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As a Prelate, each of my days long
Was spent preaching against sin and wrong.
Evening times I'd inspire
Our somewhat off-key choir,
But could not cure their un-Evensong.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0011

There was a young lady named Anna,
Who sang in the choir, high soprano.
Once she slipped - going out,
Which made gentlemen shout,
"We have heard, and now see your Hosannah."
--- P8208

There once was a wicked old squire,
Who burned with libidinous fire.
After screwing a nun,
And the minister's son,
He took on the girls in the choir.
--- Isaac Asimov

A lissome young miss named McGuire
Went to bed with a hot Navy flyer.
But his Immelmann turns
Gave her nasty bed-burns
(Now she sings in the Methodist choir).
--- Norm Storer

A tweedy chap named Henry Bottom
Leads the Boy's Choir of old St. Totham.
His composers preferred
Are Victoria and Byrd,
And he favors the pleasures of Sodom.
--- Joel Cohen

A luckless church tenor was Horace,
Whose skin was so terribly porous,
Sometimes in the choir
He'd start to perspire,
And nearly drown out the whole chorus.
--- Anon

I come to the garden alone
When I hanker to nibble the bone;
But our pastor won't screw,
So I have to do
With our church-choir's head baritone.
--- Robin K Willoughby P8706

Retirement's pleasant in Sequim;
If your wife has lost most of her vim.
To curb your desire,
You join the church choir,
Where you can trade her for a hymn.
--- Ed Potts P8710

There was a young choirboy named Gene,
Whose sex life was somewhat unclean.
He received Extreme Unction
Through anal conjunction--
Gave his asshole an unwonted sheen!
--- G1110

There was a teenager named Pryor,
Who felt her insides were on fire.
"I don't mind," she exclaimed,
"This feeling inflamed,
But who'll fuck me here in the choir?"
--- Grand Prix Lim 946 G1150

An elderly dean at Sweet Briar
Tried to stuffen his penis with wire.
It worked till it rusted,
Then twisted and busted,
And skewered the Directress of Choir.
--- G2056

In reading such things esoteric
From Love's documentational cleric,
I hoped that you, Madam,
Would know one from Adam;
But apparently not - we're generic?
--- Anon

A nearsighted cleric from Queens
With a toy blow-up woman was seen.
He grabbed for her G-spot,
Heard noise like a teapot,
Now he knows what Ascension Day means!
--- Anon

A nearsighted cleric from Queens
Ate plutonium instead of baked beans.
One day as Mass started,
An A-bomb he farted,
That's why the old bell tower leans!
--- Anon

The swaggering hips of a jade,
Raised the cock of a clerical blade.
Hell-bent for his fun,
He went home on the run,
And diddled his grandmother's maid.
--- L1280

The alphabet soup made by Pease
Was flavored with spices and cheese.
It was served by liturgy
To old men of the clergy,
But he took out the C U N T's.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2223

A pious old poet and scholar,
On Sabbath, wears a clerical collar.
Each Sunday he prays
For a sinner to raise
Up from sin, self-absorption, and squalor!
--- Sylvie

There was a young lady named Mame,
Whose cunt was so big, 'twas a shame.
She was fucked by a cleric
With a cock like a derrick,
But between them, a falling out came.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0530

A certain young cleric of Berwick
Showed a relish for things esoteric;
For instance, his itch
To be whacked by some bitch
With a hazelwood switch,

Was thought to be odd in a cleric, by the people of Berwick.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

"Sell your body? That's sin! You repent!"
Pled the cleric, but she only went
Off with much laughter.
And she told me after,
"Not for sale, but only for rent!"
--- Aaron Bell P9412a

The clergyman longed for a trick.
Singleness had made him sick.
So he censed and incensed,
He lowered his (pence sign) p
And proceeded to f (pound sign) his dick.
--- Jim Jambor P9009

A quishy-kirk queer named Maguire,
Hung a sign out, "Asshole for Hire.
You can buy by the piece,
Or a quarterly lease.
For clerical rates, please enquire."
--- G1008

