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Father Simon spied Sister LaMore, There once was a priest of Gibraltar, As offkey, the priest sang Introit. A celibate priest name of Teeple, An elderly priest, Father Vaughan, An old Lithuanian priest There was a young priest of Dun Leary, A fine man was Father McDougal, The priest said, "I don't find amusing Said the priest to St. Peter "I knew, "Oh lift up thine eyes to the Lord!" A priest from Rhode Island named Kirk, Insisted a priest from St. Lou, A priest with a sacred appointment A priest in old Donegal Now just step inside, 'hind the curtain. "I've given up nuns for a while," Said the priest to the harlot, O'Keefe, The accountant was telling the pope, Father Edmund's good honor was tainted, The pious old priest of St. Moak, Went out with a new man last week; A priest of persuasion Hebraical A novice young priest, fresh and green, A Catholic priest, Father Baer, (offering to a church to fulfill a vow)
A horny young lecher from Eastleigh, Said the playful young priest name of Babbitt, To the fit and trim priest, Father Wise, Bewails our old priest, Father Cass, There was a young priest name Delaney (Nota bene - this is important)
Sir Edward, we ne'er thought you'd fail us, (Cork exibition 1903 refused excess glass to Capuchians)
There were twenty-two passengers crammed Said a wise old padre from Cape Cod, A priest who got up with the dawn A Shinto priest out in Japan A priest who sniffed panties, named West, There was a young priest name of Weltham, A month, and you've not been to Bess? There was an old man from the East It was painful when Father McGass "Too much," said the priest from the mission, The transvestite priests of Port Fairy, An immigrant churchgoer, Herman, That hot-blooded priest, Father Dunn, The monsignor told his nemesis, The priest told a lad to divest of it. A woman got very upset To the church went a poor ragged maid Padre, why do you loath lust? There once was a pious young priest, Altar girls now help priests to save souls. There's a priest, quite perverse, in Tangier I know a young priest of Mayence A modern monk nicknamed Augustin, The old Padre can offer you hope Father Donnelly lay on the grass, There was a wee bonnie young lass, A choirboy who came from the East, The infamous Countess de Beers Father Tommy is bound for perdition; Your typical priest, Bishop Jonas: There once was a jolly old priest (A-rat-a-tat tat.) "Hello, Pope!" "You're pimping for lira? I'm shocked." "But why masquerade as a nun?" When it comes to a boy at the altar
Who was gorgeous and just twenty-four,
As her habit, she doffed
From her body so soft,
And his bible fell straight to the floor.
--- Cap'n Bean
Who wrote dirty jokes in his psalter.
An inhibited nun,
Who had read every one,
Made a vow to be laid on his altar.
--- L0549
At his first springtime mass in Detroit.
Lightning crashed through the pew,
And a couple, mid-screw:
God blasting them for their exploit.
--- G1117
Harangued against sex from the steeple.
But he was arbitrary,
He resigned and did marry,
So that he could be just like lay people.
--- Albin Chaplin
Knew not what to do with his horn;
Though he could not show it,
He longed so to blow it,
Along to the tune of soft porn.
--- Anon
Was endowed with some sugar and yeast.
When the barley was grown,
He had hop(e)s of his own,
So the spirit got high for a feast.
--- Carl Ludvig Kjelsen P9506
Who stood on his head in the Kyrie.
When people asked why,
He said in reply,
"It's the latest liturgical theory."
--- Anon
Humble, mild, ever so frugal.
In his noble search
To save funds for the church,
He acquired free child porn through Google.
--- Phil T
This Playboy magazine I'm perusing.
I sure can see
It's not for me.
No more sex but I still love boozing."
--- Tom Patton P9708
I could perform a great service for you.
Come stand by this gate,
And we'll both masturbate.
'Til the gate regains its pearly hue."
--- Anon
Cried the priest from his misericord.
While they worshipped and prayed,
With his knob-end he played,
As he dreamed of his housekeeper Maude.)
