As a Prelate, each of my days long There was a young lady named Anna, There once was a wicked old squire, A lissome young miss named McGuire A tweedy chap named Henry Bottom A luckless church tenor was Horace, I come to the garden alone Retirement's pleasant in Sequim; There was a young choirboy named Gene, There was a teenager named Pryor, An elderly dean at Sweet Briar In reading such things esoteric A nearsighted cleric from Queens A nearsighted cleric from Queens The swaggering hips of a jade, The alphabet soup made by Pease A pious old poet and scholar, There was a young lady named Mame, A certain young cleric of Berwick Was thought to be odd in a cleric, by the people of Berwick.
"Sell your body? That's sin! You repent!" The clergyman longed for a trick. A quishy-kirk queer named Maguire, An eclectic young cleric named Casey, A clerical student name Pryne, An erudite cleric named Eric There was a young fellow named Sturgis, A nearsighted cleric from Queens A nearsighted cleric from Queens, A nearsighted cleric from Queens, A nearsighted cleric from Queens, A careful seducer named Kleist, A nearsighted cleric from Queens A nearsighted cleric from Queens
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A Cleric who lived near Cremorne, A nearsighted cleric from Queens Frequent flier, George Washington Briscom, There once was an ex-soldier named Eric, A nearsighted cleric from Queens A wayward young cleric from Leicester There was a young cleric named Eric A nearsighted cleric from Queens There was a high cleric named Mannix, A nearsighted cleric from Queens A nearsighted cleric from Queens, A nearsighted cleric from Queens There once was a curate named Swope A curate, who cured in Kilcane, A modern young curate named Hyde, There was a young curate of Twickingham A cute Curate who lived in Dundalk, There was a Perpetual Curate, There was a young curate name Lloyd, There was a young Curate of Kidminster, There was a young curate of Westminster There was a young curate whose brain, A curate whose morals were frayed, There was a young Curate of Buckingham, A curate who worked in Ipswich A radical curate from Brent, There was a young Curate of Sarum, There was a young curate of Hants, I doubt if the Merkins will ever, There once was a Curate of Kew, A cleric once heard with dismay, There was a young fellow named Sistall, An eccentric young curate named Flicker There was a young lady from Brest,
Was spent preaching against sin and wrong.
Evening times I'd inspire
Our somewhat off-key choir,
But could not cure their un-Evensong.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0011
Who sang in the choir, high soprano.
Once she slipped - going out,
Which made gentlemen shout,
"We have heard, and now see your Hosannah."
--- P8208
Who burned with libidinous fire.
After screwing a nun,
And the minister's son,
He took on the girls in the choir.
--- Isaac Asimov
Went to bed with a hot Navy flyer.
But his Immelmann turns
Gave her nasty bed-burns
(Now she sings in the Methodist choir).
--- Norm Storer
Leads the Boy's Choir of old St. Totham.
His composers preferred
Are Victoria and Byrd,
And he favors the pleasures of Sodom.
--- Joel Cohen
Whose skin was so terribly porous,
Sometimes in the choir
He'd start to perspire,
And nearly drown out the whole chorus.
--- Anon
When I hanker to nibble the bone;
But our pastor won't screw,
So I have to do
With our church-choir's head baritone.
--- Robin K Willoughby P8706
If your wife has lost most of her vim.
To curb your desire,
You join the church choir,
Where you can trade her for a hymn.
--- Ed Potts P8710
Whose sex life was somewhat unclean.
He received Extreme Unction
Through anal conjunction--
Gave his asshole an unwonted sheen!
--- G1110
Who felt her insides were on fire.
"I don't mind," she exclaimed,
"This feeling inflamed,
But who'll fuck me here in the choir?"
--- Grand Prix Lim 946 G1150
Tried to stuffen his penis with wire.
It worked till it rusted,
Then twisted and busted,
And skewered the Directress of Choir.
--- G2056
From Love's documentational cleric,
I hoped that you, Madam,
Would know one from Adam;
But apparently not - we're generic?
