Some say I'm unbalanced, of course,
And I never resort to brute force.
But I leave them in awe
By removing their bra;
So slick there's no time for remorse.
--- John Miller

And slicker than that go the pants;
They're gone before she has a chance
To whisper, "Please, no,"
Or "I love you so,"
When I set my mind to romance.
--- John Miller

A gal with a sixty inch chest,
Wore an unusual vest.
"'Twas made up of dongs
That used to belong
To some of my randy houseguests."
--- Ericka

She said, "Most of it's pieces and bits,
But this whole left side -- that's Fritz.
He was hung like a horse;
A real tour de force.
He was one of my favorites."
--- Ericka

In the locker room, down at the spa,
Where I went to work out with Papa,
He took of his clothes,
And I suddenly froze -
He was wearing Mom's panties and bra!
--- Cap'n Bean P0207

Throw away your bras, girls, let 'em fall;
Don't regard your tits as big or small.
The will be no prizes
For special boob sizes,
'Cause our songs of praise cover them all.
--- Dirruk

Before all you girls start to brag
About being braless, please tag
Your bras so we'll know
To whom they should go
When her big ol' tits start to sag.
--- Travis Brasell

I'm lucky that I have been blessed
With two healthy and lovable breasts.
But I won't go bare;
A bra I will wear;
Still I'll give a peek on request.
--- Carol

'Bout the same as wearing a vise,
Bras feel like a torture device.
So for now I'll cavort
Without any support;
On sagging tits I'll roll the dice.
--- Goin2later

Since wearing bras you cannot hack,
Thus giving your hooters some slack,
I'm sending your way
To use for the day,
When you need to lift 'em -- a jack!
--- Travis Brasell

A funny old Frenchman in Nantes,
He roars and he raves and he rants.
The reason: a dog
And a bristly hog
Have torn two big holes in his pants.
--- Cyril Bibby P9307

The Kleenex is brought to his nose;
He inhales and then sharply blows.
The Kleenex is shattered,
And boogers are splattered
All over the front of his clothes!
--- Jim Weaver Collection

There was a gym mistress of Munich,
Whose muscular action was unique.
She wrestled with men
Again and again,
And burst all the seams in her tunic!
--- Jim Weaver Collection

The team with the suits made of worsted
Had their hopes to be champions bursted.
Their play, so it seems,
Came apart at the seams,
And in every game they were worsted.
--- Laurence Perrine P8306

Fugacious type bloomers are those,
That fade, not that cover your hose.
Those flowers my fade,
But, be not afraid,
The same thing won't happen to clothes.
--- Larry Davis P8511

There was a grave digger called Barnes
Whose clothes were all covered with darns.
He'd dug fewer holes
In his life, for poor souls
Than his sweater had under his arms.
--- Michael Palin

There is a split in my jammies,
But it's still a really tight squeeze;
Not conveniently placed
(Bet your heart raced),
It's just 'cause I eat what I please.
--- Anon

There was an old man of the Cape,
Who made himself garments of crepe.
When asked, "Do they tear?"
He replied, "Here and there;
But they're perfectly splendid for shape."
--- Robert L Stevenson

A thrifty young fellow of Shoreham,
Made brown paper trousers and woreham.
He looked nice and neat
Till he bent in the street
To pick up a pin: then he toreham.
--- E Nepean

A tailor played free with the code,
Making cheap goods to sell "a la mode."
But the stuff (wouldn't wear)
Was returned for repair:
So he ripped whatsoever he sewed.
--- Laurence Perrine P8511

The girl on the flying trapeze
Can swing through the air with great ease.
The tights that she wears
Are full of big tears.
This lets in a great deal of breeze.
--- Julia Strawn P8711a

There was an Old Lady whose folly
Induced her to sit on a holly;
Whereupon, by a thorn,
Her dress being torn,
She quickly became melancholy.
--- Edwardian Leer 027 P9306