An eclectic young cleric named Casey,
Favors underthings pink, silk, and lacy.
Though his vows are quite strict,
They don't seem to conflict
With his sex life, both DC and AC.
--- G1095

A clerical student name Pryne,
Through pain, sought to reach the divine.
He wore a hair shirt,
Quite often ate dirt,
And bathed every Friday in brine.
--- Edward Gorey

An erudite cleric named Eric
Gave sermons so deeply generic,
That listeners snored
Because they were bored
By wordiness too esoteric.
--- R J Winkler P8503

There was a young fellow named Sturgis,
Who needed a lass for his urges.
But how could he buy,
With the price bid sky-high,
By the men of the various clergies.
--- Isaac Asimov A

A nearsighted cleric from Queens
Was frequented by rich libertines,
Who feared scandal released,
If absolved by a priest
Who could see through confessional screens!
--- Prof M-G

A nearsighted cleric from Queens,
Conducted a mass in his jeans.
When the Bishop found out,
He was soon heard to shout,
"This priest must have defective genes."
--- Popsicle TP9806

A nearsighted cleric from Queens,
Who frequented bars and latrines,
Employed his white surplice
For an unnatural purpose,
Entertaining a squad of marines!
--- Anon

A nearsighted cleric from Queens,
Saw Clinton in a black limousine.
"Oh God! protect her!
It's Hannibal Lecter!
And he's eating her liver and spleen!"
--- Anon

A careful seducer named Kleist,
Afraid he might have to get spliced,
To dodge moral payment
Downed clerical raiment,
And gave up his life to J. Christ.
--- Armand E Singer 374A

A nearsighted cleric from Queens
Cribbed his sermons from old magazines,
Hid behind focal length
Where he read but a tenth
Of the words, so he ad-libbed the scenes!
--- Prof M-G

A nearsighted cleric from Queens
Has to shit, so he hits the latrines.
"Dear father," he thinks,
As he squats on the sink,
"These pots are so small, it's obscene!"
--- Anon

This is file trm

A Cleric who lived near Cremorne,
Looked down on all women with scorn;
Even a fat boy's white bum
Could not make him come;
Only Mel gave the Father a horn.
--- Anon

A nearsighted cleric from Queens
Mounted a young girl in her teens.
As he said in confession,
"It's a Hanson obsession,
And I couldn't tell sex in those jeans!"
--- Jim Weaver Collection

Frequent flier, George Washington Briscom,
Gets annoyed when the guards start to frisk him.
So, attired like a cleric,
Lifting eyes stratospheric,
He now piously says "Pox Vobiscum."
--- J Maynard Kaplan

There once was an ex-soldier named Eric,
Who signed up to become a cleric.
But he quit the next day
Cause he hated the pay,
And he'd rather be back in his barracks
--- Anon

A nearsighted cleric from Queens
Confiscated souls' lewd magazines,
Over which later he poured,
'Til a bolt from the Lord
Smashed his specs into small smithereens.
--- Peter Wilkins

A wayward young cleric from Leicester
Fell in love with a lady called Hester.
He kissed and caressed her,
Undressed and possessed her,
And then as an afterthought, blessed her.
--- Michael Horgan

There was a young cleric named Eric
Who had a good life as a cleric.
So much vittles he ate
That he gained too much weight,
And they put him to bed with a derrick.
--- Albin Chaplin

A nearsighted cleric from Queens
Had a weakness for underage teens....
His plea of bad vision,
Brought jury derision,
Now he's dining on prison cuisines.
--- Ogni Gioia a

There was a high cleric named Mannix,
Monumentally cool amid panics;
A fleet he could fool,
He played it so cool--
An iceberg among the Titanics.
--- Beda Herbert

A nearsighted cleric from Queens
Peered out at the neighborhood scenes.
He put on his glasses
To check out the lasses;
Said "I'll have the one in blue jeans!"
--- Marty TP9807

A nearsighted cleric from Queens,
His tastes a bit more than his means,
Dined at Cirque on the fish.
Now he has just one wish:
There's an end to the dishes he cleans.
--- Ystap

