The kinds that great princes adore!
--- Anon

The tables were loaded with shoes,
For princes and barons with clues,
For queens and great kings,
Who wore diamond rings
Who loved their great Birkenstock shoes.
--- Anon

The Bishop arrived on a sleigh,
And came in without a delay.
For angels foretold
How Charming would hold
That Cindy and have her today.
--- Anon

And he would have both of them swear
To marry together and share,
And live their whole life
As husband and wife,
In Birkenstocks, best of shoeware.
--- Anon

Now Matthew, you've got a brown shnozz,
From praising these overpriced Shozz.
The name Birkenstock
Gave me a big shock;
We don't have that kind here in Oz!
--- Anon

Please don't classify this rhyme a bore,
As thoughts return to days of yore.
Words do change, come and go,
But in memory's glow
Weren't booties* what babies once wore?
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0506

A gay lost his boots in a game
Of soccer (and futbol's the same).
He had bared both his feet
For relief from the heat;
Thos pecs, shorts and thighs were to blame!
--- Wasi

A daft elfin lady complained
Of pains in her groin when it rained.
A carpenter friend
Brought her plight to an end
When the tops of her storm boots he planed.
--- Bob Giandomenico P9003A

She has a shoe business, my honey.
She takes in just oodles of money.
She sells pretty shoes,
No one can refuse,
And at night she cavorts like a bunny.
--- Al Willis

There once was a man from Peru,
Who liked to make love to his shoe.
He said with a hoot,
(As he came in his boot)
"Tomorrow I'll try a size two!"
--- Mustard P

A fanciful dresser from Rome
Wore socks that caused people to groan.
On red and one blue,
Each bright in its hue,
And a pair he had like it at home.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2773

Pointy-toed boots are the rage
For galloping over the sage,
Or dancing or walking
Or sitting or talking...
And boots don't wear out, they just age.
--- Cow Sheep Petersen Rhodes

Cowboy boots aren't meant for walking!
They're just for standin' there talking,
Or used when they ride
To keep feet inside
The stirrup, when cows they are stalking.
--- Anon

A cowboy who wore fancy boots
Went calling one night on his toots.
But his high heels and all
Made him stretch up too tall;
They had to sit down to rub snoots!
--- S Omar Barker P0209

There once was a fellow named Oscar,
Who had slept in many a box car.
He feared not anthrax,
Or such fearsome attacks,
For 'twas less dangerous than his socks are.
--- Phil T

My feet are of such different size,
The difference made problems arise.
There's no single pair
That will fit, so I wear
A pair which two half pairs comprise.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

The hot new designer named Sam
Designs shoes in which ladies cram
Their insteps and toes
In ultra-sheer hose
And cost THREE hundred dollars a gam
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0401

They feel like your foot's in a vise,
But they make ladies' figures look nice.
They tilt a girl's mass
To display tits and ass,
So maybe they ARE worth the price.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0401

One day when I went to the races,
I discovered a knot in my laces.
But when I found out,
It was too late to shout,
And I fell down the steps on my faces.
--- Anon

Setting out for a late-evening cruise,
I put down my bottle of buise
And started to go,
When my feet told me NO!
(I'd forgotten to put on my shuise.)
--- Norm Storer

A gay lost his boots in a game,
And everyone said, "It's a shame."
The faggot was bootless;
The boots were quite fruitless,
So he borrowed some shoes from a dame!
--- Al Willis

This is file vmm

There was a young schoolboy named Crow
who complained of a pain in his toe.
Said his doctor, "Quite simple;
Not a corn, not a pimple--
You're wearing your garters too low!"
--- Mary Danby Armada 1

In a frock at the Prom, she was queen,
(Don't think competition's not keen)
She was rated a ten
By the erudite men,
Though they censured her stockings of green.
--- VOL 5

My dear Robin Kay, your feet, sweet
Smell swell, they don't stink 'cause you're neat.
The trouble with heels
Is that they leave weals
When you kick someone in the seat!
--- Sam Shaffe P8802

When nimble young Nicola Knox
Was climbing about on some rocks,
Warned her friend, "If you chose,
To take off your shoes,
You'll get great big holes in your socks."
--- Funfax Limericks

An uncommon fetish is Sue's;
She makes use of her lickerish cooze;
With her damp underclothes,
She shines up the toes
Of her black-patent, spiky-heeled shoes.
--- Robin K Willoughby P8710

So loose was the wife of young Merritt,
He felt he no longer could bear it.
As he picked up her slipper,
He remarked not too chipper,
"This old shoe, if it fits, I will wear it."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0543

There was an Old Man of Wreaking,
Whose shoes made a horrible creaking;
But they said, "Tell us whether
You're into black leather,
Or are you the kind who likes streaking?"
--- Edwardian Leer 019

