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A fellow once lived in the sticks, One time, while attempting to screw The result of this multiple screwing The result, I am sad to relate The upshot of this shooting is clear: There was a young man from Hong Kong, A careless young fellow from Hobbs Abe Quaker was put in the stocks There was a young man from Purdue There once was a fellow named Rick, A notorious freak "Double Dunn" That guy who's been peeking in windows Said the two-peckered goon to Miss Kelly, There was a young man from Ypers, (Were the envy of all the bagpipers.)
A musicienne in gay Montebello, Great grandfather had a large cock, They say that Galeazzo Ciano A marine out on guard in Beirut, There was a young man of Canute, "My date was this guy who likes Bach, There was a young fellow named Peek A flutist who came from Iraq A native on the isle of Penang Last night as I fondled my wand, There was a musician named Keitel A yogi who came from Beirut, There once was a man with a cock A chap down in old Oklahoma, Once a blonde got a mailing obscene, If one's floppy is three inch and a half, "Oh Calcutta" bombed out at the Palace This modest old chap from Helsinki A skinny old maid from Verdun, There was a young lad from Fort Worth There was a gay parson named Thwart, (Published 1879)
When the judge, with his wife having sport, There was a young eunuch from Tonga, There's a wood near the fair Castlefreke I got this from the fellow what own it: There was a young fellow named Hope There once was a man with a dick It may seem to be quite a strange notion; When his prehensile pecker would quiver, Well mine doesn't hang to the ground; Wow! Twenty-two inches leaves lock-jaw! Out in El Paso Del Norte, "All right, you bastards!" cried Norton, I think it's quite plain to see Hyperbole makes a fine jest, There was an old man from the crump, There was a young man from Westphalia Don't worry if measurements fail (from the asshole out - McW)
There once was a bridegroom named Rex There was a young man of Lahore, There was a young fellow named Morton A good-looking fellow was Tim; "Ho, ho!" Said his mates, "He's a faggot." I've more polyurethane sheets; The strong copulative attractions Confessed that good fellow named Tim, The liquifous oozy explosion In the lab a young lady of Brest My husband, thank God, is kaput; From most of the wenches you've stuck, There once was a midget called Shriver, An Amazon living in Chad, (That's the smallest prick I've ever had.)
Who was born with three separate pricks.
He could not, though no dunce,
Get off all three at once,
Though he tried to with many young chicks.
--- John Miller
Three girls at a time, he withdrew
From the one in the center,
While starting to enter
The pussies of girls three and two.
--- John Miller
Was confusion that proved his undoing.
Between coming and going,
He ended not knowing
What each of his three tools was doing.
--- John Miller
Was withdrawal from all three too late.
Each shot found its mark,
Up inside where it's dark.
Which came first, though, is up for debate.
--- John Miller
Two girls and a son he holds dear.
But what fate had in stock
For each girl was a shock:
Three pussies, two front and one rear!
--- John Miller
Who had a trifurcated prong.
A small one for sucking,
A large one for fucking,
And a honey for beating a gong.
--- L0174
Was blessed with a couple of knobs;
And with two girls each lay,
It is proper to say
That he risked being caught on the jobs.
--- Hugh Oliver A082B
Because he did something that shocks:
He walked nude to Schuster
While toting his rooster;
Against the law for having two cocks.
--- Travis Brasell
Who had not just one dick, but two.
He'd fuck two girls at once;
And two dicks in two cunts
Gives a really phenomenal screw.
--- G0427
Renowned for his two-headed prick.
He found comfort in bed
While stroking one head,
And arranging the other to lick!
--- Rick H
Was born with two organs of fun.
While maneuvering in bed
With his lover he said,
"Two heads are much better than one!"
--- Derry Down Derry P8701
In our neighborhood, knows that sin goes
On here all the time.
He mimics in mime,
Just so he can show off his twin hose.
--- Anon
"I'm sorry my fucking's so smelly.
But to put it quite blunt,
With you with one cunt,
My other cock blows on your belly.
--- G0372
Who was shot in the prick by some snipers.
The tunes that he played
Through the holes that were made,
Beat the Argyll and Sutherland Pipers.
--- L0763
Amused herself playing the 'cello.
But not a solo,
For she used as a bow,
The dong of a sturdy young fellow.
--- L1489
Like a pendulum hung on a clock.
It went toc, it went tic,
This thick clicking prick,
And each time it chimed -- what a shock!
--- Franbo
Plays Bach with his cock on the piano.
If he does, it's the most
Fascist culture can boast,
In this day of dominae anno.
--- P8202
Played his penis one night like a flute.
Till up came a sad eunuch,
Who lifted his tunic,
And said, "Sir, my instrument's mute."
--- L1143
Who was troubled with warts on his root.
He put acid on these,
And now, when he pees,
He can finger his root like a flute.
--- L1142
I'll tell you," said Jean, "What a schlock,
He uses for plucking,
What should be for fucking,
You see, he's the man from Starved Rock."
--- Ed Potts P8507
Whose pecker had learned how to speak.
When it screamed in the cavern
Of the maid from the tavern,
It echoed the best part of a week.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0571a
Drilled holes like a flute in his cock,
And the ladies were thrilled
When he tooted and trilled
A concerto by Mozart or Bach.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0483
Had a somewhat musical whang.
When taut for a fuck,
He'd give it a pluck,
And produce a melodious twang.
--- Thomas G Keller P9411
I could swear that it lay back and yawned.
"Not tonight, dear,
I've a headache, you hear?"
(You'd think it not redhead but blond!)
--- Anon
Whose pecker learned words that were vital.
It proposed to a twat,
Which responded, "Why not?"
And engaged in an organ recital.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0499
For women he cared not a hoot.
