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It was a diocesan meeting, The bishop, alas, was still missing. There next came a ring at the bell; "And before that you all start to snicker, Miss Bliss left her pew in a trice, Said the Bishop, eyes wary and shrewd, At this she urged, "Come, do make haste Smiled the Bishop, "In all piety, Into Hell the devil goes. The bishop was forthright and frank. The bishop's high hormone titre The wages of sin were paid It commenced with St. Peter, we see, Know that the bishop is sleek, I heard the sexton's blarney. There was an old Bishop of Shad So the Bishop was sent off to Limbo: Twelve Cardinals went off to Rome, Cody's mistress took steps we should mention (Cardinal Cody diverted church funds to mistress Feb 1982)
Said the cardinal, under persuasion, The priest, a cocksucker named Sheen, A cardinal living in Rome, The world, no doubt, finds it dismaying When the conclave was over, one soul I don't want to sound onery and snippy, The pious old Cardinal Rory The bishops were tighter than sin, "Hey! Bring me a stretcher; It's Juan. It's Hellfire and Brimstone for you!" Said the Cardinal to Mother Superior, A Boston Cardinal named Law Says the Reverend Cardinal Law: His Holiness Cardinal Ted His Holiness Cardinal Ted, "I'm coming," cried Cardinal Joe. The sex act is losing its joys Says Cardinal Roger Mahoney: Consider the purpose of skin ... That lim I just wrote about skin ... An email again about skin; I've emailed poor Cardinal Sin A desperate email from Sin Oh woe is poor Cardinal Sin, No trace now of Cardinal Sin, The warning is clear in this verse, see? For Spellman they've gathered in throngs; The eminent Cardinal Royster There once was a bishop named Klee So you know that: When life seems to pour When you go to your choir audition, The Lutheran Church Choir in Grantham Young choir boys were one of the whims There was a concupiscent Chorister, (concupiscent - lustful, Ester = florist?? must have been)
Ah yes, I remember the choir, The head of the choir, Henry Mace, I, too, recall one solo singer, And then there was contralto Lucy, A friar with carnal desire A careless choir leader named Drew In the midst of an anthem of grace, Music purists say, "We won't recant. There was a young girl in the choir, Once I heard of some lovely choirboys; There once was a lady called Anna, A lusty young man of Savannah Father Doyle, he loves a fresh choirboy;
In the time well before central heating.
All the clergy were there,
And they each grabbed a chair,
'Round the fire they arranged this seating.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Outside, the rain down was pissing.
Said one rev to another:
"I wonder, my brother,
Which choirboy now he's a-kissing."
--- Tiddy Ogg
The bishop came in, and said "Well,
While you've been perspir-
ing in front of the fire,
I've been on a trip down to hell."
--- Tiddy Ogg
Apart from the free flow of liquor,
Which you do not get here,
'Twas similar, I fear.
Couldn't get near the fire for vicars."
--- Tiddy Ogg
"It's my turn for the Bishop, how nice!
Today I'm the winner!
His Worship for dinner,
And I've prepared something with spice."
--- Val Burns P0606
"I pray that your meat has been stewed,
With dumplings and wine?
It's a favourite of mine,
Which I like to partake in the nude."
--- Val Burns P0606
For I see there is no time to waste.
Wine indeed hits the spot
And my dumplings are hot,
And you'll have a fine vintage to taste."
--- Val Burns P0606
It sounds quite divine, I agree.
Earth and Heaven applaud
This great bounty. Oh Lord,
Bless us all (and especially me!)"
--- Val Burns P0606
Inside the cathedral close,
He reclaimed his gaiters
From the choirboy satyrs;
Then the Bishop arose.
--- Jim Jambor P9101
Never from evil he shrank.
Our voices we raise,
Exalt him in praise.
Why is it the bishop we spank?
--- Jim Jambor P9101
Made needful doses of nitre.
Now his life is neat,
His conduct discrete
With only a rare one-nighter.
--- Jim Jambor P9101
When the bishop ate the Apple and Played.
He strayed in the mews.
He strayed in the pews.
