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For preachers, commandments are waived. Colonel Sanders would roll in his grave; A pious old preacher named Dockery A heaven-bound preacher named Pridgeon, There was an old preacher named Jock, A preacher who taught expiation A Preacher, whose fears for humanity The preacher, my soul will protect A whore working down in Montgomery A preacher who lived in Bangkok Said the preacher to prospector Lee, The preacher, young Reverend McNee, A young bible-thumper named Kees A big-hearted preacher was Locke; An itinerant preacher in tweeds In the 1820's, a preacher, Now this preacher's name I don't know, Those history books now cast a screen, And later the people were shocked, A presbyter, preaching in Perth, There was an old harlot named Foster A preacher, suspected as gay, There was a young fellow named Beecher, A fire-eating preacher named Rust He spoke on their need for amending An old Texas preacher called Zeke There one was a preacher named Blind The preacher, word-monger superb, A slothful preacher in Bangor I ain't aimin' here for impeachin' A Methodist preacher called Leslie A preacher, expounding on "sin", A preacher, the folks say down South, There once was an orthodox preacher "As the things which are Caesar's and pelf (spondulix - small coins)
Said the preacher, "I've ne'er heard complaint Not blessed with a sweet disposition, Says a priest as invective he hurls, "You are old, Father William, and so There was a young priest from Gibralter, There was a young fellow named Brechtly This priest's problem's elephantiasis, Can't comment on being a Pere, There once was a boring Irish priest, Father Patrick advised Molly Dunn A very chaste priest, says report, A priest and a nun on a date. A cure from Boulogne-sur-mer, To a child who tossed rocks at a rood, A priest, bent on brightening coal-mining A priest with no sense of propriety Said Episcopal Priest Thomas Ware A lady Episcopal priest A young priest at prayer was DISTRAIT, My aunt's poor old heart ceased to function. There was a fat priest from St. Giles, A soldier who came from the coast A pious old priest name of Mickel A priest they called Monsignor Bass, There once was a priest, Father Nin, A poor priest of Venice in Italy A moral young girl from the East The chemists are working like beasts, The priest lives a good life on earth As he preached on St. Peter's epistle, Abstention would mean to a priest There once was a priest, Fr. Connelly,
The good lord provides what is craved.
A preacher understands
The laying of hands,
And that's how Jemimah got saved.
--- Dennis Taylor
Finger lickin's for chicken, you knave!
The sister was loose
With her pussy juice,
And that preacher just couldn't behave.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Put sanctified water in crockery;
Then he sprinkled the floor
Where he screwed an old whore;
Thus of her profession made mockery.
--- Al Chaplin 3024-1004
For sex didn't care worth a smidgeon.
But when one of his flock
Grabbed ahold of his cock,
He moaned, "It's more fun than religion!"
--- Armand Singer
The best that they ever did clock.
He was so slick and fast
That the nuns were aghast;
He wore nothing at all 'neath his frock.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1044
Was arrested for fact fabrication.
"Pay for sin with your cash,
Not with sackcloth and ash."
But the IRS claimed his Salvation.
--- Lois Burgner T9712
Overshadowed his native urbanity,
Said, "Beloved fellow creatures!
Your damned moral features
Have forced from me words of profanity!"
--- Thomas Thorneley
As my morals he seeks to correct.
As clean living he preaches,
In my trousers he reaches
To be certain my prick's not erect.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1075
Said, "Preachers bore me with their mummery.
Once given the chance,
They are into your pants,
And forget all their sanctified flummery."
--- G1136
Had an adjustable cock.
This remarkable feature
Enabled this preacher
To satisfy all of his flock.
--- G1087
"You're a sinner, it's quite plain to see.
For your own good, I vow,
I will save your soul now,
But your ass, I will save it for me."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1051
Was horny and sly as could be.
He depantsed Miss Block,
Inserted his cock,
Which he told her was just heaven's key.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Brought many a gal to her knees.
