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A young Semite named Abraham Braudis The name of my boss is John Merritt; A schoolboy from old County Down, A lodger from Brighton called Briggs There once was a fellow called Skaggs There was a young man of St. Bees, A name like Le Mesurier's curious; A young man grew increasingly peaky, There is an old fellow named Mark, If it's management men you pursue The Million Man March, so they say, There once was a grey PhD There was a young man from Lake Erie, Joe Hitler (old joke) changed his name. A newspaper reader named Gage, next page!
Infinitesimal James Of wit, old Joe thinks he's endowed, A man we all know, called Joel Keizer, Jim Peacock's a haughty old bird. There was a young printer named Castorisk There was an old man named Gilhooly, The new billionaire, Quenton J Nape, A hapless old person named Hall, There was an old toff named De Vere, When he'd mention his name, folks would blurt A finicky Finn from Helsinki A philosopher out in Mount Holly A philosopher out in Mount Holly (radio - twist her dials and try to get India - McW)
There has been a considerable noise The very first butler I'll get, "There's two things in life that I dread," There lives in our attic, young Roger, There was a young fellow so poor, Did you hear about Arty McCarty, There once was a young man of Crete A guy named Jacques Archambeault There was a rude fellow called Dean, There's an old snootin' fart from Texas, There were two young men of Damascus, A Sierra man off on a spree An amazingly talented tutor "Your aptitude test on the whole," Youth yearns to seem grown-up, mature, I have trouble in setting my mind Old age -- is it blessing or curse? Some elderly, nearing senescence, I roamed a junkyard yesterday; In childhood, it's easy to feel When I was young and never snaky, Seniors tell us they hate being told "If not well, call in sick," I've been told. At the hardware store they call Jack's, I have often been credibly told If it's not something wrong with an eye, It's increasingly often that I As an adult, I really learned fast Chest out, shoulders back, standing straight: Edaciously scarfing each hour, In time, the destruction of order "In my calendar", said an old sage, I'm combing what's left of my hair, Fair of face, strong of arm, warm of groin, A fist fight at Sonata Bay I once worked in a home for old folk, Keep pace with your database; If you aim to reclaim a surname, Those researching Genealogy
Hated "Victimae Paschali Laudes".
"It's unfair to the Jews"
Quoth the lad, "And I chose
To protest." Now he works for the Saudis.
--- Anon
He politics just like a ferret.
He hired his crew,
And he'll hire you too,
If you repeat what he says like a parrot.
--- Someone in Austin
Imagined that he was a clown.
He threw paint at the girls,
Which messed up their curls,
Then he cried when they jumped on his crown.
--- Mike O'Conner
Had a penchant for syrup of figs;
Though he did what he could,
The results were so good,
He had to keep moving his digs.
--- Michael Palin
Who kept all his things in black bags.
When people asked why
He'd admit, with a sigh,
There were certainly all sorts of snags.
--- Michael Palin
Who had the most knobby of knees;
So just for a lark,
He stood in the park,
Where they looked like the trunks of old trees.
--- Cyril Bibby P9307
Call him "Mess-oo-rear" and he grows furious;
Say it "Mess-your-ee-ay"
And he may say, "Touche"!
That's the measure of names like Mesurious.
--- Ray Castle
In a house where the hinges were squeaky.
The ferns curled up brown,
The ceilings flaked down,
And all of the faucets were leaky.
--- Edward Gorey
Who lives in a tree in the park.
You can see him each night,
By his library light,
Turning over the leaves after dark.
--- James Montgomery Flagg
Don't hunt every beast in the zoo.
Just look for the signs
That say: "Tigers and Lions."
It isn't how many...it's who!
--- Alexander G. Ross P9611
Was a winner in evey way.
Over 900 thou.
Assembled somehow.
Thirteen of them missed work that day.
--- Anon
Without whose alliance I'd be
In a prison cell cramped,
Or beneath a bridge, camped,
For the man is more than his degree.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Who felt that his life was quite dreary.
He'd three kids and a spouse,
A big yellow house,
And debts that left him quite teary.
--- Bonnie B.
Got tired of hearing that same
"Hello", and then, "Joe
Well whaddya know?"
And so Henry Hitler became.
--- Irving Superior P9507
Would fly in a terrible rage,
When he would choose
To read some big news,
And find it continued...
--- New Comic Limericks P9602
Had nine unpronounceable names;
He wrote them all down,
With a mortified frown,
And threw the whole lot in the flames.
--- Carolyn Wells P8912
"Half right," he is viewed by the crowd;
On Joe's epitaph:
"He made us all laugh,
But at him, not with him, out loud!"
--- Anon
Spouts thoughts and ideas like a geyser.
But I fear they all tend
To spout from the wrong end,
Leaving nobody any bit wiser.
--- Anon
Never offers a smile or a word.
When asked for a feather,
He said, "In this weather?
You'll give me the flu! It's absurd!"
--- Funfax Limericks
Whose dignity he was the last to risk.
He always took care
When his boss was there
'Cause he was not eager his *.
--- Cliff Rather P9009
So vulgar, uncouth and unruly,
And so full of deceit,
And with hate so replete,
That he would not sign letters, Yours Truly.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2589
Languishes off Canaveral's Cape.
He's a lesson to teach
The would-be nouveau riche:
"Deal in plastic sheeting and duct tape."
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0305
Through his predisposition to fall
Off the White Cliffs of Dover,
And pull people over,
Was shunned and rejected by all.
--- Anon
Who called every young person, dear.
Some girls took offense,
And told him to dispense
With this habit; "Please don't do that there."
--- Arthur Pattaffy
Out a snort or guffaw, which would hurt.
This staid man of calm sense
Showed control most intense,
As required, if your name is Phil Durte.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0209
Complained that his skin wasn't pinky.