--- Anon
With a toy blow-up woman was seen.
He grabbed for her G-spot,
Heard noise like a teapot,
Now he knows what Ascension Day means!
--- Anon
Ate plutonium instead of baked beans.
One day as Mass started,
An A-bomb he farted,
That's why the old bell tower leans!
--- Anon
Raised the cock of a clerical blade.
Hell-bent for his fun,
He went home on the run,
And diddled his grandmother's maid.
--- L1280
Was flavored with spices and cheese.
It was served by liturgy
To old men of the clergy,
But he took out the C U N T's.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2223
On Sabbath, wears a clerical collar.
Each Sunday he prays
For a sinner to raise
Up from sin, self-absorption, and squalor!
--- Sylvie
Whose cunt was so big, 'twas a shame.
She was fucked by a cleric
With a cock like a derrick,
But between them, a falling out came.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0530
Showed a relish for things esoteric;
For instance, his itch
To be whacked by some bitch
With a hazelwood switch,
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Pled the cleric, but she only went
Off with much laughter.
And she told me after,
"Not for sale, but only for rent!"
--- Aaron Bell P9412a
Singleness had made him sick.
So he censed and incensed,
He lowered his (pence sign) p
And proceeded to f (pound sign) his dick.
--- Jim Jambor P9009
Hung a sign out, "Asshole for Hire.
You can buy by the piece,
Or a quarterly lease.
For clerical rates, please enquire."
--- G1008
Favors underthings pink, silk, and lacy.
Though his vows are quite strict,
They don't seem to conflict
With his sex life, both DC and AC.
--- G1095
Through pain, sought to reach the divine.
He wore a hair shirt,
Quite often ate dirt,
And bathed every Friday in brine.
--- Edward Gorey
Gave sermons so deeply generic,
That listeners snored
Because they were bored
By wordiness too esoteric.
--- R J Winkler P8503
Who needed a lass for his urges.
But how could he buy,
With the price bid sky-high,
By the men of the various clergies.
--- Isaac Asimov A
Was frequented by rich libertines,
Who feared scandal released,
If absolved by a priest
Who could see through confessional screens!
--- Prof M-G
Conducted a mass in his jeans.
When the Bishop found out,
He was soon heard to shout,
"This priest must have defective genes."
--- Popsicle TP9806
Who frequented bars and latrines,
Employed his white surplice
For an unnatural purpose,
Entertaining a squad of marines!
--- Anon
Saw Clinton in a black limousine.
"Oh God! protect her!
It's Hannibal Lecter!
And he's eating her liver and spleen!"
--- Anon
Afraid he might have to get spliced,
To dodge moral payment
Downed clerical raiment,
And gave up his life to J. Christ.
--- Armand E Singer 374A
Cribbed his sermons from old magazines,
Hid behind focal length
Where he read but a tenth
Of the words, so he ad-libbed the scenes!
--- Prof M-G
Has to shit, so he hits the latrines.
"Dear father," he thinks,
As he squats on the sink,
"These pots are so small, it's obscene!"
--- Anon
Looked down on all women with scorn;
Even a fat boy's white bum
Could not make him come;
Only Mel gave the Father a horn.
--- Anon
Mounted a young girl in her teens.
As he said in confession,
"It's a Hanson obsession,
And I couldn't tell sex in those jeans!"
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Gets annoyed when the guards start to frisk him.
So, attired like a cleric,
Lifting eyes stratospheric,
He now piously says "Pox Vobiscum."
--- J Maynard Kaplan
Who signed up to become a cleric.
But he quit the next day
Cause he hated the pay,
And he'd rather be back in his barracks
--- Anon
Confiscated souls' lewd magazines,
Over which later he poured,
'Til a bolt from the Lord
Smashed his specs into small smithereens.
--- Peter Wilkins
Fell in love with a lady called Hester.
He kissed and caressed her,
Undressed and possessed her,
And then as an afterthought, blessed her.
--- Michael Horgan
Who had a good life as a cleric.
So much vittles he ate
That he gained too much weight,
And they put him to bed with a derrick.