'Tis said that this culprit
Could preach from the pulpit,
While giving their buttocks a squeeze.
--- Anon
He won the respect of his flock.
If a lady discreet
Let him suck on her teat,
She could suck on the knob of his cock.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1054
Was converting a woman in Leeds;
He converted her purse
And her silver, and worse,
He left her in nothing but beads.
--- Lims Unlimited
Said, "Oh children of God, I beseech yer.
The Lord's will is surgin';
Please find me a virgin,
Or preferably seven sweet creatures.
--- Tiddy Ogg
But the history books say 'tis so.
The amazin' thing be,
He got all, four plus three,
And all did quite happily go.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Over what happened next, but I mean
To say, were it me,
With that quim, young and free
From the pox, 'twould be truly obscene.
--- Tiddy Ogg
And a crowd to the bishop then flocked.
So that cunning old prick
Out of office was kicked;
Like the girls, he quite soon was unfrocked.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Said, "Sinners abound on this earth."
So, straight after dinner,
He sought out a sinner--
And wantoned for all he was worth.
--- Harold C Bibby
Who searched for the preacher who crossed her.
She requested he pay,
But his answer was, "Nay,
As a whore you were just an impostor."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1021
Was caught in the barn, in the hay,
In a deacon's embrace,
With a smile on his face,
And their trousers pulled down, all the way.
--- Cap'n Bean
With thoughts of becoming a teacher.
After going around
With all harlots, he found
It was fitting he should be a preacher.
--- Albin Chaplin a
Claimed biblical precepts a must.
He would thunder each week;
Against sins he'd critique,
Like "asses to asses" or "Bust Lust to Bust."
--- Armand Singer
Their ways, till he heard cheers ascending.
But all that applause --
It's immediate cause
Was a pause they'd mistook for an ending.
--- Laurence Perrine P8503
At length taught his asshole to speak!
Oft' times it was liable
To quote from the bible,
But chili would make the thing shriek!
--- Anon
Who preached out of all time and mind.
His poor congregation
To prevent constipation
Put firecrackers up his behind.
--- Anon
Is expert in double-talk verb.
He's the cunning confuser
And the able abuser,
And the devious dispenser of blurb.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024 P9308
Delivered his sermons with languor.
He'd no sooner get started
That the people departed,
In rather more sorrow than anger.
--- Casey Renn P8702
The woman or man who does preachin'.
But yellin' and sighin'
Sounds just like that flyin'
Old buzzard up yonder there screechin'!
--- Anon
Discovered a phrase in John Wesley,
"The rock of the church".
Now Sundays he'll lurch
In the pulpit to music of Presley!
--- Prof M-G
Made his point again and again...
"Twas easy to tell
He had prepared well,
But forgot to bring his "amen".
--- Observer
Is a man who in good times and drought,
Makes more than enough
Of that green folding stuff,
By using no more than his mouth.
--- A N Wilkins P8706
This is file uhm
Who fancied himself the best teacher.
His was the technique,
Negative and oblique,
To scare Hell out of every creature.
--- Don Ping
Are affairs," said a preacher from Guelph,
"Which have no attraction
For the Lord, my reaction
Is to keep the spondulix myself."
--- A N Wilkins P8706
'Bout your wife; she was a true saint!"
Asked widower John,
"Do you think that she's gone
To the place where I know that she ain't?"
--- Observer
Young Alex seemed doomed to perdition,
Till one day by chance,
His priest's furtive glance,
Gave rise to an act of contrition.
--- Paul M Hoffman
And his upper lip angrily curls:
"Pervert priests who are gay
Must be sent on their way.
And why can't we have altar girls?"
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0206
How is it, I'd sure like to know,
How these girls you attract?"
"Young man, it's a fact,
In my pockets they find lots of dough."
--- Anon
On his record, he was a defaulter.
Picked up once or twice
For events that weren't nice,
Not the man you'd expect with a psalter.