A nearsighted cleric from Queens
Mistook "Whorehouse" for "Warehouse" in Keynes.
There he met, from Ethiopia,
A Bishop with myopia,
And four astigmatic old Deans.!
--- Anon

There once was a curate named Swope
Who wanted to bugger the Pope --
To destroy the division
'Twixt his lust and religion
And, on the side, get an archbishop's cope.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

A curate, who cured in Kilcane,
Said, "Bishop, why do you complain?
If a deaconess begs
With wide-open legs,
How can a kind curate refrain?"
--- Harold C Bibby

A modern young curate named Hyde,
Will be pleased if the bishops decide,
That to govern a see,
One must hold a degree
In Evil, both pure and applied.
--- D W Pain

There was a young curate of Twickingham
Whose pants had a wonderful prick in 'em.
He thought it great guns
To disrobe all the nuns,
And this marvelous object to stick in 'em.
--- G1169

A cute Curate who lived in Dundalk,
Proclaimed he could fly like a hawk.
Cheered by thousands of people,
He leapt from the steeple,
But the splash-down proved just talk.
--- Anon

There was a Perpetual Curate,
Whose language was hypersulfurate;
While, as for his thinking,
It was not merely stinking,
But perfectly foul and suppurate.
--- Harold C Bibby

There was a young curate name Lloyd,
Who was seldom, if ever, annoyed.
Although you might poke him,
You could not provoke him,
His 'sang' was so terribly 'froid'.
--- Duncan McGregor

There was a young Curate of Kidminster,
Who severely chided a spinster.
For she used, on the ice,
Words not at all nice
When he inadvertently slid against 'er.
--- Langford Reed

There was a young curate of Westminster
Who severely once did a spinster.
As his pious genuflection
Transformed to erection,
When he advertently slid against her.
--- Arthur Deex

There was a young curate whose brain,
Was deranged from the use of cocaine.
He lured a small child
To a copse dark and wild,
Where he beat it to death with his cane.
--- Edward Gorey

A curate whose morals were frayed,
Every night, at his bedside, he prayed
That his wish for a screw
Would come joyously true
When, by Sister Marie, he'd get laid.
--- Cap'n Bean P0507

There was a young Curate of Buckingham,
Who was blamed by the girls for not fucking 'em.
He said, "Though my cock
Is as hard as a rock,
Your cunts are too slack. Put a tuck in 'em."
--- Norman Douglas L0538

A curate who worked in Ipswich
Went to church, a young couple to hitch,
"Before I begin",
He said with a grin,
"I must really inquire which is which?"
--- Archie

A radical curate from Brent,
Who gave up entirely for Lent;
Simply lay in the aisle
With a beautific smile,
And dreamed of the Duchess of Kent.
--- Bill Wall

There was a young Curate of Sarum,
Whose manners were harem-scarem.
He wandered round Hants,
Without any pants,
Till the Vicar compelled him to wear'em.
--- Anon (Bibby)

There was a young curate of Hants,
Who suddenly took off his pants.
When asked why he did,
He replied, "To get rid
Of this terrible army of ants."
--- E V Knox

I doubt if the Merkins will ever,
Work out what that means; no not never.
But those north of Fareham
Will know of old Sarum,
And ants in the pamphire ain't too clever.
--- Anon

There once was a Curate of Kew,
Who preached with his vestments askew.
A lady called Morgan,
Caught sight of his organ,
And promptly passed out in the pew.
--- G1123

A cleric once heard with dismay,
That each week he worked only one day.
He said, with a sigh,
"I cannot think why
I'm so busy on days when I play."
--- Joan Dare

There was a young fellow named Sistall,
Who shot three old-maids with a pistol.
When 'twas known what he'd done,
He was given a gun
By the unmarried curates of Bristol.
--- Anon A

An eccentric young curate named Flicker
Once had an affair with the Vicar.
He frigged him, butt fucked him,
Shit buggered and sucked him --
'Twas under the influence of liquor.
--- G1109

There was a young lady from Brest,
Whom the Curate once put to the test,
By letting her see,
How bleak sin could be,
But she wasn't the least bit impressed.
--- John Ciardi


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