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When 14, my Great Auntie Joan There once was a man from Australia, A cunt-happy coot of North Galion "Tissues for my issue, dear, please! There once was a man from Australia, I feel just like a damn fool, The girly told Herman J. Dunn There once was a man named O'Dailey A cowboy named Bill from Dallas, At one time the size of our poles (so it's smaller now via evolution? - McW)
I hear that your dick is tremendous, A petite girl, who begged for some action, There was a young sailor named Claude, My wife's friend said she saw King Kong; A guy with a big massive prick, A butcher who works in Cologne How they marvel at Joe's penile vigor, Why do men pay such heed to mere size Said a passionate lady of Ewell, There was a young boy named Jed, I just could not believe my eyes -- A fellow called Owen had once An expert at kissin' and dallyin' My personal trainer, Miss Stounds, I once met a boy from Toledo, He was only a gay caballero "In our cult," said the girl, "it was true: A staunchly built fellow named Pratt Quite a looming big bloke am I; I once knew a bloke, Davey Borse; There once was a widow named Reilly, Men always want a big prick, Old Cappy and me were at sea, There was a young man from Nairobi I know that you've all heard the chatter, Yiddle, the orchestra fiddler, Ah, a maiden has taken my bait, There was a young lady of Chester, Exhibitionist Enos There was a young man named Mahoney, A well-endowed man was dejected, Clyde, with his dick at attention, She stared at the size of my schmoe, There was a young lady named Schilling, A man who in speech was laconic, The bigger the better's the rule; The apex of Throckmorton Bleek A lady who lived in Tzaneen I once had a friend, name of Lee, Said a certain young well-endowed Finn, An astonished young lady named Bissell In the clearing, stark-naked I stood; A pilot who visited tarts, A generously endowed man There once was an enormous dick; There once was this girl named Alexis, A good-natured fellow named Wise There was a young girl from Spokane, "Hanging pictures", sighed clumsy Miss Young, I hear that your thing is tremendous; A charming young man from LeMans There was a young girl of Peitou (written in Formosa by an Air Force man, hence 'Winger')
John Thomas is so well-equipped, Like the mighty majestic red oak. And Roger, that old skinless Louse, "My cock is the biggest," said Clyde.
Caught me, up in my bedroom alone,
Curtains drawn in the gloom.
She peered into the room ,
And remarked (as she did), "How you've grown!"
--- Peter Wilkins
Who was hung with amazing paraphenalia!
On his honeymoon flight,
His bride stayed up all night
Exploring with his huge genitalia!
--- Laurence Craft
Is hung, so they say, like a stallion.
Effecting insertion
Takes grease and exertion,
And he drives the girls nuts with his dallyin'.
--- G0417
My stocks in Kleenex, I will seize.
I've the greatest demand
(You must give me a hand)
'Cause I'm bloody well hung to the knees!"
--- Anon
Who had rather large genitalia.
He said to his bride,
"Don't try to hide,
'Cause where ever you go, I can nail ya'
--- Craig Mack
Discussing the size of your tool.
I do know of course,
You're hung like a horse!
(A hankie! I've started to drool!)
--- Jim Weaver Collection
As she took his fantastical bun,
"Your big ruddy tool
Is a shocker, you fool!
It's immodest, immoral...and FUN!
--- Grand Prix Lim 747
Whose manhood looked like a shillelagh.
His sweet Irish lass
Was heard to have gasped,
"Do you want to make love or impale me?"
--- Anon
Sported a tremendous phallus,
Mainly of callous,
He worked without malice,
In a Fort Worth sporting palace.
--- Masquerade: Queer P0606
Was likened to that of a Rolls.
But women complained
'Bout how much it pained,
When men got to plundering holes.
--- SFA Q
When erect, it is something stupendous.
But if I were impaled,
I'm sure you'd be jailed
For my injuries most horrendous.
--- CyberCelt T9710
Told a guy with a nine inch attraction:
"It would cause me dismay
If you went all the way --
But I'd settle", she smiled, "for a fraction."