But he'd get an erection
Which would stand to perfection,
When a snake charmer played on his flute.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0397
That had its own mind and could talk.
When asked for the time,
His trousers would chime,
Dear girl, time to lift up that frock!
--- H Welchel
Had a cock that could sing 'La Paloma'.
But the sweetmess of pitch,
Couldn't put off the hitch,
Of impotence, size, and aroma.
--- L0207
Which she printed off from a machine.
When advised, "Make a copy
On a 3.5 floppy,
She thought that it was a male pene.
--- Anon
It is sure that one cannot but laugh.
Should be five point two five,
And grand sakes alive,
There should be standards for one's staff.
--- Anon
Because the singer-actor from Dallas,
Although great in the lead,
Did display one dire need.
He was seen to be short in the phallus.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0512Q
Had a dick the size of a pinky.
But whenever the dolls
Discovered his balls,
They screamed in terror, "That's Kinky!"
--- Grettir the Dong
Wed a short-peckered son-of-a-gun.
She said, "I don't care,
If there isn't much there,
God knows it is better than none."
--- L0905
This is file twl
Whose dick was the cause of great mirth.
They measured his dong;
It was half an inch long.
But was ten and a quarter in girth
--- Peter Wilkins
Whose prick, although thick, was quite short.
To make up for this loss, (But the dome of St Pauls)
He had balls like a horse, (Wouldn't cover his balls,)
And he never spent less that a quart.
--- G0332
Proved suddenly two inches short,
The good woman declined,
And the judge had her fined,
By proving contempt of the court.
--- Anon L1542
Who made up a dance called the Conga.
After dancing all day, (Said the queen, "This here dance)
He heard the Queen say, (Stirs the ants in my pants, But)
"I do wish your conga were longer."
--- G0470
Where short-taken gents sometimes leak.
If you've been well brought up,
And are not a pup,
Of the strange things you'll see, you'll not speak.
--- Linda Marsh Coll
He declared that he boasted one mo' nut
Than most people sport,
But was terribly short,
In the part you might stick through a doughnut.
--- L1611
Who never with women could cope.
They would laugh and would snort,
That somewhere he was short,
And he was at the end of his rope.
--- Albin Chaplin
That was two inches long but real thick.
What was lacking in measure,
He made up for in pleasure,
When the girls realized it could lick.
--- MrMalo
It would roll like a wave on the occean.
Two inches erect
With a rippling effect,
In a most pleasing up and down motion.
--- MrMalo
It would set any lady a-shiver.
(And I mean that literally,
Stimulating her clitorally;
All that without poking her liver!)
--- MrMalo
Just 2 inches long when unbound.
That don't sound like a lot
But what gets the girls hot
Is its twenty-two inches around!
--- Anon
Must leave those girls staring in awe.
Bet they squeeze their rear ends
And they go tell their friends,
"Girl, you must come and see now what I saw."
--- Anon
People are informal and sporty.
If you greet a girl, "Hi Lucy,"
(Referring to her coosie)
She will often reply, "Hi, Shorty."
--- Ed Wolfert P8405a
"Of the people's choice there'll be no thwartin'.
My opponent may be
A true statesman--not me!--
But his pecker is surely a short'un!"
--- G2713
You're addicted to hyperbole.
So when you say your dong
Is more than a foot long,
I figure four inches, maybe!
--- Kaylin
So when I hear some bloke attest
That thirty centimeters
Is the length of his peter,
I figure four inches, at best!
--- Kaylin
Had no dick, just a bit of a stump.
His girlfriend (an Aussie),
Said " My God, its Quassie; (Quasimodo)
You're always giving me the hump".
--- Anon
Who dressed in uncommon regalia.
In this plain fairy tale
He did fail as a male;
He was lacking in paraphernalia.
--- Albin Chaplin
To give boast to the size of your male.
You just need to realize
Your measurements gain size,
If you'd measure it like a cat's tail
--- Anon
Who revealed a short organ of sex.
His bride can't resort
To a domestic court,
For 'de minimis non curat lex'.
--- Anon
Whose prick was one inch and no more.
It was all right for key holes
And little girls' pee holes,
But not worth a damn with a whore.
--- L0183
Who went with his girl out a-courtin'.
Then they both got undressed
But she was not impressed,
"There is something," she said, "that you're short in."
--- Albin Chaplin
He played football; worked out in the gym,
And attracted the best
Looking girls in the West,
But denied any interest in quim.
--- Anon
"No, no!" Said young Tim, "There's a snag. It
Appears that my dong
(Only half-an-inch long)
Scares the girls who believe it's a maggot."
--- Anon
You will need 'em to cover your seats,
And your sofa and bed
When you're giving her head,
Or expressing the milk from her teats.
--- Anon
Induce the insert and retractions,
And the requisite spasms
Preceding orgasms,
The intended result of such actions.
--- Anon
"It's not only short but quite slim.
Unlike Sir Nantucket,
I truly can fuck it,
Unless my date's hat has a brim."
--- Anon A
Effusively lubing the motion
Of puds and pudendas,
Effectively rendas
A cuntriffic cockliscious lotion.
--- Anon
Took a full inch of cock in a test.
In a minute or two
She exclaimed, "That will do!
Now provide me the rest with some zest!"
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1969
At love making he was "nicht gut".
Three inches ain't kind;
A man now I'll find
Whose penis length's nearer a foot.
--- Anon
We've learned that each inch cost a buck;
They also have shared
How once you despaired,
When a three dollar whore said, "Good luck!"
--- Anon
Who only paid whores with a fiver.
But it wasn't his height
That made this price right,
He just had a two-inch pile driver.
--- Laurence Craft
Was wooed by a primitive lad.
She said, "Though you dig me,
My God! You're a pygmy.
Could you lengthen your pole just a tad."
--- Giandomeni & Christ P8908
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