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That bear was so large that I fought I've lusted in life for things finer; So first may I ask what you're drilling? I drill for the thrill, but I fear I'm sitting here lost in my thoughts; But perhaps time itself doesn't pass, No answer to me seems complete So I guess a treat I am after; At the first sight of a cold winter's storm, You must be from Phoenix, I'd guess; Not Phoenix, but Florida, I'd say. Grandad remembers the time Sweet Granny recalls the days, too, You know that I never would dare At a masquerade ball, Lady Gwynne I once asked an erudite mystic, On this wonderful day of your birth, My wife built a platform of cabers; In a house on McCubbin, not Grotto, Whether fiddling or winning at lotto Said this excellent author called Otto, For this calling he has the right tools, In the state to our south, they're no fools; Down in Iowa too, though our Jules In the fair ladnd of Lake Woebegon, I love Lucy, she uses her mind; "This writeup of you," said his wife, There once was a very odd school Got no spotlights or headlights or bells? Two sibs, Way and Will from Palm Bay, A boy who his dad called a loafer, His mum was afraid of young Kevin, My aunt of one hundred and one My mom had a penchant linguistic, After being quite naughty, Jim Cranket Old widow McVee keeps imploring Ba is a town in Fiji; My father, he sat in a chair; Said a pretty young girl: "I shall smother My young uncle just married Anne Grant, Although it may pain me to say it, There once was a fellow named Nate. (throw out of an upper story window)
My great-grandmother is dead. There once was a young lady named Lizzy, To a family reunion we went, Uncle Jimmy was prone to loud snoring -- The color of leaves is called blue. The Smiths at the club can be chided Don't be queasy if graveyards are breezy, Some ancestors are hard to find, A genealogy dodger I have here a little granddaughter, And laughs at the things I have taught her. Through the years growing gray, growing wise, Of neighbors, the less heard the better, A grandchild to the family was added, My Grandfather, Big Harry B, There was a young woman from Book Geneology was simple for Pat; While gazing at great-grandpa's stone, At the library table I sit When I come to the end of the day, When she goes on a trip, she enjoys There once was a fellow from Fife A young man from far Madras arose, A young man from far Madras arose,
That I skinned him right on the spot.
And made new coats for
The whole town who wore
'Til the sun shone, makin' them hot.
--- Anon
So I dated an old forty-niner.
But it seemed that his vein
Was way off of the main
Stream of gold, into pyrite ore minor.
--- Anon
Perhaps silver used in a filling?
Digging up shiny things,
That will sit atop rings?
Now there are some thoughts for the thrilling.
--- Anon
That I merely struck copper last year;
But it certainly seams
I can answer your dreams,
For my drill-bit is diamond, my dear.
--- Anon
I wonder of is and is nots.
The future's not here.
What is coming, I fear,
May be worse than the past I forgot.
--- Anon
But is always existing and lasts
Just like special parts.
This strange temporal art
Keeps things in existence held fast.
--- Anon
Perhaps it is best to delete
All thoughts of this type
Don't worry, don't grype
Just accept what seems real as a treat.
--- Anon
Be it sex, or liquor, or laughter.
An escape from my mind
To a place undefined,
To avoid a mental disaster.
--- Anon
The snowbirds migrate where it's warm.
In the South, we now choke
On retirement folk;
From the north, they move down in a swarm.
--- Goin2later
Where locals live under distress,
When they are bombarded
With old folks "retarded",
Who use it as a winter address.
--- Observer
Or that place south of LA,
Where they go for their leisure,
And instead have a seizure.
These snow birds are now here to stay.
--- Anon
When a gallon of gas cost a dime;
When clean water was free
And so was TV;
But cursing aloud was a crime.
--- Lynn Mostafa
As ladies in their eighties can do.
But she had no money,
No food and no honey;
History depends on your point of view.
--- Lynn Mostafa
To write a rude verse on Albert,
For nobody's sweeter
Than Albert Goldbeter,
Le Belgique Parfait je d'clare.
--- Gordon Conference
Appeared in an elephant skin,
Which everyone felt
Surpassed her own pelt,
And the shape that she used to be in.
--- Lims Unlimited
"What's a lie and what's euphemistic?"
He stood on his head
And sententitiously said,
"The distinction is purely linguistic."
--- Ms Ira Gardner-Smith
I now pledge before Heaven and Earth,
That I'll bring you a cart
Filled with love from my heart.
Well, you can't always get what you're worth.
--- Graham Lester
I admired the fruit of her labors.
When I got to the top,
I just couldn't stop
Admiring the fruit of my neighbors!
--- Friar TP9804
Dwells an author who lives by this motto:
"One must write every day,
And to hell with the pay!"
And 'tis certain his surname is Otto.
--- Robert Foy
Or baking or biking, this Otto
Still courts his coy muse,
So she dare not refuse
To make him as artful as Giotto.
--- Robert Foy
In a voz much louder than sotto,
"I just want what I write
To infuse with delight,
The sober as well as the blotto."
--- Robert Foy
And his drive to excel never cools.
So his sentences flow
Like hot lava in snow,
And his short middle name is just Jules.
--- Robert Foy
There they treat him like family, Jules.
First they gave him a prize
And then, equally wise,
They hired him to teach, so he rules.
--- Robert Foy
Is no cornball pop writer who mewls,
And he never hooks folks
With corroded old jokes,
Or with words that are banned from our schools.
--- Robert Foy
Loons abound, though there's no native swan.
We have many small biters
And gazillions of writers,
And, thak Heavens, we're blessed with a Lon!
--- Robert Foy
Stuck in class, but never confined.
I'm in love with that look,
Of her nose in the book--
I just wish it were what I assigned.
--- Walt Fellman
"Portrays years of fame and of strife.
