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There is a young maid in Argyll There was a young lady of Woocester There once was a girl named Sue, I hear there's a new kind of Barbie There was an old lady of Barking (carking - to burden with care and anxiety)
If I am a slut, that's okay Latte--to me is enigmatic, A mother reproved her child: "Molly! There was a young lady of Yarrow Tiny Betty lounged on her divan, Poor old lazy Daisy went to bed; A teenager I knew called Arleen, There was an old maid from Cape Hatteras, Today a young lady named Fred While sittin' here thinkin' and rhymin', Sarah Gaisford, mother of Hugh, A gallant Victorian, Frankie, There was a young lady from Worcester, There was an old lady named Gert There was a young lady named Hind Another big sister called Pat; Nydia, Oh Nydia, though you Do men really not make hot passes A lady who lived by the Thames In the past I have mentioned I dabble Rubenstein, Max Factor, and such paint Mercy, the meaning of Ruth, When Harriet just couldn't sleep, There was a strange woman named Bon, A matron who came from Ipswitch A tired trainee at Hughes Hall (Hughes Hall of Cambridge)
Have you heard of the lady from Kroll, There was a young lady of Corfe, Two sisters called Netty and Norah There was an old man eating curds, As I was going down the lane, (Andrew)
There was a young man of St. Kitts, (C. Wells said this was popular in 1834)
There was a young man who appeared A hard-working fellow was Hame; Sakumbe, when full of arrack, There was a young man of Stamfordham, There once was an eager boy scout, When Isambard Kingdom Brunel "There's no mail in this box!" he said, chokin' (change he to she and mail to male and this is funny! - McW)
An old collier, confused by the strike, There once was a guy who was cool; A man of terrific physique, A misogynist, call him anon, Did you hear of the man from Algiers There was an old fellow named Jack, An old East End worker call Jock A young mountaineer called Vic A Yorkshireman living in Worcester In Stockholm, a young man called Svin (last line in limerick newletter)
An agreeable gent from Bayonne, There was a young fellow named Jack A kindly old fellow call Clore Said a boastful young student from Hayes, There was a young man who I met, A pompous young man named O'Neal, Three cheers for the person of Kent, There was a young fellow named John There once was a man named Patel There was a young person of Leicester On the sleek S.S. Tinconderoga There was a young man, name of Fred,
Who is thinking ahead all the while.
With the chances of jail,
And denial of bail,
She carries a very sharp file.
--- Mervyn Cripps
Who used to crow like a rooster.
She used to climb
Seven trees at a time,
But her sister used to booster.
--- Anon
Who had a sharp rock in her shoe.
While getting it out,
She fell on her snout,
And sobbed the whole day through.
--- Anon
Who is dressed up to go on safari.
And she is not a cream puff,
This new doll has no fluff;
She packs darts that are tipped with curare!
--- Squeaky
Thought life and its care were too carking.
She could not approve
Of the way events move,
And frowned up laughing and larking.
--- G0518
If it gets me through night to the day.
With all of the wooing
And sucking and screwing,
I'm disease free for most of the way.
--- Travis Brasell
Some days she's in high, others static;
She's vivacious, she's bright,
As intriguing as night,
Highly gifted, and highly erratic.
--- Walt Fellman
To eat all those lemons is folly!"
"Not at all," the girl said,
In the fridge shoved here head--
And breathed out a lemon ice lolly.
--- Mary Danby Armada 1
Who won a first prize for her marrow.
So, proud of her feat,
Each day in the street,
She'd wheel it around in a barrow.
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada
In the woods where a small freshet ran.
She said, "I should get up,
But I can't get that het up,
Because of the lard in my can."
--- Brandy Brandon P9503
Early, so her poor husband said.
Then she slept very late,
A long time after eight.
She might just as well have been dead.
--- William K Alsop Jr
Had a skin that developed a sheen.
By using a lotion,
Which was her magic potion,
If nothing else, it kept her skin clean.
--- Arthur Pattaffy
Who found one night pinned to her matteras,
A short basic list,
Of things she had missed,
With a lengthly P.S. of et ceteras.
--- John Ciardi
Was arrested for something she said.
With her hand on her chin
She had said with a grin,
"My name is not Fred; it is Ned."
--- Jim Weaver Collection
I'm thinkin', I got lousy timin'.
I ain't been the same
Since I learned the name
Dad gave to my new brother, Hyman.
--- Scott Oliver
Said, of diamonds, "I do have a few.
They're expecially nice
When you keep them on ice!
I'm so glad we're rich, aren't you?"
--- Jerry Thomas P8302
Retrieved a young lady's lace hanky.
He returned it to her;
She sighed, "Thank you, kind sir,
But don't even THINK hanky panky!"
--- Evelyn Bogen P9701
Who became such a suffragette booster,
That 'twas said by the men,
"She don't act like a hen;
She's more like a strutting old roooster."
--- Levi N Fouts P0509
Who cried and she cried till it hurt.
For her home was so clean,
With her vacuum machine,
She no longer could find any dirt.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2588
Whom nature had treated so kind.
She was sweet and adorable
With one thing deplorable;
She never could make up her mind.
--- Albin Chaplin
She has seven kids and a cat.
Her house is a mess,
But I must confess,
To not wiping my feet on the mat.
--- Jayne
Are our standard, we've slandered you too.
Thus I hereby assure
You're substantially pure,
And you've nary a single tattoo.
--- Walt Fellman
At those women who must wear glasses?
I gotta get some
'Fore I fall on m'bum;
I guess I'll join the passless lasses.
--- Anon
Had a gorgeous collection of gems.
She had them reset
In a large coronet
And a number of small diadems.
--- Anon (Wells) (Bibby)
In that word game that's called simply 'Scrabble'.