And thus he caught gaiter-aid.
--- Jim Jambor P9101
The Apostolic Papacy.
St. Peter, No!
Saltpetre, Yo!
The bishops need NaNO3.
--- Jim Jambor P9101
And in all maneuvers, oblique.
The pawns he will hassle,
Assault queens and castle,
And across the board, dressed, he can streak.
--- Jim Jambor P9101
It seems he was having a barney.
But the dawn's early light
Showed the bishop's upright.
'La Risurrezione della Carne!'
--- Jim Jambor P9101
Who was totally thoroughly had.
He stood before Peter
Who read off his meter,
And said, "You don't even make 'bad'."
--- Dennis M Hammes
Not even one virgin or bimbo.
His leg in a gimp,
His pecker was limp,
And his brains were scattered akimbo.
--- Dennis M Hammes
But Number Thirteen stayed at home.
He'd rather his bone
Was in kids near at home,
Then hunt for them over the foam.
--- Tiddy Ogg
To dispose of the bone of contention.
She explained in defense,
"Cody's holdings immense,
Means the Bishopric needs my attention."
--- Al Chaplin P9101
"I resent this unfounded invasion.
A mere shepherd--I keep
A close eye on God's sheep,
Though I may fuck a lamb on occasion."
--- Al Chaplin P9101
Is delighted his sins aren't seen.
"Though God sees through walls,"
Says Monsignor, "-- Oh! Balls!
This God stuff is simply a screen."
--- L0547
Had a renaissance bath in his home.
He could gaze at the nudes,
As he worked up his moods,
In emulsions of semen and foam.
--- L1330
That cardinals dismiss what Pope's saying.
Ignoring his dictums
To protect young victims,
The priests will continue their preying!
--- Anon
Asked two cardinals how, with that roll,
The deadlock was broken.
"Once the rivals had spoken,"
They answered, "We just took a Pole."
--- A N Wilkins P8908
But John Paul has gone strange and dippy.
He's named old George Pell
A new Cardinal,
In line to be made the Pope Skippy.
--- Archie
Seduced an old prostitute hoary
And devoid of all wit.
But he had to admit
She was good as the Pope in his glory.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1078
So Cardinal Horstof Berlin
Kept a jar 'neath his frock,
With some grease for his cock
And a shoe horn to ease himself in.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1087
He's been thrashed to a pulp by a nun."
Well I'm Cardinal Maim;
Inquisition's my game,
And have I got some stretchers, my son."
--- Peter
Thundered Cardinal Reginald Hugh.
"Ohmygod, how d'ya guess?"
Said the Pope in distress.
"Well there's jizm all over your shoe."
--- Anon
"Your singing is quite inferior!"
She, not to be crass,
Did show some real class
Said, "You can kiss my posterior!"
--- Duncan Cline
Had an unforgivable flaw.
He greeted pedophiles
With winks and with smiles,
Instead of a sock on the jaw.
--- Lyn Nofziger Lib Lim
"I forgive child molesters their flaw,
If their clerics of mine.
And I will not resign.
I sinned not; I just hid what I saw."
--- Peter Wilkins
Likes his altarboys naked, it's said.
In liturgical masses,
He'd fondle their asses
And give them communion head.
--- Peter Wilkins
This is file tsm
After mass for young Lily, it's said,
Took a shovel and spade 'n
Dug up the fair maiden
And screwed her to heaven instead.
--- Peter Wilkins
"Oh, Jesus!" said chambermaid Flo;
"But can't you withdraw
And spill seed on the floor?"
"No, I can't; that's a sin, don't you know."
--- Peter Wilkins
With the cardinals again making noise.
It's their firm intention
To outlaw contraception;
Priests don't need it when buggering boys.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0606
"This coverup charge is baloney.
The scandal's so shocking,
I'm all for defrocking,
Unless the accused is my crony."
--- Archie
It not only keeps everything in
But without it we might
Become water-logged, right?
And too soggy for cardinal sin.
--- Peter Wilkins
Well I've just had an email come in
From the Sisters of Hope,
Who've now worn out the Pope,
And would love to meet Cardinal Sin.
