Some say I'm unbalanced, of course, And slicker than that go the pants; A gal with a sixty inch chest, She said, "Most of it's pieces and bits, In the locker room, down at the spa, Throw away your bras, girls, let 'em fall; Before all you girls start to brag I'm lucky that I have been blessed 'Bout the same as wearing a vise, Since wearing bras you cannot hack, A funny old Frenchman in Nantes, The Kleenex is brought to his nose; There was a gym mistress of Munich, The team with the suits made of worsted Fugacious type bloomers are those, There was a grave digger called Barnes There is a split in my jammies, There was an old man of the Cape, A thrifty young fellow of Shoreham, A tailor played free with the code, The girl on the flying trapeze There was an Old Lady whose folly What Walter Raleigh really dreaded In these humid summers of heat, The waiter came hurrying by; There was a young girl from old Natchez, I took my cravat out this morn, The wedding was postponed, delayed; The dry cleaners, Smith, Parker and Bose There was a young woman named Astor, Phoned a poet: "Hello, are you there? Complained a cheap Scotsman from blunt, There was a young lady of Natchez
This is file vom
In my sweet little Alice Blue gown, Oh, it hung almost down to the ground. In my sweet little nightgown of blue, As we both watched the break of the day, In my beautiful Alice-blue gown, Now out of my Alice-blue dress, Immediately on him I went down. There was a young girl of Dunoon, Frugalis cantatrix ornata A thrifty soprano of Hingham Opportunity doesn't implore; Said an old English gent, a real toff, Farm living made one cow 'boo-hoo', Have you heard of the "New" evening dress, There once was a ganster called Slug, See, my Sweet Thing has got a new dress; No wonder that blokes unemployed, The ILGWU (ILGWU - International Ladies Garment Workers Union)
The Oscar Night jokes were all witty; There was a young lady from Boulder, There was a young girl of Australia, Three girly-men, all dressed in leather, There was a Young Person of Crete, There was a gay flapper of Delaware A Lancashire Lassie named Nance, You're looking for your old jock, A couturier from Haverford-West, "So do I look fat in this dress?" There's an answer that surely will soften A lass named Becky from 'Bama Miss Fair Frigidaire was divine, There was a merchant named Walker, There was a young girl of Darjeeling
And I never resort to brute force.
But I leave them in awe
By removing their bra;
So slick there's no time for remorse.
--- John Miller
They're gone before she has a chance
To whisper, "Please, no,"
Or "I love you so,"
When I set my mind to romance.
--- John Miller
Wore an unusual vest.
"'Twas made up of dongs
That used to belong
To some of my randy houseguests."
--- Ericka
But this whole left side -- that's Fritz.
He was hung like a horse;
A real tour de force.
He was one of my favorites."
--- Ericka
Where I went to work out with Papa,
He took of his clothes,
And I suddenly froze -
He was wearing Mom's panties and bra!
--- Cap'n Bean P0207
Don't regard your tits as big or small.
The will be no prizes
For special boob sizes,
'Cause our songs of praise cover them all.
--- Dirruk
About being braless, please tag
Your bras so we'll know
To whom they should go
When her big ol' tits start to sag.
--- Travis Brasell
With two healthy and lovable breasts.
But I won't go bare;
A bra I will wear;
Still I'll give a peek on request.
--- Carol
Bras feel like a torture device.
So for now I'll cavort
Without any support;
On sagging tits I'll roll the dice.
--- Goin2later
Thus giving your hooters some slack,
I'm sending your way
To use for the day,
When you need to lift 'em -- a jack!
--- Travis Brasell
He roars and he raves and he rants.
The reason: a dog
And a bristly hog
Have torn two big holes in his pants.
--- Cyril Bibby P9307
He inhales and then sharply blows.
The Kleenex is shattered,
And boogers are splattered
All over the front of his clothes!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Whose muscular action was unique.
