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There once was a parson of Pinner, There once was a parson of Pinner, There was a young laundress of Lamas, A hot little twat name of Carson A young married woman named Nell A young parson professing in Vynn, The say that our parson's young daughter An unfortunate parson named Birch There was a young lady named Tucker, A booming-voiced parson, Joe Linnister, "To hear what revivalists tell, There was a gay parson of Tooting, (Published 1879)
Our transaction, Pastor, we'll firm up. The pastor, ignoring his vows, At the wedding outdoors, people huddled, "Fight the good fight," the pastor requested, "You, choirboy!" ordered the pastor, "You, choirboy!" ordered the pastor, In chastising skeptics, our pastor A Puritan pastor whose life A pastor in need of some lawyers I heard my dear pastor once say "How's your love life?" they asked Pastor Deex; But I've only been here for two weeks!"
Easter Sunday a young boy, Stan Snead, The pastor waxed hermeneutical, Preached a lewd old sky-pilot named Hoare, A horny old pastor named Ohm "You, choirboy!" ordered the pastor, "You! Choirboy!" ordered the pastor, I asked my pastor to please review "You write limericks that prove you're depraved, "You, choirboy!" ordered the pastor, And then there's the randy old pastor, The sermon our Pastor Rt. Rev. Miss Master said no man outclassed her; Marie, on the brink of disaster, A pastor in need of a lawyer, A bible-belt pastor, Jim Jeeter, "You! Choirboy!" ordered the pastor, There was a young girl in a cast, Since the church hired Jane, a temporary, Like Scotty and Willy et all, There once was an Anglican pastor, There once was a passionate pastor A religious young lady named Astor Lately I've taken to thinkin' "You, choirboy!" ordered the Pastor. The Pastor would never admit The pastor did a double take; An ape hailed the Pope and said, "Hi, mate! To the faithful Pope Pius implored The Pope damns the high camp of rock A wily old bishop was Gastard; A great souvenir? No great hope. Your kneeling in front of the Pope, The bishop no more could endure To the Pope, said the prodigal son: The Pope in regalia first class, (Colored smoke announces the election of a new Pope.)
Said the Pope to John Huss, "I'm disgusted. When the Pope crossed the Rhone to taste wine, To win the big Lotto, your chance Does the Pope use the loo as we do? There was a promiscuous Primate, The pope's now down Mexico way. The Vatican's shouting "Hooray!"; Whenever the trees are uprootin', The Pope is a regular guy.
A real disgusting old sinner;
He would fuck little boys
And play with their toys,
And suck them all off before dinner.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
A really disgusting old sinner;
He would fuck little boys between breakfast and lunch
And when they'd recovered, he'd take the whole bunch
And suck them all off before dinner.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Who invented high amorous dramas,
From the spots she espied,
Dried and hardened inside
The pants of the parson's pajamas.
--- L1461
Was fondling the knob of the parson.
Soon he burned with desire
But her cunt quenched the fire
Before he could charge her with arson.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1982
Was far down the highroad to hell,
When a parson named Bevin
Gave her passage to heaven,
In return for a romp in the dell.
--- Limber Limericks
Said he thought fornication was sin.
But a girl said, "You fool!"--
Went and whipped out his tool,
Pulled her drawers off and shove his thing in.
--- G2544
Loved sex like no decent girl oughter.
But nothing she did
Stimulated her id,
Like the spanking she got when he caught her.
--- Michael Horgan
Had a penchant for farting in church.
This caused not a few
Who sat in his pew
To go elsewhere in spiritual search.
--- Macsam
And the parson, he tried hard to fuck her.
She said, "You gay sinner,
Instead of your dinner,
At my cunt you shall have a good sucker."
--- L0441
Was indeed a most popular minister;
He threaten hell fire
On the thief and the liar,
And his flock found it gorgeously sinister.
--- Mary Danby Armada 1
An evangelist, if he does well,
Can never relax,"
Said a parson named Max,
"Because he works to beat Hell."
--- A N Wilkins P8706
Whose roe he was frequently shooting.
He married a lass
With a face like my ass,
And a cunt you could put your whole foot in.