The shoes of old Eskimo Joe
Fell apart as he walked in the snow.
"Have you needle and thread?"
I enquired, but he said,
"No, igloo them not sew them, you know."
--- Peter Wilkins

There's a zephyr-like breeze in the trees,
As I slip on my 42C's.
(You may jeer, I don't mind
But in Rome you will find,
It's the size of my shoes, if you please.)
--- Anon

Said Lizzie, "My dress has been ripped!"
Said Buford, "I'm sorry. I slipped
While climbing atop."
"Well, next time I'll stop
You from wearing your spurs," Lizzie quipped.
--- Observer

My horse threw two shoes crossing Pikey's
Creek. Thankfully, blacksmithy Mikey's
Shop had some to spare:
"What size does he wear?"
Asked Mikey, "I only sell Nikes."
--- Anon

There once was a girl named Lou,
Who had but only one shoe.
When asked, "Where's the other?"
She replied, "On my brother,
And he only has but one, too."
--- VOL 7

A pretty young chemist named Fox
Wore nothing beneath her white smocks.
So the boys in her section
Took up a collection,
And went out to buy her some socks.
--- Alex Heydon P0406

Whenever I wear my new clogs,
I'm followed by frisky young dogs.
One started to beg,
Then he lifted his leg
And dampened the hem of my togs.
--- Bill Wall

As the breeches-buoy swung toward the rocks,
Its occupant cried, "Save my socks!
I could not bear the loss
For with scarlet silk floss,
My momma has embroidered their clocks."
--- Edward Gorey

I'm mechanically apt myself, toots.
I've constructed some seven league boots --
An invention that begs
For 3.5 league legs,
Or a terrible groin pain up-shoots.
--- Lucy

Perhaps I should stick to consuming
And stop on inventiveness pluming.
Myself, I'm ahead
Of my time, it's been said.
Other say that I need padded-rooming.
--- Lucy

There's nothing so shocking as socks
Worn by shepherds while tending their flocks.
Soiled by six weeks of lunches
And stuff that my hunch is,
Got spilled when they got off their rocks.
--- Anon

There's a movement afoot to abolish
Manufacture of orange shoe polish;
A new version of mango,
Which is made in Durango,
Does away with appearance bucolish.
--- J Maynard Kaplan

A detective who worked in Toulouse
Never changed his old socks or his shoes.
There was poor ventilation
At the police station,
So when he went out he left clues.
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada

There are so many kinds of shoes,
From which we are then forced to choose.
Some are black, some are blue;
In many sizes too.
All this serves only to confuse.
--- William K Alsop Jr

There was a young lady of Stormaway,
Who by walking, her shoes had all worn away.
She said, "I won't mind
If only I find
That it's taken that horrible corn away."
--- Anon

Si Gardiner missed the pink hues
Of occasional toes he would lose,
But he still never thought to
Resolve that he ought to
Start cutting his long-wearing shoes.
--- David A Brooks Q

As she drove to the meeting one night,
One lone shoe appeared off her right.
Then a couple blocks more,
Saw a shoe to the fore.
Seemed a match -- must be losing her sight.
--- Hilde na Beag

While driving back home the same route,
She stopped twice to relieve her doubt.
The shoes matched -- were a pair,
And a size she could wear.
She smiled as she wore them about.
--- Hilde na Beag

I often seen shoes in the street,
Discarded in both cold and heat.
Which means that out there
In public somewhere,
Some fool's running 'round with bare feet.
--- Observer

Sir Humphrey Willoughby-Cox
Delighted in hunting the fox.
But the hounds at the meet
Could only scent feet,
Because of his smelly old socks.
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada

I once heard the stocking top say,
To pantie-hose as they both lay
In the laundry bin: "I
Climb right up her thigh.
So near and yet so far away."
--- Tiddy Ogg

"Don't fret," said the pantie-hose gusset.
"Though pussy's nice, dont make a fuss. It
Ain't all so fair.
An asshole's up there,
And gee, when it farts, how I cuss it."
--- Tiddy Ogg

As I bent down to tie up my shoe,
As I find that I often must do,
I found one sock black --
Alas and alack!
'Cause the other sock surely was blue!
--- Anon

Rimbly, a socksmith from Chad,
Was caught up in a new fad.
To wear socks on your head
Or your mum will drop dead.
To me this is crazy and sad.
--- Anon

There was an old man who was sitting
Beneath the Acropolis, knitting.
He knitted a sock,
And a scarf and a smock,
Then he tried them all on in one fitting.
--- Anon

An Italian cobbler named Leo
Had three customers waiting in Rio;
He held up two shoes,
" whose?"
Three loud voices then sang "Sole Mio."
--- J Maynard Kaplan