--- Playboy Mag J F O'Conner
Renowned for the size of his prod.
He attempted to lay
An old whore in Malay,
And the last words she spoke were, "My God!"
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0422
Her words to my wife were all wrong.
She slugged her friend's face,
Saying, "Out of my place!
Just when did you see my man's schlong!"
--- Travis Brasell
When asked, "How long is your dick?"
Said, "If my pants stop holding
My cock from unfolding,
You'd be knocked on your ass, mighty quick!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Has a clientele all of his own.
What the ladies like most
Is the weight of his roast,
Not to mention the size of his bone.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun
At its size and magnificent rigor.
When he was a lad,
'Twas already not bad,
And with age, it keeps on getting bigger.
--- Isaac Asimov
Of the organ we all dearly prize,
Rather than learning best
To ply that which we're blessed
To capture us rapturous cries?
--- Bob Giandomenico P9102
"The fellows, of course want my jewel.
But I make my selection
By length-in-erection--
Twelve inces is fine, as a rule."
--- Grand Prix Lim 951 G0324
Whose dong was big and blood-red.
Said his girlfriend, "Your prick
Is too rough and too thick--
Let's go to the movies instead."
--- G0098
This stud was truly a prize!
He had a great dong,
So thick and so long --
I thought 'twas a bat 'tween his thighs!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
A pecker the size of a donks,
Until he met Sue
Who gave him the flu,
And said, Darling, your conk I could bonk!"
--- Mystelle
Had a prick quite like that of a stallion.
His success would be cosmic
But for shortcomings osmic,
For he reeked very strongly of scallion.
--- Isaac Asimov
Said, "Travis, forgive how this sounds,
But if I could choose
The weight you should lose,
I'd say, in your dick, 30 lbs."
--- Travis Brasell
Who in his pants kept a torpedo.
At first, I said "Ow!"
And then I said "WOW!"
I'm in love with his dick and libido.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Dressed in shorts and a wide-brimmed sombrero,
But his prick and his knockers
Made believers of mockers,
Not to speak of a friendly vaquero.
--- Armand E Singer 887
The Mahatma'd get stoned and then screw.
In the buff, he'd smoke bhang,
While his drug-plugged-in-whang
Just guh-rew and guh-rew and guhh-rew."
--- Anon
Had equipment resembling a bat...
Once a pixie in Pismo
Cried, "Man, what a gizmo!
Do you really make babies with THAT?"
--- Grand Prix Lim 554
For a snack I eat a huge pie.
And the size of my dick,
Makes the women quite sick,
And I have yet to find out why.
--- Anon
They say he was hung like a horse.
I just had to know
So I said, "Is it so?"
He promptly replied, "Yes, of course!"
--- Aussie Owl
Who esteemed her late husband most highly,
And, in spite of the scandal,
Her umbrella handle,
Was made from his membrum virile.
--- L1505
But too deep down my throat makes me sick.
Size doesn't matter;
Bigger's not fatter;
Girls like me just want a good lick.
--- Tjarda
When all at once, we had to pee.
Mermaids hid 'neath the rails,
With numbers on their tales.
'Twas a 10 for old Cappy and me.
--- Anon
This is file tgl
Who lived in a house of adobe.
He believed his "front tail"
Was as big as a whale's
And that's why his called his dick "Moby".
--- Robert Elliot
Which tells you that size doesn't matter.
"The fatter the batter,
The bigger the splatter."
So sayeth Sis Chris, female satyr.
--- Sis Chris
Has such a magnificent diddler,
That girls, on first viewing,
Scream in shock, "Nothing doing!"
Though now and then one lets him twiddler.
--- Grand Prix Lim 320 G0330
Unsuspecting I really have eight
Fat inches of gristle
That I'll launch like a missile,
The dusty, hot box to dilate.
--- Anon
Who fell in love with a jester.
Her breath came out hotly,
At the sight of his motley,
But the head on his wand most impressed her.