--- L0249
And then we must get your worm up.
Fleet time flies
Before your eyes,
And you'll find your half-hour term up.
--- Jim Jambor P9009a
Made altar boys practice their bows.
And gaining admission
By their angled position,
Just slid right up there, the louse.
--- Flabbergast
Due to the rain water puddled.
Then senile Pastor Doanes
In bass, sonorous tones,
Addressed the guests, "Dearly befuddled..."
--- Loren C Fitzhugh
"Like the boxer who cannot be bested:
In your battle with sin,
Know your blows, and you'll win."
"Blow your nose, too," the head deacon jested.
--- Jerry Nordal
"Come here! Rub under my plaster!"
The choirboy grinned,
Said, "I've never sinned."
He knew the tricks of his master.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Bring me some oil of castor!
The bishop done died
With my organ inside,
From fucking him faster and faster."
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Claims doubting The Book brings disaster.
Says he, "There's no doubt,
That your brains will rot out,
If you keep on baiting the Master!"
--- Norm Storer
Was embittered by marital strife,
Said, "I'm down on my luck,
But I don't give a fuck."
"That's exactly the case," cried his wife.
--- Laurence Perrine P8802a
Was arrested for dropping his drawers.
His belt then did fail
And down came the hail --
Now his body is covered with sores.
--- JR
As he knelt down and started to pray:
"Oh, my children and kin,
Renounce pleasure and sin,
Many happy returns of the Dei."
--- Harry Raech P8411
He was new in the parish at Peaks.
And he said with a smile, "I've had five without guile."
He said "Merciful Heaven, I've only had seven."
He said "Gosh, it is fine, They stand here in line.
--- Dom P8706
Popped a stiff one as long as a reed.
And did he turn beet red,
When Pastor Fred then said,
"He is risen. He is risen indeed!"
--- Lims For Year - 01
While the lady examined her cuticle.
Asked if she agreed,
She said, "Indeed,
I've no desire to be heteroclitical."
--- Q
In his unending efforts to score,
"Have sex with your pastor,
The better, the faster --
It's what the good Lord made you for!"
--- Armand E Singer 236
Was finally put out to roam.
Retired, but not bored --
Soft shouts of "Sweet Lord!"
Are heard from his rooms in the home.
--- Anon
"On your knees! I am the master!
It is rear entry I love,"
As he put on his glove,
"For the rug, this spells a disaster!"
--- Magunda
"Sing! Damn you! Sing! Oh yes! Faster!"
Your rhythm and shake
Makes my trembling loins ache!
Sing it out; I'm your lord and your master!"
--- Madcat
My latest limerick on the church's pews.
His quick critique
Was not unique;
He advised that limericks I should eschew.
--- Gamer Bob
So far gone that I doubt you'll be saved."
The pastor then said,
Sadly shakinghis head,
"Your road straight to Hell's nicely paved!"
--- John Miller
"On your knees and pray to your Master!
Foreswear saucy tarts
With tempestuous parts.
Raise my robe! Drop your shorts! And pump faster!"
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Who'd get some young choirboy to mastur-
bate him, at the altar,
And should the lad falter,
He'd slap him and cry "Do it faster!"
--- Tiddy Ogg
This is file tlm
Began, may have had a rt. clev.,
But his talk, though consistant,
Kept the end so far distant
That we left since we felt he mt. nev.
--- Anon (Untermeyer) (Bibby)
The pastor, past master, surpassed her.
When the pastor had passed her,
His disaster came faster;
The past master became the passed pastor.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1067
Went off to speak with her pastor;
She feared what he'd think
Of her troubles with drink,
But lucky for her, he was plastered.
--- Paul M Hoffman a
Was attempting to sue his employer.
But the judge duly warned
That if God was scorned,
He'd be stopped at the Pearly Gate's foyer.
--- Limerick Man
Found adulterous sex so much sweeter.
Caught, he waffled, "But hey!
Scripture says it's OK --
It's right here in the 'pistle of Peter.
--- Robin K Willoughby P8707
"Your blowjob technique's a disaster!