She wrestled with men
Again and again,
And burst all the seams in her tunic!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Had their hopes to be champions bursted.
Their play, so it seems,
Came apart at the seams,
And in every game they were worsted.
--- Laurence Perrine P8306
That fade, not that cover your hose.
Those flowers my fade,
But, be not afraid,
The same thing won't happen to clothes.
--- Larry Davis P8511
Whose clothes were all covered with darns.
He'd dug fewer holes
In his life, for poor souls
Than his sweater had under his arms.
--- Michael Palin
But it's still a really tight squeeze;
Not conveniently placed
(Bet your heart raced),
It's just 'cause I eat what I please.
--- Anon
Who made himself garments of crepe.
When asked, "Do they tear?"
He replied, "Here and there;
But they're perfectly splendid for shape."
--- Robert L Stevenson
Made brown paper trousers and woreham.
He looked nice and neat
Till he bent in the street
To pick up a pin: then he toreham.
--- E Nepean
Making cheap goods to sell "a la mode."
But the stuff (wouldn't wear)
Was returned for repair:
So he ripped whatsoever he sewed.
--- Laurence Perrine P8511
Can swing through the air with great ease.
The tights that she wears
Are full of big tears.
This lets in a great deal of breeze.
--- Julia Strawn P8711a
Induced her to sit on a holly;
Whereupon, by a thorn,
Her dress being torn,
She quickly became melancholy.
--- Edwardian Leer 027 P9306
Was that his cloak was poorly threaded
And the Queen would sink,
He'd often think,
Up to when he was beheaded.
--- Irving Superior P9001
And his odoriferous feet
And his fear and loathing
Of changing his clothing,
Compresses his socks into peat.
--- Beelzebub
He slipped and spilled soup on the thigh
Of a man in full dress,
Who looked down at the mess,
And said, "Boy, there's a soup in my fly."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2487
Whose garments were always in patchez.
When comment arose
On the state of her clothes,
She drawled, "When Ah itchez, Ah scratchez."
--- Ogden Nash
And beat it till tattered and torn.
I'm off out tonight,
And must be dressed right;
The rule is that ties must be worn.
--- Tiddy Ogg
The guests were annoyed and dismayed.
Moths had chewed a big hole
In the bride's camisole;
Her pendulous tits were displayed.
--- Nancy Henry-Kline P9402
Advertised with this gimmick they chose.
Displayed prominently
For the whole world to see,
"Come Right In Folks and Drop Off Your Clothes."
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0301
Whose clothes fit her tight as a plaster.
When she happened to sneeze,
She felt a cold breeze,
And knew she had met with disaster.
--- G1978
Take a bus and come straight to my lair.
On the wings of the breeze,
Bring your other ones, please,
There's a tear in my very last pair."
--- Glimmerick Book P9310
Who'd found his wife bared to the cunt,
"What churl would dare ravish
The bride of MacTavish,
And rip her new dress up the front?"
--- Armand E Singer 864
Whose garments were always in patches;
When comment arose
On the state of her clothes
She said "When Ah itches Ah scratches."
--- William K Alsop Jr
Was the first time I ever laid down,
I was both proud and shy,
As he opened his fly,
And the moment I saw it, I thought I would die.
--- Anon
As it went in, I made not a sound.
The more that he shoved it,
The more that I loved it,
As he came on my Alice Blue gown.
--- Anon
On the first night that I slept with you,
I was both shy and scared,
As the bed I prepared,
Any you played peekaboo with my ribbons of blue.
--- L0045
And in peaceful submission I lay,
You said you adored it,
But dammit, you tore it,
My sweet little night gown of blue.
--- L0045
When I first took a trip into town,
The halter neck broke
And straight away a bloke
Grabbed me and pulled the thing down.
--- Fred
I was in a bit of distress.
But then he pulled out
A thick nine-inch spout,
Which I must admit, did impress.
--- Fred
When he finished, I thought I would drown.
