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"So tell us, does size really matter?" Said a plucky young girl in Monticello, A well-hung old midget named Clyde Kay wants a man hung like a horse, I once met a girl that had said, My pecker is not limp today; A condiment salesman named Firkin Wise Hoagy, the yogi from Rawls, To measure our size is a pain, I have heard that good lovin' takes charm I've listened to women who natter; Happily for me I've no spouse, My own dad was hung like a horse, Once you get their attention, There was a young lady named Psyche, Things in Texas are big, that's the hype; A gourmet with a enormous tool Just concentrate nurse, it's a trick. Detective inspector Don Wrangler He'll be there to inspect me, There was a young fellow named Harry, A massive thrust to her slit, The models who lie on my couch There once was a man named Rock, A woman once told me "Your loss, "It grows to three inches," said Rick, There was a young woodsman named Kimber Said a fat old whore of Big Rise: The sheriff to wife said "Babe, this Now, if like old Archie, your hung, A teenager known as Big Rick There once was a belle from Toulon, Poor Cubby set fire to her eggs, A prospector who lives out in Dallas There once was a Scotsman named Rod There was a young fellow named Rod, So his dick's too big for your gob, This nymph thought big pricks were a treasure, There once was a boy from New Brunswick, While lying here having a beat, There was a young man from Dallas, Men hung with out-sized genitalia An art buff in London named Snow, A passion-struck tourist named Eunice The French can brag on romance; Some of the girls are quite brave -- So now you know I'm a show stopper, My wife is faithful, I know; I once knew a Scotsman named Jock, There was a young man from San Dimas, Once a rakish young Frenchman named Jules I wish I were eighteen years old There once was a soldier named Purvis, A sturdy young fellow named Schmidt Here are my penile parameters, A guy with a build that was stallionate, There's a pickled stiff pecker in Florence, There once was a young man named Lanny, There was a young man named Cribs There was a young fellow of Harrow, (marrow - spouse, lover)
There was a young idler named Blood, There once was a man named Paul, There once was a young man named Terrell, A boatman by the name of DeFarge We're in debt to a Sheikh; way back when; Mother! Oh Mother! Come down to the crick; A fellow of Ness, name of Jock
Said the bride to her seamstress and hatter.
"Five and an eighth --
You'd have to have faith;
But seven will make you much gladder!"
--- Jim Weaver Collection
When she saw the big cock on a fellow,
"That oversize pecker
Looks like a cunt wrecker,
But let's try it, man--I ain't yellow."
--- G0405
Dressed up as a boy and he cried.
He said, "Lady, help me
For I want to go pee."
When she pulled out his PRICK, she near died.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1996
So I'm picked as a matter of course.
When all other dates fail,
I can count on her tail,
Which is twice as hot since her divorce.
--- G0363
"I like my men big in my bed.
A big twelve inch whopper
Is my kind of chopper!"
So twice, gave six inches, instead.
--- Steve Hocking
My girlfriend just loves it that way.
Twelve inches in all
And almost as tall,
And she says she just wants to play.
--- Digital Warfare
Went courting with old Mrs Birkin.
He said: "If she tickles
Me under the pickles,
She'll faint at the size of me gherkin."
--- Paul Graham
Toots away as he sits on his balls.
Thus parked on his glands,
His vast penis stands,
The sight of which shocks and appalls.
--- G0432
With little or no other gain
The size counts for naught,
But all men are taught,
That its worth more than Oil to Hussein.
--- Anon
And tenderness to avoid harm.
And between his thighs,
Who cares about size,
If it's long and as thick as his arm.
--- Marlene Lewis
They're saying that size doesn't matter.
But if twenty guys
Should offer their prize,
They'd always be choosing the fatter.
--- Anon
And my pecker's not sized for a mouse.
'Cause when you mom said,
"I've had Dave in bed,
And his dick is the size of a house!"