--- G0292
Oft exhibits his extra-large penis.
I'll tell you a secret,
If you promise to keep it.
He is ME -- so please keep it between us!!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Who was thought of, by some, as a phony.
He did talk up a storm.
But come time to perform,
He sure had a lot of baloney.
--- John Ciardi
Though his organ's great size was respected.
When tumesced it would drain
All the blood from his brain,
So he fainted each time he erected.
--- Bob Giandomenico P9307
(The size of his balls we won't mention.)
He popped Daisy Mae
Who knew not what to say;
But he sure didn't need an extension.
--- Queentut
Exclaiming, "My god, it won't go!"
So kissing her lips
And tweaking her nips,
I diddled her cunt with my toe.
--- Anon
Who said to the oil man, "I'm willing
To engage your fine rig,
But it looks mighty big,
So forget any off shore drilling."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0322
Was considered to be quite moronic.
Though slow in the tongue
He was really quite hung,
So his sex life was quite supersonic.
--- Anon
I'm no "size isn't everything" fool.
I like 'em to wow me;
Not "are you in now?" me;
And dressing both sides would be cool!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Is a rare anatomical freak.
He's attached to a dong
Brobdinagian long,
But he faints when it reaches its peak!
--- Grand Prix Lim 793
Was really delighted and keen
On a man from Tobruk
With a big sturdy snook,
Instead of a floppy sardine.
--- James Clarke P9702
Whose pecker hung down to his knee.
If he hadn't a' tied it,
The girls they'd all ride it,
Now he never could use it to pee.
--- Anon
"I can never do more that begin.
Though I try very hard,
My attempt is ill-starred,
I can't shove it all the way in."
--- Isaac Asimov
Let out a lascivious whistle,
When her boyfriend stripped nude.
He remarked, "Though it's crude,
Please observe that ain't muscle -- it's missile!"
--- G0257
"As a model," Kate said, "You're quite good!
But the background is sparse
And blocked out by your arse,
And I can't see the trees for your wood."
--- David Miller
(Didn't care for those unexplored parts)
Earned thund'rous applause
From those Seen-It-All whores
'Cause his chopper was right off the charts.
--- Lucy
Will always be in great demand --
And he can get paid
By a wealthy old maid
And make quite a fortune, he can!
--- Kaylin Brandon
The size of it would make you sick.
All the girls wanted it,
But it just wouldn't fit.
All's it got was a quick sick dick lick.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Thought all big pricks came from Texas.
But she made a mistake
When the man from Salt Lake
Filled her cunt with his "Pecker Erectus!"
--- Laurence Craft
Had a dong of incredible size.
His gargantuan putter
Set the ladies aflutter --
Too bad! He only fucked guys.
--- John Chastaine
Went to bed with a one-legged man.
She said, "I know you.
You've really got two!
Why didn't you say so when we began?"
--- L0240
"Is a task that can make me unstrung.
Thank God for my neighbor
Who volunteered labor,
Both my pictures and he are well hung.
--- Playboy Mag J F O'Conner
Of a magnitude that just might send us
Over a sexual cliff,
But only if stiff.
If it's soft, from such fates please defend us.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Had the world's biggest purplest glans.
It was shocking to know
That he'd poke any hole,
Then lick the remains from his hands!
--- Ahab
Who almost never said "No!"
She met up with a Winger,
Took one look at his stinger,
And said, "I'd prefer your big toe."
--- G0418
That all of his trousers have ripped.
The size of his wad
Is forcing this lad
To wearing his trousers unzipped.
With 'acorns' to make a squirrel choke,
Unmatched is your size,
When given to rise,
With a tender caressing stroke.
--- Anon
Had offered his bait to my spouse.
But when she went round,
All that she had found
Was Roger had bragged of his house.
--- Anon
His friend took a look and replied,
"You sure said a mouthful!
I'm not the least doubtful,
And I couldn't match that if I tried."
--- Limericks Naughty & Gay
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