What Walter Raleigh really dreaded
Was that his cloak was poorly threaded
And the Queen would sink,
He'd often think,
Up to when he was beheaded.
--- Irving Superior P9001

In these humid summers of heat,
And his odoriferous feet
And his fear and loathing
Of changing his clothing,
Compresses his socks into peat.
--- Beelzebub

The waiter came hurrying by;
He slipped and spilled soup on the thigh
Of a man in full dress,
Who looked down at the mess,
And said, "Boy, there's a soup in my fly."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2487

There was a young girl from old Natchez,
Whose garments were always in patchez.
When comment arose
On the state of her clothes,
She drawled, "When Ah itchez, Ah scratchez."
--- Ogden Nash

I took my cravat out this morn,
And beat it till tattered and torn.
I'm off out tonight,
And must be dressed right;
The rule is that ties must be worn.
--- Tiddy Ogg

The wedding was postponed, delayed;
The guests were annoyed and dismayed.
Moths had chewed a big hole
In the bride's camisole;
Her pendulous tits were displayed.
--- Nancy Henry-Kline P9402

The dry cleaners, Smith, Parker and Bose
Advertised with this gimmick they chose.
Displayed prominently
For the whole world to see,
"Come Right In Folks and Drop Off Your Clothes."
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0301

There was a young woman named Astor,
Whose clothes fit her tight as a plaster.
When she happened to sneeze,
She felt a cold breeze,
And knew she had met with disaster.
--- G1978

Phoned a poet: "Hello, are you there?
Take a bus and come straight to my lair.
On the wings of the breeze,
Bring your other ones, please,
There's a tear in my very last pair."
--- Glimmerick Book P9310

Complained a cheap Scotsman from blunt,
Who'd found his wife bared to the cunt,
"What churl would dare ravish
The bride of MacTavish,
And rip her new dress up the front?"
--- Armand E Singer 864

There was a young lady of Natchez
Whose garments were always in patches;
When comment arose
On the state of her clothes
She said "When Ah itches Ah scratches."
--- William K Alsop Jr

This is file vom

In my sweet little Alice Blue gown,
Was the first time I ever laid down,
I was both proud and shy,
As he opened his fly,
And the moment I saw it, I thought I would die.
--- Anon

Oh, it hung almost down to the ground.
As it went in, I made not a sound.
The more that he shoved it,
The more that I loved it,
As he came on my Alice Blue gown.
--- Anon

In my sweet little nightgown of blue,
On the first night that I slept with you,
I was both shy and scared,
As the bed I prepared,
Any you played peekaboo with my ribbons of blue.
--- L0045

As we both watched the break of the day,
And in peaceful submission I lay,
You said you adored it,
But dammit, you tore it,
My sweet little night gown of blue.
--- L0045

In my beautiful Alice-blue gown,
When I first took a trip into town,
The halter neck broke
And straight away a bloke
Grabbed me and pulled the thing down.
--- Fred

Now out of my Alice-blue dress,
I was in a bit of distress.
But then he pulled out
A thick nine-inch spout,
Which I must admit, did impress.
--- Fred

Immediately on him I went down.
When he finished, I thought I would drown.
But next time I go
To a club or a show,
I'll be wearing that Alice-blue gown.
--- Fred

There was a young girl of Dunoon,
Who always wore gowns of maroon.
She wouldn't be seen
In red, blue, or green;
And yellow, she said, made her swoon.
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada

Frugalis cantatrix ornata
Cui stola quadratis notata
Et albis et caerulis
Scripsit cantionis
Ea uti cantaret contrita.
--- Ogden Nash P8802

A thrifty soprano of Hingham
Designed her own dresses of gingham.
On the blue and white squares
She wrote opera airs
So when they wore out she could singham.
--- Brian N Meyer trans P8802

Opportunity doesn't implore;
It knocks only once at your door,
But a quadruple knock
Is a dame in a frock,
Who has frequently been there before.
--- Limber Limericks

Said an old English gent, a real toff,
"Fill up your glasses! Let's quaff
To mini-skirt joys
Which enable the boys
To begin where their fathers left off."
--- G0205A