And Carole enjoys
When her brain she employs
To beat me until I just babble.
--- Anon
Makes a young lady look what she ain't.
On her lips and her eyes,
She wears this disguise.
Is it fashionable -- or simply quaint.
--- Arthur Pattaffy
Is the seldom dominion of youth.
But mercy and kindness
And keener of mind is
Our Ruthie, that's the God-honest Truth.
--- Walt Fellman
Her doctor said, "Try counting sleep."
"I've tried," she replied,
"But half of them died,
Before I got more than a peep."
--- Funfax Limericks
Who had a strange dream just at dawn.
She was invisible;
This may seem quizzical,
But when she woke up, she was gone.
--- Anon
Was hoity and toity and rich.
With her nose held so high
She could see the whole sky,
But she should have watching the ditch.
--- Warrick Elrod
One day on her blackboard did scrawl,
"I've quite had my fill.
Do just as you will.
You're driving me right up the wall!"
--- Harold C Bibby
Who sat for a year up a pole.
She said that the view
was the best that she knew;
Much better than that from a hole.
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada
Who always pronounced OFF AS ORF,
And COFFEE as CORFEE,
And TOFFEE as TORFEE,
And she'd never LAUGH, only LORF.
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada
This is file tgm
Were experts in fauna and flora.
They could tell that a dog
Was a dog not a frog.
In fact, they coud not have been surer.
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada
Who said "Getting old's for the birds.
Joints don't work so good,
Not like they should,
And actions creak louder than words."
--- Ron Sartain
I met a man doing the same.
He did exclaim
And drew his cane.
In this riddle, I've told you his name.
--- Limerick Book P8602
Who was very much troubled with fits;
The eclipse of the moon
Threw him into a swoon;
When he tumbled and broke into bits.
--- Published 1822
To his friends with a full growth of beard;
They at once said, "Although
We can't say why it's so,
The effect is uncommonly weird."
--- Edward Gorey
He struggled and gained himself fame.
In Society's eyes,
He was noble and wise,
But his parents both Beatniks became.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2610
Slapped Cohen, his friend, on the back,
And cried, "You're all right!
Though your skin may be white,
At heart, you are thoroughly black."
--- Anon
Who suffered interminable boredom.
His friends did their best
To engage his interest,
But he just turned his back and ignored 'em.
--- Janet Muggeridge
Who helped older ladies about.
While crossing the street,
He was struck by a fleet
Of trucks, and got turned into nowt.
--- Timothy Torkildson
Was asked by a stranger to tell
How he made all those bridges
And ships (but not fridges),
He replied, "I don't know. Will they sell?"
--- Funfax Limericks
And no sooner that it had been spoken,
He exclaimed with a shriek
"I've no mail all week!
I believe that my mailbox is broken."
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Went along to the pit on his bike.
But on joining the picket,
Shouted slogans like "Stick it!"
To the strikers and workers alike.
--- X Rowland Burnham P8512
You knew he was nobody's fool.
He'd say with a grin,
"Just look at my chin,"
And you'd see it there, covered with drool.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Took a bath every day in a creek.
Till one day it ran dry,
Then he said with a sigh,
"Call the plumber! This thing's sprung a leak!"
--- Anon
Excreted some cretinous spawn
About women's rights
And just what excites
Men's interest and how they are drawn...
--- Anon
Who used to catch rain in his ears?
Then one day he failed
When it suddenly hailed,
And now he cries ice cubes for tears.
--- Brandy Brandon P9407
Down to earth and quite matter of fact.
He put fools in their place,
Called an ass to his face,
And at times damned the whole human pack.
--- Warrick Elrod
Lived a life full of danger and shock.
Even now, if one calls,
He will tell of his falls
In the Royal Victoria Dock.
--- Victor Gray P9002
Became quite close friends with a stick.
He took it for walks
And they had little talks,
Then it left him to live with a brick.
--- Michael Palin
Said to this wife, "Fetch a duster.
This table from Hull
Has gone a bit dull.
A duster will bring back its lustre."
--- Michael Palin
Had long whiskers down from his chin.
"At home I get by
Without wearing a tie
Since I am, in the end, just a Finn,"
--- Fred Cohen P8601
Tried to maintain a positive tone,
But when toffs on a toot
Put a fish in his boot,
Everyone on the strand heard him groan.
--- Dogbard
Who screamed as he sat on a tack.
He flew through the air
While clutching his hair,
And then flew immediately back.
--- Anon
Gave all that he had to the poor;
But, alas and alack,
They would not give it back,
So he's not giving them any more.
--- Michael Palin
As he entered the Hampton Court Maze,
"There's nothing in it.
I won't be a minute."
He's been missing for forty-one days.
--- Frank Richards
Who said, "The one thing I regret,
Is a moment of mirth
With a soldier from Perth,
And a barbershop singing quartet."
--- Richard Long
Has charm and good looks and appeal;
Yet friends never raise
Their voices in praise --
They don't have to because they know he'll.
--- Margaret A Murdock P8402
Who took flowers wherever he went.
Narcissi and roses
He scattered in posies
From Newport to Burton-on-Trent.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Who roamed dreamily hither and yon.
One would see him and shout
As he wandered about,
But before he looked 'round, he'd have gone.
--- Anon
Who managed a cozy hotel.
One day, in a hurry,
He slipped on some curry,
And now he's a human pret-zel!
--- Brian
Whose purpose in Life was to pester:
To, "How do you do?"
His reply, "Go and stew!"
Was offensive and likely to fester.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Was the Captain who dressed in a toga;
It was no help in steering
Or cruise engineering,
But it suited him fine for his yoga.
--- J Maynard Kaplan
Who spent every Thursday in bed;
He lay with his feet
Outside of the sheet,
And the pillows on top of his head.
--- Edward Gorey
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