--- Peter Wilkins
But this time from Cardinal Sin.
He says he can't cope
With those Sisters of Hope,
Without copious measures of gin.
--- Peter Wilkins
With an offer of gallons of gin;
For those Sisters of Hope
Are so eager to grope
Him and really can't wait to begin.
--- Peter Wilkins
Who appears to have drunk all the gin,
And has taken to dope;
Says the Sisters of Hope
Have just told him to bare it and grin.
--- Peter Wilkins
For he'll age 60 years and grow thin,
As those Sisters of Hope
Pull his bell-rope and grope
Him or sit on his knob-end and spin.
--- Peter Wilkins
Save a lingering whiff of old gin
(Or quite possibly dope).
And a Sister of Hope
Of whom all that is left is her grin.
--- Peter Wilkins
The Sisters of Hope have no mercy.
They're viciously rough
And they can't get enough;
So watch out if you value your percy.
--- Peter Wilkins
He's gone to the place he belongs.
If we scale all the heights,
We can't hold enough rites
To atone for his dastardly wrongs.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1098
Seduced an old nun in the cloister.
He said, `'Lord bless my soul,
I have struck a dry hole;
Why, the assholes of popes are much moister.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1079
Who prayed that a cardinal he'd be.
His prayers coming true,
To Italy he flew
And shat upon the Holy See.
--- Irving Superior P9101a
On your head, a whole truckload manure,
So your struggle to breathe
But the blows you receive
Seem to hard for to bear and endure...
--- Anon
Sing the songs in your bestest rendition:
You're now facing subtraction
If high notes your voice cracks on --
Which is why it is called an a[u]ddition!
--- Anon
Will be selling our National Anthem;
If the notes are too high
For the hearers to buy,
The choir's been advised to 'descant' them.
--- Travis Brasell
Of a gay choir master named Simms,
And being a sissy,
His habits were prissy,
So his organ he'd clean between hims.
--- Bob Giandomenico P9111
Who one day deflowered a florist. Ere
Away he could walk,
She snipped off his stalk --
And thenceforth he came to abhor Ester.
--- Harold C Bibby
That sang 'neath the old church's spire,
And Reverend Kebble's
Strange love of boy trebles...
I think that he's lost in Hell's fire.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Who'd in a glorious bass,
Preferred a girl soprano,
Behind the piano,
Suggesting she sit on his face.
--- Tiddy Ogg
whose voice on those high notes would linger,
As long as she stood
In front of Joe Hood
Who under her robe thrust his finger.
--- Travis Brasell
Who loved it when Joe gave her goosey.
She'd stand there and squirm
Like a wriggley worm,
While he diddled her quim, nice and juicy.
--- Jeanie
Would seek out young lads in the choir.
While they busied with Bach
He would fondle each smock;
Now, wherever there's smock there is friar.
--- Albin Chaplin
Led songs with his garments askew.
Some dames in the flock
Eyed the organ with shock,
While others passed out in their pew.
--- Larry Wilde
The choirmaster slipped from his place,
To goose the soprano,
In a lingering manner,
And returned with a smile on his face.
--- G1113
Many say that we should but we shan't.
For us, the single theme
Which is solely pristine,
Is the devilish Gregorian chant.
--- Loren C Fitzhugh
Whose voice rose higher and higher,
Till it reached such a height,
It was clear out of sight,
And they found it next day in the spire.
--- Anon
Their reverend had 'em as pretty toys.
And during a song
He grabbed for his dong;
Especially he liked the voice of Roy's.
--- Anon
In the choir she sang the soprana:
The choirmaster said,
As she stood on her head,
"Hosanna, you show your hose, Anna."
--- Lucy Williams
Who wondered how he could please Anna,
Was inspired by the choir
With hot fires of desire,
When they chanted, "Hosanna! Hosanna!"
--- Grand Prix Lim 495 P8208A
As virgins they tend to be less coy...
But once he had one,
He said, "I have done...
An unexplored bum brings me more joy."
--- TuttaGioia
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