--- David Miller
Though I peeked only once, of course.
It hung to his knees;
It was nothing to sneeze
At, though Dad was only five foot four.
--- Anon
Try not to keep them in suspension.
The cock in my trousers
Is such a great wowser!
A winner that gets special mention.
--- Ginger
In bed with a fellow named Ike.
Said he, "Now don't worry,
Or hurry or flurry,
But that ain't my prick -- it's a spike."
--- L1324
How do yo live up to that stereotype?
If you're nibbled and bited
And generally excited,
Can you still reach the keyboard to type?"
--- Ericka
Liked to stick it in pasta fazool.
It made him feel macho
To come on a nacho,
And he used it for stirring his gruel.
--- Anon
Please pass me that saw and be quick.
I said, 'Pass me that saw.'
Yes, I know it's enor-
mous; stop messing around with his dick!
--- Anon
Desperately hunted a strangler.
Because the evil beast
Did not care the least
If he used his hands or his dangler.
--- Paul Westwood P9607a
With a big syringe to inject me.
Oh, I'll be humpbacked
Before I get back
To Ten-Ten-Tennessee...
--- L1108
Had a joint that was long, huge, and scary.
He pressed it on a virgin
Who, without any urgin',
Immediately spread like a fairy.
--- L0171
Brought a fart that should have been lit!
"Oh pardon," she sighed,
"It's nothing," he cried.
"Most girls usually shit."
--- Connie Lingas
Are gals who confess I'm no slouch;
They know that my art
Is grand, in large part,
As evidenced when they yell "Ouch!"
--- Travis Brasell
Whose libido was up 'round the clock!
The women revered him,
Though some of them feared him,
Because of his 13 inch cock.
--- Skippy T9707
Your 'meager' one's not worth the toss.
You told me, you see,
You have only three."
"Oh, but darling, I measured across!"
--- Anon
When describing the size of his dick.
But no girl ever laughed
Or rejected his shaft,
For they all seemed to like it that thick!
--- Lims For Year - 01
Whose cock was so long and so limber
That when brought to erection
'Twas a work of perfection.
When it fell, all the ladies cried, "Timber!"
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0502
"I can hardly believe my own eyes!
But there waves a pecker
That's certain cunt-wrecker,
And I ain't fuckin' none of that size."
--- G0254
Dooley is getting me pissed.
Should be bloody well hung!
The wife bit her tongue,
But thought: "And he certainly is."
--- Tiddy Ogg
And barely the size of a bung,
When she licks your bitty,
Old H needs your pity,
He ne'er gets the throat, just the tongue.
--- H Welchel
Had quite a magnificent prick;
When his girlfriend sighed,"Quickly!"
He looked rather sickly,
For friction spent Rick's prick too quick.
--- Mark Levy P9308
Who said to her beau, "Pas si bon!
I admire your technique,
It's really tres chic,
But you're still both Toulouse and Toulon."
--- Anon
While bouncing around 'tween her legs.
She hatched out a child
That giggled and smiled.
He knew he'd leave dad with the dregs.
--- Marlene Lewis
This is file tfl
Lays a claim to the world's largest phallus.
But a guy in Fort Worth
Has the biggest on Earth --
Twenty inches of uncontrolled malice!
--- Hugh Oliver A113C
Who lifted his kilt for some broad.
She liked his dick,
For 'twas two inches thick,
And about a ten or so inch prod!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Renowned for the size of his prod.
He attempted to stuff it
Up Little Miss Muffet,
And the last words she spoke were: "My God!"
--- G0437
A fact that just makes you sob.
But if you had waited
Until it's part inflated,
Then it won't be such a prob.
--- Anon
And searched for the ultimate pleasure.
Each man had to prove
He could stretch her big groove,
As determined by her yellow tape measure.
--- Laurence Craft
Who had a very large stunstick.
With the stick, he would whack
What he'd caught in his sack;
The whole thing was enough to make dung sick.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
I gaze on this thing we call meat.