Farm living made one cow 'boo-hoo',
Just longing for Honolulu.
The sun and the surf
Beats chewing on turf;
Now she's called the Hawaiian Moo-Moo.
--- Dorothy J Saurer P9202

Have you heard of the "New" evening dress,
Made of cabbage leaves that they did press
To fit curves on the form
Of a lass? Then they storm
'Round and mist to keep dress on the princess.
--- Hilde na Beag

There once was a ganster called Slug,
A most reprehensible mug.
He called his moll's dress
A shitty-assed mess,
And referred to her teat as a dug.
--- G2508

See, my Sweet Thing has got a new dress;
Hem and neckline are daring, I guess!
At a dance, golly gee;
It embarasses me;
When I suffer erectile distress!
--- Anon

No wonder that blokes unemployed,
With the Duchess of Z. are annoyed;
The jewels on her gown
Would keep a small town;
Her sang must be terribly froid.
--- Langford Reed P8809

Makes duds for the ladies, it's true,
And also for men
Who've developed the yen
To be dressed, like Mae West, en frou-frou.

(ILGWU - International Ladies Garment Workers Union)
--- Robin K Willoughby P8608

The Oscar Night jokes were all witty;
The girls were outrageously pretty.
Their gowns were divine,
Baring shoulders and spine
And delightful expanses of titty.
--- Jemstone P2006

There was a young lady from Boulder,
And dresses she wore, off the shoulder.
So far off, you found,
They'd fall to the ground;
Most of the fellow there rolled her.
--- Tiddy Ogg

There was a young girl of Australia,
Who went to a dance as a dahlia;
Then the petals unfurled,
It revealed to the world,
That the dress, as a dress, was a failure.
--- Langston Reed

Three girly-men, all dressed in leather,
Went to a pawn shop to see whether
Clothes less bold
They could get for their old--
They came out wearing gowns made of feather!
--- Limberick

There was a Young Person of Crete,
Whose toilette was far from complete;
She dressed in a sack,
Spickle-speckle with black,
And a fly front for acts indiscrete.
--- Edwardian Leer 035

There was a gay flapper of Delaware
Whose Momma admonished her: "Ella wear
No skirt that's so high
That a by-passer's eye
Of the shape of your figure'd be well aware.
--- Glimmerick Book P9012

A Lancashire Lassie named Nance,
Said, "With fellers I don't stand a chance;
Not one of them flirts
When I wear Mini-skirts;
I'll have to try wearing hot-pants!"
--- Leslie Crowther

You're looking for your old jock,
The one I found down by the dock?
Your fashion sense lacking,
I sent them packing,
They simply don't go with your frock!
--- Anon

A couturier from Haverford-West,
Has designed an ankle-length vest.
She says, "It's got holes
For respectable souls
Who can only have sex when they're dressed.
--- E O Parrot

"So do I look fat in this dress?"
No answer to that one, I guess.
I should tell the truth,
But I learned in my youth
That a mumble is better than "Yes!"
--- Peter Wilkins

There's an answer that surely will soften
The ire of a wife, without coughin'.
With an air of regard,
As though I thought hard,
I would say, "You should wear it more often."
--- Liam na Beag

A lass named Becky from 'Bama
Wore her lovers' old shirts as pajamas.
They were comfy, not tight;
Their smell was just right,
And her dreams were real mamajammers!
--- Richard Wall

Miss Fair Frigidaire was divine,
Dressed in snowflakes so crispy and fine.
You would spot it was her
By her natural fur,
And the icicles right down her spine.
--- Carl Ludvig P0207

There was a merchant named Walker,
Who was a maternity store stocker.
To pregnant women he'd sell
But his friends gave him hell,
When they called him just a mother-frocker.
--- James Murray

There was a young girl of Darjeeling
Who used to stand up on the ceiling,
So her long evening gown
From her waistline hung down--
We all thought it most sex appealing.
--- G2308