--- Arthur Pattaffy
Who said to the preacher, abjectly,
"Your blessing won't cure."
But the priest said, "I'm sure
It would work if you used it correctly."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0988
Compounded with near satyriasis;
While entoning high mass,
He bares his huge ass --
A scandal for most of the diocese.
--- Armand Singer
A calling that I do not share.
But as for the clap
And some STD crap,
Well, did her, done that and been there.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Whose sermons one felt never ceased.
His hearers, en masse,
Got fatigued to the ass,
And slept through the most sacred Feast.
--- Linda Marsh Coll
How the rearing of kids should be done.
Molly said, "God in heaven!
He tells me, with my seven,
The good priest, Father Pat, with his none!"
--- William N Nesbit P0206
Though leering at nuns might resort,
According to buzz,
ANOMALY was
Remaining the celibate sort.
--- Chris Papa
Just after they frugally ate,
Unlike you and I
Will just say "Goodbye",
Translated to "Let's celibate."
--- Irving Superior P9312
Threw the collection up into the air.
"What stays up is for Thee;
What comes down is for me,"
He said, "Don't you think, Lord, that's fair?"
--- Charles Connel P0311
Said a priest, "Your behavior was rude,
And without expiation,
You will pay with damnation --
Your rock-tossing eternally rued."
--- John Sandler P9112
Tried some underground fashion-designing.
The hard helmet, for balance,
Would now carry a valence,
With gold tassels and splendid silk lining.
--- X Rowland Burnham P8512
Had odd ways of expressing his piety.
Holy wine much he drank,
To his knees he then sank,
Sacrificing to God, his sobriety.
--- Kathleen A Martin P8301
To his young convert, Mary Beth Lair,
"Come, join right in the midst
Of our next Eucharist."
She said, "You mean you play Euchre there?"
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0501
Spiked her masses with spice and with yeast.
This fool for her God
Thought it not at all odd
To say, "Soup's On! Let's all keep the feast!"
--- Robin K Willoughby P8707
Because on the previous day,
He started obsession
From bold confession,
Which detailed exciting foreplay.
--- Chris Papa
"Father Heep..." was her final injunction...
I said to that priest,
A cold smarmy beast,
"Bit extreme, is it not, all this unction?"
--- Raceway
Who was much too wide for the aisles.
Passing to and from Mass,
The pews pinched his ass,
And gave him a bad case of piles.
--- G1156
Of prowess in fighting did boast.
He feared no man or beast
Except bishop or priest,
For the man who feared God, he feared most.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1998
With finger did beckon Miss Schickel.
She obeyed his command
But he got out of hand,
And the finger of faith turned out fickle.
--- Albin Chaplin
Had hurriedly dressed to say mass,
So his robe came untied
And the organist cried,
When the priest flashed the choir his ass.
--- Bob Birch
Who was frequently seen with a grin.
The reason was clear,
He did not like beer,
But was fond of his vodka and gin.
--- Nat Rudolf
Grieves the state that his den is in bitterly.
All four walls are nude,
Like his thoughts, oh so crude,
But he can't display any sin liter'ly.
--- Ola Strom P8911
Rejected a cunt-struck young beast.
She'd avoid an affair
And her cross she did bear
Till her fuck-hole was blest by the priest.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1335
Fomenting solutions like yeasts,
To make sprays for the bugs,
Politicans and thugs,
And a spray to get rid of all priests.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0972
While providing a heavenly berth
At a price. For his flock,
They grow thin as a stalk,
While his belly increases in girth.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1008
A slumberer made the priest bristle.
The dreamer was floored
As soon as he snored,
Struck down by the priest's guided Missal.
--- LIM-R-IDDLES P8411
That all of his hormones had ceased.
And if there's a yen
To see it again,
No use if he sprinkle with yeast.
--- Irving Superior P9708
Who thought it a curious anomaly
When he got an erection
From a nun's genuflection,
Which twitched about, right through his homily.
--- John Miller
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