--- Albin Chaplin
Had a weakness for underage teens....
His plea of bad vision,
Brought jury derision,
Now he's dining on prison cuisines.
--- Ogni Gioia a
Monumentally cool amid panics;
A fleet he could fool,
He played it so cool--
An iceberg among the Titanics.
--- Beda Herbert
Peered out at the neighborhood scenes.
He put on his glasses
To check out the lasses;
Said "I'll have the one in blue jeans!"
--- Marty TP9807
His tastes a bit more than his means,
Dined at Cirque on the fish.
Now he has just one wish:
There's an end to the dishes he cleans.
--- Ystap
Mistook "Whorehouse" for "Warehouse" in Keynes.
There he met, from Ethiopia,
A Bishop with myopia,
And four astigmatic old Deans.!
--- Anon
Who wanted to bugger the Pope --
To destroy the division
'Twixt his lust and religion
And, on the side, get an archbishop's cope.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Said, "Bishop, why do you complain?
If a deaconess begs
With wide-open legs,
How can a kind curate refrain?"
--- Harold C Bibby
Will be pleased if the bishops decide,
That to govern a see,
One must hold a degree
In Evil, both pure and applied.
--- D W Pain
Whose pants had a wonderful prick in 'em.
He thought it great guns
To disrobe all the nuns,
And this marvelous object to stick in 'em.
--- G1169
Proclaimed he could fly like a hawk.
Cheered by thousands of people,
He leapt from the steeple,
But the splash-down proved just talk.
--- Anon
Whose language was hypersulfurate;
While, as for his thinking,
It was not merely stinking,
But perfectly foul and suppurate.
--- Harold C Bibby
Who was seldom, if ever, annoyed.
Although you might poke him,
You could not provoke him,
His 'sang' was so terribly 'froid'.
--- Duncan McGregor
Who severely chided a spinster.
For she used, on the ice,
Words not at all nice
When he inadvertently slid against 'er.
--- Langford Reed
Who severely once did a spinster.
As his pious genuflection
Transformed to erection,
When he advertently slid against her.
--- Arthur Deex
Was deranged from the use of cocaine.
He lured a small child
To a copse dark and wild,
Where he beat it to death with his cane.
--- Edward Gorey
Every night, at his bedside, he prayed
That his wish for a screw
Would come joyously true
When, by Sister Marie, he'd get laid.
--- Cap'n Bean P0507
Who was blamed by the girls for not fucking 'em.
He said, "Though my cock
Is as hard as a rock,
Your cunts are too slack. Put a tuck in 'em."
--- Norman Douglas L0538
Went to church, a young couple to hitch,
"Before I begin",
He said with a grin,
"I must really inquire which is which?"
--- Archie
Who gave up entirely for Lent;
Simply lay in the aisle
With a beautific smile,
And dreamed of the Duchess of Kent.
--- Bill Wall
Whose manners were harem-scarem.
He wandered round Hants,
Without any pants,
Till the Vicar compelled him to wear'em.
--- Anon (Bibby)
Who suddenly took off his pants.
When asked why he did,
He replied, "To get rid
Of this terrible army of ants."
--- E V Knox
Work out what that means; no not never.
But those north of Fareham
Will know of old Sarum,
And ants in the pamphire ain't too clever.
--- Anon
Who preached with his vestments askew.
A lady called Morgan,
Caught sight of his organ,
And promptly passed out in the pew.
--- G1123
That each week he worked only one day.
He said, with a sigh,
"I cannot think why
I'm so busy on days when I play."
--- Joan Dare
Who shot three old-maids with a pistol.
When 'twas known what he'd done,
He was given a gun
By the unmarried curates of Bristol.
--- Anon A
Once had an affair with the Vicar.
He frigged him, butt fucked him,
Shit buggered and sucked him --
'Twas under the influence of liquor.
--- G1109
Whom the Curate once put to the test,
By letting her see,
How bleak sin could be,
But she wasn't the least bit impressed.
--- John Ciardi