--- Anon
Had a crass and unusual quirk:
The duration of Lent,
Wherever he went,
The most he would wear was a smirk.
--- Cap'n Bean P0310
"Now something you simply don't do,
Such as suck a pig's cock,
Put your wife's jewels in hock,
Or jack yourself off in a pew."
--- Armand E Singer 689
Was arrested for skipping anointment.
'Twas not being greased
That bothered the priest,
So much as a fly in the ointment.
--- Cyber Geezer
Said, "Oh no, not at all, not at all."
Now that's all he said
Till the day he was dead.
He thought he was having a ball.
--- Michael Palin
You're perfectly safe, I am certain.
My motives are pure,
And you can be sure
For women, I'm really not hurtin'.
--- Frank Fazed
Said Father O'Toole with a smile
Of wistfulness. "Why?
'Cause they're fitter than I,
And they run like the wind up the aisle."
--- Peter Wilkins
"Your response to the faith is too brief."
She said, "By comparison,
A big well-hung Saracen
Would do more to enhance my belief."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1622
Finances were far beyond hope.
"Since the recent lawsuits
Over priests who were fruits,
We buy far too much soap on a rope"
--- Jim Weaver Collection a
In displaying the nudes he had painted;
Elder Sister McTwit
Had an absolute fit,
And the Bishop Bartholomew fainted.
--- Cap'n Bean
Damnation and hell did evoke
On the sinners that whored
And broke faith with the Lord;
He went off in his pants as he spoke.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1083
It turned out that he was a freak.
Had eight hands -- at least,
And he was a priest!
Next time I'll hold out for a geek.
--- Anon
Indulged in activities laical,
Which could cost him his place
In the heavenly race,
But earthbound proved paradisiacal.
--- Armand Singer
Was entranced by perversions obscene.
All manner of thuggery,
Rape, theft, and buggery,
Were taught by his Holiness the Dean.
--- Anon
Displayed, with a pride all too rare,
His precious ex-voto,
And autographed photo
Of Christ in his long underwear.
--- Armand E Singer 410
Whose life style we all must call beastly,
Left girlfriends bereft,
With whom he had slept,
Which pissed off the overly priestly.
--- Armand Singer
"If I toss you the ball, will you grab it?"
Said the nun with a smile,
"I will play for a while,
If you do not get into the habit."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0969
It was told, "Your physique is a prize.
Pray, how do you do it?"
"There's no praying to it,"
He replied, "It's all exorcise."
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P9408
Who hurts so bad, he can't say Mass.
"My painful psoriasis
The talk of the diocese,
Is worse that a case of sore ass."
--- Armand E Singer 862
Who said to the girls, "Nota bene,
I've seen how you swish up
Your skirts at the bishop,
Whenever the weather is rainy."
--- Oliver Gogarty L1408
But your action is not going to rail us.
You may keep your ould glass;
Stick it up in your ass;
Yours faithfully, Father Fideles.
--- Myler Magrath P0310
On the boat when the flood water slammed
It from West unto East
With such force that a priest
Cried out, "May this river be damned!"
--- Laurence Perrine P8802
"That the function laid on us by God
To ensure human birth
Should be subject of mirth,
Is surely exceedingly odd."
--- G2286
This is file ugm
Saw a lass near a church in Gougane,
'Excuse me, dear Miss,
It's sinful to piss,
On the sacred and blessed green lawn.'
--- Myler Magrath P8605
Has a horrible sexual plan:
His soul burns and festers
For the ghosts of ancestors,
And he writes all their names in the can.
--- G1119
His obsession defended with zest.
This pursuit, he did claim,
Although not the best game,
Yet in truth it was next to the best.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1113
Who wouldn't fuck girls, but he felt 'em.
In the pews he would linger,
And play at stink finger,
And scream with delight when he smelt 'em.
--- L0545
And sheep you molest even less?
You must be a priest;
Like all your boys greased --
Then go to the Pope to confess.