Removing your hand
From the base of my gland
Will let me come deeper and faster!"
--- Blue-eyed Devil
Who had an unsavory past.
For the neighborhood pastor
Tried fucking through plaster,
And his very first fuck was his last.
--- L1144A
Her reviews have been rated exemplary.
But it presaged disaster;
She was found with the Pastor
In a compromising position, missionary.
--- Thomas G Keller P9408 a
Pastor Dave is just up on the wall.
He says he is right
But then posts such shite;
Just don't listen to him at all.
--- Jon Downie
Whose maid didn't let much get past her.
She said, "When you muff-dive on
The living room divan,
Please use an anti-macassar."
--- L0420
Whose feelings he never could master.
His ejaculations
Baptized congregations,
And hung from the ceiling like plaster.
--- G2451
Had never reached orgasm faster
Than the night she got head,
In the rectory's bed,
In a flaming embrace with the pastor.
--- Cap'n Bean P9911
Why pastors sometimes fall to drinkin'.
Hundreds have woes
But only one knows
That to uplift them all, takes a Lincoln.
--- Bruce
"Bend over the pew for your Master!"
He said with a moan
As he slipped him the bone,
"Now just wag your tail a bit faster!"
--- Ogden Nield
That he suffered from atrophied wit.
He thought that a tumor
Was a call for bright humor.
Egads!, Good grief!, What a twit!
--- Bill Doern
It must have been some mistake.
As he read the homily --
Here's the ANOMALY --
The worshippers were wide awake!
--- Norm
We're cousins, you know. It's no lie, mate."
The Pope fixed him there
With a cold haughty stare,
But asked himself, which was Primate.
--- Laurence Perrine P8408a
That in heaven they'll get their reward.
Then he pulled out his cock
And he said to his flock,
"Believe ye in me and the Lord."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1039
And men who crave others mens' cock.
Which cuts little ice
When he's spent his life
Wearing jackboots and a frock!
--- Jarmo
New tricks for the Pope he had mastered.
He checked the Pope's gas
With his prick up his ass,
But the pope was a bastard and passed turd.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1028
I went in to mine my own stope.
Disguised as a Cardinal,
I costumed my cord 'n all,
And burgled a turd from the pope.
--- Anon
For sainthood must be kept in scope;
The Pope gets canonical
(Which I think's ironical!)
When candidates suck on his rope.
--- Anon
The whores on the banks of the Ruhr,
For their cunts were depressing,
So he gave them a blessing
And the Pope checked each one to be sure.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1012
"Holy Father, forgive what I've done."
Said the Pope, "It's a deal,
If you'll kindly reveal
How you stay most admired through such fun!"
--- Prof M-G TP9901a
Kissed the cunt of a nun after mass.
He judged her fair slit,
To be hairy and fit,
So smoke signals poured out of his ass.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0997
Ecclesiastically you're maladjusted."
John replied, "Though you rant,
I still will not recant!"
Then spontaneously John combusted.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P9912
Many minstrels thought that was just fine.
For they'd prance and they'd play
From the bridge. On the way,
The Pope chose the best from a line.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Is as slim as attending a dance
Where the Pope is a guest,
And he boogies with zest,
Wearing neither his skivvies nor pants.
--- Cap'n Bean
And enjoy sherry wine or a brew?
Though he drinks lots of tea,
He has never said, 'pee',
But we know what he means by 'pooh-pooh'.
--- Al Willis
Who said that, at this day and time, it
Is right to embrace
One of each faith and race
In our ecumenical climate.
--- Harold C Bibby
I sent him this. This he did say:
"That Travis I've cursed
With an 18 inch wurst...
It'll skewer his ass one fine day."
--- Anon
The Pope has been saved from decay!
His body's exhumed,
His face is regroomed,
And his corpse has been put on display!"
--- Cap'n Bean P0107
It would seem there's no refutin'.
Though there's no one there,
Does the sound fill the air?
Does the Pope fart in latin? Darn tootin!
--- Anon
If gassy...he just lets it fly.
For a couple of cents,
He'll light some incense;
If not, all the clergy will cry.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
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