So he went on the lam
With a large tin of SPAM,
Now he's pink as a skink but quite stinky.
--- Mike O'Conner
Writes books on the world and its folly;
When he has to relax
From his savage attacks,
He likes to play trains with his dolly.
--- Morris Bishop P8804
Writes books on the world and its folly;
He has to relax
From his savage attacks;
He plays radio with his dolly.
--- Arthur Deex P0412
On the difference between men and boys.
But close observation
Reveals the causation,
It is merely the price of their toys.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2726
When I reach my six-figure net.
Regardless his name,
He must play the game
And answer when I call him Rhett.
--- Irving Superior P9912
Said Buford to his buddy Fred.
"The first one is rising,
And not too surprising,
The other is going to bed."
--- Observer
A very agreeable lodger.
He never complains,
And we hope he remains
Our lodger till Roger's a codger.
--- Cyber Geezer
He lived in a half-finished sewer.
He never complained
Though at times, when it rained,
He did find life hard to endure.
--- John Ciardi
This is file tfm
He sent out the cards for a party.
But so snooty and few
Were the people he knew,
That no one was there but poor Arty.
--- Anon
Who constantly stood on his fete;
"I am tempted," he said,
"To stand on my head--
But I fear that would be indiscrete."
--- Norm Storer
Lived in a bucket of goo.
Half-filled with sand,
He tried to pretend
It was the most norm thing to do.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Who swallowed a washing machine.
Now his taste buds
Are covered with suds,
And all of his jokes are quite clean.
--- Funfax Limericks
He refused to pay off his taxes.
And whenever they come
And they say he's a bum,
He goes off to them hills and relaxes.
--- Sven
Who said, "There's no problem can task us.
We are both very smart --
If there's doubt in your heart,
We can settle your doubts if you ask us."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2531
Was seen to be hugging a tree.
"It's just for a lark,
And the love of its bark,
And its branches are something to see."
--- Anon
Had a brain that was like a computer.
The eyes of this fellow
Flashed red, green, and yellow,
And the kids say he couldn't be cuter.
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada
The counselor told Mr. Noel,
Is conclusive, my friend,
So what I'd recommend
Is that you apply for the dole.
--- A N Wilkins P8609
Says often, "I'm older than you're";
Age, taken aback,
Mounts a counter-attack,
Says, "Son, that's a crock of manure."
--- Laurence Perrine P8509
To the details of things, and I find
That the purpose is lost,
So the matter is tossed;
What's in front is too often behind.
--- Eric Hinds
To grow old, I'm not wholly adverse.
Though I know it's not bliss,
I must ponder on this:
The alternative's clearly much worse.
--- William N Nesbit P9605
Enjoying a youthful accrescence
Of amorous strength,
Appear, at some length,
To value prolonged adolescence.
--- R J Winkler P8502
A home for old folks final stay.
They'd love to be missed,
But simply exist.
Better off dead than thrown away.
--- Doctor Wryme TP9802
The eternal suffusing the real.
But as the beholder
Gets steadily older,
It doesn't seem such a big deal.
--- Nigel Andrew
My calloused hands were never shaky.
My weight was not
One-third of a pot,
And my back was never so achey.
--- Limber Limericks
Of the Golden Years Joys of the old.
"If that's true," they complain,
"Then will you please explain,
Why are liver spots brown, never gold?"
--- Evelyn Bogen P9605
Now I think I am getting a cold.
And my arthritis aches.
And I'm having the shakes.
And I'm tired. So I'm calling in "old".
--- William N Nesbit P0107
I told the store clerk the facts:
For cutting up wood,
A chainsaw'd be good,
As I'm getting too old for an axe.
--- Anon
That when people are awfully old,
Though cigars are a curse,
And strong waters are worse,
There is nothing so fatal as cold.
--- Hilaire Belloc (Bibby)
Or some blood cells of which we are shy,
Or the heart skipped a beat,
Or the swelling of feet;
How the days of old-age worry by.
--- Irving Superior P9607
Find myself in a grey suite and tie
Sipping wine, eating cakes,
At retirements and wakes...
How the days of our youth hurry by.
--- William Nesbit P9606
To become a firm iconoclast!
Now I'm getting older,
It's fun to be bolder
And maybe develop a "Past."
--- Barb
The posture I took to lure Kate
Who fished by me near,
But all I could hear
Was "Gramps, can you spare me some bait?"
--- Travis Brasell
My life the days quickly devour,
Until all of a sudden,
My youth, well, it wudden'
And well into old age I now are.
--- Gary Hallock
Makes bodily attibutes broader,
'Til everything slips
To the buttocks and hips,
In chaotic and flabby disorder.
--- Peter Wilkins
"Every month I will flip a new page;
And for every new flip
I feel less young and hip,
And the more I am feeling my age."
--- Cap'n Bean P0503
And trying to dress with some flair.
I might be fair game.
(They've lowered their aim.)
Oh Shit! I fell out of my chair!
--- Angel Deva
All these, time will erase or purloin.
Should your years exceed few,
You've a membership due
In a club, you'll be forced to join.
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P9707
Was avoided in quite a strange way,
When two elderly men
Tried to argue and then
Plumb forgot what they wanted to say!
--- Ally Ann
The wages were simply a joke!
Mealtimes were all gore,
There was pee on the floor,
And those poor dears would frequently croak!
--- Jayne
Make haste and data interlace.
But don't ever forget
It's a safety net;
Research it does not replace.
--- Anon
Know that pain is the name of the game.
Even though it's not fair,
Dead no longer care
If your results are lame or bring fame!
--- Anon
Are frustrated not infrequently.
Some past kin left no trace;
They just left the earth's face,
Stranding searchers up the family tree.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0303
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