But next time I go
To a club or a show,
I'll be wearing that Alice-blue gown.
--- Fred
Who always wore gowns of maroon.
She wouldn't be seen
In red, blue, or green;
And yellow, she said, made her swoon.
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada
Cui stola quadratis notata
Et albis et caerulis
Scripsit cantionis
Ea uti cantaret contrita.
--- Ogden Nash P8802
Designed her own dresses of gingham.
On the blue and white squares
She wrote opera airs
So when they wore out she could singham.
--- Brian N Meyer trans P8802
It knocks only once at your door,
But a quadruple knock
Is a dame in a frock,
Who has frequently been there before.
--- Limber Limericks
"Fill up your glasses! Let's quaff
To mini-skirt joys
Which enable the boys
To begin where their fathers left off."
--- G0205A
Just longing for Honolulu.
The sun and the surf
Beats chewing on turf;
Now she's called the Hawaiian Moo-Moo.
--- Dorothy J Saurer P9202
Made of cabbage leaves that they did press
To fit curves on the form
Of a lass? Then they storm
'Round and mist to keep dress on the princess.
--- Hilde na Beag
A most reprehensible mug.
He called his moll's dress
A shitty-assed mess,
And referred to her teat as a dug.
--- G2508
Hem and neckline are daring, I guess!
At a dance, golly gee;
It embarasses me;
When I suffer erectile distress!
--- Anon
With the Duchess of Z. are annoyed;
The jewels on her gown
Would keep a small town;
Her sang must be terribly froid.
--- Langford Reed P8809
Makes duds for the ladies, it's true,
And also for men
Who've developed the yen
To be dressed, like Mae West, en frou-frou.
--- Robin K Willoughby P8608
The girls were outrageously pretty.
Their gowns were divine,
Baring shoulders and spine
And delightful expanses of titty.
--- Jemstone P2006
And dresses she wore, off the shoulder.
So far off, you found,
They'd fall to the ground;
Most of the fellow there rolled her.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Who went to a dance as a dahlia;
Then the petals unfurled,
It revealed to the world,
That the dress, as a dress, was a failure.
--- Langston Reed
Went to a pawn shop to see whether
Clothes less bold
They could get for their old--
They came out wearing gowns made of feather!
--- Limberick
Whose toilette was far from complete;
She dressed in a sack,
Spickle-speckle with black,
And a fly front for acts indiscrete.
--- Edwardian Leer 035
Whose Momma admonished her: "Ella wear
No skirt that's so high
That a by-passer's eye
Of the shape of your figure'd be well aware.
--- Glimmerick Book P9012
Said, "With fellers I don't stand a chance;
Not one of them flirts
When I wear Mini-skirts;
I'll have to try wearing hot-pants!"
--- Leslie Crowther
The one I found down by the dock?
Your fashion sense lacking,
I sent them packing,
They simply don't go with your frock!
--- Anon
Has designed an ankle-length vest.
She says, "It's got holes
For respectable souls
Who can only have sex when they're dressed.
--- E O Parrot
No answer to that one, I guess.
I should tell the truth,
But I learned in my youth
That a mumble is better than "Yes!"
--- Peter Wilkins
The ire of a wife, without coughin'.
With an air of regard,
As though I thought hard,
I would say, "You should wear it more often."
--- Liam na Beag
Wore her lovers' old shirts as pajamas.
They were comfy, not tight;
Their smell was just right,
And her dreams were real mamajammers!
--- Richard Wall
Dressed in snowflakes so crispy and fine.
You would spot it was her
By her natural fur,
And the icicles right down her spine.
--- Carl Ludvig P0207
Who was a maternity store stocker.
To pregnant women he'd sell
But his friends gave him hell,
When they called him just a mother-frocker.
--- James Murray
Who used to stand up on the ceiling,
So her long evening gown
From her waistline hung down--
We all thought it most sex appealing.
--- G2308