--- Anon
Who prayed at the holy day feast:
When the last King's tongue dangled
After he had been strangled
With the robes of the very last priest.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024 P9005
Interrupted his fart during mass.
But he won the good fight!
And the text for the night?
"Be not troubled, for this too shall pass."
--- William N Nesbit P9605
"For viewing the cunt exhibition."
So he looked with dejection
At his asshole reflection,
And he thus saved the price of admission.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1062
Have parties with nuns in their dairy;
Where after confessions
Fulfill their obsessions,
To eat, and to drink, and be Mary.
--- David Miller
Did not understand Father's sermon,
As he sat on the bench,
Because Father spoke French,
And poor Herman spoke nothing but German.
--- Cap'n Bean P0206
Enamored with a comely nun,
Doffed alb after chasuble
But found her impassable --
"A virgin," he panted, "She's won!"
--- Armand E Singer 750
A most shapely seductive young miss,
"You wish me to besmirch
My vow to Mother Church.
That's my premise on the premises."
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P9708
He said, "You must tell all the rest of it."
So the young lad did blurt
How he fucked Dirty Gert.
He felt good when he made a clean breast of it.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0113
When, kneeling, she tore her corset.
In the middle of Mass
The priest saw her ass,
And prayed he would never forget.
--- Lims For Year - 01
And knelt at the altar and prayed,
Without realizing
A priest scrutinizing
A spot where her panties were frayed.
--- Bob Giandomenico P8802
Do not turn away in disgust!
Had not your own mother
Lusted for your father,
You would not have been born, I trust.
--- Phil T
Who lived almost wholly on yeast.
"For," he said "it's plain
We must rise again,
And I wanted to get started, at least."
--- Anon
Lighting candles at Mass are new roles.
Pederasty (don't laugh)
Will now be cut in half,
For the priest has the choice of two holes.
--- Al Chaplin P9405a
Who is fond of an Arab boy's rear.
Though it surely would shock
All the folks in his flock,
Ecumenically speaking, he's queer.
--- G1163
Whose pecker is simply immense.
He's unable to fuck
Unless by good luck
The brothers have extra-large vents.
--- G1134
His penis a boy's bottom thrust in.
Then said Father Ignatius,
"Now really! Good gracious!
You conduct is really disgustin'."
--- G0532
And your todger won't need any dope;
He can set up his showers
A sweet scent of flowers,
But he'll want you to play 'Drop the Soap'
--- Allen Wolverton Q
With a dornicker probing his ass.
When the fellow proved slow,
He said, "Look, come and go;
For I've got to get back and say Mass."
--- G1114
A pure fresh-cheeked girl from Belfast,
Liked to kneel down to pray
With Father O'Day,
Who'd put his shillelagh up her ass!
--- Curelty Jones T9710
Was screwed by a dissolute priest.
We have to admit
That caused holy shit,
And his ass-hole size greatly increased.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0206
Got mixed up with Cuban priest queers;
With the aid of a dildo
In a secret cabildo,
She forthwith deflowered their rears.
--- Armand E Singer 157
In his parish he formed this tradition.
He forces his lance
In the choir boys' pants,
While they pray in Islamic position.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0211
He thinks he's the Catholic Adonis;
His pride and his joy:
A succulent boy,
Plus a lecherous nun as a bonus.
--- Armand Singer P0207
Who was hornier than a wild beast.
The sins of his mind
Into some lads behind,
Were often from his soul released.
--- Phil Jeux
"It's Sister Patricia, you dope."
"It isn't at all."
"Well OK then, I'm Paul
And I'm broke and afraid I can't cope."
--- Anon
"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have knocked."
"But why are you nude,
You Italian pseud?"
"I've been villified
--- Anon
"My mind has unravelled, my son;
I thought .." "Never mind
What you thought; get behind
Me!" (At that he went off at a run.)
--- Anon
Good clergymen stumble and falter--
Yes a priest will ditch mass
For a piece of male ass--
But a nun? Why, he'd never assault 'er!
--- Brian Belge
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