This magazine, dear,
Named you 'Man of the Year!';
This is truly the Time of your life."
--- Kirk Miller
That had only one little rule:
There was recess all day
To learn best how to play,
Which everyone thought was so cool.
--- Steven Krensky P0507
Not for you the populace yells?
Bravely shoulder your lot
With this comforting thought:
You're unique! (Just like everyone else.)
--- Chris Kocsis P9002
Were joined at the hip, so they say.
If you could find one,
Here the other would come,
For where there's a Will there's a Way.
--- Ed
For sitting all day on the sofa,
Said, "I'm not a slob!
I'll get me a job!"
Now he sits all day long -- as a chauffeur.
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada
Who was really quite wild at age seven.
When his dad came from work,
Kevin had a strange quirk,
He behaved like an angel from heaven.
--- Arthur Pattaffy
Banned our antics before they'd begun.
She dismissed any chat,
Anti-this, anti-that,
Anti-bliss, anti-brat, anti-fun.
--- David Morin
This is file tcm
For short witty maxims simplistic.
She'd serve up a sermon
In tones like Ms Merman,
In one single phrase aphoristic.
--- Anon
Hid right down beneath an old blanket.
He heard his dad say:
"Jim's not with us today.
But here's an old blanket -- I'll spank it.
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada
Her daughters to be less adoring.
They clean house for free,
Cook meals and pour tea,
And feed her. She finds them so boring.
--- Graham Lester
Not terribly famous, you see.
But though rather forlorn,
It's where Father was born,
So it's terribly famous to me.
--- Rory Ewins
For sitting he has quite a flair.
But the chair, it went crack;
He fell flat on his back.
I'd have laughed but I just didn't dare.
--- Graham Lester
That nasty young twerp of a brother.
I've just heard him say
I'll be fifty next May,
And he's told all the boys I'm his mother!"
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada
Who's employed at a wood-working plant;
I do think it's quite nice
Since I'll learn how to splice
And I'll have my own carpenter aunt.
--- J Maynard Kaplan
I once had a cousin named Fayette.
He was good fun until
The man came with the bill;
Then he never had money to pay it.
--- Scott Oliver
Who was trying to learn how to skate.
When his sister said, "BOO!"
Putting Nate in a stew,
So his sister he'll defenestrate.
--- Anon
What a long life she had led.
Why was she so great?
She died aged ninety eight!
What more is there to be said?
--- Funny Bone
So pretty she'd make the boys dizzy.
An achiever in school;
This gal is no fool;
But sure gets her mom in a tizzy.
--- Oxymoron
In the lowlands -- just east -- where we spent
Some time with "na Beag's"
And emptied some jugs.
With the food, we made hardly a dent.
--- Hilde na Beag
A habit his children found boring.
They said: "How can we sleep;
We can't even count sheep;
For they run when they hear Father snoring."
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada
The sound that a dog makes is Moo.
What's that you say son?
Yeah, your dad's having fun;
The forgoing facts are untrue.
--- Anon
By conservatives, even derided.
Four sons have they,
Two straight, one gay,
And the fourth one remains undecided.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0503
And your research is freezy or cheezy.
It is certainly fun
With ancestors undone.
As they say, genealogy's easy.
--- Anon
For others they don't cost a dime.
Some you're sorry you dug,
Some you wish you could hug;
Still for the lost ones you pine.
--- Anon
Was an old codger named Roger.
When he was left a mint,
He thought it heaven sent,
Now Roger's a family tree lodger.
--- Anon
Who seldom will do what she oughter.
She chases the kitties
And breaks Grandma's pretties
And most of the toys that I bought her.
--- John Miller
And proves girls are mostly water.
Who her brother would sell for a quarter.
And beats up boys who have fought her.
She'll lead some poor beau to the slaughter.
--- John Miller
Each sunrise, each sunset, new surprise;
Enterprise, children born,
The long parent sojourn,
Paradise in the grandchildren's eyes.
--- Joel Ash P0607
And stave off your in-laws by letter.
But when grandchildren visit,
Their constant "What is it?"
Is answered much better by fetter.
--- Arthur Stanley
Wearing trousers absorbently padded.
The grandparents gaze
And remember the days
When their own boy or girl was so cladded.
--- Arthur Pattaffy
Was a blacksmith; a fine man was he.
A great relation
And some revelation;
Now I'm old, He looks just like me!
--- Tony Burrell
Who called to her parents, "Come look!
I've discovered my granny
Asleep in a cranny,
Instead of her favorite nook."
--- Lims Unlimited
At her computer for hours she sat.
She pondered and wondered
Until her brain thundered,
Where is my Great-granddaddy at.
--- Anna Nasman
My voice took an incredulous tone.
Beside him wasn't Sweet Bell,
The stone read Naughty Nell.
Now Greatgrandma's secret is known.
--- Anon
Searching books for the names that will fit.
Like a river, Time flows;
Lunchtime comes and it goes.
The the Librarian calls, "Time to quit!"
--- Anon
I've searched, now I ponder and pray
For our fathers and mothers,
Our sisters and brothers,
And where our great grandparents lay.
--- Anon
The seas and the shores -- and the boys.
I know she shouldn't oughter,
But she's just my daughter.
I wish she'd not treat boys as toys.
--- Arthur Pattaffy
Who with slips of the tongue was quite rife.
Asking mum for the kraut
He instead blurted out,
"Stupid bitch, you have ruined my life!"
--- Martin Wellborn P0607
And punched his progenitor's nose.
When people asked, "Why?"
He responded, "My eye,
You don't know my old man, I suppose!"
--- George du Maurier P0408
And punched his progenitor's nose.
When people asked, "Why?"
He responded, "My eye,
You don't know my old man, I suppose!"
--- George du Maurier P0408
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