It's so long and fat,
If on it you sat,
I'd ruin you for Frank, John, and Pete.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Who had an exceptional phallus.
He couldn't find room
In any girl's womb,
Without rubbing it first with Vitalis.
--- L0150
Are welcomed by gals in Australia,
Peru, Greece, Iran,
Hindustan and Japan,
Arabia and Main Street, Westphalia...
--- Grand Prix Lim 314
Accosted a fortnight ago,
Is alleged to have quipped
When a flasher unzipped,
"Your exhibit's well hung, sir, Good show!"
--- Playboy Mag J F O'Conner
Was laid by the Emir of Tunis.
She said, "Very few guys
Can approach him for size,
Which makes his a prize by its fewness."
--- G0680
The Spanish, flamenco dance;
Ubangis, their lips;
Russian women, their hips;
But I'll brag on what's in my pants!
--- MrMalo a
They gently squat down on my stave.
They stop about half,
But then I just laugh,
And slam the whole bear in the cave.
--- H Welchel
Though never intro'd myself proper.
The laughs that I bring
Is surely nothing,
Compared to the size of my whopper.
--- Anon
Wild oats she has no need to sow.
For morning to night
I can turn on that light,
With my aptly named Giant Marrow.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Who had an enormous great cock.
The lady next door
Couldn't take any more,
As it woke her about five o'clock.
--- Anon
Who had such an enormous penis,
All the women would cry,
As they went by,
Please let us share it between us.
--- William Ted
Said, "In romance, I'm nobody's fool.
Women think me a bore;
In the end they want more --
So impressed with the size of my tool!"
--- Scott Oliver
And dashing, and handsome, and bold.
While (just for the record)
I'm pretty well peckered,
More girls I would get with more gold.
--- Anon
Whose cock was the pride of the service.
They'd come in on trucks
To watch one of his fucks,
Though he always said, "Crowds make me nervous."
--- G0428
Was blessed with an oversize kit.
When he took off his clothes
His new ladyfriend froze,
But she felt it would not hurt a bit.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0326
Set in iambic pentamter:
My great manly shaft
Is an inch and a half,
But it's well over ten in diameter.
--- Phil T
Found it harder than Hades to copulate.
When sexually charged,
His appendage enlarged
To the girth of the girl he took out to date.
--- L1639
One can view at the shrine of St. Lawrence.
Aghast at its size,
Some lower their eyes,
While some others just stare and weep torrents.
--- Anon
The size of whose prick was uncanny.
His wife, the poor dear,
Took it into her ear,
And it came out a hole in her fanny.
--- L1722
Whose cock was so big it had ribs.
That's not so bad,
But what really IS sad
Is that his balls are so big they have nibs."
--- Anon
Whose john was the size of a marrow.
He said to his tart,
"How's that for a start?
My balls are outside in a barrow."
--- L0170
Made a fortune performing at stud,
His fifteen-inch peter,
(A triple repeater)
Would come like the Biblical Flood.
--- L0273
And although he wasn't so tall,
His dick was quite large,
As big as a barge.
Sometimes when he walked he would fall!
--- Anon
Who was always considered quite virile.
The women he'd lay
Would all talk and say
That "his pecker's as big as a barrel."
--- DJ
Had a pecker exceedingly large.
He was arrested one day
For public foreplay,
With two pleasure craft and a barge.
--- John Chastaine TP9901
He gave sage advice with his pen;
The chicks will be glad;
And, with joy, driven mad,
If your tool's of the size of Big Ben!
--- Anon
There's an Irishman down there who's washing his prick.
It's as long as your arm;
It's as thick as your wrist;
The knob on the end is as big as your fist!
--- Laurie Broughton a
Who boasted, "The size of my cock
Is far bigger than
That of any man,
Or of anything found in the Loch!"
--- Alexander Baron
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